Men Who Run From Love: How To Have A Relationship With A Relationship Phobic Man

Men Who Run from Love

A Guide to Having a Relationship with a Relationship Phobic Man

Rhonda Findling

The front cover is a replication of the image of the painting, The Scientist, by Walter Robinson.

Excerpts from the novel Portrait of My Desire (New York City Girl Publishing, 2009) by Rhonda Findling, pages 106 and 196

Copyright © 2017 by Rhonda Findling

ISBN: 978-1548988197

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This book was printed in the United States of America.

Also by Rhonda Findling

Don’t Text That Man! A Guide to Self-Protective Dating in the Age of Technology

Don’t Call That Man! A Survival Guide to Letting Go

When He Can’t Commit: What to Do When You Fall for an Ambivalent Man

Don’t Lose That Man! How Women Sabotage Their Opportunities for Successful Romantic Relationships and What They Can Do to Change

Portrait of My Desire (A Novel)

A Teenager’s Memoir: Surviving Parental Abandonment in the Revolutionary 70s

And as for the men who have broken you, pity them. Must be sad to burn bridges with a goddess.

-Madison Findling

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 Prototype of the Man Who Runs from Love

Chapter 2 Men Who Run From Love’s Psychic Elimination of Available

Women

Chapter 3 The Pursuit of the Idealized Fantasy Woman

Chapter 4 Gay Boyfriends: Men Who Really Run from Love from Women

Chapter 5 Sadomasochism in Relationships

Chapter 6 Feelings that Cause Men to Run from Love

Chapter 7 Defense Mechanisms Men Use to Cope with Intimacy

Chapter 8 How a Man’s Childhood Could Cause Him to Run From Love

Chapter 9 The Claustro-Agora-Phobic Dilemma, the Compulsive Need to Let Women Down, and Other Mental Processes that Cause Men to Run from Love

Chapter 10 Won and Done: Psychoanalyst Dr. Stephen Seligman Explains Why Some Men Can’t Sustain Romantic Relationships with Women

Chapter 11 Get It while You Can: The Case for Getting Involved with a Man Who Runs from Love

Chapter 12 What Is his Relationship Capacity?

Chapter 13 How to Manage a Relationship with a Man Who Runs from

Love

Chapter 14 How to Be in a Relationship with a Man Who Runs from Love without Going Crazy

Chapter 15 Confronting a Man Who Runs from Love

Chapter 16 Whether or Not You Should Throw in the Towel

Chapter 17 If You Decide To End It With Him

INTRODUCTION

Have you ever dated a man who adores you and then drops you at the blink of an eye? Have you ever known a man who acted argumentative, mean and nasty after spending a magical weekend with you? Without a precipitating event you’re aware of that would explain the extreme change in his behavior? Have you ever gotten involved with a man who seemed like he was on a mission to seduce you, only to act cold and rejecting after you finally hooked up? If you have, then you’ve known a man who runs from love. 

Most of the time women’s attraction to men who run from love is not a psychological pattern or a result of childhood trauma. It’s a connection a woman just falls into. She’s living her life and meets a man who’s exciting, interesting, seductive and hot. He initiates. He pursues. He makes her feel desired and beautiful. As Carole King says in her iconic song, he makes you feel like a natural woman. More often than not it starts out as a healthy connection. Then his distancing starts to kick in. He disappears or provokes you into dumping him after all his hard work of chasing you.

Most self-help pop psychology books will tell a woman to stay clear of this type of man with these issues, but the reality is a lot of women go for men who run from love. Why?

Very often there is good in the relationship with him. Whether casual or intense the connection might be helpful, supportive and productive. Often there’s love, passion, chemistry, friendship, great sex, common interests, creative projects you’re working on together, history, a child you’re co-parenting, or even art. Sometimes a woman is just feeling lonely, depressed, or in a state of deprivation and he’s her solution. Her rescuer. Even if it is only short term and temporary.

Because many women nowadays are much less financially dependent on men, they will respond to or go after a man they’re highly attracted to, no matter how many warnings and advice they get from self-help books or red flags they see waving. The sitting like a flower waiting to be picked days are over for most women. In 2017 women can be as creative as they want in their relationships with men. They can openly be with younger men. Even much younger. Cougaring is totally in. Just look at the First Lady of France! She’s our new role model. And fluid sexuality can now officially be applied to heterosexuality.

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be with a man sexually without a promise of commitment or a real future on the horizon. Sometimes you just want to live life, experience passion, and express your sexuality. Being with men even temporarily can even be a healing, restorative, joyful, happy, and exciting experience. What’s wrong with getting love and attention when you’re unattached, even if it’s on a short term basis? Is being the Meryl Streep character in The Bridges of Madison County so bad?

Rather than just being another book on how to stay away from commitment phobic, relationship avoidant, dysfunctional men, I wanted to offer a more depthful, psychological explanation of the prototypical man who runs from love because the truth is women secretly want to know if there is anything more that they can do before cutting a man off for good and going no contact. Especially if she thinks he’s worth it.

So gratifying that wish to give a woman one last opportunity to try and make it work before lowering the ax so to speak, I’ve