Immortality of Fireflies

Chapter 1

There is a special relationship between a woman and a mirror she faces, particularly at times she feels more than she’s willing to. But emotions are like that; they come on their own and they settle deep within us, paying no attention to what they might disturb or set into place.

Malina Gazia, officially known as Medina Talas since she became a protected witness at the International Crime Court, looked at the mirror one more time before leaving her hotel room. Her whole body shivered as she lied to her own reflection You’re fine, she said, nodding. So, you have some big news for him. He’ll be shocked, and then he’ll get over it. She shrugged, trying not to imagine how he might take the news. It’s been almost nineteen years since they saw each other, and now she has to face him and tell him that he has an eighteen year old daughter – the fruit of the one passionate month they spent together in war-torn Bosnia on the other side of the world.

And Sofia is already prepared for any reaction he might have, so nothing to worry about there either, Malina said, refusing to acknowledge the real reason she felt so wrecked, dishevelled and not herself at all. As she placed her hat with a large brim on her head, fixing it so she could see the world yet the world had a limited view of her, she took a deep breath, lifted her handbag over her shoulder and prepared her large black sunglasses to place them over her eyes the moment she left the hotel.

Malina knew exactly where to find Skyler O’Sullivan. He diligently updated his information with the Institute for Missing Persons. She knew this meant he thought she was dead; reasonable assumption considering that two months after the UN forces left the village, and Skyler was one of the UN soldiers back then, the enemy came into the village and wiped out the life, killing every living being and burning the whole place to the ground. Malina was not on the short list of survivors who miraculously made it to a safe zone, because she wasn’t with them. She watched the place burn from a safe distance. She left the village about a month before the massacre happened, i.e. a month after Skyler left, and only a week after her grandmother, her only living relative, died. Few months after that, while she was hiding in a strange, half-demolished house somewhere in the hills of north-west Bosnia, her stomach started to grow. Malina thought of everything except the possibility that she might be pregnant. After all, even her monthly period stopped from all the stress she was under.

The silly girl she was back then had to be stashed away, never to be thought of again. And Malina did not think of her as she walked down the sunny streets of Honolulu, let alone expect to become her. The heat was bearable; 40 degrees Celsius is noteworthy, but nothing to complain about. However, the humidity was sure to curl her hair more than usual. How will she look with a white-man’s version of an afro? More importantly, why does it matter what he will see when he sees her for the first time after all these years? After all, he left her, that’s all that mattered.

Malina welcomed the long walk ahead of her. She had the map in her bag just in case, but she felt she didn’t need it as long as she made it to Ala Moana Boulevard. After that it’s right into Punchbowl Street, all the way up to S Beretania Street, and then right. Washington Place should be on her right, just past the Eternal Flame memorial. SHARC headquarters were in the Lily building, an architectural marvel built for the purpose in a carefully chosen location. When the Governor of Hawaii, Kaila Kona, first proposed her plans, there were many objections; some quiet and polite, others loud and fierce. Washington Place was the scene of the great drama the night the last monarch of Hawaii Kingdom was arrested. For some people it was still a sore wound. But Kaila felt she could nurse the wound even if some thought she was making it worse. She was calm, patient and persistent until her people realised that she was sensitive to their feelings, and wise.

Lily building; that’s where Skyler worked, and that’s where Malina thought would be most appropriate to approach him; her purpose was too personal for a phone call, and yet they were not close enough for a house visit. Besides, the name of the building provided Malina some comfort. Lilies were the symbol of her homeland, and in this far away land, having something to connect to, made her feel like she wasn’t completely out of place.

She walked slowly to her destination, under the clear blue sky on which the Star of Life sailed peacefully. She admired the sights along the way, taking note of the street names. While she could never understand the fascination with royalty, considered monarchies as an outdated form of governance, and the fairy-tales as a form of propaganda from which she protected her own daughter, she couldn’t help but wonder if people of Hawaii felt the same considering how many streets were named in honour of royals. And then a street called Likelike made her smile. She could have wandered into the street, but instead she chose to imagine what a street called Likelike would look like until she found herself looking at a Greek-like white structure, Eternal Flame memorial, signs for Hawaii Department of Human Services and Honolulu Theatre for Youth. The Lily building stood on the main street, like a guardian of Washington Place. Malina had her back to the Government buildings on the other side of the road, paying no attention to them, as she carefully approached the car park of Lily building and looked at the wide entrance on top of the stairs as if she was looking at something out of this world. She walked even slower, imagining herself climbing the stairs, and then she heard a voice that stopped her breathing. She listened closely, looking through the narrow space between the top of her black sunglasses and the edge of the brim on her hat at two men walking towards her.

It was him. She was sure of it. He looked older; the boy became a man during the years she hadn’t seen him, but his husky voice still had that tone, the underlying deep murmur that always reminded her of ocean water swirling between cliffs. While she thought that wrinkles and grey hairs made him look handsome, she knew they don’t happen out of pleasure. He was only three years older than her. What happened to his heart to leave such a deep impression on his skin?

Skyler was bickering with a man, light, floppy hair, wide shoulders and shorter than him. Malina barely caught a glimpse of Skyler’s blue eyes before she turned and pretended she was digging for something in her handbag. She couldn’t have seen them. He was too far away. She knew she couldn’t have seen his eyes, yet she did see them. She saw them as clearly as she did that warm September in 1994, in a different life. They were the mystery she wanted to discover, an enigma she wanted to solve. She was plunged back in time, to green hills, narrow, steep roads, and one ripe pear that fell on his head. She laughed at the shock on his face, as he held his palm on top of his head, looking up in wonderment at a tree that threw such a punch at him. By the time he looked at her, she was bent over with laughter. There he stood, a soldier on duty, smiling at a woman who couldn’t catch her breath. She kept pointing at him and laughing. The pleasure in his eyes was undeniable. She wanted to stop laughing, but she couldn’t especially when she realised that he didn’t mind.

Malina pulled herself back to reality. She wanted to understand what was happening. His eyes should not have had that effect on her. Sofia inherited her father’s eyes, and Malina has looked at them many times, every day, for the last eighteen years.

And it must be just a coincidence, right? The man with Skyler said, waving his arms in front of him, approaching a black, large car just behind Malina. The man stopped by the passenger side.

Malina tried to look at him over her shoulder, but all she could see was blond, floppy hair and wide shoulders peering over the top of the car.

Look… Skyler began, his voice coming from the other side of the car, but Malina couldn’t get a glimpse unless she turned and she considered that move too risky.

No, no, no… You look… The man with Skyler said, but Skyler interrupted saying that it’s fine, and it was all just a big ploy against you Larry. Malina felt strange pleasure for knowing the man’s name, even though Skyler clearly did not mean what he said. The tone of his voice was a mixture of mocking and irritation.

For a few moments neither of the men spoke. Then Skyler’s voice again: What? What is it now? Why are you looking around like that?

I don’t know. I feel like we’re being watched, Larry said, sending a shiver through Malina. She didn’t know if she should confess or just continue to search her bag and see how things play out. She took out her map and pretended to study it.

Skyler let out an agitated moan Just get in the car! he said and then slammed the car door. Larry soon followed. They drove off leaving Malina in cold sweat which she considered impossible in such heat.

As she stood at the entrance of the Lily Building she reconsidered her initial plan to go in and ask if she can speak to Skyler O’Sullivan. Clearly that was no longer a valid plan, yet she had no other. What will she tell Sofia? She couldn’t tell her the truth. Mothers of practically grown daughters are not supposed to lose their mind like she had just done. Luckily, Sofia did not expect them to meet right away. Malina went through the entrance doors in front of her and asked one question she already knew the answer to. Can I have Skyler O’Sullivan’s personal phone number? she said nonchalantly.

The receptionist looked at her, paused and then said, I’m sorry, but we do not give out that kind of information.

Malina walked out happy with that since she had a response for her daughter that was not a lie. I went in, asked, but they couldn’t help me. Never mind, I’ll just have to stalk the place. Malina had grown exceptionally good at sugar-coating the truth. What else can a young mother do when her six year old daughter asks about her grandparents and the truth is too brutal? The young mother is forced to become creative, tell the truth in such a way that it will not scar the child for life. Over the years, Malina had simply accepted that as her way of life.

The next day Malina felt more confident and she was certain that that was the day she and Skyler would meet again. On her way to the Lily Building she decided to stop for a coffee at a rustic looking food shack by the beach. A number of picnic benches scattered in front of the shack were occupied, giving the place a lively atmosphere even though it was barely eight o’clock in the morning. As she sipped her coffee, Malina turned her whole attention to the amply named ocean, Pacific. There was something so pacific about it. Perhaps it knew its power, yet it wasn’t corrupted by it, it did not bother to exercise it. Rather, the ocean stood as a guardian; calm, at peace with itself and the world. Perhaps if power did not corrupt, the whole world would always be like the Pacific Ocean. But power did corrupt and Malina’s mood turned sour as she thought about humans who were corrupted by power and how much harm they do, how much potential they waste.

Makana! Skyler’s voice snatched Malina out of her thoughts. For a moment she thought she imagined it. Makana! What’s the hold up, man?

Malina turned her head to make sure her ears were not playing a trick on her. It was Skyler. He sat with two women and a man, not Larry, at one of the tables.

Coming, bro, a large man wearing an apron shouted from the window of the shack.

Malina’s cup was almost empty. She was about to leave and look for him. Meeting him there was not what she imagined. That was not what she prepared for. She considered taking the opportunity, but he was sitting with three people, clearly discussing something important and having his breakfast. Malina decided that that was not a good moment, so she sat facing the Pacific, her back turned to him until he left.

That day and the following day she saw him four times, but each time it didn’t seem like the right moment. However, her time in Hawaii was limited and quickly running out. She had to take one of the moments and impose on him no matter how rude that might make her seem. She had to do it for Sofia. Besides, Larry was getting increasingly certain that they were being watched no matter how well Malina hid herself.

Chapter 2

Luckily, the top floor of the Lily building buzzed rarely because that was a sign that something truly bad had happened and the reservists had to be called in from the Big Island, where the SHARC (Safe Hawaii – Agents and Reservists Cabinet) had a recruitment and training base. On most days, the third floor, the headquarters of SHARC, was calm with the seven agents working in their offices or at the central workstation solving a case. Skyler O’Sullivan was their commander and chief, reporting directly to the Governor, and in return enjoying perks and privileges not afforded to anyone at the Police Department.

Skyler was the only child of Timothy O’Sullivan, an Irish man who came to Hawaii on business over forty years ago when he met and fell in love with Jane Broadhurst. Tim knew he’d never leave Hawaii the moment he saw Jane. She was like a breath of fresh air in the sunny part of the world. She made the picture completely perfect. No amount of nostalgia was going to pull him away from her. Unfortunately, she did not feel the same. Being his ten-year junior, she longed for the world. Unable to tolerate the longing, she left her husband and seven-year-old son with a cold note: Don’t look for me. In the innocence of childhood Skyler hoped she’d return. Initially, the hope burned every day, all day. He expected her with every sound. But one disappointment after another, the disappointments soon piled up to unbearable proportions. He had to force himself to stop hoping. He was only eight when he learned to talk to himself and take conscious control of how he felt. The hope would still creep back on birthdays or at Christmas. But, when even that turned into disappointment, Skyler stopped hoping she’d return. Sometimes he’d allow himself to hope for a phone call or a letter, especially when his father was killed in a car accident. Skyler was sixteen and considered a minor by everyone but his mother, or so it seemed. His father’s funeral was big. Tim was a good man who enjoyed helping others. When the news of his untimely death came, it seemed the islands united to see him off to the other world. For Skyler, only one person mattered, yet she didn’t show; she let him stand there to be comforted by complete strangers.

After his father’s death, Skyler was put in touch with his only living relative, an uncle who still lived in Ireland. Jack O’Sullivan was a man with seven children, two divorces, a marriage in trouble, and a drinking problem. Skyler thought he had only one option: join the Army. He lived with a neighbour for a while, feeling like a burden and counting the days to leave.

At the age of nineteen he was deported on his first mission to a war-torn Bosnia as a member of the UN peacekeeping troops. While everyone on his team said their goodbyes to their relatives, Skyler took his time to pack and slowly made his way to the aircraft. On his third day in Bosnia, the locals were having some kind of a gathering, a celebration of sorts to lift up the spirits. The UN forces were invited and Skyler was among those who went. That’s the first time he saw Malina; her long, thick, curly, brown hair braided into a plait that hung over her shoulder, down her torso. She spoke English fluently with an accent Skyler had never heard before. Her voice was as gentle as the look in her sparkly brown eyes. When his buddies told him about Malina and how she collected her mother’s parts after they were torn off by a landmine, Skyler couldn’t believe that such a gentle creature could endure something like that. That was the first time he felt glad his mother left. The distance between him and his mother was a guarantee that nothing like that could ever happen to him. But it also made him more attracted to Malina than he ever thought possible. Everyone assumed that it was her dance moves, which were noteworthy, that attracted Skyler. He never told them the truth, yet he listened to all the advice they gave him.

It took her a while to notice him. She spoke to a guy named Will often about the problems that the local population were having, particularly about being disarmed. The UN disarmed the local population under the arms embargo rule. However, the local population feared that the UN would not protect them in case of an attack. They claimed that being disarmed was equal to being sentenced to death. Right and wrong were irrelevant. There was no argument that people could bring up to change the circumstances. Decisions were made far away from there, in some lofty buildings, somewhere in the world, and they had to be respected. Malina often acted as a translator. For herself, she just wanted insulin. Her grandmother needed it. The UN was relatively happy to provide that.

Skyler looked for opportunities to meet with the locals. He knew she’d be there. First time she spoke to him he felt close to her, like he knew her. And it wasn’t difficult to get to know her. She was open and brutally honest to a fault. Lesser man might have been insulted, but Skyler often laughed at her views and opinions of his buddies and the situation, and anything else that just came to her. She told him how she studied ballet before the war and how much she loved to dance. She’d twirl as they walked the steep, narrow streets of some village somewhere in the hills of north-western Bosnia. One night, just a few days before Skyler was scheduled to leave, they found themselves escaping a sniper fire from a nearby hill. As they ran, they fell and rolled down a hillside, through tall grass. To his surprise, Malina found this hilarious. He grabbed for her in the pitch darkness to check if she was alright. Next thing he knew he was lying on his back, breathless, zipping up and looking at the dance of fireflies all around them as if they were teasing the stars.

The night before they parted, while he was holding her hand, she said, Take me with you. He didn’t reply, but he didn’t need to. She saw it in his eyes. She pulled away and whispered, Best of luck to you, turned and went back home, feeling humiliated and crushed. Part of him hated her for ruining that perfect night. Why did she have to ask him that? Another part of him wanted to say goodbye to her. Perhaps wish her good luck. But he never saw her again.

Six months later he learned that the village was attacked only two months after he and the UN forces left. He hoped she survived, but like all his hopes this one too was doomed to cause heartache. Her name was not on the list of survivors.

Are you sure she was in the village at the time? the woman at the Institute for Missing Persons asked.

Skyler looked up at her. He wanted to say, No, I’m not, but he couldn’t. She was there. That’s where he left her. If he hadn’t left her there, then she wouldn’t have been there. And if she hadn’t been there, she would have been alive.

He went back home to visit his father’s grave. He needed to visit someone’s grave. Leaving her to death was one thing, leaving her to the kind of death where the deceased does not have a funeral or a grave was infinitely worse.

Time went on. Skyler was never cured, though he learned to live with the guilt and shame that he kept to himself. He met and dated a few women, and in all the years he had only one serious relationship. It didn’t feel the same as it did with Malina, but then only youth can afford such deep, passionate feelings.

He sat in his office catching up on paperwork when he received a call from the captain of the Police Department to inform him that there’s a serial killer on the loose. Two bodies were discovered in two days, both in small alleys in the town center, both shot in the back with the same gun. The victims had nothing in common, except that they were both tourists from the mainland.

Skyler called the team and gave them tasks to get on with.

Larry, you’ll come with me to the crime scene, Skyler ordered and the team went on with their tasks.

Larry, Leonardo De Luca, was born and raised in New York to an Italian family. Though his mother would never consider herself intrusive, his wife Suzanna would beg to differ. Larry came to Hawaii in an attempt to save his marriage, and stayed because one day leads to another and before you know it years pass by. When years pass by, a person inevitably gets attached.

They’ve been talking again, Larry said in the lift.

Who has? Skyler asked.

Suzanna and my sister. I don’t like it, Larry replied.

If he was expecting understanding and sympathy he was complaining to the wrong person. Skyler tried to make a case that his wife and sister being in touch is a good thing, but Larry was convinced that something was going on and that he should be careful, prepared for a visit to shite-shire. The more Skyler tried to argue that there is nothing to worry about, the more Larry argued that there is plenty to worry about. By the time they walked to Larry’s car which Skyler drove out of habit, Skyler was prepared to give up the argument and simply agree.

And it must be just a coincidence, right? Larry said, referring to the time that his wife and sister last communicated. He ended up going to New York taking a bag of pineapples and taking back some face cream that could not be sent by post. To make matters worse, there was a snowstorm and it took Larry four days to get back to Hawaii.

Look… Skyler began, remembering that episode as a funny anecdote.

No, no, no… You look… Larry hated that his pain was trivialised.

Okay, okay, fine. Fine. You win. It’s all just a big ploy against you Larry. They are vicious, Skyler said, standing by the driver’s side, waiting for a response, but Larry seemed confused as he looked around.

What? What is it now? Why are you looking around like that? Skyler asked.

I don’t know. I feel like we’re being watched, Larry said, looking around to confirm his instinct. Failing to see anyone except a woman in a white dress, large hat, with her back turned to them, looking through her own handbag, Larry had to accept the possibility that his instinct might be wrong.

The following day another body was discovered, and the day after that yet another. Each time the crime took place in a small, deserted alley just off the busy streets of Honolulu. The victims had nothing but the way they died in common. The team was running out of places to look.

Their usual place to meet and get something to eat was Makana’s Shrimp Shack. Daylight was fading by the time Skyler and Larry made it to Makan’s to find the whole team there, eating in silence, each one in their own thoughts. To commit the perfect crime was one thing, to keep committing it was something else altogether, and everyone felt the burden of responsibility to stop these murders.

Skyler called out his order to Makana and tried to take a moment to calm his thoughts. But, instead of calm, his face turned to stone. He seemed pale and breathless, staring at something. Everyone turned to see what Skyler was looking at.

Who is that? Larry said looking at Malina, who was looking back at Skyler.

I’m not sure, Skyler whispered, getting up.

Chapter 3

Though she sat in an idyllic image of serenity, with the Sun gently drifting into the ocean behind her painting the water crimson, creating a shadow over the bright colours, turning everything into a dusky, sleepy version of itself, Malina felt a great disturbance with each step Skyler took towards her. He never took his eyes off her. He stared at her sternly, without a need to blink. His steps were determinedly geared towards her. He stopped on the other side of her table, still looking at her, still not blinking. She nervously bit the inside of her cheek, waiting for whatever response he might have.

It is you, Skyler said, taking a seat across from her, unsure if he trusted his own eyes.

She nodded, smiling. Yes, it is me, she replied in almost a whisper. Any other time someone asked her that, she would have replied who else could I be, but the snide remark didn’t cross her mind that time.

Skyler saw her surrounded in a tsunami of images that rose from the ashes of memories; the refugees, the uniforms, the explosions, the blood, the screams… You’re not dead? he said, frowning.

Malina’s eyes popped wide open. That was just the kind of stupid question she needed to remove her anxiety. She laughed as she touched her face. No. No, she said. I can honestly say I have never been dead in my life. Seeing the frozen look on his face she continued, You’re not seeing the dead. You’re alright. I came here on an aeroplane; ticket, passport, visa, everything. If I were a ghost, would I have all that?

Her attempt to help him relax failed. Skyler remained sitting motionlessly, his face frozen with shock I mean… he began but stopped, remembering the time he filled in a form at the Institute for Missing Persons requesting to be notified if her remains were ever discovered. He remembered the feeling of guilt that changed him forever. This was one ghost that had the right to haunt him and hunt him. And in the name of justice, she really should. But she’s not a ghost. He spent years bracing himself for an attack from a spiritual being, yet she was right there in front of him, flesh and bones.

What are you doing here? he asked unsure why he said that. It sounded like a completely wrong sentence. Yet, there it was.

Well… I am here on holiday. With… Well… Err… With our daughter, Malina said quickly and then took a deep breath to brace herself for his reaction.

Our? Skyler asked, leaning over the table between them.

Our, Malina replied, feeling a little relieved that he didn’t seem so shocked anymore.

What do you mean our daughter? Skyler asked to clarify.

Oh… Well… I mean our as in mine, Malina said pointing at herself, and… she couldn’t say it but she hoped gesturing would be enough.

Mine! Skyler sat back pointing at himself, expression on his face a mixture of shock and confusion.

Malina cringed. She did not intend to spook him like that, but all she could do is wait patiently for him to speak. For a moment she worried that the silence might last forever. He was looking at her as if he was looking through her. Try as she might, she couldn’t predict what he’ll say.

How? Skyler eventually said, shaking his head.

Malina was surprised but she gathered herself quickly and said, Well, we had sex, I got pregnant. I gave birth, we have a daughter. It’s a miracle, but it’s not a mystery. She shrugged. Clarifying anything more complex than this was out of the question at the time.

That was… It was like twenty years ago, Skyler said, lost between what he wanted to know and what information Malina gave, without a clear view of either.

Almost nineteen, Malina corrected him, nodding. In fact, she had her eighteenth birthday last month. Malina pointed behind her as if the month of June lived in the Pacific Ocean.

Skyler looked like he was in a world of his own. And he was. His mind took him down memory