Breaking Up with People-Pleasing

Copyright © 2021 by Aubree Henderson and Andrea Seydel

All rights reserved.

Published and Distributed in Canada by LLH Publishing Inc. www.andreaseydel.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonograph recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private use- other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher. If you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Henderson, Aubree and Seydel, Andrea

Breaking Up with People Pleasing\Aubree Henderson and Andrea Seydel

1.Non Fiction Mental Health -2. Non-Fiction-Self-Help-Motivation & Inspiration

ISBN: 978-1-990461-09-5

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1st Printing: June 2021. Printed in Canada

Editor and Proofreader: Lindy Bailey

Publisher’s Note & Author DISCLAIMER

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information concerning the subject matter covered. It is sold to understand that the publisher and author are not engaging in or rendering any psychological, medical, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counselling is needed, seek the services of a competent medical professional. For immediate support, call your local crisis line.

BE WELL

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION:

We’re recovering people-pleasers -

Is that okay with you?

PART 1:

SELF-AWARENESS

CHAPTER 1:

What is people-pleasing?

CHAPTER 2:

Why do we people-please?

PART 2:

SELF-COMPASSION

CHAPTER 3:

Why do I people-please?

CHAPTER 4:

How do I stop people-pleasing?

PART 3:

SELF-CARE

CHAPTER 5:

How do I please myself?

CHAPTER 6:

How do I thrive in my relationships?

CONCLUSION:

Where do we go from here?

BREAKING UP WITH PEOPLE-PLEASING

By Aubree Henderson & Andrea Seydel

DEDICATION

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For those who always put themselves last – you were made for more than keeping other people comfortable.

INTRODUCTION

We’re recovering people-pleasers -

Is that okay with you?

Maybe you have been told that people love you because you are willing to do anything to make them happy. Maybe people who are takers line up to date you. Even though you are busy, you may constantly get asked to be responsible for many things. You may find that saying no just leaves you feeling guilty or worse - worried you will not be liked, accepted, or loved. Maybe you believe that you are only worthy of love if you give everything to someone else, that if you love hard enough others will love you back in the same way. People-pleasing behaviour may leave you feeling frustrated, exhausted, and thinking you have zero time for yourself. As the authors of this book, and as recovering people-pleasers ourselves, we know how you feel. It feels great to be appreciated, loved, and accepted by others in our lives, but it can come with damaging effects. It can become exhausting, emotionally draining, and stressful keeping up with the demands of others. We know all too well the pain of people-pleasing. We are recovering (yes, still recovering!) people-pleasers. It is a work in progress, a journey to a healthier way of living - and we are here to show you the way. The good news is that it’s not too late; you can take your life back.

People-pleasing may not seem or sound all that negative. After all, what could be wrong with making other people happy? While kindness and caring are admirable qualities (practicing kindness has even been shown to promote our well-being!) there is a difference between people-pleasing and just being extremely kind to others. People-pleasing generally goes beyond simple kindness. You probably picked up this book because you recognize that you might be going out of your way and giving up your time and energy to the point that it is no longer comfortable. You may also still be unsure whether you are a people-pleaser - don’t worry! In this book, you will discover what people-pleasing is, if you are in fact a people-pleaser, how it might be negatively affecting you, and many powerful strategies to create boundaries, express your needs, and prevent burnout.

We both used to believe that being kind, agreeable, and accommodating would guarantee us to win the love and acceptance of others. We used to avoid conflict and difficult emotions to please others. We learned that some people were easy to please, while others drained the life right out of us. We both believed to our core that if we were nice enough to others they would love us back in the same manner and magnitude. All the while, we did not realize that we were afraid of being rejected, abandoned, or disliked. For each of us, it reached the point where our efforts to please others left us feeling depleted, empty, disrespected, and taken advantage of. You might be feeling the same - which is why you picked up this book! It became apparent in both of our individual lives that trying to please others - at times being successful, and other times failing - becomes depleting.

This book will share the lessons and strategies we have learned through years of trial and error. Within these pages you will find the tools, science, and resiliency skills you can use to finally break free from people-pleasing - the same practices that have been instrumental in our own healing journeys. Life can be more nourishing, meaningful, and sustainable when you stop the cycle and break up with people-pleasing once and for all.

Breaking up with people-pleasing can feel like an actual romantic breakup. It can be just as heartbreaking, emotional, and painful at times. It is also an excellent opportunity for self-discovery. It is easy to fall back into old patterns when we are in the discomfort that comes with growth, but we promise you that there is something better out there.

This process is a journey. We encourage you to be loving and supportive of yourself through this process. Sit back and be open to a more fulfilling new way of being, one that is empowering and full of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-care.

In this book we will walk you through some key questions:

What is people-pleasing?

Why do we people-please?

Why do I people-please?

How do