A Fix for the Family Rift Caused by Addiction

What Others Say:

There are those people who God brings into our lives to teach us how to be better human beings—Evelyn Leite has been that to not only me, but hundreds, possibly thousands of others. As a friend, a therapist, a mother, a sister, an aunt and a daughter she has been an invaluable example of strength, courage, compassion and understanding. Through her gift of sharing openly and honestly, she has taught us all about love, faith, vulnerability, fear, anger, perseverance, starting over, and most importantly, truth. She is the definition of one who not only talks the talk; she has certainly and continues to walk the walk. I personally cherish time spent in her presence. At many dark places in my life, God's light and love shining through her has been the beacon of hope I needed.

Cindy

Read additional testimonies from Evelyn’s clients . . .

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Evelyn M. Leite, MHR, LPC

A Fix for the

Family Rift Caused

by Addiction

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A Fix for the Family Rift Caused by Addiction

Third book in the Blood, Sex and Tears series.

Published by: Living With Solutions, PO Box 9702, Rapid City, SD 57709 Copyright 2018 © by Evelyn M. Leite, MHR, LPC

All rights reserved. No part of this manual may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information and retrieval system without express written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.

Due to the dynamic nature of the internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have been changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely the views of the author.

ISBN: 13: 978-1-7335409-0-2

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Disclaimer

This book is designed to provide information about the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher and authors are not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional services. If legal or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Every precaution has been taken in the development of this book to bring you accurate and up to date information. However, there may be mistakes both typographical and in content. Therefore, this text should be used only as a general guide and not as the ultimate source for improving family relations.

The purpose of this manual is to educate and enlighten. The author and publisher shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in this book. The author assumes no responsibility for any liability resulting from the use of the information contained in this book.

If you do not wish to be bound by the above, you may return this book to the publisher for a full refund.

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Table of Contents

Foreword

Introduction

You Can Endure or You Can Thrive

The Resolution is Not Simple

A Parent Willing to Grow and Learn Can Help

Be the Change You Want to See

So Many Problems Crying Out for Solutions

Parents Don’t Always Know They are Abusive

We Must Understand Our Children

Approaching the Children

Traditions and Rituals

Remembering the Past

Visiting Your Child with Guilt

Shame and its Consequences

Punishment Does Not Bring About Change

Inventory Your Relationships

Blaming the Friends

Resentment

Take Time to Learn About Self Esteem, Setting Boundaries, Detachment, and Tough Love

Resist Abuse

Communication is Vital to Good Relationships

Passive Aggressive Behavior

Share Your Feelings

Communicate By Listening

Attitude Makes the Difference

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

Avoid Negative Thinking

Develop Maturity

Feelings, Facts and Opinions

Communicate, Validate, Associate, Commiserate, Commendate and Touch

Develop a Healthy Family

Epilogue

About the Author

Other Books by Evelyn Leite, MHR, LPC

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FOREWORD

I’ve spent years in my own recovery from addiction and codependency and it has been necessary for me to learn the lessons of recovery the hard way. By working the twelve-steps of Al-anon and Alcoholics Anonymous, I found freedom from emotional and spiritual worthlessness. My perfectionism and a distorted reality caused by fear and avoidance, created much chaos and discord in our family. In the beginning developing a healthy family seems impossible, much easier just to pretend that everything is fine or place the blame on someone or something else. Even if there is no addiction in your family this book, will change your life.

God bless you and all your efforts.

Evelyn Leite, MHRLPC

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INTRODUCTION

Many parents adore their children and are completely frustrated by the difficulty of knowing how to raise them. Some parents come from families where an addiction to food, work, sex, drugs or alcohol was a dominant factor in their early family life. It is quite difficult to be a good parent if the parenting one received was abusive, neglectful, or careless or if a child was forced to raise themselves and sometimes be a parent to younger brothers and sisters.

And if parents who were raised in dysfunctional families then add alcohol, eating disorders, workaholism, or drugs (legal and illegal) following the example of their parents, to the point of becoming dependent on them for day to day survival they hamper any ability they might have to be a successful parent.

Parents can only give to their children what they themselves have learned and even though many parents swear to be better parents than the ones they were given, they will fall into the same traps and patterns as did their own parents. A parent can only give emotional support to children based on the skills available to them. Without the help of parenting classes, counselors, or healthy peers, they will end up allowing their past to control their behavior toward their children and toward all of life.

Many people recognize the vicious cycle of dysfunction passed from generation to generation and they may know it is not right without knowing exactly what is wrong. Some parents having experienced drinking, violence, crisis and/or neglect in their childhoods are determined to treat