Conquering Trauma: Why You Cannot Experience Peace And Joy And How To Finally Point Your Life In The Right Direction

Chapter 1: Comprehending Trauma

If you suffer from the lasting effects of trauma, you may feel as though you have no control over your emotions and thoughts. Because of the engulfing feelings associated with your negative experiences, you may even feel powerless to creating change. The first step to overcoming trauma is to identify thoughts and behaviors that stem from negative experiences of your past. Once you can identify negative thought repetitions and overpowering emotions, you can trace your way back to the root of the issues at hand. Let us look at the different types, responses, and definitions to establish a base and starting point.

Subchapter 1: Visible And Invisible Types

There are visible forms of trauma that have an evident impact on a person, but there are also invisible forms of trauma that are masked from the world and buried deep in the heart. When you see someone acting aggressively or withdrawn, they may be reacting from a place of fear and tribulation. The individual is not likely acting out without reason; they have been hurt before, and you are in the crossfire of their emotional unhealthiness. You must understand the difference between what thoughts, emotions, and actions are your responsibility and what is theirs.⁶

The obstacles that prevent us from moving out of this place are our fears. Fear is the center of our thought processes when one is functioning from past experiences. I will provide more information on the brain on trauma throughout this book to glean comprehension of what is going on neurologically. The anxious cognitions likely echo the following: they will reject me; they might not like my opinion, I will be abandoned and alone, or they could hurt me. These thoughts can easily take on a snowball effect and escalate into more feelings of anxiety and worry. Then, ultimately, the cycle continues where we choose to react to the situation accordingly so that we can prevent any possible pain. We use this method to protect and keep the invisible wounds from worsening. However, this cycle is a paradox because what we think will protect us does the opposite, and often leads us to what we worry about most.

The invisible wounds can be dreadful and excruciating or may even appear to be non-healable. When considering early childhood, you may recall a memory where you were bullied in the 3rd-grade on the playground or harassed by an older sibling. There may even be memories of abuse occurring throughout the house in which you grew up. If any of your thoughts come from a negative belief you have of yourself, or a grim emotion, these may be signs of your invisible wounds. Without any treatment of these wounds, you continue to feel a stinging sensation when you encounter a similar interaction. Later, you may come across a similar experience that felt like rubbing alcohol was being poured over the injury, and the agonizing throbbing does not cease. Suffering lingers when you do not examine what initially caused your struggle. Each incident of the same or similar issue occurring builds on the untreated trauma and deteriorates how we think, feel, and what we believe to be true about ourselves.

Additionally, emotions and actions stemming from traumatic events may build on the original hurt and reoccur. For example, a person may ascertain to treat themselves and others in the way they were initially hurt. Emotional disturbances that are long-suffering become what a person knows to be the reality. If a mother yelled or scrutinized them countless times, it is not unheard of if this person goes on to treat others in this manner.

There is a dance to how visible and invisible wounds intertwine and keep you stuck and sick. When I continually try to build walls up between others and myself, I do so as a form of self-preservation against the hurt I fear will incur. However, my external behaviors do not lead me to what I need to heal, and instead, continue to isolate me. I begin feeling more discouraged and trapped within my own fear and wallow in defeat. Subsequently, depression increases and hopelessness takes up a larger space within me. This mindset may direct me to ill coping methods, such as substance abuse or self-sabotaging behaviors that affirm my negative emotions. Thus, the cycle continues as it is focused on the response of the person to an event and how that can intensify, worsening the reactions altogether.¹⁰

Fortunately, while trauma repetition can ensue a cycle, there is a spot where you can intervene and stop the pattern.¹⁰ One of the most difficult tasks of remediating these adversities is to step out and change what is hindering you. Naturally, your mind and body may feel turned upside down and find change to be uncertain or unattainable. This transitional period is an important time to speak kindly to yourself and welcome the unknown, as what may have kept you alive before is not helping anymore. After you become aware of the impact trauma has had on you, you befit the responsibility for keeping the cycle of trauma from continuing. You were not responsible for the actions of the individual(s) who harmed you, but you have the accountability of stopping yourself from spreading that hurt to another. It is crucial to identify the cycle to distinguish your role and your power in determining whether it continues or ends.

The first action you can take on exiting the repetition of trauma is to explore what your visible wounds are. Essentially, these are the unhealthy actions or language you use toward yourself or others. More examples of these behaviors may be restricting nutrients to punish yourself or serial dating the same belittling and uncontrollably angry type of person. Once you can see what is not abetting you to do well, you can start working on changing those behaviors. I like to think of it as cutting off the dead stems that keep you from growing new, more efficient characteristics. I’ve listed helpful tools later in this book to unearth the positive, healthy traits and behaviors you hide beneath negative emotions. Once you discover those invisible wounds are dictating your actions and words,