The Guidebook Collection of Transforming: Unlearning / Undoing / Creating: Series 1: the Groundwork (Preparation)

Copyright © 2015 Virginia Anne.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-5043-4221-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-4222-3 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 11/16/2015

CONTENTS

Preface

Introduction

Section 1 - Grounding Information (Before We Dig)

Child Emotions/Handling Emotions

The Divine

Emptiness

Forgiveness

Humility

Knowledge

The Law Of Attraction

Normal

Potpourri

Questions We Don’t Ask Ourselves

Running Away From The Pain

Words

Section 2 - Self-Starter Helpers (Making The Dig Easier)

Activities/Meditation/Yoga/Nutrition/Visualization

Becoming Self-Aware

Gratitude

Happiness/Joy

Love Ourselves/Accept Ourselves

Positive/Healthy Thinking

You Can Do This/Patience With Self

Section 3 - Obstacles And Barriers (As We Dig)

Addictions

Anxious Anticipation

Beating Yourself Up

Blame

Control

Defending The Person(S) Who Hurt You

Denial & Repression

Existing Beliefs

Fear

Guilt/Shame

Habits (Unhealthy Habits)

Identity

Jealousy, Bitterness, Resentment

Resistance

Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, No Self-Confidence, No Self-Esteem

Self-Punishment/Self-Destruction/Self-Sabotage

Suffering/Worrying

Your Own Mind/Your Ego

Section 4 - Helpful Tools (To Help Us Dig)

Affirmations

Pity Party

The Why Question Process

Therapy/Support Systems

Writing Your Feelings/Journaling

Afterword

About The Author

Lovingly Dedicated To:

Those who endured and endure mistreatment, trauma and abuse.

May these pages help set you free!

***

Alexandra

Your drive and determination is an inspiration.

I am forever blessed with the gift of a beautiful daughter.

***

Dr. Mary Kannankeril

What can I say?

My co-creator, my teacher.

The person who tore me loose from my nightmare.

I am forever grateful.

***

Lisa

May you acquire the courage to live fully as Lisa.

***

PREFACE

The Guidebook Collection of Transforming: Unlearning/Undoing/Creating came into being after I was forced to finally face long buried abuse/trauma from early childhood. Past memories surfaced and I started on a healing path which I am still walking and will be until my God calls me home. The changes I have made, how differently I think and feel today is opposite to the way I was raised.

I discovered that we can overcome what happened to us. We can fix ourselves. There are some of us so attached to our pain and misery, we refuse to give it up. We are so identified with who we are, the thought of changing ourselves is too terrifying for some.

I wrote these guidebooks to help those who are making inner changes and are expelling past or present trauma/abuse. I have walked the walk. I experienced firsthand what it is like to feel long-held repressed emotions for the first time. I know what it is like to live with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) that I had for over one year. I know how it feels to remember horrific memories. I know what it is like to have so many parts within all scattered and running amok. And how I integrated all my parts into one. The panic I have experienced is indescribable. The hurt, anger, rage, frustration. The rejection. The control tactics used on me. The brainwashing.

I also know how to be free of this long held prison sentence. I know how to process memories and be unattached to them. I took the steps needed to overcome the PTSD. I know what it feels like to be free. I know the unraveling of layer upon layer. We do not need to be a victim, we survived and we can thrive. Does this mean I am now perfect and free from everything? Of course not, this is a work in progress. The benefit, though, to walking this walk is how we become freer, wiser, and calmer, which leads to our ultimate goal. To be better attuned to our true selves, to live the being side of a human being.

These guidebooks can be used by all ages. They can be used by those who were mistreated, who were traumatized, and who suffered all forms of abuse. I am not promising you a cure-all or a magic wand. What I am sharing with you are ways to overcome trauma; and to see life through a new set of eyes.

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to The Guidebook Collection of Transforming: Unlearning/Undoing/Creating. This is the first of a series and is entitled, The Groundwork (Preparation). This first guidebook is a synopsis of information to help you get started. Many of the subjects I cover in this guidebook can be books by themselves. This first guidebook is to give you a flavor of information and some obstacles and barriers you may encounter on your journey. It also includes self-starter helpers and helpful tools. As the name implies, this guide is to prepare you for the road ahead by providing groundwork.

The topics will be discussed in greater detail in the subsequent guidebooks. The list of topics I discuss in this first guidebook was discovered when walking my path of healing. I thought it would be great to provide a reference for those walking their own paths.

Taking full responsibility for your life is a necessary first step towards your healing. Ouch! That may sting some at first, but it is the crucial first step. Blaming others is so much easier, but gets you nowhere. Another crucial first step is accepting what happened to you, whether it was being ridiculed on a daily basis, or it was extreme forms of abuse. We cannot change what happened to us, but we sure can fix it. Regardless of who did what to you, it is fixable; you can create the life you deserve. And until you claim your life as yours, and take control of it, no permanent changes can be made. And that’s what we want, permanent change, not a temporary fix.

So the question is, Do you want to do what is necessary to get rid of, for good, the anguish and emptiness that is present within? Have you ever wondered why you think and behave the way you do? Have you ever noticed your reactions or behaviors? We usually do not take notice of what we say, think or do. We do all these automatically like breathing. But we sure as heck notice what everyone else says and does, and we have plenty of opinions about it too!

Our current thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, and reactions are not etched in stone. Our brains are moldable. We can rewire our brains, we can create healthy new brain pathways. Who we are has become normal for us. The way we think, talk, act is done unconsciously. For some of us, we believe the way we are, is the way it is.

We take our lot in life as permanent. I can’t change. I was born this way. This is how it is, oh well. We have molded ourselves into unchangeable human beings. Our cells constantly die and new ones are constantly born. Our skin sheds, our blood is constantly moving, and our organs work 24/7/365. Our bodies are in constant motion of cleansing, ridding, and renewing. Life is all about motion: creation, endings, beginnings, rebirth, renewal, growth, and change. Why then, can we not create something new for ourselves, in the way we speak, act, think, and believe? Be willing to allow new opportunities for yourself. Fear is what holds us back, it is fear that keep us from becoming who we deserve to be.

For many of us, we were taught that our external image matters more than our own internal workings. That how we are perceived matters more than how you feel about yourself; you come second, your image comes first. So we concentrate on the external world and making that look as good as we can while the inner longings and misery are continually pushed down and ignored. Ignoring your pain doesn’t mean it goes away. It gets repressed, it gets pushed down, deep within. When something is ignored over time, it festers and demands attention. This repressed pain will try to get your attention by erupting in your external world through illness, relationship woes, less than desirable financial outcomes, a whole host of various addictions and obsessions, and/or whatever else that keeps you from living a life of wholeness and contentment.

You are not forever locked in your current thinking or behavioral patterns. You have choices. You can make changes. You may be living with unhealthy belief systems that you are not even aware of. You may be holding in your body, negative repressed emotions toward people and situations, and again you aren’t even aware of it. Or you are aware, but do not know what to do about it.

This guidebook series serves to show you another way to be. You can be a different person, a healthier person, mentally and physically, though it all depends on you. You must have the desire to change. For your outer world will not change if no internal changes are made. You cannot change if you hold the same beliefs, opinions, and thoughts, as you always have. As the inner changes, the outer changes automatically.

If you are reading this, you most likely are in some form of pain be it emotional or physical. The process of healing and recovery can be taxing at times, and painful, but it is a productive pain. It moves through you whereas your daily pain is stagnant pain. The productive pain you experience is freeing you from the stagnant pain you now live with every day. Instead of just suffering and living with pain, you will be moving forward and away from it for good. The productive pain you experience is temporary while the stagnant pain is not.

The process of getting to know yourself is actually an unlearning process, an undoing, a peeling away of layer after layer. You cannot add anything to an already full body; you need to empty it first. I have tried many ways of changing and to no avail. Saying affirmations, by themselves, worked for me on a limited scale. I did not first remove the conflicting belief that I held about the affirmation. What I was affirming I did not believe. By getting down to the details of my thought processes