Generous Kids

Section One

Giving on Purpose

How to expand your children’s view of giving and their experience of living!

Chapter One

Let’s Get Intentional about Giving

We are what we repeatedly do; excellence then is not an act but a habit.

—Aristotle

Nobody likes to be around a selfish kid.

Let’s face it. Every child, and that includes each one of us, comes right out of the factory with a selfish streak that just won’t quit. It’s human nature. One of the first words out of our mouths, at about age two, is: Mine! Unfortunately, this "mine set" follows many of us into adulthood. Fortunately, however, we are not completely selfish, for generosity is also very much a part of human nature. Our task as parents, then, is to bring out the hidden generosity of our children through good habits—both our habits and theirs.

So, how can we best teach giving? First, as parents, we need to practice what we preach. The fact that we don’t is a big part of the problem. Recognizing this disconnect between our intentions and our actions, we become embarrassed, and instead of doing something about it, we feel guilty and get sidelined. Our crazy, busy lives distract us from the authentic joy that accompanies a lifestyle of giving.

Yet, genuine giving feels great, so why don’t we do it? Perhaps we have forgotten what we learned as kids, or perhaps never learned. But then why don’t children, unburdened by all those adult distractions, give more? Because we haven’t reinforced that natural pleasure we all take in sharing. We haven’t, in other words, taught them the HABIT of giving. Yes, that is correct. Giving is a habit, and we can teach our kids how to give just as we’ve taught them how to brush their teeth, make their beds, and say please and thank you.

Whether we like it or not, much of what we do with our kids is sell them on doing things we believe are in their best interests. We sell them on eating their vegetables, washing their faces, saying their prayers, wearing a coat in the winter, and doing their homework. So why don’t we sell them on giving?

Just to make sure they would buy into it, though, we first collected some data to see what kids thought about giving.

Chapter Two

The Giving Project

It’s important to talk to children about making giving a habit rather than an isolated holiday activity.

—Dan Rice, World Vision

After a tsunami hit Southeast Asia in December 2004, we overheard several high school students who had participated in various fundraisers talking about the money they had collected. Though they felt good about getting involved, they wondered whether it had really done any good. These were the two most frequent comments: We gave, but I doubt it made any difference, and Yeah, it’s like all the community service we do is just another homework assignment.

We were amazed, and somewhat disappointed. We wondered— do kids really get giving? So, we created and sent out a questionnaire, The Giving Project, to approximately 1,000 students from three to twenty years old. We asked three questions of young people who were of various socioeconomic levels, different races, and a variety of religions:

What does giving mean to you?

Tell about a time when you gave and it made a difference.

Tell about a time when someone gave to you and it made a difference.

We noticed a couple things about their answers. There were some common misconceptions or misunderstandings evident in many of the answers, regardless of the kids’ backgrounds. For example, many described giving as something we do for people whom we regard as less than we are.

To give you one idea—once we visited a school in south Dallas where the majority of children there came from very low-income families. We started talking to the young children there, and one girl, about six years old, said she’d like to donate shoes to kids that did not have any. I noticed her own socks, shoes, and clothes did not even match. I was blown away that at such a young age, she recognized that there were people out there who needed shoes more than she did.

Also, very few students viewed such activities as listening to a friend or helping their parent cook a meal or set the table as examples of giving. Most examples, in fact, focused simply on giving money.

The lack of understanding of what giving is was displayed in the students’ answers. Some of the answers startled us. Some kids couldn’t remember