Live. Save. Spend. Repeat.: The Life You Want with the Money You Have

Part One

LIVE

Start Right Where You Are

It doesn’t matter where you’re coming from; all that matters is where you are going.

BRIAN TRACY¹

Like most Americans, I enjoyed 0% interest, several credit cards (including cards from each of my favorite department stores), and the convenience of borrowing money to keep my life on track. In fact, one Gallup Poll found that 48% of Americans report carrying credit card debt.² And much of this is household debt, created because we feel as though we don’t have enough money to cover our basic living expenses.³

That feeling of never having enough is a drain on our minds, our marriages, our jobs, and our emotions. It makes us resent our circumstances and resent our employers, and it steals all the joy from our everyday lives. We feel we will never get ahead. As women it can be a burden that we may not always focus on, but we always feel.

Beyond not feeling we have enough, some of us feel the strain of having enough but desiring even more. It’s a constant battle for more. But for more of what? Larger homes? Trendy throw pillows? Designer shoes or handbags? Nicer cars? More family vacations? What are we battling for—and is it really worth it?

Daily living becomes an endless repeating cycle of work, spend, and worry. We simply don’t have the time, confidence, or energy to figure out what is happening with our finances. The work, spend, worry life is not all there is, my friend. That life keeps you stuck and leads to regret. It’s sort of like a tire that gets caught in the mud. Once you are there, the more you spin the tire, the more you sink, and the more frustrated you become. However, we are about to intentionally change that repeating cycle to one of living, saving, and spending that adds momentum to your life. Where just a little financial confidence gives you the energy, focus, and drive to drastically change the course of your future. Your life can become like a tire on a downhill slope, where practically nothing can stop you from getting what you want out of life!

As we begin this journey together, I want you to know that the feelings of stress and frustration don’t have to last forever. In fact, if you’ll stick with me, do some inner searching, and make a few strategic and deliberate changes, you might just start finding more joy in your everyday life. Starting today, right where you are, you can move past a life that feels half empty and begin to lead a life that feels fuller. You can escape the Siren’s song that draws you to want more and find life and happiness in what you already have while pursuing the good life you long for. You can learn to confidently live, save, spend, and repeat rather than work, spend, worry, and repeat.

Before we dive in, I want you to know that I care about you, your current situation, and your future. That’s why we are in this together. This is not about deprivation, extreme penny-pinching, becoming super frugal, or locking down your money. It’s about changing your financial perspective so you can do this for the long haul. But first, you have to pull over and look honestly at where you are so you can decide if you want to keep traveling this road in the many seasons of life ahead.

Pulling Your Life Over

As moms we live in a perpetual mode of repetition. It’s how we survive life with kids and maintain some semblance of sanity. We get up, we get ready, we get the kids out the door, we carpool here and there, we buy a latte, we work, we clean, we buy this or that, we feed the family, we put the kids to bed, and we do it all again.

In the whirlwind of everyday life, it’s easy to simply make money, spend money, and move on. No plan. Not much awareness other than the fact that our checking account has money going in and going out, often leaving at a faster pace than it’s going in. The back and forth of life often leaves us struggling to put our fingers on the root of our unhappiness and lack of peace. We rely heavily on coping mechanisms to help us shake the unrest we feel inside.

Momentum Mind-Set

I’m not stuck!

Everyone has gone through a Momentum Meltdown—and not just about finances. We are so paralyzed by fear or by wondering what to do first that we don’t do anything at all. Friend, you are never stuck. You have the ability to make small, intentional choices that lead to big change!

This was my life for years. Most of my pursuits revolved around making money and spending it with no real idea of how much I had or how large a check I was going to write to my credit card company. As a result, it seemed that my day job was what I did to cover all the junk I was buying, without much room for real adventure or fun. But then there came a day when I had to stop on the path and consider where it was leading my family and me.

The first time this happened I was 25. I had blindly followed where life led—until one night when everything changed.

My husband, Cressel, and I had been married two years. Those two years had been full of big changes. Within six months of marriage we moved away from all our family members for Cressel to pursue his PhD. I thought everything would be fine—I had a job I actually enjoyed. The problem was that Cressel’s studies were taking over our lives.

He spent many nights sleeping on the IKEA couch in the lab just to stay on top of his research and graduate studies. He had completed his master’s degree and was now diving headfirst into the robotics PhD program. One night I had fallen asleep while reading on the couch. Around one o’clock I heard the door open and sat up just in time to watch my husband slowly enter our tiny one-bedroom apartment and drop his backpack on the floor. With a dejected look on his face, he walked straight to our bedroom without a word.

I was worried. In the six years I had known him, I’d never seen him this troubled. In a half-awake haze, I walked into the room and asked what was wrong. He plopped down on the bed, staring at the ceiling, and began pouring out his frustrations—the long hours, the high expectations, and the competitive environment made it a place he wasn’t sure he really wanted to be anymore. He felt that he just didn’t fit. Like the path wasn’t quite right for what he ultimately wanted out of his one life.

After 15 minutes of his venting, I was aware that something had to give. I could see that my husband was on a course he knew wasn’t the one he wanted—one he knew in his gut wasn’t right. This was the first time in our adult lives that we chose to stop, pull over, and figure out if the path we were on was the one we really wanted to travel.

As women, I think we often have a keen perception of when something just isn’t right in our world. We can sense it with our kids, our spouses, and even our best friends. But we can get so caught up meeting the needs of the lives around us that we rarely take time to stop and evaluate exactly where our hearts are and what we want. So let me ask you—when was the last time you took a second to pull over and evaluate where you are? To stop and see if the path you’re on is actually leading you where you want to be?

Not long after my husband’s grad school wake-up call, I had my own. About a year after my husband stepped out of the PhD program, he had successfully landed a great engineering job, and we moved out of the city and bought our first home. The only problem was that my job was still in the city, and my commute was now atrocious.

I left work at five o’clock that day. My 27-mile commute took me around two hours. Tired and worn out from the stressful drive, I threw together one of those lazy breakfast for dinner meals like eggs and toast. By the time dinner was over, the table cleared, and the dishes loaded, it was late, and I had to get up early the next morning to sit in two hours of traffic to get to work on time.

As we were getting ready for bed, my husband wanted to address the condition of the house—again. The tension in our marriage was growing day by day, as neither of us had energy for housework, cleaning, or general household management. We both knew that something had to give. My excuse was always that I had no time or energy because of work and my long commute. For the fourth time, Cressel brought up the idea that I quit my job and stay at home.

Each time he mentioned it, I rolled my eyes and changed the subject. Frankly, I was 26 and had only been out of college for five years. I was supposed to be taking the nonprofit world by storm with my degree and experience. But the course I was on wasn’t working. So when he said it again, I replied in frustration, Well, what if I did? What if I just quit? What would we do then? How would we survive?

His response was simple and calculated: Let’s see how much it actually takes for us to live on and see if we can live on one income. The next night we sat down and did a real budget together for the first time. What we figured out, to my surprise, was that we actually could make it on one income and we would be okay. I would definitely have to change some of my spending habits, but other than that, the trade seemed like a no-brainer.

A few months later I quit my job and became a stay-at-home-wife. It was one of the best and most important pivots I’ve ever taken in my life. It has led me to the life I always wanted but would have been too afraid to attempt, since it just wasn’t the norm. Since then I’ve been able to work from home. I’ve been able to develop a blog that has become a business, create crafts I was able to sell, and focus our spending habits.

Is your life leading you and your family where you want to be in ten years? Maybe you find yourself living a life you never expected or even wanted. Maybe you pursued the plan you were supposed to follow. Everyone cheered you on. Your parents backed you. But somewhere deep inside you knew that it wasn’t the life you were longing for. You needed to pull off the road and reevaluate. To do something to escape what has become a long, boring, empty, and unsatisfying ride rather than a content and joy-filled adventure. You know your life shouldn’t be a daily grind just to pay for your past purchases, education, cars, and decisions. Your life shouldn’t be lived in a never-ending haze of everyday survival.

I believe there are a lot of women who struggle with this very issue but never have the courage to say it out loud. For example, some women are called to be mothers. When they have children they are highly satisfied. They feel productive, fulfilled, and complete. Then there are women like me, who thought they were called to be full-time moms but, once they had a child, realized there was something inside them that needed to be filled beyond just caring for children.

For at least a year and a half I was ashamed to voice that feeling. I had a lot of mom guilt because it seemed all my friends were in the called to be moms group. I assumed they wouldn’t be able to relate to my struggle. I knew my heart longed for more.

After I had my first child, there were many nights I found myself crying in the bathroom, asking God who I would be in 20 years when my child and any future children were grown. I needed to do something in the present that brought me satisfaction beyond raising kids. Blogging, writing, and podcasting would eventually be the very thing I needed.

Maybe you long to pursue your career or own your own business. I want to free your mind right now if you struggle with those thoughts. God didn’t give you the talents, gifts, and abilities you have without a reason. Don’t be afraid to use your talents and pursue the passions and dreams of your heart. You can be a mom and whatever else you decide. It’s not an either/or deal. Many women successfully navigate the working mom role, and you and I can too!

Friend, if your heart knows you’re on the wrong course, now is your chance! Don’t miss it. Let’s pull your life over right now and course correct. It’s time to steer your life in a new direction and start getting a taste of freedom, contentment, and satisfaction. In this book we are going to map out a new course that allows you to start right where you are and use your money, your spending, and your dreams to drive your future in the direction you want it to go.

You’re ready to begin the hard but important work of looking at your life. You are taking a moment to self-check and decide if you will continue to live on autopilot or make small, simple changes that lead to the happy, satisfied, and blessed life you were created to have. It’s a good choice and one you won’t regret. And as you probably see every day, many women are seeking a better way—and you are now on the way to making that quest a reality.

A More Satisfied Life

Here are the facts that you already know. The satisfied life isn’t going to seek us out. We won’t wake up one day with what we’ve always wanted and say, I’m finally satisfied. If we wait for that, we’ll be waiting our whole lives. We know that gaining the life we want to have takes hard work and patience.

But let’s take a second and be real, can we? We are not perfect people. Never can be. Never will be. This journey is a quest and we will make mistakes. Every heroine who ever embarked on a quest made mistakes of some kind—but without those mistakes the story would be boring. We wouldn’t be able to relate. All heroes have some kind of flaw they have to overcome in order to see their journey to the end.

You probably already know what some of your character flaws are as it relates to spending or saving. In fact, if you’re married, your spouse may remind you of them regularly, especially when you’re arguing. When you make a plan to merge your real-life goals with your money, you may discover you have to overcome yourself more than anyone or anything else.

There will be times in this journey when we want instant gratification. When we don’t want to save. When we are tired of the hustle. When we don’t feel like updating the budget. When we give in to impulse buys. When we decide that what we want today is better than waiting. When we say that we will simply pay off the charge next month. This feels true and honest for most Americans.

In one survey, 75 percent of responders admitted they had made impulse purchases and many admitted that these purchases were prompted by their emotions. About half of those people said they were excited when they made the purchase, and 30 percent indicated they were just bored. What does that tell us about how much our emotions are tied to our purchases?⁴

I still struggle with instant gratification and emotional spending on a daily basis. Every time I drive by a Starbucks or get a whiff of that magical coffee scent, it’s hard not to turn in and indulge. I fall into temptation any time there is a sale at the mall, I have a bad day, or I have something to celebrate. Impulse spending and instant gratification rears its ugly head each time I’m in a house or kitchen that’s bigger and newer than mine. In those moments, patience, persistence, and the future just don’t matter to me. I’m like a kid waiting my turn for ice cream: I want it now! But these things never make me truly satisfied. They give me a quick buzz followed by a severe low and leave me wanting more of the same high.

Your impulses or character flaws in the areas of spending may not be easily changed, but they can be overcome, even if you have to get creative about how you overcome them.

As I made strides in my own journey toward satisfaction, I discovered that despite all my flaws and shortcomings, I’m a pretty strong woman. I can find creative ways to overcome my restraints and still follow my own rules. But I had to take the first step out of my comfort zone to this land of discovery. And you will too.

Every epic journey begins with a simple, yet bold action by the hero or heroine. Frodo Baggins left the Shire for the first time in his whole life. Harry Potter climbed into Hagrid’s sidecar. Katniss Everdeen volunteered as Tribute. Ruth left her homeland and followed Naomi back to Bethlehem. Esther gathered the courage to speak up to her husband the king. You are the heroine of your own story. What will be your one bold action or step in the direction of the life you want to pursue? How will your quest toward satisfaction begin?

We know this journey won’t be easy. We are going to have to hunt satisfaction down as though our lives depend on it. Moving toward a satisfied life can start as early as today. It can start right here, right now, right where we are. It doesn’t matter how much we have or don’t have. It doesn’t matter how great our jobs are or how much we hate them. It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay-at-home mom living on one income! Satisfaction begins when we decide that it’s okay to stop and evaluate where we are and where we are going. Once we do this, we can see where the holes are and how we will get to where we want to be. The bulk of this book is on how to get there—and stay there.

You can make a heroic pivot. This change is going to start with a little dreaming, facing some facts, finding your own motivation, and making some pretty