Death and Hope in the Body of Christ: Walking with the Sheep through the Shadows

Published by Baptist Church Planters

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Copyright 2020 by Baptist Church Planters

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2019920915

ISBN-13: 978-1-936285-06-8 (pbk)

ISBN-13: 978-1-936285-07-5 (ebk)

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Cover design by Marilyn Martin

Dear Pastor,

The Apostle Paul had his Timothy, whom he led to Christ, poured his life into, and challenged as a son to be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.

I’ve had many Pauls in my life and am thankful for all they have taught me. I dedicate this book to you, young Timothy. Officiating your very first funeral can be overwhelming, but with the Lord’s help and a little direction, I’m confident you and your church can be a rich blessing to those who are grieving. In a few years, you will be able to teach other faithful men who are doing what we are doing—pointing grieving saints to the One Who is present and alive.

May God grant you many such opportunities.

Dr. Paul

CONTENTS

Foreword

Acknowledgments

Introduction: What Will They Remember?

1. The Biblical View of Physical Death

2. The Arguments for a Funeral

3. The Patterns of Funerals

4. Walking with the Sheep as the Shadows Lengthen

5. Preparation: The Hours from Death to Good-bye

6. The Funeral Service: A Celebration of Life or a Preparation for Eternity?

7. The Graveside Service: A Necessary Parting

8. The Funeral Director: Co-laborer or Combatant?

9. The Funeral Meal: Blessing or Burden?

10. The Follow-Up: After the Funeral, Now What?

11. Your First Funeral

Epilogue: Hope for Today and Tomorrow

Resources

Bibliography

FOREWORD

It is not if you will face this; it is definitely when. You or someone you know will experience a death in the family. Think of it! Every family in your neighborhood, workplace, and local church is going to be affected by death. Every family! There is no event in life any more significant or painful than the death of a loved one. Hearts are broken. Sorrow is crushing. Bewilderment and questions like How am I going to continue on? are overwhelming.

What tremendous opportunities come to the Lord’s servants to reach out and minister to those who are going through such significant sorrow. Very few situations in life provide such opportunities to serve people. In this book, Dr. Paul Reimer challenges and encourages pastors not to miss these opportunities but rather to make the most of them.

At the death of their brother Lazarus, Christ ministered to sorrowing Mary and Martha in John 11. His ministry was personal; He came to them. It was practical; He quietly and tenderly led them through reasoning that was faulty, caused by their deep sorrow. He helped them through the what-ifs. His ministry was powerful; it was life-giving. While we will not have the opportunity to raise people from the dead, in a very real sense, we do indeed have the opportunity to share how people can have life-changing eternal life.

I am so glad that my personal friend Dr. Reimer so capably presents vitally important considerations when helping people in this, the deepest experience of life. From ladies and food prep to funeral directors and arrangements to pastors ministering to friends who will visit, Dr. Reimer explains how to assist the family and others who want to serve the grieving. Everyone involved must serve Christ biblically and capably in meeting the needs of those who are sorrowing.

From more than forty years of ministry experience, Pastor Reimer shares with us from the heart of a pastor-shepherd. His tender, gentle spirit and loving heart show through the words and pages of this book. He provides insights into helping us better minister to people in a way that is personal, practical, and powerful. What a great opportunity and responsibility to step into the lives of people at this most opportune moment to meet them in their greatest need.

The things of which Dr. Reimer writes are not merely words or empty theory. I know that he lives out the things of which he writes. I’ve experienced his sweet and comforting ministry in my own personal life. Thank you, Dr. Paul, for your time and investment in our lives, in the lives of those who will serve other grieving families, and in the lives of those to whom we will minister.

Dr. Michael Peck

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Funerals and memorial services can be very public, and some very private. Regardless of whether a family invites me to be a part of it or to officiate the whole, I am humbled by the opportunity. I want to thank those families who have allowed me into their lives for those hours we spent together, whether in their homes or at the funeral home, the church, or the cemetery. Much of what is recorded in this book is the fruit of those days. Dear loved ones, thank you.

Nearly twenty years ago, the Lord brought into my life Dr. Michael and Karen Peck. Their love for Christ, each other, and their flocks has made a deep impression upon me. I am honored to call Dr. Mike my friend, and we have shared many hours serving the Lord together from our distant locations. Dr. Mike was very kind to read each of my chapters and to share his wisdom and words of encouragement. Dear friend, thank you!

Ginny Sebok is the executive administrative assistant of Baptist Church Planters. Her skill in editing and her gentle questions pushed me to be concise and clarify each paragraph of this text. She willingly invested in this work, and you and I are the benefactors of her ability. Thank you, Ginny, for the hours and heart you invested in this project.

The professors of Trinity Theological Seminary of Newburgh, Indiana, are greatly trained servants of God, and I have gained much from their insight into the Word of God. However, there is one, Dr. Johnathan Pritchett, who was my advisor for the completion of my doctorate and this book, whose ability to stretch my thinking theologically has borne fruit throughout my ministry. I also remember at one point when I was ready to give up writing altogether that he simply asked me to pursue an area that I had not considered. It helped me to get back to the Book and the books and thus finish this book. Thank you, Dr. Pritchett, for your investment in my life.

Pastor Richard N. Pettitt was old enough to be my father but physically strong enough to beat me in every sport in which we competed: golf, tennis, and especially baseball. Pastor Pettitt was also my mentor, my pastor, and, for ten years, my boss. His knowledge of the Word, his skill in ministry, and his love for people were shared with me and observed by me. He didn’t try to clone me to be another Pastor Pettitt, but, understanding my gifts and my shortcomings, he challenged me to be all God wanted me to be. I would agree with him that the ten years we served side by side were some of the greatest years of our public ministries. Thank you, Pastor Pettitt, for believing in me and investing your life in me.

The Lord has brought dozens of missionary couples into my life. I am grateful for their insight and sharing of the experiences and observations of their adopted countries. Thank you, fellow laborers in the Gospel, for sharing your stories with me.

Solomon wrote that there is no end to the writing of books. That’s true; however, I am thankful for every author who has taken the time to address the needs of people and, by doing so, has ministered to those who are dying and the loved ones left behind who grieve. Thank you for taking the time to share your expertise for me and others to read and learn.

To President Steve Little and Vice President David Whipple, administrators of Baptist Church Planters, who not only encouraged me by offering the mission’s resources but also offered to publish this book with the view of helping young and/or inexperienced missionaries and pastors to be better ministers to their flocks, thank you!

I would like to express my appreciation as well to Holly Monteith for her copy editing skills and to Marilyn Martin of Register Graphics for her cover design. Their skills, recommendations, and tenacious efforts in preparing this book for publication have made it a joy to work with them.

My first pastor’s wife, Mrs. Evelyn Weaver, told me while I was studying for the ministry about the importance and the indispensability of the pastor’s wife. She was so right, and God in His mercy and grace gave me the best. Debbie and I began serving the Lord together before we were married, and she has been at my side for more than forty-five years of ministry. Thank you, Debbie, for all the hours you spent alone while I read and wrote. Thank you for spending lonely hours on our favorite beach while I pored over other men’s and women’s writings. Thank you for reading to me while we traveled, and especially for encouraging me to complete what I had started. I could not have finished this without you. You have been God’s gift to me for life and ministry.

And thank You, dear Lord, for putting the idea of this book into my head in the first place. Thank You for the privilege of serving You and ministering to grieving families. Thank You for the strength and time to complete this project. May You use it to train and build up young men and women to better minister to those who are walking through the shadows of life. I am forever grateful for Your presence in my life and for the blessed hope that stirs me every time I stand before those who weep. Thank You, my Lord and Savior.

INTRODUCTION

What Will They Remember?

How many funerals have you attended where an hour after the service, you could not remember a word the preacher said? Did you just go through the traditional and expected ritual, shed a few tears, reminisce over a few events, have a Thanksgiving-like meal, exchange hugs with people you had never met before that day, drive home, and return to your normal life?

Funerals are emotionally charged events—exhausting in and of themselves. But most often before the service, there has already been a whirlwind of activity—meetings, decisions, phone calls, housing arrangements, meals planned and prepared—again, exhausting. You should not be surprised that the bereaved cannot remember a thing you said or did. So, do you just get them through this societal expectation and move on, or do you expect them to remember each salient point you make?

I have concluded that there are two essential truths, two powerful thoughts, that I want the mourners to remember and draw from in the days ahead.¹ These two thoughts can and ought to be communicated through your initial contact with the family and into the days and weeks to follow. You communicate them by your words, your presence, and your demeanor. These two points are found in the event that is as close to our contemporary funeral and memorial services as I have found in the Scriptures.

Let me take you to that event, which occurred in a little village named Bethany in first-century Israel. You will remember it well. You have gone there many times already. In many ways, it should mirror the last memorial service you attended. You will find it in John 11:1–45.

In this event, two sisters faced the sickness and eventual death of their dear brother. These three siblings were not simply faces in the crowd to our Savior. They were dear friends, and He loved them. Surely when faced with illness and dying, they could expect the Savior to intercede—but He did not!

Now a certain man was sick, named Lazarus, of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. . . . Therefore his sisters sent unto him, saying, Lord, behold, he whom thou lovest is sick. When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby. Now Jesus loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus. When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was. Then after that saith he to his disciples, Let us go into Judaea again.

. . . Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep. Then said his disciples, Lord, if he sleep, he shall do well. Howbeit Jesus spake of his death: but they thought that he had spoken of taking of rest in sleep. Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead. And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him. Then said Thomas, which is called Didymus, unto his fellow disciples, Let us also go, that we may die with him. Then when Jesus came, he found that he had lain in the grave four days already.²

Very soon you will have your first funeral, and I want you to look at it in light of this somber occasion. Keep in mind that if Jesus, the Son of God, can do nothing about death, then anything He said or did would amount to nothing! If the Son of God cannot defeat the last enemy, then whatever else He did would be only temporal. If the Son of God is not victorious over the King of Terrors,³ then He is not the Lord of lords, nor the King of kings, nor the Son of God!

The Son of God—Death and Dying

There are some things we understand about death and dying. Because we’re related to Adam, we will all face death. For as in Adam all die (1 Cor. 15:22a). There are many ways to die, and death can come at any time. Whether in the womb or a hundred years later, death comes knocking. We know these things, but we struggle when death knocks at our door! In John 11:3, it is stated clearly that the sisters believed Jesus loved and had a very deep and personal affection for their brother. Surely as soon as Jesus became aware of His friend’s illness, He would do something about it!

We do not struggle with the physical or even the doctrinal reasons for illness and death—those we understand. We struggle with how a loving and powerful God would allow it to happen. Even more than that, how could this loving and powerful God, having been informed, allow His friend to die? When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was (John 11:6).

Was Jesus being callous toward His friends, or was He powerless? No, neither! He had at least three reasons not to hurry. First, the day Jesus heard about it, Lazarus was already dead! Jesus said, Our friend Lazarus sleepeth (John 11:11).⁴ Consider this well. Jesus heard about His friend while He was near the place where John the Baptist ministered. Bethany is at least a two-day walk. Jesus then waited two days after He heard of Lazarus’ illness. When He did arrive, Mary told Him Lazarus had been dead four days. So when Jesus heard the news, Lazarus was already dead! No need to hurry. Second, Jesus has the power over death and the grave. He is the omnipotent God—no need to hurry. Third, since Jesus has this authority over life and death, there must be something else here that His friends need to know. Therefore, there is the need not to hurry.

The Son of God—Death and Doubt

During the days following Lazarus’ death, we see grief