Own It! How to Take Responsibility for Your Life: Step Up to the Mirror

This book is dedicated to the people, who in some way played a defining roll in the writing of this volume.

To my wife, Sue; my two children, Ginger and Eric, and my granddaughter, Chrissy, who were steadfast in their support and encouragement during the writing of this book.

To my dear friend, Bobby Drinnon, who was the catalyst that inspired me to put these ideas on paper.

To all the individuals out there, both known and unknown who, through interactions and life experiences, gave me the insights, lessons and knowledge necessary to write these words.

A Recommendation from the Author

What you are about to read is not a novel, murder mystery, cowboy adventure or poem. Better said, it is not the typical pleasure reading that you may be accustomed to. This book is considered a self-improvement tool that contains dozens of philosophies, challenges, complexities and ideas that will require some deep thought and concentration on your part. If viewed from the proper perspective, the material will force you into a decelerated mode of reading — and rightly so.

My recommendation to you would be to read one or possibly two chapters at a time, make the appropriate notes and lay the book down. Then take some time to analyze what you have read. For example, you could read Chapter 1 and if it seriously stirred your emotions, you might spend a week digesting its contents to your satisfaction before moving on. Self-improvement is a slow metamorphosis and you want to be satisfied with your progress and yourself as you move forward.

The above is just a suggestion from me, the humble author. Ultimately the best way to read and utilize this book is at the speed where you are comfortable. The time has come to start your transformation. So, get busy and …OWN IT!

Foreword

These words come from my heart and soul and from the Spirit that dwells within me.

This book is one of self-examination, internal analysis, and reflection. It is the turning of one’s eye inward, to perhaps discover and possibly understand and correct things that we always knew were there, but have chosen not to address.

It is my sincere intention and wish to touch on subjects that, in my opinion, need serious attention from all of us, myself included. The subject matter in these chapters is based on my personal life experiences (73 years plus) and is focused on issues that, from my perspective and observations, have caused much of the conflict, pain, unhappiness, and disruption in people’s lives. These writings are a mixture of philosophies, true stories, and lessons (with a little humor thrown in), all bound together by an undercurrent of spirituality and some plain old common sense.

There are no magic potions in these pages that will magically solve all that we must endure. My primary purpose is to persuade readers to face their problems and issues with the hope of understanding their real causes and finding potential solutions so that the path for a happier and more fruitful life becomes more possible.

Use these writings as a scalpel of sorts — a blade with which to perform a structured autopsy (Greek for to see for one’s self) on yourself and your life. You will be the surgeon here. Make the blade as sharp as you wish and make the first incision whenever and wherever you want to begin.

Has the author applied this blade to himself?

Oh yes, many times, often coming away bloody and ashamed and asking the question, How could such flaws have existed for so long without being detected and fixed? Do I know the answer to that question? Yes! It is always fear, ignorance, shame, and self-deception that kept me from applying the blade earlier in my life. However, at whatever age it comes, truth and enlightenment, even late in life, is far better than staying ignorant forever.

The application of the blade is not always bleak or alarming. Often times, it has allowed me to cut painlessly into areas of wisdom and knowledge within myself that I never knew existed. I have often come away from these periods of self-examination and meditation with insights and understandings that have kept me in a euphoric state for weeks.

Please understand that it is not necessary that you accept or agree with all these writings in order to find them useful. My sole intent here is to encourage you to apply the blade so you can place the results of your own self-autopsy in front of you. With a little clarity of thought and a determined will, you can then start to make modifications in your life, if that is what you choose. I believe if you find this approach to your liking and you are sincere in your intentions, you will not be denied a path forward.

You have the power to make the incision; you have the power to find the flaws and revelations; you have the power to step forward and make your life, and perhaps the lives of others, happier and more fulfilled. The only question is:

Do You Have the Courage to Apply the Blade?

SECTION 1

Good News:

It’s All Your Fault!

CHAPTER 1

Step Up To The Mirror

The Journey Begins

At this juncture of my life, I have personally concluded that there is a combination of three basic laws directing the universe we live in: God’s Law, Man’s Law and Nature’s Law. Each of these laws can be studied separately and are often considered entirely distinct, but they have very real and dramatic crossovers, and it is at the intersection of these Three Laws that we live our earthly lives each day, whether we know it or not.

The first law, God’s Law, has become a dumping ground for all manner of mankind’s mental junk. Don’t like your life? Blame it on God. Wish you had more happiness, money, love, health, or ______ (whatever, you fill in the blank)? Blame it on God. Can’t find someone or some earthly thing to blame for your problems? Blame it on God.

And why not? God never complains, doesn’t argue, and never gets upset when we blame him for something that we have either entirely or partially created. The truth is, God is a darn good sport when it comes to blame and that leaves us free to blame him all we want. But being free to blame God is not the same thing as it being right or even useful. When was the last time blaming anyone else for your problems did you one tiny bit of good? Did blaming God make anything change or improve? Or did you just give yourself permission not to change or improve yourself?

On the cover of this book is a mirror. I didn’t put it there so you could check your hair. The point of that mirror is to help you start the process of stepping up and facing facts. Step up to the mirror, my friend, and take a look—not at your clothes, your makeup, or your wrinkles (if you are lucky enough to have any yet)—but at yourself. By my estimate (and you are certainly free to come up with your own), 95 percent of what happens to us in our lives is of our own doing. It is the direct result of each of us exercising our Free Will and making decisions based on the accumulated knowledge that we possess at any given time. Our free will and our choices are what determine how the intersection of the Three Laws will play out in our unique lives.

Don’t believe it? My hope is that by the end of this book, you will. I want this for you for one very important reason: the fact that you (not God or anyone else) are to blame for most of what you experience in this life is very exciting news, the best possible news that you could hope for, because if your troubles are actually your fault, guess what? You—and only you—can do something about it! If no one, not even God, is to blame for creating much of your own misery, then you have something truly wonderful: The power to change it.

God wouldn’t have it any other way.

I hope you read this book as if your life depends on it, because it may. As you read through these writings, I will continually try to turn your attention back onto yourself to look for the blame you may wish to place elsewhere and for the answers you may wish to seek. You cannot continually play the, He did this to me, She did this to me, or They did this to me game and expect to succeed and be happy in life. I implore you to step up to the mirror, face your innermost thoughts and fears, assume the responsibility for your life, and begin a new journey. It is time to stop focusing on the symptoms of life’s dilemmas and begin treating their root causes. My fervent wish is that these chapters can assist you in that lifelong endeavor.

When I was in college, I never picked up a book to study without having a yellow highlighter in my hand. If you read a passage that applies to you, stings your thought process, or makes you feel good (or bad), then STOP, highlight it, and mark the page. Don’t just read passively. Get actively involved. Go back, re-read it, and make a few notes at the end of the chapter. Then analyze it and try to determine why it aroused, disturbed, or made some impression on you.

An important note here: as you analyze and mediate your feelings, be honest with yourself — in fact be brutally honest with yourself. There are no penalty boxes in this book. Your goal here is to walk away with truth, not deception. Work your way through these chapters and if you so choose, step up to the mirror, and begin to remake the image that you see there. Remake yourself.

Get to Work!

CHAPTER 2

You Can Predict Your Future

You Have the Power

How many times in your life have you fantasized, if I could only see the future! If you could just see the future, even for only one moment, you could adjust your actions, influence events, and make the changes needed to yield a more fruitful life.

Well, by now you know that I am going to say: You do have the power! The trick is to believe in that power and to apply that power — which, of course, is a lot easier said than done. The irony is that, although we each have power to create many aspects of our futures, we often lack the confidence, insight, forethought, or courage to do so.

It may seem like a contradiction, but to fully tap into one’s own power to create your future, you must first realize that life is a mystery and truly uncertain from the start. A newborn knows nothing of life, has no possessions, and, is the purest and most unblemished thing on earth. At birth, we are in an innocent and un-corrupted state that will go un-matched during the length of our mortal existence. Each day that follows birth, we are impacted with a hundred thousand pieces of information (notice I didn’t call it intelligence) that becomes part of our being. We begin to grow, to absorb, to store, to remember, and ultimately we