Stick it to the Man: How to Skirt the Law, Scam Your Enemies , and Screw Big, Fat, Stupid, Lazy Corporations...for Fun and Profit!

TWENTY-FOUR SELF-EMPLOYMENT IDEAS TO AVOID MODERN-DAY SLAVERY A.K.A. A JOB

There’s no greater freedom in life than turning in a two-week notice to your manager. It is the beginning of ending ridiculous work hours, missing precious time with family and friends, and a paltry allotment of vacation time. Whether you’re a seasoned serial entrepreneur who returned to the workforce or someone who’s dreaming of being in control of his or her own destiny, self-employment is and always will be the ticket to real freedom.

World-renowned motivational speaker Les Brown had this to say at one of his seminars about jobs and layoffs: When I hear about layoffs, I don’t see people losing their jobs—I see people who have an opportunity.

For those who don’t have major commitments, such as children, a mortgage, or spouse, you are encouraged to break the rules and go for broke. We live in a world today where no job is guaranteed, no matter how many degrees or talents one might have. If you’re still stuck in a job, no matter how great it is or how much it pays, you should still be thinking beyond the cube about what you can contribute to society with the power of your mind.

I will not tell you that self-employment is perfect because it is not. I will not tell you that it’s paradise. I will not tell you that it’s the quickest path to riches. Self-employment is about creativity, imagination, ingenuity, and dedication. It could take you months—or years—to hit your stride. There are many variables and unknowns in the self-employment world, but they shouldn’t prevent you from trying new ideas and challenging yourself to do more independently of a job.

The most important thing to know is this: You will fail. Don’t be discouraged by failure. In fact, embrace it with a fierce force, because it’s the only way you will learn and improve your success over time. Failure is our ultimate lesson in life. Do not wallow in self-pity or depression. Pick yourself up, brush off the dirt, and start thinking about where things went wrong so that you can avoid similar pitfalls in the future.

Ready to dip your toes into the pool of possibilities? Here are 24 ideas to jumpstart your journey.

CULPRIT: The cubicle

PROBLEM: It’s a dead-end.

WAYS TO FREE YOURSELF AND SOAR:

e9781602396418_i0008.jpg Start a podcast or blog in your area of expertise

e9781602396418_i0009.jpg Become a freelance writer for major blogs and media outlets

e9781602396418_i0010.jpg Launch a unique airport courier service for high-networth individuals (offer wireless Internet, bottle service, dry cleaning, etc.)

e9781602396418_i0011.jpg Become an independent talent scout and discover the next hot band

e9781602396418_i0012.jpg Write whitepapers for major companies

e9781602396418_i0013.jpg Become a virtual assistant to small-business owners

e9781602396418_i0014.jpg Manage the lives of wealthy families (vacations, errands, etc.)

e9781602396418_i0015.jpg Become an independent property manager

e9781602396418_i0016.jpg Start a catering business which exclusively serves CEOs and celebrities around the world

e9781602396418_i0017.jpg Become a fashion consultant to teens and individuals with disposable income

e9781602396418_i0018.jpg Start an interior decorating business which caters to newlyweds

e9781602396418_i0019.jpg Launch a green consulting business that works with communities to develop effective recycling programs

e9781602396418_i0020.jpg Start an airline liaison consultancy to assist airline employees (pilots and flight attendants) with matters they’re unable to address while traveling

e9781602396418_i0021.jpg Prepare tasty meals for busy families with a household income of at least $250,000

e9781602396418_i0022.jpg Become a makeover consultant to new jobseekers

e9781602396418_i0023.jpg Design business cards and brochures for new businesses

e9781602396418_i0024.jpg Run errands for wealthy elderly couples (someone will gladly pay for the convenience)

e9781602396418_i0025.jpg Start a trash collection service for rural communities

e9781602396418_i0026.jpg Deliver gourmet meals in style to business meetings

e9781602396418_i0027.jpg Investigate ways of creating residual income with new, innovative concepts

e9781602396418_i0028.jpg Start an Internet-based phone company which caters to small businesses (See The Power of Free Software (Part One) for an idea)

e9781602396418_i0029.jpg Record business meetings (audio and video) and provide CDs and MP3s to attendees for future reference

e9781602396418_i0030.jpg Become a hospitality evangelist for cities or states

e9781602396418_i0031.jpg Become a tour guide for convention attendees

So, there you have it—twenty-four ideas to inspire you to attain office freedom. Go get’em, tiger!

THE COFFEE SHOP AND YOU: GETTING THE BEST BANG FOR THE CUP!

Let’s face it, human beings are addicted to coffee. Whether it’s because we’re fascinated by the fact that we’re drinking roasted bean water or captured by the aroma, many of us can’t go a day without having our caffeinated fix. Fortunately, the average coffee addict has a plethora of choices: Coffee shops are everywhere! Many are even one-stop shops for hot drinks, sandwiches, and treats. Their environment is usually friendly, comforting, and cheery.

Unfortunately, not all coffee fix runs are pleasant. Some are a pure nightmare. Imagine tasting the bitterest coffee you’ve ever had, or someone sneezing over your cup of joe. Worse, how about someone adding their own flavoring to the mix with their own saliva? So, how does one get the best bang for the cup? Let’s find out!

CULPRIT: Your favorite coffee shop

PROBLEM: Bad, makes-your-skin-crawl coffee!

THE PAYBACK DREAMS ARE MADE OF: Here’s one prank a group of people pulled off in San Francisco:

They selected several coffee shops belonging to a well-known corporation.

They jammed the locks and posted Closed and For Lease signs on as many as seventeen of their San Francisco-area stores in the middle of the night.

These same signs also announced that thousands of their retail locations worldwide were being closed.

The signs also announced that the company was closing these stores to make room for local coffee bars.

THE SENSIBLE APPROACH: To avoid being hauled off to jail (without a lifeline to save your bacon), here are a few things to consider if your coffee-shop experience is anything but great:

e9781602396418_i0032.jpg Talk to the manager about the inconsistency of your coffee experience.

e9781602396418_i0033.jpg Politely ask and wait for a new cup of coffee.

e9781602396418_i0034.jpg Return your coffee and politely ask for a refund.

e9781602396418_i0035.jpg Write a review about the coffee shop on Yelp.com, CitySearch, or a similar Web site to alert others about your experience.

e9781602396418_i0036.jpg Stop patronizing the location.

All in all, you control the outcome of the experience you expect at your favorite coffee shop.

YOUR CELL-PHONE CARRIER AND YOU (PART ONE): STANDING UP TO THE TYRANNY OF CONTRACT TRICKS

Cell phones are as ubiquitous as those beings we call humans—you simply cannot avoid either! On any given day, someone’s talking on one on the street, in the car, on the bus, or in the stall in the restroom (that has to be really awkward, eh?). Many are literally attached to the hip, stored inside purses and bras, or temporarily displaced under a pile of week-old, funk-infested clothes.

Regardless of where your cell phone is kept, it has revolutionized our world and how we communicate. They’ve become small, effective devices to keep us in touch with loved ones, our colleagues, bill collectors (for those who answer their phones), psycho exes, and even doorbells!

What’s the most unpleasant part of owning a cell phone? You have to play by the rules established by your carrier, which isn’t always fun. After all, they own the network and infrastructure, so we must abide by their tricks, terms, and silly contracts, which are filled with a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo (how often do people read those things, anyway?). We may not be tethered by a cord to our carrier; however, they’ve managed to deploy invisible strings over the air to keep us in check. Where’s the freedom in talking again?

Considering the grip your cell-phone company has on you and your life, it’s probably one of the companies in your life that frustrates you the most. Fortunately, there are a few ways to loosen the noose and break free of their stranglehold!

CULPRIT: Big, bad, ugly cell-phone company

PROBLEM: Restrictive, soul-choking contracts

THE SMART THING TO DO: Let’s say you really want to break free of the cell jail (contract), but you don’t want to pay the early termination fee (ETF). If this sounds like your situation, here’s a way to sock it to ’em and laugh your way to freedom:

e9781602396418_i0039.jpg Watch for rate changes by your carrier that would materially affect your plan.

e9781602396418_i0040.jpg When a rate change like this occurs, it’s your right to cancel your plan. Yes, you read that correctly. Your right. They won’t necessarily tell you, but rest assured that you do have the right. Here’s a simple way to monitor rate changes:

e9781602396418_i0041.jpg Visit Google News at news.google.com.

e9781602396418_i0042.jpg Create a news alert for yourself with these search terms: [carrier name], rate, change.

Meanwhile, if your carrier changes rates on a plan other than your existing plan, quickly change your plan to the plan that will have the upcoming change. This will enable you to get out of your contract once the change actually happens.

BONUS! If you check out cell-phone carriers like Credo Mobile, you will find that in an effort to get you to become their customer, they will pay your existing cell company’s ETF for you. Not a bad deal!

YOUR CELL-PHONE CARRIER AND YOU (PART TWO): CHANGING YOUR MIND ABOUT A NEW PHONE

It seems that every day, cell-phone manufacturers are releasing newer and better models. Your coworker just picked up an iPhone, while your boss is raving about his new Google Android-based phone. They both have all the whiz-bang features to make you drool for days: GPS, colorful displays, useful applications, and so on.

Immediately, you want something better, because you’re not happy with what appears to be something from yesteryear: a basic, cracked, half-working Nokia from a hundred years ago. You want the good stuff, so you make the impulse decision to visit your parole officer (the cell-phone company) about acquiring some new gear. But when you go to your cell-phone company to get one, they tell you:

The price of the phone for you