Slipping on Concrete

1

PRELUDE TO LIFE

Sometime in the sixties

Andrea pushed against the door a little harder to get into the bedroom she shared with her older sister Renee. Upon entering the room, she discovered the wet towel behind the door. Renee raced to close the door before it was wrenched wider than the width of sister’s slim frame. She stuffed the wet towel back underneath the door and locked it. Andrea looked at her sister quizzically.

Girl, what are you doing? It’s bad enough we almost got killed last time we tried smoking in the house. Your fast ass gonna get us killed again, exclaimed Andrea.

Look, this a new kind of cigarette. Mama and Daddy ain’t never even heard of it, Renee prodded her younger sister. Renee took a long drag from the cigarette-like substance. It looked like one of the homegrown cigarettes their great Aunt Effie used to smoke, sans the sweet-smelling aroma. This brand was out of the ordinary. Besides Mama and Daddy at the Lounge on 125th—they won’t be back until morning. Uncle Butchie having some kind of party or something. Andrea, still skeptical, walked to the window and checked the driveway.

Well, let me open a window or something ‘cause that shit stink!

Don’t! Then the neighbors will smell it simple ass. It’s natural and you can’t die from it and it makes you feel real good. Here take a hit.

You better not touch me.

Stupid, I ain’t gonna hit you…I mean take a pull, a toke.

Oh.

Don’t pull on it too hard like a cigarette or it’ll go straight to your head. Andrea took the small, tightly rolled white joint hesitantly. She took a long drag against her sister’s advice and immediately choked the smoke out through her nostrils and mouth.

Oooh, now what’s this called? she asked, passing the joint back to Renee.

I don’t know. Solomon passed it to me in the club last night. It’s a new kind of cigarette like I said.

Oh, you saw Solomon last night? He asked for me?

Let me tell you ‘bout that motha……

What about your friends?

I grew up with some interesting characters in New York. People I’ve met in my lifetime have told me that the stories I have told them about my childhood have to be false. Furthermore, the people do not exist. Well, you can make that distinction. Some of the people are real, some aren’t; some of the situations are real; some aren’t. But I did want to let someone know that we’ve been there, done that, and there is always a way. I hope you’re entertained, educated, and inspired. Most of all, I hope you remember your real friends. They’re the ones that God sent you. These stories involve Isa, Kim, and Sage three friends who lose themselves and find themselves again.

2

BOOK ONE: Beginning of the Fall

THE BEGINNING OF THE FALL

CHAPTER 1: JULY 1987

Sage

No one ever taught me how to be a friend. It’s something I learned through experiences. I learned what I liked and what I didn’t like and then one day I hope to pass those pearls of wisdom on to my children in a purposeful way. I had friends: Isa, Kim, Jewel, and Billie. However, I didn’t know how to be a friend or what to expect from one. I was just going through the motions. If it was easier to go along with the crowd then that’s what I did. I wasn’t different from anybody else in the world, but sometimes I wish I was. It takes courage to be your own person and at twelve, I didn’t have one cup. I did have a seed and I was going to grow that seed even though I didn’t know where to plant it. Finding fertile ground in New York City was impossible.

You African booty-scratcher! I will punch you right in your mother-fucking mouth! Dummy, hollered Isa, embarrassed.

You know, it wouldn’t have been so bad if she hadn’t been the one to ask me to do it. Isa asked me to find out if Cream, a very light skinned, skinny boy with a peanut head, mean streak, and a near genius intelligence, liked her. Only then was I supposed to say she liked him too. This was a very common scenario in our neighborhood—Concourse Village or as we called it--The Vill located in the heart of the South Bronx. Half of the girls in the neighborhood liked Cream. In fact, he had been a boyfriend to the majority of them as well. Isa was just the latest one to fall under Cream’s spell. Somehow the kung-fu grip he had on the other girls held no power over me. It’s not that he wasn’t cute; he just wasn’t my cup of tea.

Who are you talking to?! Didn’t you say you wanted me to tell him you liked him? I answered back in a voice mixed with fear and agitation. I didn’t like confrontations, had never been in a fight, and Isa was supposed to be my friend. It felt like everyone in The Vill was watching and listening.

Not until he said he liked me first stupid! Now he over there laughing with his friends and shit! Isa said continuing the insults.

With tears in my eyes, which I refused to let drop, I quietly answered.

That’s what I did. He was laughing because one of my braids slipped out in front of them. Isa looked at me as if she were trying to decide if I were lying. She rolled her eyes and started chuckling.

Girl, I was just playing! She offered. I just turned and walked toward my building on the Grand Concourse. It was only two in the afternoon in the middle of that hot July day. I had taken all I was going to take; my skin had already begun to thicken against the slights one grows up with in the inner city.

As kids often do, they home in on the one thing you feel ashamed of and exploit it for the world to see. I had never been ashamed of my Ghanaian heritage until that moment. Isa’s insult felt so much like a slap because I actually was African, and Isa knew it. Both of my parents were born and raised in Ghana and imparted in both me and my brother a strong sense of pride in our culture especially because we were born in America. But I felt like I always had to defend it. While Isa had added to my embarrassment that day, I saw something in Isa’s face that I would not see again until we were damn near adults: shame.

Isa

Sage where you going? I yelled.

Home! Don’t talk to me, she yelled back. Sage gets on my last nerve. I stood by myself watching her walk through the parking lot by herself. She always act like somebody doing something to her on purpose. She always be crying to make somebody feel bad. I do not. Me and Sage been friends since before ever. Then Kim got cool with us and then that’s the way it was. Sage real skinny with big lips and a little head; she dark-skinned and cute, but guys like me more cause I’m light and got long hair. She walking away like I’m gonna chase her; I ain’t. I’ma stay right here and talk to Cream. Don’t nobody got time for her bullshit.

I don’t like being laughed at. How was I supposed to know they wasn’t laughing at me? I can’t read minds. Kim, Billie, and Jewel looking at me like I did something wrong but they ain’t gonna say nothing to me. Matter of fact nobody ever tells me when I’m wrong. I get away with a lot of shit. I’m loud and mean and I like getting my way, but Sage makes me feel bad when I act like that. She’s my friend but I ain’t gonna change who I am for nobody. Cream walked up next to me.

Isa that shit was funny as hell, he laughed. I looked at him like he was out his fucking mind.

You crazy? That’s my friend. Don’t be laughing at her, I told him rolling my eyes. I hate stupid people. He turned red like a cherry Blow Pop.

Who you think you talking to?

I’m talking to you and if you keep on talking shit about my girl I ain’t going to be talking to you at all. Call me later, I turned around to Kim Billie, and Jewel, Come on ya’ll, walk me to my building. I have to go upstairs; my mother told me to meet her up there.

My mother didn’t need me. I wanted to go upstairs and call Sage and make sure she was alright. Even though she was crying she was kinda acting funny. She yelled at me and stood up for herself; that was new to me. She didn’t answer the phone and she wouldn’t come outside anymore. Sage wouldn’t answer the phone for anyone but Jewel. After she didn’t answer the next day, I was like forget it. I don’t kiss nobody ass. Next thing I knew, Sage went to go live with her mother in California; she was only supposed to be gone for the summer. I didn’t think I would see her ever again. I was meaner than ever.

CHAPTER 2: JUNE 1988

Sage

My brother A.J. and I had spent a year in California living with my mother. Living with our mother was hard. I thought it was going to be so much fun; I thought the gifts that she sent A.J. and I in New York during holidays and our birthdays and the summer shopping would be enhanced by living with her. She was so glamorous to me. I don’t think I really saw her for who she was; I saw who I wanted to see. When our parents divorced initially, A.J. and I chose to live with our father. I don’t think my mother forgave that act of betrayal. She never missed an opportunity to remind us that she knew we loved our father more than we loved her. It wasn’t true; unfortunately, we could never convince her otherwise. I believe her position on that took a toll on the relationship between me and her especially.

What I didn’t take into account was the fact that A.J. and I would be inserting ourselves into the life she set up with her new husband and his two kids. It probably would have been a better idea if she had spent one year getting acclimated to their new combination before my brother and I came into the picture. A.J. she adored. He was her prince and perfect, which I didn’t mind because I felt the same way about him too. Whenever it came to her and me however, we just couldn’t get it right. Then she came up with a bright idea. She tried to show me what a relationship between a mother and daughter was supposed to look like by holding my stepsister in the highest regard. Oh, look at Toni’s long hair and her breasts are forming nicely…look at how the boys look at her and she dresses so lady-like. To me, it sounded like, you skinny, flat-chested, bald-headed, boy-how is it possible that you are my child? Her plan to bolster my confidence by highlighting my stepsister failed miserably. I not only resented her; I couldn’t stand my stepsister either. After a few months of the arguments and the rivers of tears I shed, I tried to stop caring about what my mother thought and worked on my own self-esteem the best way I knew how: I went back to my father who loved me as I was. My mother actually looked hurt—especially because A.J. was leaving as well. In retrospect I guess she handled things the best way that she knew how. I just didn’t have enough in me to wait for her to get it right.

Kim’s high-pitched voice cut into my thoughts. "Girl, what do you mean you’ve never heard of Rob Base?! You lying! You ain’t never heard of It Takes Two?" panted Kim exhausted. Kim and I were walking to Isa’s building. Kim’s astonishment at my not having heard of the latest rapper and rap song to hit the East Coast was irritating. It was a constant reminder of

how much I had missed and how far behind I was in New York fashion, music, and slang. There was a bunch of us who grew up together including Jewel, Isa, Kim, Sienna, Donna, and Billie, who visited NY during the summers. But Kim, Isa and I were the closest of us all.

Kim was twelve, a year younger than me and Isa, but more ‘experienced’ so the rumors went. She was short and had light skin so in her mind that made her beautiful and popular and privileged—Isa was the same way. As with most spoiled children, she was often selfish and wanted her way. She was the youngest of three children by seven years and the only girl. Strangely, her personality was different from Isa’s. Kim was always nice to everyone and never did a thing to anyone out of spite. It was her only constant inconsistency.

Kim had spent the better half of the night before teaching me the Bus Stop, the Kid and Play, and the Benetton. These dances came like breathing to me now. Kim made sure I knew them perfectly. Kim’s fresh Jheri Curl glistened about her head as she worked my last nerve. I made a silent wish for her silence as I fingered the braids, I had done myself. I kind of missed my curl too, but it had taken my hair out. Kim and I were going to get Isa because Isa’s mother always thought she was up to no good. While that was true most of the time, her mother had no evidence to base that on. Luckily for all of us Isa’s mother, who we all called Auntie, thought my father was very strict with me because we were African. I did excel in school and was ever respectful, thusly, I was knighted the ‘good one’. I was living, breathing, ‘freedom papers’ for all of my friends. But really, birds of a feather flock together. We did everything together.

Isa’s pug nose and full mouth met in a pout. Her hair was a sandy brown with sun-bleached blond highlights and in her ever-present ponytail. She had small eyes which became slits whenever she laughed. She and Kim shared the same complexion, but Isa was chunky and taller.

Isa met us halfway to her building. When we got there Isa started the delegation of duties. Alright ladies, Isa began, Kim you go in 775 and me and Sage will to 779 and get the rest of the girls if they not outside, Always in charge.

Thankfully, Kim agreed. I needed to talk with Isa alone.

Kim was going to get Donna while we got the other crew members. I had always had some tension with Donna considering she tortured me as a child. There were so many times she punched me so hard it made my mouth bleed. She was just as tall and skinny as I was but her abrasive language and her eagerness to fight even boys struck terror in my heart. She was always so quick to temper and not opposed to making a scene. I wanted to let Isa know if Donna started up with her nonsense, I was out of there. I had no intention on fighting. I never really saw any point in it. I told Isa I was not brawling in the street. Donna was bad by herself but with a battery like Isa in her back, she was a ridiculous kind of mean. Isa was a first-class instigator and proud of it. By the end of the day, the speech I gave Isa was all for nothing.

Everyone except Donna was assembled outside by the time Isa and I came from the building. The smile that spread across my face was immediately erased when I saw my younger brother crying. My brother did not cry. He was a ‘boy’s boy’, so someone had to be dead or something to that effect.

A.J. what happened? I asked while trying to hold him still.

That stupid Donna hit me cause I wouldn’t give her my dollar! my brother shrieked.

Did she take your dollar? I asked calmly.

Hell no! But you know I couldn’t hit her back cause she a girl! But ooh! My brother was punching the palms of his hands and an imaginary target I assumed was Donna.

All eyes were on me. Funny, Donna hadn’t done a thing to me or spoken to me in over a year—probably due to the fact that I was living in California. The whole crew knew I was terrified of her. What they did not know was that A.J. was my kryptonite. I would kill for him and that was something no one had ever forgotten. I dried his face and gave him another dollar for his pain and suffering. He rode off on his bike with his friends with the assurance that I would handle the matter. I was his superhero like all big sisters are supposed be.

I marched over to Donna’s building and rang her buzzer. She wasn’t there—which I already knew but it was more of a gesture to show that I wasn’t afraid. Some of the girls were hyping me up ready to see a fight. The meeting we were to have was put on the back burner as I put out the word out that I was looking for Donna. After an hour she was still nowhere to be found and the eager crowd went about their business. I sat on one of the benches waiting for Donna to show up. I was silently seething. I didn’t know where my mind was. Kim was on my right and Isa was on my left. Both of them were begging me to reconsider what I was contemplating when Donna strolled up with the other half of the crew. Donna’s hair was a light brown to an almost orange, bleached by the sun and the inner-city pools. She had strands of hair struggling to stay in the slicked down ponytail on the top of her head. She was easily a size zero. But if there was any doubt, her tight jeans and short sleeve button up Gap shirt hugging her pronounced bones would make anyone a believer. She stood over me and sneered.

Yeah, I heard you was looking for me?

I stood up and matched her sneer.

Why you put your hands on my brother?

Cause I could, she said completely invading my space.

I clearly wasn’t moving fast enough for Isa because just as I raised my hand to slap the smirk off of Donna’s face, Isa pushed me into her. Donna shoved me to the ground. I went from zero to rage. I didn’t feel as if I had control of my actions. It was like I was outside of my body watching what was happening in slow motion. I jumped up and hit her as hard as I could in her jaw. I actually struck another human being with intent to harm. It was the last thing I remember. I came back to consciousness when I felt simultaneously Donna biting me on my ear and Yo-Yo, Kim’s older brother’s girlfriend, trying to release my hands from Donna’s throat and my knee from her chest.

Yo-Yo was a big girl; standing at a little over six feet and already built like a grown woman, I got myself together. The rush I felt diminished quickly when I came to the instant realization that I could have killed that girl and not have any knowledge of it. I didn’t know the amount of violence that must have been built up in me after being constantly been picked on. I always thought of myself as a pacifist. My bully lived to see another day; some were not so lucky. In a little less than ten or fifteen years there would be kids who survived attending Columbine High School who wished they would have cut school that fateful day and gone bowling instead. Donna’s reign of terror was over. I was never afraid of anyone else again.

The light poles had come on in Concourse Village. That was usually the alarm clock for the neighborhood kids to go upstairs unless we wanted to face our parents coming downstairs in a housecoat and slippers to drag us home. We were pushing the envelope hanging out thirty minutes past that point with the boys, minus Donna. We had just finished an exhausting game of ‘go, catch, and do anything’. For those not quite sure as to what that game is: It’s like hide and seek only you’re not supposed to really hide all that well so that the boys can catch you and do whatever with you. Mind you, back then, ‘whatever’ usually meant a kiss or being felt up.

I was always safe from the boys; my ass and breasts were not anywhere near as developed as everyone else’s, especially Kim and Isa.

Bilal, one of the chasers tricked me and Jewel into stopping our high-speed run. Everything about Jewel at age thirteen was full figured including her hair which cascaded down her back. She stood further back than I did, boring her coal black eyes into him with disbelief.

Look, stop running. I don’t feel like playing anymore. It’s too hot.

Bilal was a milk chocolate brown. His eyelashes were as long as any girl’s and his smile was only broken by the silver braces which adorned his teeth. He was tall for his fourteen years and had even begun growing facial hair. He stepped in closer smiling slyly.

I got a real-live Gremlin in my pocket. I’ll show you if you come here. Of course, we didn’t believe that he had a real Gremlin in his pocket. But since the movie had come out earlier in the year people all over the country were claiming that they had a real Gremlin. Most could only produce a hamster as proof. So, we dared him to show us his Gremlin. With a swiftness we had never seen before, he unzipped his pants, slid his hand in and pulled out the biggest penis we had ever seen in our short lives. We stood there mouths agape while Bilal posed and grinned.

You are so disgusting, screamed Jewel, Come on Sage. She had to pull me away because I was stuck. We caught up with everyone else in the playground that was in front of the main building. Bilal ran up and slapped five with the boys sitting on the monkey bars. We all walked over to the short stone wall which encased the playground. As we talked over each other I began to evaluate my friendship with Kim. She had always been oblivious and that always annoyed me, but that night topped the cake. We were all discussing and lying about our experiences with the opposite sex while snacking on Bonton chips, Now and Laters, and quarter waters (25 cent juices). Cream was asking everyone if they were virgins or not. He once went out with Kim and dumped her when she refused his sexual intentions. When he put the question to Kim, she was busy daydreaming about something else and completely missed the Q & A of everyone else.

Hey Kim, you a virgin? Never mind, I know you a virgin, he said with a smirk. But Kim, who had only heard a portion of the question and incorrectly at that, responded to Cream. She turned around and said with attitude and assuredness, I ain’t no virgin, I’m a Pisces! Everyone laughed except Kim, Cream, and me. Kim was so serious. I think only Cream and I understood the full extent of the ‘elevator’ saying and we were saddened. We both cared about Kim and felt the embarrassment she should have felt.

Kim

I am not dumb. They laugh at me because I say the first thing that comes into my head. I think it’s fun; they never know what I’m going to say and neither do I. I thought I was funny, but Sage and Cream looked like they was mad at me. I walked to my building when I saw my mother standing on the terrace. When she does that, I know that I better get upstairs before she sends one of my brothers to look for me. I sure don’t want that. The last time Creston almost pulled my arm out of the socket dragging me home. Chaz threw me over his shoulder the time before that. I don’t need no help being embarrassed.

My father died when I was little. I kinda remember him. I got a picture of him in my room. Me and him was at the park. I don’t know who took the picture, but Creston and Chaz say they wasn’t there because my father picked me up from the adoption agency and no kids was allowed. I cried for like the whole day until my mother got home. She slapped Creston and Chaz for lying to me about our father. The twins are seven years older than me, but they so stupid. They play tricks on me all the time. I wish I was a only child sometimes or that they move out.

I don’t really like talking about sex or boys, but it seem like that’s all anybody want to talk about. Creston got a different girl for every day of the week. Chaz and Yo-Yo all over each other all the time. I can’t help the way my body looks. I see how guys be looking at me different now. I see how my mother try to keep me in the house more. I try to act like it ain’t no big deal, but nobody talks to me about anything. My brothers tell me stay away from boys and my mother says I can’t have a boyfriend at all. What they say is fine with me because I don’t know what to do with them anyway.

Back when me and Cream was going together, he told me that if I wanted to be his girlfriend we had to kiss, and I had to let him feel me up. I was a little okay with the kissing. The touching was okay because I didn’t know if I liked it or not. But when he pulled out his thing and tried to make me touch it, I knew that I did not like that. It was all brown and skinny and moving by itself. No way was he gonna touch me and I wasn’t gonna touch it. I don’t ever care what people say about me. Cream told everybody I was a baby because I didn’t want to ‘do it.’ When his friends started teasing him that he couldn’t make me ‘do it’, he told them that we did ‘do it’. He told them he lied about it at first cause he was scared of my brothers. When Creston and Chaz heard about it, they didn’t even ask me if it was true, Creston punched Cream in the stomach and Chaz dragged me upstairs by my hair. My mother put me on punishment for April, May, and a little bit of June. I had too much time to think.

CHAPTER 3: JULY 1988

Sage

Our inner circle furloughed the girls in the neighborhood as the next month began our summer vacation, but our core was still the same: Isa, Kim and me. We picked up Nadia, Jewel and Sienna for the day’s adventures.

Nadia was statuesque even as a child. She was taller than all of us. She had a bad habit of hunching over when she walked and talked. She was a little self-conscious about her height. She had a beautiful smile and cute face. Her greatest attribute, however, was her high value for education. Jewel and Sienna both had beautiful brown complexions which never kept company with pimples. Sienna always wore her hair pulled back in a barrette at the nape of her neck. Jewel was a whole other case. Her hair was thick, black, and healthy and cascaded past her shoulders. Whenever her aunt did her hair, it was an all-day event. The washing, conditioning, blow-drying, straightening, and the braiding--by the time she was done, the light poles were on outside and Jewel was not allowed outside period.

Kim’s boyfriend was Mike Colorado-a skinny big mouth kid from the projects up the block. He fancied himself the leader of his friends. Nadia’s boyfriend was Jonas-another skinny big mouth, but his head was bigger. Sienna’s boyfriend was Jimmy; he was fair skinned with light brown hair and matching eyes. He had no problem letting anyone know that he was sexually active and engaged in the act in the most inappropriate places. His most recent conquest was behind I.S. 151, the local junior high school. My boyfriend was Willie. Jewel was very selective. So basically, at this time she didn’t have a boyfriend and I wish I didn’t either. I didn’t like the sloppy kisses Willie gave me and I was making plans to drop him the very next time I saw him. I was so glad he wasn’t there. I don’t think that I could have stomached making out with him ever again. I would have called his house, but the phone was disconnected. He lived in Mike’s building in the projects across the street from Concourse Village but that day we were heading to Jonas’ building: Vietnam.

It had every right to bear the same name of the once war-torn country. At least there were survivors in the country of Vietnam. Vietnam, South Bronx: where everyone was killed just a little everyday in the piss and