Raw: An Asian American Narrative

Copyright © 2021 Natalie Y. Ahn.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-6632-2392-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-2391-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021919155

iUniverse rev. date: 11/19/2021

Contents

Preface

2020

Swans In Glass Jars

Homesick

Love

Do We Feel The Same Fear?

A Day With Me

Dear Heart

Letters To Loved Ones

Yearning

Glass People

United We Stand, Divided We Fall

A Hand For Holding

The Perfect Game

Hope

Let’s Be Beautiful

Cry For Me

Freezer Burn

Seventytwo Hours

Red Roads

The Gallows

Vows

Fragments

Fountain Pens

Citizenship

Dear World,

Falling Down The Rabbit Hole

Masterpiece

Pretty Girls Don’t Cry

Battleground

Would You Like That Gift Wrapped?

Heroes & Villains

Catharsis

Scream!

I Kept My Integrity; Where’s Yours?

My Mind Feels Like It Was

Made For Losing

Unyielding

Cabin Fever

Why Don’t You Ever Listen?

A Simple Thought:

A Lovely Skeleton

The Empress And The Fool

When We Close Our Eyes

A Two-Person Job

Shelter

Disappointment

When I’m Gone

These Are Just Words

The Color Green

Fever Dreams

Premature

Hallowed Ground

Author’s Note And Acknowledgments

Heights

Puzzle Pieces

A Lover Of Language

Alpha Female

A Road Less Travelled By—The One

No One Likes To Talk About,

Leading The Blind

Imposter Syndrome

Ventilators

Ostentation

For all the special people in my life who have made this

journey possible—I love you for who you once were,

for all you are now, and for all you will come to be.

RAW

Naked

Vulnerable

Unadulterated

Bloody

Toxic

Lethal

Stripped down.

This is what life has come to.

Preface

Here Is My Beginning,

Head down, sunglasses and mask on, baseball cap pulled low, I grabbed what was on the grocery list from my mother as quickly as possible. My father’s voice echoed in my mind as I sped through the produce section. Don’t stay longer than you have to.

The first wave of the pandemic back in March 2020 brought Asian xenophobia into full throttle. Even in my small Caucasian town, I was noticing strange interactions. Whether it was the disapproving shake of a head or a full-on racial slur, it incited fear in