ish: The Problem with our Pursuit for Perfection and the Life-Changing Practice of Good Enough

INTRODUCTION

The first bit

How often while you’re working on a task or project have you thought ‘It’s not good enough’ or ‘I couldn’t share that; it’s not finished yet’?

We often have this belief that ‘it’s not ready … yet’. Yet.

Whatever it is we want to do with it – share it, send it, ship it, sell it, show it … or sometimes, to simply tell someone about it – we think there’s still work to be done to make it ‘good enough’.

This is because we’ve been brought up with cultural, societal and social expectations that place great value on achievement, success and excellence. Striving for perfection is something we’ve been encouraged to do for most of our lives.

We hear sayings like:

the meal was cooked to perfection

the music was pitch perfect

picture perfect

and of course:

practice makes perfect.

There is an increasing attention – almost a fixation – on ridiculously and impossibly high standards. Advertising campaigns and society at large seem to send us messages about desiring perfection:

a product or treatment that might give us a flawless complexion

a creation or performance that is said to be ‘faultless’

the perfect solution to a troublesome problem

and sometimes the single-word answer out of our mouths is simply … ‘Perfect!’

When we’re in a learning environment – learning a new skill, trying something new - we often want to know if what we’ve done is right. Is it correct? Did we do it to the standard that was required? Are we fearful of messing things up, making a mistake or looking foolish and doing less than our ‘best’?

Still other situations in our daily lives might cause us to think that things need to be exact, precise, correct, thorough, 100%, impeccable and spotless. This might be at home, in the car, the thing we’re making, baking, creating or starting, the project we’re working on, the job we have, the relationship we’re in, the business we’re thinking of starting, the family we’re making, the event we’re planning, the web site we’re launching, the book we’re writing. *gulp*

We also hear people being described in a perfect way as being fastidious or meticulous, diligent, thorough, hair-splitting, or a stickler for perfection.

I heard someone called a ‘fusspot’ recently because what they asked for had to be so precise and specific to their requirements. Aren’t some rock and roll musicians known to be ‘divas’ when they ask for the brown M&Ms to be separated from the rest of the colours? And who was it that demanded each colour be put in a separate bowl?

Many a performer has refused to step on stage until their ‘rider’ – the drinks and requirements in their dressing room - were ‘just so’. Whether it’s a fear that this slight change to a routine or ritual will bring bad luck or they’re just deeply into the habit of having everything perfect in their mind, there are some things we seek perfection on that are vital … and others are downright silly.

What’s with all this perfection? Do we really desire, notice, want, demand, expect and believe we require perfect? All the time? For everything?

I’m here to say no. It’s usually unrealistic, unnecessary and counterproductive.

Sure, there are contexts when exactness is vital: I’m thinking of aeroplane design, surgery, bridge construction, food handling … and a myriad of other industries and sectors.

But there are certainly many other times, every day, when ‘good enough’ is plenty good enough.

I’m a great advocate for the next few phrases:

perfect is the enemy of good

near enough is good enough

that will do the job

and

nobody’s perfect.

And of course … nobody is perfect. As the genius physicist, cosmologist and author Stephen Hawking explained, ‘One of the basic rules of the universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn’t exist. Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.’

So, why are we trying so hard? The thing is, many of us are busier than ever, with a to-do list that has no end.

There’s always something else that can be done. We never seem to run out of things to do. Even the celebration of emptying an email inbox to zero is losing its thrill; it just fills up again the next day!

Getting things done in life matters, sure. But getting the important things – important to us – done, matters more.

And, if we spend a lot of time trying to make one thing perfect, how can we ever get anything done?

As a reformed perfectionist, I want to share what I’ve learned about living by the principle of ‘ish’ and how it can help you get on with living the great life that we’re here for.

PART 1

THE

WHAT

& WHY

BIT

CHAPTER 1

The

perfectionist

transformed

bit

I’ve been running my own business for more than twenty years.

In the early days of deciding to go it alone and ditch the full-time job, then launching and marketing my business, I experienced many hurdles, hiccups and downright disasters courtesy of my endless pursuit of trying to make things better, no, perfect.

Like most people, I’d had my fair share of perfectionist bosses and their ethos, expectations and behaviour had rubbed off. I always felt that nothing I did was good enough for my business to share, show, publish or send out. Everything could be better if I just put in that little bit more effort, stayed that bit later, pulled an all-nighter, came in early, worked through the weekend or took work home … does this sound familiar?

I wish I could tell you that I had one ‘aha’ moment when I realised that I was wasting my time, looking for something that was unattainable. But it wasn’t quite one aha moment, it was a pairing of two unlikely situations: software developers, and Theatresports improvisation.

The ish of improvisation

I loved watching Whose Line Is It Anyway? the improvisation comedy show originally hosted by Drew Carey, and also attending the season performance of Theatresports each year. Theatresports is a theatre game where teams compete against each other in improvised performances on stage. No script. No preparation. No rehearsal. They do some warm up exercises to get ready though.

Sometimes the scenes were prompted by a line of dialogue from the audience, sometimes by a sound effect, or a particular improv game. Sometimes scenes turned out funny, and sometimes emotional. Improvisers are seemingly very clever because they operate from a set of principles that help them work well together and generate great ideas, creating the performance you see before you on stage.

At the end of a performance by my local group, Impro Melbourne, they promoted their public workshops and I thought

‘Why not?’ I’d go along and learn.

Over the next year I enjoyed semesters of courses with topics and titles like ‘Spontaneity’, ‘Character’ and ‘Narrative’, filled with activities, exercises, creative games and skills sessions.

I remember wanting to be good at it. To be a perfect improviser. I didn’t want to look foolish. I wanted to be clever, funny, quick and competent.

But as those early weeks went by, and as I learned more about how creativity works, how to use spontaneity to work together in an ensemble, and how to trust yourself, I realised I’d been letting ‘perfect’ most certainly be the enemy of good in my life.

Keith Johnstone, a guru of improvisation, wrote the book Impro: Improvisation and the Theatre. I found it to be incredibly insightful and applicable beyond the stage. It was full of practical ideas about life, learning and getting things done. I realised how much and how often we censor ourselves, doubt ourselves, hesitate and filter and wonder and worry. And all because we don’t want to fail or don’t want to look foolish.

As the months of improvisation training went by I relaxed into it, learning more, trusting myself more, failing more – and the sky didn’t fall in. Fun ensued. The whole experience became better, easier, more enjoyable, and less stressful. The opportunity then came for us students of improvisation to perform with the Impro Melbourne team in the next season of Theatresports, on stage – not in the main performance, but in the first