Fair Warning: Why Real Societal Solutions Begin at Home

Preface

I’m a Generation Xer (born between 1961 and 1981). I’ve grown up as a teen of the ’80s and 90s. There is nothing reported about today’s youth that I’ve not been personally affected by.

I believe my life hung in the balance as a teen toward eventual success or toward a lifetime of failures and avoidable difficulties. Opportunities to do wrong seemed to engulf me constantly. I was pressured to sneak into a friend’s alcohol cabinet while his parents were away for the weekend when I was in the 4th grade. During the summer of that same year, my friend showed me his dad’s two-and-a-half-foot stack of Playboy magazines, which sat in the living room bookcase. In the 6th grade, my grandmother’s 14-year-old neighbor invited me to his bedroom to watch him smoke marijuana while his parents watched The Joker’s Wild in the next room. Between the 7th and 9th grades, I was offered cocaine, ecstasy, and LSD. Then I watched as one of my closest friends strung himself out on cocaine and dropped out of school for a year and a half. By the time I was 16 years old, nearly all of my male friends, except for myself and a few others, had lost their virginity. All around me was cheating, theft, and vandalism among schoolmates as early as elementary school. These activities increased as I went through my high school years. I watched violent gang fights at our campus every month. During my senior year, a member of my wrestling team was shot and killed in a drive-by shooting. One of the first girls I ever had a crush on, committed suicide the night of our senior prom.

These things took place in a lovely, suburban community in Southern California. I shudder to think of the stories inner-city youth can tell.

Now in 1997, at 26 years old, I’m the father of two beautiful daughters. Thankfully, my life has both purpose and direction. As a young man, I chose to walk away from the pitfalls that many in my generation fall into. Why? Why did I escape the trappings when so many others did not? What makes the difference?

The difference is in the home. There is a direct and undeniable correlation between what’s taught in the home and young people’s ability to begin making the choices that will lead them to inevitable sorrow or unparalleled joy. Many young people fall into the traps of premature sexuality, drugs, violence, racism, and laziness because they’re left to their own devices, void of wisdom, and without consistent love and direction from parents. In many cases, these experiences prove to haunt their lives for many years, even a lifetime.

Somewhere along the way, I began to recognize the wisdom of the Fair Warnings, which my parents placed before me. I crossed the bridge linking my parents’ rules and guidelines to my own standards. I was beginning to find congruence with the wisdom of my parents.

This occurred as I began to face the realities of life. I knew I needed and wanted to make wise decisions. Where would I go? What would I do for a career? How would I support a family? How would I achieve my goals? I found these questions, and their answers were far more significant than those of the years of trivial teen decisions. Now I could see I had serious choices to make concerning my life. Now I could see that life is a continual process of correcting our mistakes and gradually improving ourselves. I now owned the teachings of my parents, learned at a very early age.

There are countless unheralded Generation Xers and other individuals who have made that same resolve. And despite the constant, day-to-day difficulties of life, they’re achieving great things and are living beautiful lives. But there are many more who are not. They have not yet claimed their roles as true men or women but continue to linger in the now and squander their potential on the lesser, temporary pleasures of life. They find themselves in a state of disappointment and difficulty as lasting gratification escapes them.

Many of these teen-minded individuals are not just Generation Xers. Many of them are 40, 50, and 60 years old. Some of them are drug addicts on the street. Some of them are executives in major corporations. Some are your average, unassuming neighbors who defer their opportunity to raise exceptional children. They do this by allowing the media, schools, and peers to shape their children’s lives and become their most significant influence. These people are simultaneously unaware or simply not concerned that their most significant opportunities for real joy and satisfaction in life are swiftly passing by them.

Because of this, I decided to try and deliver a message, which would hit home and affect a wide range of readers. I spent over three years researching and compiling data on the family and society. I reviewed, outlined, and organized the crucial lessons I learned from my parents and my own experiences. I pondered over the perspectives and backgrounds of the many teens that I’ve had the opportunity to teach about living lives of principle. These experiences and thoughts about them were initially recorded on over 1,000 pages of journal entries throughout my childhood and young adult years. Fair Warning is the result of this effort.

(Original Book Cover of First Edition, 1997)

Introduction

FAIR WARNING: Parents’ commitment to teach and forewarn their children about the many dangers of life. Parents’ commitment to teach their children the virtues of honesty, hard work, humility, self-discipline, and service.

All children need and deserve Fair Warnings about what threatens them and about what protects them. However, often, they don’t receive them. I’m talking about head-on, crystal-clear lessons on how and why to avoid negative attitudes, dishonesty, drugs, violence, and promiscuity. Powerful lessons about how and why to develop the principles of kindness, honesty, frugality, self-mastery, and spirituality. These are some of the Fair Warnings that will carry them through their teen years and provide them with the ability to remain devoted to correct principles throughout their lives.

When parents neglect these Fair Warnings, the odds of rearing truly successful children radically diminish. The odds of raising children who continually make poor decisions in life significantly increases.

I recall the story of Roy Reigels, who, after recovering a fumble in the 1929 Rose Bowl and in a state of disorientation, ran the length of the field toward the end zone. Reveling in the crowd’s wild roars of excitement and unusually loud cheering, Roy was violently tackled at the1-yard line by his teammate. Roy was about to score for the opposing team! Being tackled was a valuable course correction for Roy’s side, no doubt. Yes, they had lost a lot of ground, but they still had a chance to start moving in the right direction again.

As we neglect to teach truth and provide Fair Warnings to our children, we’re not unlike Roy Reigels, who seemed to be experiencing the glory of his progress, only to be sorely disappointed when he realized his misguided efforts.

I remember when I dreaded taking my car to the shop because of the awful noises, which bellowed from under the hood. I was convinced that I couldn’t afford the needed repairs. Much to my surprise, after finally giving in to the howling within my hood, the mechanic reached deep within the engine and re-attached a disconnected valve. The cost? Only $20.00. This simple procedure eliminated the awful noises and relieved me of my haunting financial concerns.

Indeed, there are serious mechanical problems that occur despite our efforts to maintain our vehicles. But many costly repairs can be minimized or avoided through regular, proper maintenance.

We learn that small, consistent course corrections or maintenance will influence our children’s ability to choose a better course. Thoughtful course corrections will serve to motivate our youth to expect more of themselves. They’ll develop a desire to go forward as bridled, productive achievers rather than haphazard, aimless coasters.

I hope that my views and experiences will motivate readers to re-evaluate and deeply contemplate the critical role we have as builders of a great society. I hope to stir readers with factual information about these Fair Warnings, information about which most adults have long been aware of but may have overlooked in the rush of life. I hope that readers will come away from this book with a desire to dedicate themselves to being the best version of themselves.

This book is intended to serve as a starting point for readers to seek more education, information, and instruction about personal change and spirituality from good authors, teachers, parents, and leaders.

Gordon B. Hinkley had said, What societies need, above all else, is a strengthening of the homes of the people. Every child is a product of a home. Societies are having terrible youth problems, but I am convinced that they have a greater parent problem… He continued, What can be done? We cannot affect a turnaround in a day or a month or a year. But I am satisfied that with enough effort, we can begin a turnaround within a generation and accomplish wonders within two generations. That is not a very long time in the history of man. There is nothing any of us can do that will have a greater long-term benefit than to rekindle wherever possible; the kind of spirit within homes in which goodness can flourish.

We will experience true happiness and satisfaction in our lives as we watch our families realize joy and contentment rather than mere temporary pleasures. Most of us possess a natural desire to make a positive and lasting impact on the lives of those we love so dearly, our families. Let’s act on those desires. As parents, we are best able to warn our children about all that we know to be destructive. If we do this, not only will we make our own …Good Children Great, we will also become …American Heroes.

SECTION ONE:

The State of the Union

CHAPTER 1:

Pit-Bulls and American Society

Historically, we see that a nation can survive a multiplicity of disasters, war, invasion, and disease, but no nation has ever been able to survive the disintegration of the family and the home.

—Lucille Johnson

July 18th, 1997. It was a picture-perfect day in Laguna Beach, CA, only 11 days before my 26th birthday. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined I would be assaulted by a deadly Pit-bull and a demented Generation Xer that day.

I was relaxing. Taking a break from the appointments of the day and taking advantage of one of my favorite locations. I sat on a bench overlooking the world-renowned Laguna Beach cove. That day, hundreds of tourists and beach-goers were swarming about the beach, swimming in the surf, strolling along the boardwalk, eating lunch on the grass, and watching the heated volleyball and basketball games. I had an hour to spare and was taking it all in and had settled down with a good book.

Suddenly, my thoughts were interrupted by loud and ferocious barking. A Pit-bull was attacking a Siberian husky on a leash walking along with its master. I watched as the two dog owners struggled to separate the animals. The owner of the Pit-bull delivered several rapid blows to the head of his beloved pet while yelling at the top of his lungs. Luckily, the two men could separate them before the Pit-bull had a chance to sink its teeth beyond the husky’s dense