A Children's Guide to Personality Development: Parental guide to enhance a child's total performance

PART - I

UNDERSTANDING CHILDREN & THEIR FAMILIES

Chapter 1

Children in A Family

A family implants the initial seeds of common sense, logical thinking and intelligence to children. A family is such a beautiful setup which bears and rears their children right from their birth. Parents also train them mentally to facilitate them to intermingle freely in the society. It also helps them to face the challenges and realities of the outer world. Children born and brought up under such family guidance start understanding the functioning of the society and its setup in a better way. Hence, they are also in a better position to respect and acknowledge the importance it holds for the common man. And accordingly, they themselves also get accustomed to its ways in a positive manner. Sound fundamentals and intelligence ensure smooth functioning of the society which forms the base of a good and decent civilisation.

Children are the centre of attention of everyone’s desires and expectations in the family. They are also the basis of the achievements, recognition and honour of the family. Everywhere in the world, children are the basis of the whole social setup for whom we all struggle throughout our lives. There are two main concerns with respect to children. One is, their wellbeing and safety. And the other is, their psychological development. Parents and guardians work hard day and night to ensure a comfortable upbringing of their offsprings.

Birds and animals also undertake their responsibilities very well. Birds bring food in their beaks and feed their children with it. Man being the most developed species in the universe has the ability to feed their children as well as nurture them mentally too. He also ensures in the process that they continuously keep developing their abilities and knowledge further. Their abilities and competency enable them to take care of their surroundings and they gradually become an integral part of the society. Of what use is knowledge and ability of a learned surgeon if he doesn’t treat even a single person?

Knowledge and ability are developed to benefit the society at large. Each and every act of a person is influenced by his nature, habits and his way of thinking, which in turn greatly influences his family and children. He devotes his time, efforts and resources so that his children are far more intelligent, competent and successful than him. His children may not commit the same mistakes or face the bitter challenges of life, or they may not also lag behind due to any other shortcomings. This desire motivates him to work harder so that his children get the best of education and other facilities required. This enables them a fair standing in the society where they are recognised and respected.

A large chunk of our population is still engaged as farmers and labourers. Their poverty denies their children even the basic amenities and education. On the other hand, those who are prosperous feel a sense of pride in sending their children to English medium schools. Even struggling financially, many people belonging to the middle and upper middle class families have now started realising the necessity of good education which plays a major role in the mental development and competence of their children.

Over the years, there has been a dramatic rise in the number of high class educational institutions everywhere in the country. Children from wealthy families are enthusiatic in gaining admissions even in private play schools since their early ages itself. On the other hand, the government run schools are being considered as inferior by the society. Big private schools and educational institutions have become an industry in itself. Gaining admissions in such high class and expensive schools have become a prestigious issue among the masses. Here parents spend big amounts of money at the time of addmissions and later on, they have to bear all their other tantrums as, well.

The main objective is to keep the children well informed and updated in their studies so as to keep pace with the latest developments. But even after all such arrangements for the betterment of their children, parents are still worried and tense. More and more children are getting misinformed and misguided by the glamour of the cinema and fashion world. Its culture is prompting them into wrong habits at a very tender and innocent age meant for their studies only. Parents should adopt a more practical and mature approach towards this kind of menace and hence, ensure a bright future for their children.

Children born from the legally and socially accepted marriages are respectable in the society. They also form the basis of expectations and desires of their parents. It becomes the moral and social duty of parents to take appropriate interest in the proper upbringing and education of their children. Some children even get deprived from their due share of love and affection from their parents. It happens when there is a conflict or misunderstanding between their parents. Such children generally grow up and live with low self-esteem and little self-confidence throughout their lives.

On the other hand, there are lakhs of bright and genius children but their intellect often goes unnoticed. It does not get utilised due to their backgrounds and other living conditions. This is more common with children born to families engaged in numerous labour activities. These labourers are mostly working on daily wages and are often seen migrating from one place to the other. These are generally the landless farmers, construction workers, miners, etc. There are others also categorised as living below the poverty line or living in temporary hutments, etc.

Such children also start leading lives like their parents and disappear within the ordinary crowd. Thus, they become frustrated, and are a burden for themselves and their families. Gradually, they also prove to be an additional and unnecessarily created responsibility for the society and the nation, on the whole. Since neglected by their own families and left with no other choice, these children also get engaged in similar activities like their parents to make a living. Most of the time, they are also found to be roaming uselessly. Some of them even indulge in committing small crimes. It also happens in the absence of the availability of any work. Gradually after gaining some confidence, with maturity and the passage of time, these petty crimes further lead them into the trap of other heinous criminal acts. Their intellect adopts the wrong course and it becomes a curse on the society itself.

The intellect has its own understanding and its own psychology. It has to be observed as to how it is being applied. It can be used in a positive or constructive way or in a negative or destructive way. Like, a surgeon may use a knife in saving the life of his patient by performing an operation, or a person may use it for committing a crime like murdering someone or frightening other people. With regular practice, a person may sharpen his skills either in the form of some creativity like music, painting, designing, etc. or in robbing and troubling people.

Parents who have or are willing to have children also try to ensure the fulfilment of all the necessary facilities within their reach. These are necessary for the continuous progress and development of their children. Sacrificing and neglecting their own needs, parents are often seen involved in making various arrangements, in fulfilling the needs of their children. Their attention and desires are focussed only on the development and progress of their children. They consider them as a support in their old age, they want them to be capable as well.

Good understanding and a amicable relationship between mother and father has a very positive impact on their children. Ladies in the family also put in extra efforts in maintaining peace and harmony at home. They are often found to be engaged in keeping their homes neat and tidy. They also take up a job, etc. to enhance the collective earnings of the family. Alert and vigilant parents take due care of even the smallest of things of their kids. They try to eliminate all chances of having any kind of wrong effects on their children. Some people even avoid smoking or consuming liquor at their homes or in front of their children. Such acts generally have a negative bearing on children and they may also adopt these bad habits. Bad habits are never suitable to anyone whatever the age maybe.

The atmosphere in the family has a direct impact on the well-being of children. Whenever there are disagreements between couples or they continuously keep arguing, abusing and fighting with each other, children also start building up tensions and fear inside them. Many times, children are not able to convey their feelings and needs properly when they get neglected even for their basic requirements. They get frustrated, remain lost and unto themselves most of the time. They gradually become introvert, thus, living in a world of their own. Similar is the situation of working couples in nuclear families. Most of them are found not to be able to devote enough quality time with their children, which is a must for assessing their needs and providing time for togetherness as well as developing mutual understanding.

On the other hand, when a child is showered with more than the required love and affection, then also the results are not so favourable. This is generally felt in situations where a male child is born after several girls who were born earlier. It also happens in the case of the first child to a couple, or a baby born after a prolonged delay. In many such cases, freedom of children is highly restricted by their parents. It happens out of their own fears and phobias. Their upbringing is also not quite normal which greatly hampers their natural growth, learning and development of talents. In this way, they remain greatly affected due to many shortcomings for the rest of their lives.

The children’s intellect and talents also get deprived due to little or no personal attention in joint families. It is because there are several members in the family including children different ages. They all have their own unique needs, desires of and problems. There are also greater instances of confusions disagreements and altercations, even on minor issues, between the various members of the family. All these disturb the peace and harmony of the household which is the most important aspect.

Many times, financial limitations also emerge as a very big discouraging factor in big families. Sometimes, it becomes very challenging in allowing every child equal right and the luxury to have good education and other facilities. Frustrations and tensions of the elders gradually start affecting the normal learning process and talents of children. Many such children thereby develop an inferiority complex in themselves and they also begin leading a depressed life. There also erupts jealousy and hatred between the successful and the not so successful siblings endangering the love, affection and unity in the family. Gradually, with the increasing disagreements, the family members and the siblings start parting their ways in different directions.

In a small family setup, children generally get the devoted attention and involvement of their parents. The mother’s role is important as she is in regular touch and hence, more aware of her children’s needs. Such nuclear families are gaining importance and have become the new norm of the modern society. An enhanced difference in the learning ability is felt in children whenever they begin getting personal attention from their teachers also. This happens when the teacher also recognises their special talents and interests, and guides them accordingly in developing them further. With love, care and support, children can be inspired to upgrade their skills. But in the absence of such a support system, such intelligent children feel unloved, uncared and unprotected which demotivates them. It results into unwanted tensions and they further get frustrated in life.

Children get involved and start participating actively in their area of interest whenever they are inspired and guided towards it. It has been felt that even shy children become more talkative and begin to intermingle with others. Unhesitantly, they also start playing, singing, dancing, acting, etc. Some even move a step forward and begin working towards social and charitable causes also.

At such a stage, getting neglected badly impacts their desires and many of them lose hope forever. It is similar to plants and flowers also which become lively and more attractive when they are nourished with sufficient amounts of water, sunlight and good care. Abilities and competence of children increases tremendously after a boost of motivation from their parents, teachers, guides and other seniors. It encourages them to struggle and put in extra efforts towards their goals in an organised way. In this way, they are also able to overcome their regret of not achieving the top position whenever such a situation arises in life. Thus ,with their calm and persistent approach, they keep working towards their goals and achieve higher ranks as well.

Development of a child’s capability and competency is also influenced by his position among his siblings. He could be the eldest, the youngest or in between. Other than being the eldest child, the other two positions are generally more favourable and fortunate. The younger siblings tend to receive more love, support and guidance from their elder brothers and sisters, besides their parents as well. They are also greatly influenced by their elder siblings which in turn also offer them a chance to differentiate between the good and the bad since a very early age. Psychologists are of the opinion that children grow better in a proper family setup. It implants the first and the foremost intelligence and understanding to them. In this way, children start recognising and respecting the importance and functioning of the society in a better way.

Children start knowing about the relationships, its working and importance through a family setup only. And gradually, as they come in contact with other people, they get connected and start recognising the