Body Beautiful: Your Guide to Making Peace with Your Body and Letting Yourself Bloom

CHAPTER ONE

The Role of Our Body

Let’s start things off with an important question: How often do you think about your body? I think it would be interesting to keep a tally of how many times throughout the day you think about your body. Perhaps it is the very first thing you think about as you get out of bed, noticing a sense of energy and excitement or heaviness and fatigue. Is it when you look in a mirror after your morning shower or are you thinking about your body when you decide not to look in the mirror that day? Maybe it is when you are dressing and noticing if your clothes feel looser or tighter. It could be when you pass a newsstand and see the latest fashion magazine, instantly noticing elements of the model’s form or features you wish you had.

Do you think about your body when you exercise, and your body feels powerful or puffed or somewhere between? You may think about your body after a meal and notice the sensations of feeling comfortably full, uncomfortably full or still extremely hungry. Perhaps you also notice your body at night when you lay to sleep, feeling weary and tired or restless and agitated.

I suspect that either consciously or unconsciously, you think about your body a lot each day. Some thoughts may be positive and helpful, whereas others might be critical and hurtful. But how often do we stop and think about the role our body actually plays in our life? What is the purpose of our body? Of course, the most prominent function of our body is to keep us alive, but more profound than that it serves two equally important purposes:

1.It provides a home for our spirit; and

2.It is the way we interact with others.

A Home for Our Spirit

‘The body is your temple.

Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in.’

~ B.K.S Iyengar

Much has been written about the mind-body connection. As we will see in upcoming chapters, there is a direct relationship between the state of our mind and our body, and vice versa. But the influence with the body goes deeper than just the mind. The body has a connection with our true essence, which is what you may call your soul, your spirit, your heart, your psyche, or what we will refer to as the perfect seed.

Your body is there to nurture the seed within, and to give it a safe home where it can develop, grow and bloom into its full potential. How we treat our body can work to support and energise this growth, or dull and suppress its existence. The reality of being human is that our bodies decline and decay year by year. It does not matter how much we may try to delay or mask the demise of our bodies, they come with a use-by date. The finality of this cannot be changed.

So the body is not an end in itself. It is a vehicle that we can use to help us reach our full potential in this life and make our unique difference in this world. It is a temple, holding the sacred relic of our soul. However, sometimes in our drive for praise or acceptance, we forget this vital role and treat it as if it is a slave to our will and not an enabler of our power. Jennifer Love Hewitt says it perfectly when she states: ‘Remember, your body is a temple, not a 7-Eleven.’

In return, the state of our mind and our spirit directly affects the health of our body. Stress and anxiety have significant and detrimental health impacts, both internal and external. Beliefs of unworthiness can lead to a whole range of behaviours that seek to harm and punish our body, rather than support its vital and life-giving function. The struggles you are having right now with your body may be in part driven by the battles you are having with your mind and your unique spirit. Denying the needs of our body, shunning its role as a home for our soul, is also to disregard its power and potential.

How We Interact with Others

Often this first function of our body is overshadowed by a preoccupation on how we appear to others. There is no doubt that the body plays an essential role in how we interact with and are perceived by others, which we will deal with the opinions of others a little later. Here we concentrate on how our body can enable or damage our ability to form strong and positive relationships with others. Let me give you an example. Think about a person you know who is in touch with their true spirit. They are clear and confident in their life direction. You admire them for taking real care of themselves. How do they stand? How do they move? How do they sit? What body language is evident, and what does this tell you about them? How does being around them make you feel? How free do you feel to be yourself with them? How comfortable does it feel to be with them?

On the opposite end of the spectrum, think about someone you would classify as insecure, a ‘follower’ or someone who is wrestling with finding their place in this world. Someone who is getting battered around by the changing winds of other people’s opinions and expectations. How do they stand? How do they move? How do they sit? What body language do you see them using? What does this tell you about them? How does being around them make you feel? Do you feel the ability to be your true self around them? Do you feel free to express your treasured beliefs and values? How comfortable does it feel to be around this person?

When the person you are with is being authentic, true to themselves and open with their challenges, then this calls you to be the same. Their sense of self gives you a place of safety where you can express your innermost desires and challenges. Their courage gives you the strength to ask for the help you need to move forward. This person creates a safe and nurturing home for others because they prioritise making their body a safe and nurturing home for their spirit. They have used their body to create a home in which their spirit can live freely and express itself in all of its bold beauty. Is this the role that you would like to play for others too?

No matter who we are, our bodies do the same thing. They thrive off nourishing food and feel good when we do things we enjoy. They have mechanisms like a beating heart to pump blood, lungs to help us breathe and a liver to filter toxins (plus so much more). Our body also has a beautiful mechanism called homeostasis that keeps your body in perfect balance. Where we differ is where our personality gets to shine. This is where we get to bring those unique traits and the things that help us express who we are to fruition— we do not have to see it as a way of standing out or feeling like we would not be accepted. We get to see it as a way of expressing our true self and permitting others to do the same.

The Relationship Between Roles

So, as you can see, the two roles of our body are not independent. They work together—first to create a safe and supportive home for our true essence, and then as the way we can step forth on our adventures. Your body provides the home for your retreat and then becomes a tool you can use to explore the world and live your full expression within it. In this way, the role of being a temple for your spirit is the foundational role of your body. When we work on this and create a strong foundation for yourself to shine, then you open the doors to an honest and positive relationship with others and yourself. Our ability to interact and to bloom into our full beauty requires this strong foundation.

The danger begins when we place a focus on the external-facing role of our body, without the base of understanding, self-acceptance and love. It is like building a house on sand. The house may look incredible, but it is vulnerable to the weather around it. Strong winds of other people’s opinions or adverse events can make it break and even fall. A seed needs protection from the elements to be able to sprout confidently and grow into its full potential. A flower needs the support of strong and healthy roots to thrive. The same is true for the fantastic and beautiful seed that lies within you.

Let me share with you about a client I worked with and how we came to discover how her appearance represented the exact explanation above. She was self-conscious about her height, being on the shorter end of the scale. She is in a position of authority at work though and has to manage a huge team. Each day she goes to work wearing stilettos. She is known for her array of incredibly high shoes and is never seen without them. I know shoes are ‘her thing’, and I get that. I love shoes! But as our sessions uncovered, she could be seen wobbling around in the shoes. When she walked, it was with caution.

As we were talking, the image of this woman wobbly in high heels made me think of the situation we are in when we do not respect the role our body plays as the home for our soul. We may look the part, act the part and be seen to have all the confidence in the world. But in reality, every step we take is shaky and cautious. We have set ourselves up to be knocked over. So, how can you build a temple that is worthy of your unique and beautiful spirit if you do not start with a strong foundation? How can you move into this world if you spend your days worried about falling over? How can you express your authentic and unique beauty confidently if you do not have a safe place you know you can return to at any time for peace and strength? This is what I helped her uncover and I will for you too.

That is why the role of being at home for our authentic essence is the foundation. As such, if it has been disregarded in the past, it now needs to be given the utmost priority.

What Has Been Your Priority?

As we will see throughout this book, there is never any right or wrong. The only thing that matters is understanding where you are at right now, and making conscious decisions about where you want to be. So here is a critical question for you. Over the past few days, what proportion of your time has been spent…

1.Caring for and nurturing your body as a home for your unique and beautiful potential?

2.Concentrating on the way your body looks and moves in this world?

Perhaps you have been in an intensive retreat and have spent 100 per cent of your time on the first. Maybe you have been repeating or stuck, and so your focus has been on the second. Again, there is no right or wrong; just take a rough estimate of where your time has been spent lately.

Question: What proportion of your time has been spent…

Great work! Knowing it does not matter at all what the answer to the above question is. The fact is that you have stopped to think about it. You have shone a light on what you are currently doing, and begun to question whether this feels right to you. You have started to see the potential for other ways of being, and taken the first step towards making choices that are both conscious and that sit well with your body and spirit.

The inevitable next questions are:

• What do you think and feel about where your efforts have been invested in the past?

• Do you have a sense of what the key drivers have been for splitting your time this way?

• How has this split of priorities been working for you? What have been the pros and cons of this approach?

• Is there a difference you would like to make in your priorities in the future? Why or why not?

Important: Your Body is Not Your Only Tool

Of course, the purpose of this book is to help you make peace with your body and to bloom and shine. We will deal with many body related issues we can have throughout this book. Though, it is essential to remember that your body is not the only tool you have to express and make your difference in this world. There are three other essential tools that you have control over that are there to help you achieve your dreams and allow yourself to express your true self. These are:

• Your voice. Thanks to the world of the internet, we do not even have to be seen to make an impact. Through podcasts, blogs and social media, we have a voice. Our words can inspire others, and these channels can be used to bring your beauty, in the form of your thoughts and opinions, to the world.

• Your relationships. It is said that anything we can do ourselves is never big enough. People are also a valuable tool to help you be the best you can be. In no way am I advocating that people should be used as a means to get what you want. It is not like that at all. Relationships exist as a two-way street to help each other shine and to help each other achieve our unique potential. We will learn more about the importance of supportive relationships in Chapter 14 .

• Your actions. Even more important than the words you use are the actions you take. Yes, your body enables your efforts, but you choose the actions you take. You may have built grand plans for your bright future, but if you take no action, then they are just wasted time. Likewise, the contemplation and understanding you will gain through reading this book is essential. Still, it is what you do with this understanding hat counts.

WHAT NEXT?

You have begun an incredible journey of understanding yourself and living consciously. This chapter introduced two critical functions of your body— being a home for your spirit and a way to interact with the world. We have seen how these roles are interdependent, and our ability to live freely is founded on the solid base of a loving home. If you have worked through the questions, you would have a sense of the role you have prioritised to date, and where you have invested your precious time and energy. You will have also had the opportunity to consider how well this current pattern is working for you, and whether you would like to make any changes in this area. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here—only understanding and moving towards what is unique, beautiful and right for you.

With this understanding, it is time to dive into the role that is given so much attention in society. That is, the body as a tool to interact with the world, or, put more simply, on our physical appearance. Let us start with the façade of the house—the way we look to others—and check in on the plethora of expectations that others put on our bodies.

‘The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.’

~ Lao Tzu

COMMITMENT STATEMENT

I commit to becoming mindful about the role that my body plays in my life. I commit to being aware of how I care for my body—a home for my unique and beautiful spirit.

CHAPTER TWO

Beauty Standards and Where They Come From

Who Decides What is Beautiful?

Across the ages, there have been archetypes of what is deemed beautiful by society. But who decided what images were shown? Well before the rise of the media, these standards were a celebration of the natural female form. With the rise of a patriarchal society and the growing influence of the media, the tables were turned. We were shown every day what beauty is for their society and in their time.

In the ages before print or electronic media, the artists decided what was beautiful by their choice of subject. It was the sculptors and painters who captured the female physical form that was looked upon and admired by others. I cannot profess to know what was in the minds of ancient Greek sculptors or renaissance painters. However, art historians tell us they were recording and honouring what they saw as ‘the divine’. They were capturing nature in all of its true splendour.

With the creation of autocratic societies, those in power decided what was deemed as beautiful. One only has to look to one Emperor’s declaration that lotus feet were beautiful to see a trail of torture that was imposed for centuries. One decision about what constituted beauty led to the subjugation and impairment of generations of women.

When photographs and print media became available, society then became exposed to all of the images that the media bosses decided to print. Of course, these images have always been of royalty. As we will see, the pictures of Queen Victoria and her maternal figure became the standard to which so many women aspired. Corsets and wireframes became the method by which women could emulate the most powerful woman at the time. Some things have not changed here, with magazine covers flooded with images of, ‘Look at how much weight she has lost,’ to, ‘Look how much weight she has put on.’ It’s an endless battle of playing with your confidence and, for many like us, a topic that’s taboo to talk about. Playing on the thoughts of, ‘I do not like my body.’ So, let us change and pick it apart.

Paparazzi and media bosses will tell us that they continually publish these images because it is what their readers want to see. But the counter-argument is that readers are groomed to want these pictures by the hype that the media puts around them. Research was conducted in Fiji that clearly showed the introduction of television had a significant and negative impact on the body image of the women and girls that were exposed to it¹.

The Effect of Mass Media

We all probably understand in theory that mass media, especially television, movies and social media, play a massive role in creating and encouraging standards of beauty. The study that was conducted in Fiji shows the real impact. Researchers visited one region of Fiji in 1995. At this time television was not available in the area, and there were no reports of dieting to lose weight. The researchers returned to the area three years after television was introduced and again surveyed the female population. After the advent of television, almost 70 per cent of girls reported they were dieting to lose weight. Also, girls coming from families with a television were three times more likely to have harmful attitudes towards eating. Similar results have been found right across the world in different cultures such as Singapore, Japan and Ghana.

This behaviour change in such a short time is alarming. However, remember that this increased preoccupation with body image eventuated just because of television. Surveys of American schoolgirls showed that magazines also create a concerning response. Almost 70 per cent of elementary schoolgirls surveyed reported that pictures in magazines influenced their view of an ideal body shape. Nearly half (47 per cent) disclosed that the pictures made them want to lose weight². It is distressing to think of the pressure felt by women today thanks to social media, with idols and influencers in front of them constantly.

You could argue that with the advent of social media, the decisions about what is beautiful is very much delegated to every individual. Each of us can look at Instagram pictures, watch YouTube and TikTok videos and make our own decisions about who we resonate with and who we admire. We can believe that we have our own free will to follow who we want and celebrate what we genuinely believe is beautiful. To some extent this is true, but there are two critical things to remember when you see the subscriber/follow numbers:

Corporations are funding the most popular with their own agendas. There could be thousands of people doing the same thing on YouTube, but the ones that get sponsored—the ones that get paid to do it—are those who ‘fit’ the image that the sponsors want. So in reality, the most popular are not always those with the best message, but they are those that support a brand image.

There is the reality of groupthink. I watched a fascinating experiment where teenagers were asked to rate a singer’s performance. Of course it was a set-up, and the performance was very amateur. All it took was one kid to voice critical feedback, and every other participant followed to mock not only the performance but the performer as well. If some of the people in the room wanted to give some support