Quit While You Think You're A-Head: More Terrifying Tales of a Teesside Teacher

Introduction

Since my first book – what? You haven’t read it? Get yourself down to your bookseller now before all stocks are gone. In fact, there may be one or two residing in local charity shops, car-boot sales or school-fair jumbles (now, there’s irony).

I repeat, since the publication of my first book I have been blessed in meeting a number of ex-pupils, staff and parents. For some strange reason they were keen to see me and, contrary to widespread belief, not to duff me up but to say a cheery hello. Truly it was wonderful to meet them again, some after almost fifty years. Some were married and some have grandchildren so lying about my present age is now, quite clearly, totally impossible!

Meeting up with so many of them triggered off further memories so, by popular demand, another helping of Terrifying Teesside Teacher Tales is ready to be served. Running with the food analogy, these new revelations are not dim recollections – but may be not fit for human consumption or liable to give indigestion. Only time will tell whether they tickle your taste buds.

However, the demand for my first published ‘work’ has been such that I have bowed to public pressure and been forced to take up my pen once more and produce Book Two for my devoted and loyal – yet demanding – audience. Indeed, such has been the response that, to satisfy my discerning readers, I have ventured out of the school grounds on occasions in my second book. This is to emphasise that the terrifying tales did not confine themselves to within the school but also without, and also when I was a pupil. Yes, school Misses and Sirs were once pupils themselves. Wow, there are some I wouldn’t have wanted in my class.

Over the past few months since publication, I have been stopped many times in the street by my readers. However, following a brief struggle and apologetic words, I managed to wriggle free and escape their attentions.

Quit While You’re a Writer? Maybe, just maybe.

To close on a serious note (who, me?) I really have been delighted with the response to my initial appearance in print. Seeing your book cover for the first time with your name on it is quite a thrill but, hand on heart, meeting up with some wonderful, special people from years gone by has been remarkable and so much more rewarding. I don’t know who got the biggest surprise but I do know who got the biggest enjoyment. What a joy it has been to meet up with so many ex-pupils and to give them a hug. (My goodness, some of them have grown tall!)

When I met Dawn, the ‘superstar’ girl footballer, and her brother, Ian, the years seemed to roll back and there was so much to chat about. From the same era there is ‘Pally’ – Gary Pallister. Thanks for your time and the foreword for my first book. (The cheque’s in the post.)

Then there was Karen Bates, as she was then called, or ‘Katie Batey’, as I couldn’t resist calling her when she was in my class. She suddenly popped up with her mum and dad. No, I didn’t recognise her, but as soon as she said ‘Olly Owl’ I knew it was her.

‘Olly Owl,’ she said.

‘Katie Batey,’ I replied.

After all those years, Olly Owl was all the prompt that I needed. Karen, even at age ten, skilfully and beautifully illustrated a cartoon strip by hand. She did this week after week for our class newspaper, also produced by hand as there was no computer assistance in those days. The newspaper was displayed on the huge school notice board. The adventures of Olly were eagerly awaited by the school pupils and me each Monday morning. Karen produced the cartoon strips at home over the weekend ready for Monday’s ‘publication day’. Thankfully I kept one of these as a lovely reminder and have reproduced it underneath this introduction.

Then there was Pete Smith (‘Biffa’), the flying winger in one of my first football teams. He turned up at a book signing with his wife, Kath. He also turned up at my first wedding more than forty years ago, along with another boy in the team, Ranjit. As I stood with my bride on the top of the steps of Billingham Methodist Central Hall Church in an absolute downpour, these two little guys appeared soaked to the skin. They had walked the three miles plus from Norton to present us with the soggiest cardboard silver horseshoe on record. It was such a wonderful moment – they were guaranteed to be picked for the next match after the half-term break.

So many ex-pupils turned up at a book launch at Fens Primary School that I won’t mention them all in case I leave anyone out. I will mention two people, however. The first is Steve Smith, an ex-member of staff who missed the book launch (he forgot!). We met up later. Steve is such a talented musician; his extraordinary renditions of Elton John’s music were often played on the piano as pupils were dismissed from the hall following assemblies.

I would have given my right arm to play the piano like that. (I will resist the funny remark.)

The second was an ex-pupil, Craig Powell, another footballer, another flying winger with an eye for a goal. He rather embarrassed me by showing me a letter I had written to him when he left our school. Among other things was a reference to an outstanding display of wing play in a county-cup match away to St Peters School, Brotton, East Cleveland. Both teams had talented footballers but Craig had a fantastic game and outshone everyone on the pitch that