Fearless Beauty 360: A Complete Guide to Self Acceptance and Empowerment

INTRODUCTION

What Makes a Woman Feel Beautiful?

It was a cool, brisk March morning in Upstate New York. Revlon cosmetics had selected eight of us makeup artists to go on a 25-city tour across America to promote their new mascara, Fabulash. I remember it like it was yesterday—the excitement and anticipation. We set up all of our makeup stations 30 minutes before the mall even opened and then huddled in a group to talk about what this tour might mean for our careers. As a freelance makeup artist, I was almost certain this would be a game changer for me. But I was even more excited about the opportunity to meet so many different women from around the country. It was my love for people that had been the driving force behind my desire to be a makeup artist in the first place.

I distinctly remember the first woman who sat in my makeup chair. She had long, brown hair, hazel eyes and beautifully sculpted cheekbones. My name is Kenetia, and today I can show you how to play up your favorite feature. What is one of your favorite facial features?

Well, nothing really.

I find that hard to believe. What about your eyes? You have beautiful hazel eyes. Let’s start there. She was pleased with the outcome. She smiled as she looked in the mirror, took her free goodies and went on about her day.

About 15 minutes later, another woman sat down in my chair. Her skin was as smooth as porcelain, and her smile could light up a 30-foot well. She seemed genuinely delighted, so I asked her a slightly different question. How would you like me to accentuate your best feature? She replied, I really hate my skin. Can you please show me which foundation would work the best to make my skin more even?

I tried to hide my confusion—her request shocked me. Her beautiful skin was the first thing that I had noticed about her. As I started to look for foundation to match her skin tone, I asked, What are you wearing on your face right now? She replied, Nothing. Completely bewildered, I found her a foundation color that was an exact match to her skin tone, and, although the sheer application was not a significant change from before, she appeared to be satisfied.

By about two hours into my first day, I had heard: Will you make my nose appear smaller? It’s hideous! Can you make my eyes look bigger? They are so small and make me look sad. I don’t know what you are going to do with this face. I can’t stand to look at it! Do you have a magic wand in those makeup brushes? Cuz you’re going to need it.

Nine out of ten women who sat in my chair had nothing good to say about their looks. For three months, eight hours a day, I engaged hundreds of different types of women with similar requests. Their negative commentary was jarring, but admittedly, it was very similar to how I always complained about my own appearance. I didn’t get it. Not one of the women that I encountered was an eyesore. All were, in fact, quite pleasing to the eye. So why was their commentary about themselves so harsh and demeaning? What would it take for these women to feel beautiful?

Nine out of ten women who sat in my chair had nothing good to say about their looks.

Challenging Women to Embrace Their Beauty

From that point forward, I committed my life to understanding beauty—true beauty that isn’t dependent on makeup techniques or youth or perfection. That’s what Fearless Beauty is about. It is a movement that challenges women to embrace their uniqueness. Fearless Beauty is a way of thinking and being that leads to a shift in your relationship with your appearance. By putting into practice the ideas and exercises in Fearless Beauty 360°, you will learn to recognize, cultivate and celebrate the beauty that you already possess.

By putting into practice the ideas and exercises in Fearless Beauty 360°, you will learn to recognize, cultivate and celebrate the beauty that you already possess.

I chose the word fearless because it is both a powerful and an empowering term. It suggests the strength, centeredness and capability to achieve anything. You possess—and you deserve—this quality. We will uncover it and nurture it throughout this book.

The words fearless and beauty may seem like they don’t quite fit together. When it comes to your appearance, you may be more fearful than fearless. Your happiness or lack of satisfaction with your appearance manifests itself in many aspects of your life: your mood, your relationships, your everyday choices and your potential. Many of the women at my Revlon station who expressed displeasure about their appearance showed it in how they carried themselves and how confidently they communicated. This often changed after I finished applying their makeup and discussing how attractive they actually were. Over time, I would learn that improving a person’s self-image is the most direct way to help them feel better about their appearance.

What This Book Does (and Does Not) Offer

Fearless Beauty 360° is designed so that you experience personal reward as you move through the book and through each chapter of your journey. As you will find, the rewards grow in scope and impact along the way. Fearless Beauty 360° will:

• Reveal the cost of chasing physical beauty, so you can determine whether your current efforts are worth your investments of time, money and energy. (Chapter 1)

• Enable you to uncover your self-sabotaging, internal dialogue that keeps you searching for that one elusive thing that will fix your perceived imperfections. (Chapter 2)

• Expose how the past has shaped your self-image. (Chapter 3)

• Assist you in disengaging from strong negative emotions that keep you bound to your past. (Chapter 4)

• Supply you with the tools to help you let go of anything that does not represent your truest expression. (Chapters 4, 5 and 6)

• Give you the courage to listen to your intuitive voice and accept yourself. (Chapters 6 and 7)

• Show you how to create your beauty on your own terms in a way that is balanced and sustainable. (Chapter 8)

• Demonstrate how adding simple practices to your normal schedule will keep the Fearless Beauty in you alive and well. (Chapter 9)

• Provide you with a daily beauty ritual that will strengthen your intuitive voice and build confidence. (Chapter 10)

Fearless Beauty 360° will not give you the recipe for the perfect body, teeth, skin, shape or hair. It will not tell you what makeup or clothing brings out your best features, and it will not give you advice about the best exercise program for staying fit throughout your life. While all of these things can play an important role in helping you feel confident about your appearance, they are simply outcomes. When your internal dialogue is one of self-love, you will naturally incorporate those items into your life that are most nurturing.

This book is also about a woman’s journey to self-acceptance—of stepping out from underneath limiting beliefs and into greatness. Everything you will read here comes from my personal struggles and from my interactions with hundreds of women from around the world. These women taught me that looking good takes a lot of effort, but beauty is simply a state of being. The goal of this book is to make feeling beautiful accessible without dependence on external factors.

… everything you need in order to be the highest expression of yourself comes from within you.

You Are an Expert in You

Countless studies, books and documentaries offer an airtight case for how the world, media and advertisements cause women to have low self-esteem and to feel objectified. Certainly, knowing how society plays a role in diminishing your self-image is valuable information. However, I have found that blaming others makes it difficult to assume responsibility for the way I feel about myself. Blaming also impedes our ability to focus on the necessary changes that can move us toward empowerment.

In this book, I will use a process grounded firmly in the belief that everything you need in order to be the highest expression of yourself comes from within you. Much of what you will discover as you proceed through this book will be rooted in your growing awareness of self.

Over the years, I have participated in a number of transformational self-improvement courses. Not all of these courses were pleasant at the time, but each one has positively affected my life in a significant way. I have also read great books, taken amazing classes and enjoyed wonderful retreats that immediately shifted my self-perspective. Each time, it seemed that within weeks, I was back to my usual, dismal self-image. I believed that a book, course or retreat would fix my current situation, similar to how many women with whom I worked believed that new cosmetics, clothes or plastic surgery would improve the low self-esteem that they believed stemmed from dissatisfaction with their appearance. Through my exploration to know myself better, I have learned that the journey never ends. We are always growing and learning and changing to be the best, truest expressions of ourselves.

Until my visit to a meditation center, it did not occur to me that I needed to incorporate what I had been learning into my daily life. The transformational high, as I call it, would always wear off because I had not yet learned to sustain my new discoveries through a daily practice that would expand on what I had learned.

Because of this realization, I begin each exercise in this book with a short meditation to help ground you. This will open you to the concept of going within and allow you to realize your own answers.

The Way of a Fearless Beauty

A Fearless Beauty is constantly moving in the direction of her desires, which means first knowing what she wants and then taking actions consistent with those wants. You will learn my daily beauty ritual that enables me to appreciate my unique talents, gifts and beauty and allows me to overcome the pressure to be, act or look like someone other than me. Since accepting the way of a Fearless Beauty, countless people have stopped me and made comments like, "Whatever it is you have, you need to bottle it up and sell it! Everyone is looking for a little bit of whatever that is!"

I believe that these people are referring to my presence and unwavering confidence. I wouldn’t have either of these qualities if I did not maintain the daily beauty ritual I refer to as Fearless Beauty. Fearless Beauty is not THE answer. It is simply one way for you to find YOUR answers and to experience a profound sense of well-being that frees you to fully embrace and express your unique embodiment of beauty.

Welcome to the journey!

CHAPTER 1

Looking Good—What Really Stands Between You and What You Desire

Looking good takes a lot of effort, but beauty is simply a state of being.

—Kenetia Lee

My Experience Fueled My Mission

When I was a little girl, my mother wanted to earn some extra money for an overseas trip to visit her sister. After looking into a few possibilities, she decided to invest $100 to become a Mary Kay beauty consultant. My mother was ecstatic as she explained her new enterprise to my father, and I couldn’t help but be excited for her. This was the moment when my fascination with beauty began. I knew then that I would be the best nine-year-old assistant beauty consultant ever.

It was a big day for us when our new consultant’s case arrived. I watched, eyes as wide as saucers, as my mother opened up the first box of promotional products. I immediately began helping her fill the pink promotional makeup cases that came with her order. By the time she had opened all of her boxes, we had a huge pile of sample makeup, lipsticks, cleansers and moisturizers. It was like being in a department store, but right there in our living room. What was