Sounds of Diamonds

Copyright © 2019 by Nichola K Johnson

Printed in the United Kingdom

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording without the permission of the author.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to events, locales, persons living or dead is coincidental or they are used fictitiously.

Cover design and layout by www.spiffingcovers.com

Smashwords Edition

Contents

Sounds of Diamonds

‘Where is she?’ Mark asked, standing at the door of Abigail’s flat with his foot halfway in the doorway just in case she shut the door on him.

Abigail, with her hand on her hip, stood in the doorway with an uneasy and slightly irritated look on her face.

‘I told you she’s not here, she’s out with her aunt for the day.’

‘Are you gonna invite me in, I’ll wait?’

‘No, there’s no point,’ she replied, ‘they’ll be ages. Only left about half an hour ago, in fact you just missed them. Plus I’m busy today anyway, I’ve got to go to the laundrette, do some shopping, it’s just not a good time.’

Something wasn’t right, she was full of excuses as always. This was the eighth time Mark had visited with no luck.

‘I really need to see her, Abi. It’s been months. Savannah still won’t return my calls. I’ve got no idea of what’s going on. Every time I come by she’s not here. It doesn’t make sense.’

‘Yeah, well, I can’t tell you more than I just have,’ she replied.

‘Can you just get Savannah to call me? This is ridiculous.’

‘I’m really sorry Mark, can’t help you,’ she responded.

This time she looked quite sincere as she lit a cigarette and exhaled. He looked deep into her eyes as he tried to figure out if she was telling the truth or not. She looked away. She’s hiding something, he thought to himself, he could see it in her eyes.

‘I’ll see you soon, Abi,’ he said as he turned and walked away leaving her on the doorstep.

He knew she was hiding something, but couldn’t figure out what it was and couldn’t get anything out of her. In truth, he had only seen me a few times. I was just over one year old. He didn’t get the opportunity to visit too often, he was young, just turned 18, he’d just started a new job in IT. He was a well-known DJ and the head selector of a huge music sound so his weekends were taken up playing out at parties and clubs, plus he was in the process of buying a new flat with his current partner. Things were quite busy for him, but he promised himself he wasn’t going to give up. As he walked away, he decided he was going to get to the bottom of whatever it was going on, no matter what it took. And he wouldn’t stop until he found the truth.

*   *   *

Abigail stood at the door in the exact same position – bold as ever, cigarette in her hand, other hand on her hip – as he returned the next day.

‘Abi, I’ve had enough of this, trust me I’m not leaving until I see her.’

He was firm, almost quite threatening.

‘You either tell me where she is, where Savannah is, or I stay here until she’s back. I don’t care where you might have to go or how long it takes, I promise you, don’t fuck around with me Abi. She’s my daughter and you lot have been keeping her from me for too long now.’

Abigail looked at Mark, quite shocked at his response. She certainly wasn’t one to find herself lost for words and although she felt his tone was slightly aggressive, she could see how serious he was.

‘You’d better come in, then, hadn’t you?’ she said as she turned and walked into the kitchen.

Mark followed and they both sat down at the table. Abigail reached for a cigarette and lit up.

‘So,’ Mark asked, ‘where is she this time?’

‘She’s not here.’

‘Yeah, you already said that.’

‘No, she really isn’t here.’ She took a drag of her cigarette and exhaled. ‘I don’t really know how to say this, but she hasn’t been here for a while, neither has Savannah.’

Mark calmly sat back in the chair to get more comfortable.

‘Savannah’s in Amsterdam, has been for about five months. She was in a really bad place, Mark. Depressed, not coping with life, drinking, some days she wouldn’t even get out of bed. And Nikki, that kid, was such a burden to her. Do you know most of the time I had to take care of that little girl myself? I didn’t sign up for that. I was done with kids a long time ago and that child, god she has a way about her. She’s uncontrollable.’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ Mark asked. He leaned over and took one of her cigarettes. ‘Where is my daughter?’

‘I’m sorry to have to tell you this, Mark, but she’s gone for good. Savannah met this guy and he made her happy again. Honestly, if you saw her you’d understand. He’s wealthy and offered her the world – big house, money, everything she ever wanted – but he had one rule, no kids.’

Mark couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The palms of his hands began to sweat, but he remained calm, not wanting to interrupt or give any reason for her to hold any information back. He sat quietly while he listened. He knew Savannah was emotionally unstable – I believe his words were ‘fucked up’ – but Mark was smart, he could outsmart this whole family, a bunch of emotionally challenged women who could never stick at anything worth doing in life were his exact thoughts. He wasn’t interested in Savannah’s new life or love interest, he just needed to know where his daughter was.

‘So, where is Nikki?’ he asked again, looking straight at her so he could read her behaviour.

She got up to put the kettle on.

‘I’m gonna ask you one more time, what the hell has this woman done with my girl, Abigail?’ He raised his voice.

‘I tried to do it!’ she cried, as she broke down in tears.

Abigail breaking down was a first for the record. She was generally the head of the family and called herself the big white chief; she was a strong, stern, big-boned woman with short blonde hair and the deepest blue eyes you’ve ever seen, a very straight-to-the-point type of woman you didn’t want to mess with. Deep down she liked Mark, she knew he was a decent guy despite him walking out on Savannah.

‘I tried, I really did, but I told you this wasn’t what I asked for, I mean a baby. Nope, I couldn’t, please believe I tried Mark. Savannah couldn’t cope so when this guy came around, I told her to go, told her to be happy. She’s my daughter, I wanted the best for her, I couldn’t bear to see her throwing her life away at such a young age. We were going to take care of Nikki, but when it got tough, I wrote to her and begged her to come home, but I got no response. I wrote and wrote until one day I got a postcard from her saying she wasn’t coming home. Ever. Wasn’t interested in her old life anymore, told me to do what I wanted with Nikki. In the end we agreed, we all agreed.’

‘Agreed what?’ he asked as he puffed on his cigarette.

‘To put her in care. She’ll be better off in the end. It’s going really well for her, she’s been with a lovely family for a while now and they’re soon to adopt her. They’ll offer her a much better life than we can even imagine Mark. I mean, you wouldn’t be able to take care of her would you? You’re just a kid yourself, you’re both kids, darling. It’s for the best, I promise. If you love that little girl you’d leave her where she is, leave her where she has a chance in life.’

*   *   *

The walls are grey, and the floor is blue and really shiny, silver-framed single beds in a row with blue and grey striped bedding. One big room with rows of metal-framed beds with blue blankets. This is my earliest memory. A few boxes of old toys at the end of the room, my favourite, a raggedy doll with a green skirt and orange face. It was tatty and a little bit dirty, but I loved her. I named her Jemima and literally took her everywhere. Along the front of the room were three really large windows. I often tiptoed to see if I could see outside, but we were so high up that all I could ever see was the sky. I was two and a half and had been in this place for over a year. There were lots of other children who also lived in this room; we often played together, but most of the time we fought over toys or just fought for the sake of it. Some of the children were older and helped take care of the smaller ones like me. Most of the time they weren’t very nice, and bullied us. There was never anything we could do to defend ourselves.

We had our daily routine which was exactly the same every single day – get up, make your bed, Weetabix with hot milk for breakfast (which I hated), bath time, back to the grey and blue room to dress and play for a few hours, an hour in the outside playground, back to the room to wash our hands and faces to get ready for lunch, TV/reading in the afternoon, dinner and back to bed.

Night after night I cuddled Jemima while I tried to sleep. There were no curtains at those big windows, so the light of the moon always shone through making it really difficult. Most nights I just lay there staring at the moon, holding Jemima wondering why I was there; it was really lonely. And at night, when I did sleep, I often suffered from really bad nightmares. One particular night I woke up from in a cold sweat from a crazy nightmare that felt so real. I woke up screaming, hysterically crying, looking for Jemima, but she wasn’t there. I cried out loud in that silver-framed bed, alone, looking around for someone to help, comfort me, tell me everything was OK. But nobody came. I curled up under the covers and cried until the moonlight turned into sunrise.

The next morning, very sleepy and puffy-eyed, I looked across the room and noticed one of the older girls a few beds away had my dolly. I cried to the matrons, but they didn’t care one bit. ‘Find another doll,’ she said. I was so upset. That girl had my doll and I was determined to get her back. She was much bigger than me and laughed as I jumped up trying to grab her while she held the doll high up to the ceiling. As usual with the bigger kids, I couldn’t win, so I gave up and got back into my bed. I glanced over and watched while the girl was about to cut my doll’s hair. I couldn’t help myself. I jumped out of my bed, ran up to her and literally laid into her; I was punching, kicking and screaming at her to give me my doll back. She shoved me to the floor and laughed. ‘Go away little girl, it’s my doll now.’ I got up, crawled towards her and bit her so hard on her leg it pierced her skin. The girl screamed and fell to her knees; there was blood everywhere. Everyone rushed over to see what was going on while the girl screamed and shouted out names at me. This time the matrons came, but to her rescue, and dragged me away kicking and screaming. They took me to some other room where this time there were only two beds. They shoved me in without a word said.

A young boy sat by the side of his bed playing with a train set. It was obviously my punishment for biting the girl, but actually this room was better. It wasn’t so cold and the windows were smaller. I quite liked the boy, and after I calmed down and stopped crying he let me play with his train set. So we sat together and played for the rest of the afternoon. We didn’t play outside or have reading time, we were hidden away in that room all day.

That evening, after dinner while we were in bed, I asked him why we were in this room alone. He was slightly older than me, probably about five or six. He told me we were there because we were bad and had to stay on our own.

‘We can’t play with the other children because they think we can be a danger. We can’t do anything to the other kids while we’re in here and we have to be good,’ he continued. ‘So when a family comes they’ll like us and then we can have a mum and dad.’

My eyes lit up at the thought.

‘My mum and dad will come?’ I asked

‘No,’ he said, ‘a new mum and dad.’

I was so confused. Why did I need a new mum and dad? Where were my real mum and dad? I didn’t understand, but went to sleep a lot easier than I ever had in the blue and grey room. I liked the thought of a mum and dad regardless of who they were; it would be much better than this place. From then on I dreamed of it often and wondered when they were coming and how I would get them to like me.

*   *   *

My day had finally arrived. One of the matrons came to wake me earlier than usual.

‘It’s a special day for you today, Nikki, you’re going to meet a new family.’

‘Really?’ I replied with excitement. My mum and dad had finally come to get me! I was so excited I couldn’t wait.

We went down for breakfast, I had my bath and even had a new dress to wear. The matron brushed my hair into two bunches and tied them with pink ribbons. I looked in the mirror and swung from side to side so my dress would swirl, and felt so pretty. Matron took hold of my hand and away we went. We walked down the corridor together which felt like we were walking for miles, until we eventually entered a room where a really tall man and woman were stood. They both turned to look at me, their faces beaming with huge smiles. I stood still looking back at them, my excitement quickly drifting away.

‘Here she is, this is Nikki,’ the matron said.

They both said, ‘Hello Nikki’ in sync with each other.

I stood in silence holding matron’s hand tightly.

‘Oh yes,’ said the man, ‘she definitely is beautiful.’

This isn’t what I imagined at all. They looked like really nice people, but they were definitely not my mum and dad – even though I didn’t know who they really were, it definitely wasn’t these guys. These people were white. At this point I became really nervous. I was set to go home with these people but didn’t feel comfortable at all. Was this really the family I was supposed to be good for? If so, it was all wrong. I was internally panicking but powerless to do anything, my legs shaking with nerves.

‘You’ve made a mistake,’ I cried. ‘Don’t send me away with those people, please. I want my real mum and dad, I don’t like these people.’

I held onto matron crying and begging.

‘She just needs time,’ matron suggested to the couple. ‘Don’t worry, this reaction is pretty normal with children of this age, it’s a natural defence mechanism, doesn’t last. Happens all the time.’ And just like that, that was it. There was nothing I could do. I was definitely going.

*   *   *

Claire and Dave were indeed very nice people. After what felt like a drive that lasted forever we arrived at their home, a massive white house with a huge driveway, a big front garden with a pond and a swing. There was a lady sat on the garden wall watching over two boys playing football. I had cried myself into a deep sleep halfway into the journey, so it was all a bit of a blur when I eventually woke up. I looked up at the house as we walked towards the steps – it was like a palace with a grand entrance, a large central staircase surrounded by big stained-glass windows in the hallway, chandeliers hung from the ceilings, it was amazing.

Claire took off my coat while Dave left us together. She took my hand and walked towards what would be my room, a big bright yellow bedroom with two sets of bunk beds. Claire was overexcited about it all, extra nice with a constant smile on her face. I think she felt being super sweet would put me at ease.

‘This is where you will sleep, Nikki. Shall we put your clothes over here? I brought you lots of toys, I hope you like them. Are you hungry? You must be, it’s been a long morning hasn’t it? I’ll prepare lunch and ask Monique to get the boys ready.’

Overwhelmed by her enthusiasm I asked, ‘Who’s Monique?’

‘Monique is the babysitter darling, she looks after Peter and Paul sometimes. I can’t wait for you to meet them, I guess you can call them your new brothers, you’ll absolutely love them.’

‘The two boys playing in the garden?’ I asked.

‘Yes darling.’

I didn’t want brothers, I just wanted my real mum and dad. Tears came to my eyes, it all felt too much to deal with. I suddenly felt heavy, tired and wanted to sleep again. It was bad enough knowing I’d have to get to know Claire and Dave, but now there were two other boys. I was quite shy and just no way near ready.

‘I’ll be back shortly,’ Claire said. ‘You can play over here for a while with these.’

Under the bunk bed was a box full of new toys and books. I dug through the box in the hope there would be a dolly that looked similar to Jemima, but there wasn’t. I sat on the floor feeling nervous, with my legs crossed, waiting for whatever was next. Moments later Claire entered with that big smile on her face again.

‘Are you ready Nikki? We’re all ready for lunch now.’

As I looked up at her, terrified of meeting these guys, she noticed I’d been crying. She came over, wiped my face with a tissue and kissed me on the cheek.

‘It’s OK little princess, no need to cry, everything with be fine. There’s nothing to be frightened of, I promise. The boys are dying to meet you and you’ll love them.’ She held out her hand. ‘Come on darling, let’s go and have lunch. Let’s go and meet the boys, you’ll feel so much better after, I promise.’

*   *   *

I sat quietly at the table with Peter, Paul and Dave, still exhausted from the long journey and hours of crying, while Claire pottered between the kitchen and the dining room table with plates, bowls and cutlery. Dave was sat back reading a newspaper. He looked over the paper at me, smiled and went right back to the paper while the boys were deep into some sort of finger game. I sat quietly waiting for Claire to do something to introduce me. Although she seemed so overexcited and was constantly shuffling herself around, I decided I liked her. I liked Dave too, but there’s no way I was ever going to speak to him unless he spoke to me. He was way too tall and scary; I felt that I’d annoy him if I spoke and I wouldn’t even know what to say, so I remained quiet.

Eventually the table was prepared. Claire came over and sat by my side. The boys were still bickering over who had more points in the finger game, while Claire tried to get their attention with no luck.

‘Boys! Quiet!’

‘Listen to your mother!’ Dave shouted, with such a deep voice it scared the life out of me.

He folded his paper and drew his attention to the table. This is exactly why I wanted to keep out of his way. I never ever wanted him to speak to me with that tone. The boys shut up right away and Claire asked us to all hold hands to say grace.

‘Peter, Paul, you remember our conversation last week about Nikki, don’t you?’

They both stared at me with their big brown eyes.

‘Well this is Nikki, your new little sister, and I want you both to be good boys and look after her, share your toys with her and always make her feel welcome. She is part of our family now, so say hello to Nikki please.’

‘She’s not my sister!’ shouted out Paul. ‘I’ve already got a brother and your tummy didn’t grow so she can’t be a sister. Brothers and sisters come out of your tummy, don’t they mummy?’

Claire smiled at Paul with that big smile she gave me earlier. Paul was five years old and Peter eleven.

‘There are lots of other ways to expand a family, Paul. And mummy and daddy just chose a different option, OK? We are all very lucky we have this chance to expand our family and offer more love to each other.’

‘I don’t love her,’ he whined.

‘Right, that’s enough Paul,’ shouted Dave. ‘You’re being incredibly rude. We all talked about this last week, remember?’

‘But mum!’ this was now Peter who had something to say. ‘How can she be our sister and she’s black?’

Claire was stuck for answers. She looked over at Dave for help, but he just nodded to allow her to answer.

‘We’ll talk about this later,’ Claire snapped. ‘Can we just all be nice to Nikki, please, like I’ve asked, and let’s eat.’

*   *   *

Months went by and these guys really did become my family. The grey room, the shiny floors and all its drama were a distant memory. I was happy here. I hung out with Claire all day playing games, making cakes, visiting friends or just generally hanging out together watching TV or Disney movies. Claire and I chatted and laughed together every day; she adored me, and I adored her, she was tall, very slim and extremely pretty with mid-length brown hair and hazel eyes. She wore the most beautiful dresses with neat heels, even at home. She would dress me up in similar dresses to hers when we were out, so we were almost matching. My little princess, she’d call me, and I thought I would be with her forever. She taught me new things, which was always so exciting, and did absolutely everything she possibly could to make me happy or make me laugh. In the afternoons, she’d prepare dinner while I sat at the kitchen table colouring or playing with dolls. After lunch, Monique would come home with the boys. They arrived with their dirty shoes, grubby faces and their leather satchels full of books and pictures they brought out to show us while yapping away about what they did at school. I would then follow them out to the garden while we played together on the swings, or I would run around chasing them while they played football. Although they were still so confused as to why I was black and asked constant questions about my skin and hair, I grew to love the boys and deep down they loved me too.

Dave was usually at work all day and night. Whenever he was around it was only ever for a short time and when he did come home we would all run into his arms. He’d hug the boys and ruffle their hair, he’d pick me up, swing me around and shower me with kisses while I giggled away. Claire watched on with an uncomfortable smile on her face, not like the smile she gave to me or the boys. He’d briefly kiss her on the cheek, brush past her and sit at the table waiting for dinner. We all ate together as a family, then Claire would bathe Paul and I after an hour or so and put us to bed.

One evening I jumped out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the toilet and quietly tiptoed to the bathroom. I slowly opened the door hoping not to make too much noise and found Claire sat on the floor in floods of tears. She looked up, startled to see me, quickly wiped her eyes and straightened her hair. I stood looking at her wondering what was wrong. It was strange to see her cry, it seemed like she was always happy. She held out her hand and sat me on her lap.

‘Why are you crying, mummy?’ I asked.

She stroked my face and hair.

‘It’s OK, Nikki,’ she said. ‘It’s nothing. Mummy just misses daddy that’s all. Daddy’s just gone back to work and I miss him, just like when we miss the boys while they’re at school,’ she smiled.

‘Oh,’ I said, ‘but why does daddy always go to work in the night as well?’

‘All daddies have to go to work, darling, so they can provide for their families. And I want you to know that daddy loves us, OK? He loves us all so much so he works very hard for us.’

‘Even me?’ I asked.

‘Of course, Nikki, even you,’ she hugged me and kissed me on my forehead. ‘You’re just as much a part of this family as anyone else is,’ she replied and gave me a big hug. ‘I love you so so so much,’ she said, as she smiled at me and cupped my face. ‘There’s nothing to worry about OK? Now come on missy, it’s late, let’s get you back to bed.’

*   *   *

Over the next few weeks things drastically began to change. I still hung out with Claire during the days, but it wasn’t as fun as it used to be. She was different. She wasn’t as radiant or as bubbly as she usually was, her pretty face looked drawn and tired, she wasn’t wearing make-up or pretty dresses anymore, she didn’t talk or play with me as much as she used to and was always in a rush to do things. We had to collect the boys from school ourselves instead of Monique, so we didn’t have much time to prepare dinner together like we used to either. I often asked Claire where Monique was, and she’d sharply snap back ‘I don’t know’. ‘But where is she, mummy?’ I asked again and again. ‘She just had to go away so we need to forget about her for now.’ It wasn’t like Claire at all to be so jumpy, and so out of character to snap at me the way she did. I wondered why Monique left us as she was also a part of our family. As far as I knew, Claire and Monique were great friends, so I was surprised she didn’t even know where she was.

I played with the boys in the evenings, but we were bathed and sent to bed much earlier than usual. Often the boys and I would stay awake chatting after Claire turned off the lights and closed the bedroom door. Sometimes we’d hear her crying downstairs, which was always sad for us but we never knew what to do. One night we were all tucked in bed chatting as usual.

‘Why does mummy cry at night?’ Paul asked Peter.

Peter sighed, but didn’t respond. He was older and always knew a lot more than we did and sometimes ignored us.

‘Peeeter!’ whined Paul.

‘Shut up and go to sleep,’ Peter snapped.

‘But why?’ Paul began to cry, mainly to get Peter’s attention.

‘I’ve told you before, mum wishes dad didn’t have to work so much, that’s all, so just stop crying and go to sleep.’

Paul climbed out of bed crying and sniffling and went to the door. He wanted to find Claire to ask her himself. I quickly jumped out of bed and ran after him. Peter also jumped down from his top bunk to try and get us back, but we were way too quick so he had no choice but to follow. We scarpered down the hallway, Paul and I holding hands until we got to the top of the staircase and stopped still. We could hear screaming and shouting coming from downstairs, and we all huddled together at the top of the stairs.

‘What is it Peter, what’s happening?’ asked Paul.

‘I’m scared.’

‘Shhh,’ Peter said. ‘I can’t hear.’

We all sat on the step clinging on to each other and listened.

‘How could you do this to me? How could you do this to us? I’ve given you everything and her, her, how dare you! You’re disgusting! I fucking hate you!’

The voices were loud and so clear we heard everything. We were so scared of the shouting Paul began to cry again and so did I. Poor Peter tried his best to comfort us both until we stopped crying, just like Dave would have done. He looked up to Dave so much that he pretty much copied everything Dave did. We sat on his lap on the top step and continued to listen.

‘I didn’t want this, did I? I had no choice, you were never happy. I gave you a home, two beautiful boys, but that wasn’t enough was it? I was never enough. I even agreed to get Nikki for you, to make you happy, but no, you don’t recognise that do you? You wanted her to distract you from me.’

‘How dare you!’ screamed Claire. ‘This has nothing to do with Nikki. This is about you and what you’ve done to us, we both agreed.’

‘No, you went on and on and I gave in, gave you your perfect little girl and that was all you wanted,’ Dave replied.

‘But why Monique?’ screamed Claire. ‘Why her? Tell me, she was my friend! She looked after our kids, how could you betray us like this?’

‘I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,’ Dave shouted. ‘You know why Claire, this marriage was over way before all this happened. Another child wasn’t going to fix us and on top of that, you went and got a black kid. Do you know the grief I get at work for having a black kid? I should have never agreed to it. I’m leaving. We’ll talk when you’ve calmed down.’

‘You’re the one who’s screwed this up,’ screamed Claire. ‘It’s got nothing to do with Nikki, whatever colour she is. It was you, fucking that bitch.’

Dave rushed to the front door to leave.

‘When you’ve calmed down we can talk, but I’m not listening to this now,’ he replied and opened the door.

Claire was hysterical. She ran over to him and grabbed his arm.

‘Don’t you walk out on me, I swear David don’t you dare do this!’ she screamed.

Dave shoved her off so hard she hit the door.

‘Mummy!’ Paul screamed out.

Both Claire and Dave stopped in surprise and looked up to see us all sat at the top of the stairs. Paul and I were crying again, while Peter held us.

‘Oh my gosh, my babies!’ Claire cried. ‘Now look what you’ve done!’ she scorned at Dave. ‘Get out, go!’

But Dave didn’t leave. He ran up the stairs towards us, while Claire followed behind him trying to get to us first.

‘What’s going on, dad?’ asked Peter, he was so calm.

‘Nothing, Peter,’ Dave replied. ‘Your mum and I are just having a disagreement.’

Claire was crying as she held Paul and I in her arms.

‘Did Monique do something bad?’ asked Peter.

Dave was silent.

‘No no,’ said Claire. ‘Monique had to move away, that’s all. Come on, you all need to go back to bed, it’s late.’

‘Is daddy leaving because of me?’ I cried.

‘No Nikki, daddy’s not leaving us darling,’ she looked sternly over at Dave as he rubbed his head with his hands. ‘Daddy’s not leaving us,’ she repeated.

They put us all back to bed, kissed us and shut the bedroom door. Paul fell asleep pretty much straight away, but I was still unsettled.

‘Nikki,’ whispered Peter, ‘are you OK?’

‘Yeah, how can I get daddy to like me more, so he doesn’t leave us?’ I whispered back.

Peter jumped down from the top bunk, got into my bed and cuddled me.

‘Daddy won’t leave us, Nikki, I promise. He’s a good man, he’s always taken care of us and always will.’

‘But he might leave now because he said he didn’t want me. Is it because I’m different?’

‘No, Nikki, don’t be silly. Dad loves us all and he tells me all the time how much he loves you too. He loves all of us, and even if you are different, it’s what makes you special. Now go to sleep, it’ll all be better in the morning.’

*   *   *

‘What? She’s where?’ asked Maria.

‘I know,’ Mark sighed as he poured himself a brandy. ‘I don’t know what to do, or even what I can do. I knew that family was fucked up, I knew something wasn’t right. Why did I leave it so long?’

Maria rubbed Mark’s shoulders while he sipped his drink.

‘I’m her father! How can they even think of doing this behind my back, this is bullshit!’

‘I don’t understand,’ Maria said. ‘It just doesn’t make any sense to me.’

‘OK, so you know all those times I went to see her and for some reason or another she was never home?’

‘Uh huh.’

‘Well it turns out it wasn’t just wrong timing, they’ve been lying to me all this time. They fucking knew where she was. They’ve given her away, they put her in a children’s home and now she’s with a foster family. They gave her away and there’s nothing I can do about it. Savannah fucked off abroad and they didn’t want to deal with her. She’s about to be adopted by the family she’s with.’

A tear rolled down his face.

‘My baby girl gone to a family I don’t even know, she doesn’t belong there. I can’t even believe they thought they could do this without me finding out.’

Maria listened in shock while Mark held his head.

‘If only I went sooner,’ he said. ‘If only I went more often, something could have been done.’

‘Well you know what we’ve got to do,’ Maria demanded. ‘We’ve got to go get her.’

Maria was a sophisticated and an extremely smart woman who was so devastatingly in