It’S Time to Look Inside: To See Yourself and Everyone Through the Lens of Magnificence

Copyright © 2014 . Pamela P. Dunn

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-2163-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-2165-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-2164-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014916592

Balboa Press rev. date: 09/26/2014

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Where Do We Begin?

Chapter 2 The Definitions

Chapter 3 Intention & Commitment

Chapter 4 The Four Basic Needs

Chapter 5 The Fears & Beliefs

Chapter 6 Step Aside – Observe – Change

Chapter 7 The Deeper Meaning Of Feelings & Tone

Chapter 8 Character Traits & Concepts To Master

Chapter 9 Components In The Paradigm Of Magnificence

DEDICATION

I dedicate this book, this dream come true, to my family and friends. I have learned something from each of you. You know who you are, and I am immensely grateful. Especially to my three sons; you are magnificent men, and I will forever appreciate you.

Thank you to:

My three sons for countless lessons of learning to be a better me.

All the people that have provided stories and situations, as well as being willing to move through those situations.

Megan K. for your insight and the title.

Erin King for your intuitive designs and encouragement.

Lesley H. for in depth editing and encouragement.

All the people that read and made suggestions.

Early on in my personal and spiritual development, I believed that there were only certain people that I could or should learn from in order to become a better person. I am not sure the exact moment this changed, but I do know that I am happy I changed! There came a time when I realized that I could learn from everyone I was relating with because in those moments, that is all that mattered. This expanded my listening, my ability to hear people and lessened my arrogance.

I know with every fiber of my being that when I listen, I can learn

how to be and how to support. Everyone has something to say that

is full of value, and this is true regardless of the way it is presented.

May your journey to look deeper inside yourself lead you to the discovery, the honoring, and the expression of your magnificence.

If you hang in there and practice the tools in this book, I’m confident you will experience yourself in magnificent ways.

Blessings, Pam

IT’S TIME TO LOOK INSIDE – to see yourself and everyone through the lens of magnificence.

CONFESSIONS OF A BULLY

by Megan Knezevic

I was just watching an entertainment news show about bullying. Several times during the show, celebrities, when asked if they could remember bullying occurring when they were younger, said, Oh yeah. I was bullied. How many times have we heard that? How many times have you heard, Oh yeah. I was a bully. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that. So do bullies automatically vaporize after high school? My guess is that if we all thought hard enough, we’d find those bullies closer than we want to admit. In fact, when I first began thinking of bullying, I remembered the times I was made fun of for being different. It wasn’t until further introspection that I remembered that I was a bully, too.

I can remember my first year of college, separated from my twin sister for the first time. It was our choice to go to different schools to find ourselves independent of each other. And I was terrified. I wanted to prove how much I knew myself but in reality, my only guiding light was the idea that I was too cool for my past and I was no longer a naïve, innocent, nice girl. I wanted to be edgy, to show that I didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought of me, when it was really the only thing I cared about. So I started bullying my roommate. It may sound like a jump to go from feeling insecure about myself to acting cruel toward another, but that was exactly what I did. One of my roommates, Stacy (aka the victim) had some unusual habits that made her an easy target for me. At first,

I was mostly inconsiderate; being loud while she was studying, that kind of thing. But it got worse. Once, after bombing a test, she put up post-it-notes all over the room, saying things like, Don’t make another big mistake and Failure is not an option. This really annoyed me for some reason. Best of all, my other two roommates couldn’t stand her either, so we would get together and talk about Stacy. I decided that something needed to be done. I now had an identity! I would be the person who would be mean to Stacy and do the things my roommates wanted to but were too scared or had too much of a conscience to do. Having a common enemy only strengthened my resolve to act like a jerk. So I hung post-it notes too. Mine were written in the same style and tone as her notes, only mine were hung up in the bathroom, and were directed toward her hygiene practices (or lack thereof). Stacy moved out soon afterward.

I was never caught for my cruelty. In fact, Stacy never confronted me herself. I never had to answer to anyone about my behavior but myself. Now, thinking about what I did with that experience under my belt, I can see this is when I made even more decisions about my new identity. I had shown myself that I was not the kind, thoughtful, sweet person that my mother raised me to be. I was inconsiderate and had the capacity to be cruel. I can now see how damaging that was to my psyche and to my incredibly delicate sense of self. I can see that it was the beginning of years of treating myself with disrespect and disregard. I wish I had

been caught. I wish I had been mandated to counseling. I wish someone had told me that my experimental behavior, although

not acceptable, did not define who I was. I wish someone would have reminded me of my worth.

      Pam at 8 months. A happy caged bird!

   "Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles,

      leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive

      at its destination full of hope."

      MAYA ANGELOU

CHAPTER 1

WHERE DO WE BEGIN?

When changing a paradigm