One Left of L, How to Get Along With Others

One Left Of L

How to Get Along With Others

john d martin

Copyright ©2012 by John D. Martin

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyrights hereon may be reproduced or used in any form or by any means-graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or information storage and retrieval systems-without the prior written permission of the publisher, or, in case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a license from Access Copyright, the Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency.

ISBN 978-0-9866196-4-9

Table of Contents

Thank You For Your Kindness

Foreword

This I Claim

Preface

Introduction

PART ONE - me, myself and I - Why Bother?

All You Need Is

The Best Possible Option

Drop the Capital

Tough as Nails

End of the Story

PART TWO - Relationships-How?

Come Closer

For Those Who Cross My Path

We Are Each Other

It Takes Great Courage

What It Takes To Be In the World

A Very Few Simple Things

We Kill Our Kids

What It Takes To Raise a Child

For Those Who Get the Closest- Relationships

Relationships- The Really Hard Part

Relationships -The Environment

Relationships -Trying It On

Kindness In Relationships- Imagine

Kindnessm The Alternative

One Left of L

About the Author

Thank You for Your Kindness

Barbara Durette

Cheryl Kossen

Heidi Winter

Victor Kozak

Roberta Natale

Dave Cannon

and always, every day

Constance and Zechariah

Foreword

Traditionally, a foreword is written by a well-known person who has the influence to persuade readers that the text they are about to read has value and credibility. I am not such a person. This begs the question, why would John Martin ask me to write the foreword to his book when I am unqualified to do so? The answer to this became clear to me after reading the manuscript.

One Left of L…How to Get Along With Others, provides more than just the tools we need to gain insight into how we impact those around us, it is a guide to understanding ourselves. It is about releasing blame, taking responsibility and then, enjoying the results. Martin`s idea of causality gives us the power to make fundamental differences, especially on a small scale. Considering simple things such as holding a door open for someone or making eye contact with the clerk at the grocery store seems simple, but few put it into practice. Martin`s book offers techniques that take what we all agree on in theory and transforms it into real causes and effects.

After reading Martin`s book I was compelled to ask myself questions like, how do my actions affect everyone around me, including strangers and what will I do today that will make a positive difference in someone else`s day? If we make this internal dialogue a priority in our everyday lives, the routine thoughts that govern our actions become questionable. Martin writes, we seem to somehow recognize on some level, usually after the fact, that doing the same thing, especially when it`s done out of repetitive despair, leaves us empty and lost. We continue to make decisions that leave us empty and lost simply because that`s the way it has always been done. Martin challenges us to reconsider the unwritten rules.

My credentials for writing this foreword do not fit the realm of tradition. I am simply an aspiring writer who is terrified to unveil my words to the world. John Martin extended an act of kindness to me that does not benefit him in the least. At the end of the second half of his book he writes, When you experience kindness from another for no other reason than they are happy to offer it, you will be touched, even if only for a moment by the real spirit of new and different and you will know in that moment that it is all finally possible. Perhaps then, my experience in realizing the truth of the preceding statement is all the qualification needed to advocate this book and its value.

Roberta Natale

This I Claim

To those of you who may think this silly, contrite or somehow condescending I want to assure you that it is none of the above. We lack understanding of and direction in the most fundamental things. We have become very good at defining and defending our differences and claiming our places. Noticing and recognizing individual rights and even the rights of groups approach levels that have new hope and excitement for the future. Social media, television, and technology provide us with new opportunities and points of view previously unimagined.

All unfortunately, may miss the more fundamental point of being human and the need for our humanity to continually and constantly be developing. What good is it if our gains fail to bring us to new and better places?

All the stories herein are real and true. They all come from past experiences in my life or more often from what I can recall from only days gone recently by.

We are starving; even those of us who have never known hunger are in the midst of a crisis so vast and deep that only in acknowledging what we do not know, do we stand any chance for a future worth having.

The words to follow offer a tool for learning. A step-by-step guide to begin to encounter things somehow lost, maybe things never had…things essential.

Preface

The work before you is written in two parts. Each can be read and understood on its own and yet they are two halves of a whole. In fact, each and every chapter is in a way a short story, pieces offered for your consideration.

They are, however, eventually meant to be grouped together and understood as one.

The first half of the book, me myself and i, is a series of attempts at coming to understand how we have come to be so distant from each other. It asks the underlying question, why should we bother to get along?

Here you will find a series of glimpses into us and our tendencies and dispositions as people. Here you may find someone you know, maybe even friends, family and neighbors.

Some, who I know, are offered as examples and used as tools of insight. Through their stories, we may have the ability to see a little of ourselves.

Once we have established why there is a need to get along, the rest of the book is devoted to specific relationships. It goes further and offers ways to actually make things work differently.

The basics of life lie in our ability to be social. Without a common understanding of how to care for and about each other we are lost as individuals and certainly as a species.

Hopefully, the next few pages will offer you things to consider, maybe even ways to make things new, different and better. It’s in all of our interests.

A few days ago I mentioned my desire to write about these things to a friend.

She was upset with me, Aren’t you just moralizing, telling people what they ought to do, how they need to think and even what they need to be?

Why would you presume to do that?

By way of an answer, let me share a personal story.

My son is 17 and is just now halfway through his first year at university. Among his first year studies is a philosophy course. He reads the work and occasionally surfaces to ask questions or have a discussion with me.

After only a couple of weeks, he came out to the kitchen and asked,

Dad, these things I’m reading about are important aren’t they?

Yes I replied.

I don’t understand, he said,

If they’re so important, why did they make them so hard to understand?

It may have been that exchange that got me writing again. So many of the very most important things in life either have no guide, no help at all, or simply leave us guessing; and the more we guess, the more we are likely to get it wrong.

For those who want to get along, make a difference and do better, this is for you.

Introduction

They sat together, yet they were miles apart, two women in a small room. One with a flushed face, wet cheeks, agitated; the other sat legs crossed, arms folded, closed, protected.

You hurt me. The things you said about me and my family are not only untrue and unfair but they are so painful. I simply can’t believe what you said, how you said it, how could you?

The other now looked uncomfortable.

I was angry. I wanted to lash out. You didn’t do what I wanted you to do. I didn’t get my way and so I struck out at you. I guess I shouldn’t have. I was childish and I’m sorry.

In disbelief the first raises her voice,

I thought you cared about me. I thought we were friends.

I’m sorry, what else can I say?

The one with the wet face looks at me.

Her sorry is useless, she was so mean; I can’t get it off me. How will I recover? How will I manage knowing that we were friends? What do I do now?

PART ONE

me, myself and i

Why Bother?

All You Need Is…

All you need is love.

For years I didn’t get it, I just couldn’t understand, it made no sense and the longer I tried to sort the more I became agitated and confused. The words were clear, the command could never be mistaken for something else and yet I was lost.

As a child I can remember saying and thinking to myself, "you’re not old enough, when you get bigger and older, you’ll get it, it will make sense, and it will come together."

I did grow up and I did develop and learn and still it made no sense, still I couldn’t follow; only now it made me