Like a Fish in Water: How to Grow Abroad When You Go Abroad

Advance Praise

The study abroad field has needed this kind of book for a long time. It’s written for students in a way that’s the perfect mix of supportive, insightful, and instructive with a lively wit that encourages them to squeeze every moment out of their precious experience. Kurtzman’s decades of experience in the field shows, but it’s his sincerity of purpose and desire to guide every student toward maximizing their journey that really makes the difference. Don’t let your students study abroad without it!

—Melissa Torres, President and CEO of the Forum on Education Abroad

"Like a Fish in Water is the one and only resource I recommend to all students who are considering study abroad. This book is a must-read for students and families as they prepare for one of their most important and enriching educational journeys. It provides reassurance, critical advice, and guidance that I haven’t seen in any other writing."

—Devika Milner, Assistant Dean and Director of Study Abroad at the University of Miami

"The activities in this book were so helpful to me before, during, and after studying abroad. Like a Fish in Water explains everything clearly and in a fun way. This book helped me feel incredibly supported and would help anyone who might feel nervous about getting the most out of the experience."

—Brenley Bruxvoort, study abroad student

I wish this book had been around when my oldest son studied abroad. The journey can be really challenging, and this book is like a warm, caring mentor who will tell it like it is, offer some laughs along the way, and provide just the right advice and tools to embrace the ride and grow through it. I’m so grateful my younger son will have its benefits when he studies abroad!

—Carla Slawson, Executive Director of the Arthur J. Schmitt Foundation

Like a Fish in Water

Like a Fish in Water

How to Grow Abroad When You Go Abroad

Rich Kurtzman

Copyright © 2022 Rich Kurtzman

Like a Fish in Water: How to Grow Abroad When You Go Abroad

All rights reserved.

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-5445-3110-6

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-5445-3109-0

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-5445-3111-3

To all of the students who take the leap into new cultural waters and to all who support them.

Contents

Advance Praise

Contents

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1: What to Know before You Go

Chapter 2: Living on Cultural Autopilot

Chapter 3: You Have to Adapt to the Culture Because It Won’t Adapt to You

Chapter 4: Discovering Yourself along the Way

Chapter 5: The Price of Magic

Chapter 6: Your New Home

Chapter 7: Iceberging National Culture

Chapter 8: Learn to Speak the Language

Chapter 9: Speaking is Not Necessarily Communicating

Chapter 10: The Most Important Game of Charades You’ll Ever Play

Chapter 11: You Are How You Eat

Chapter 12: Raise a Glass

Chapter 13: Well-Being Abroad

Chapter 14: Don’t Stand So Close to Me

Chapter 15: It’s About Time

Chapter 16: Set Yourself Apart and Land Your Dream Job

Chapter 17: There’s No Place Like Home

It Doesn’t End Here

Acknowledgments

Foreword

—Troy Peden, Founder of GoAbroad.com

Study abroad is perhaps the most transformational educational experience students can have.

Study abroad has been waiting for a book like this, and I can’t think of anyone who is better suited to write it. Rich Kurtzman is a widely respected thought leader in International Education—frequently speaking around the world, teaching students abroad, preparing them before they depart, leading programs in Europe, and working directly with thousands of students as their perspectives are broadened and their lives are changed. Rich doesn’t just get international education from a theoretical perspective; he has lived and breathed it, alongside students, for over two decades.

Rich has devoted his career to helping students maximize the outcomes of their international experience and to training the trainers—teaching international educators tips and strategies to increase cultural awareness. Rich is passionate about cultivating learning across cultures.

Many students report their study abroad experience as the most important thing they did at university, but very few will say it was without challenges, hurdles, and hiccups. This book will help transform those bumps into opportunities. It’s like having a cultural mentor alongside you for the entire journey!

Like a Fish in Water is essential reading for any student (as well as their parents) before they go abroad, while they are on their program, and even after they return home. The stories will entertain you, the activities will guide you, and the outcomes will inspire you.

The world needs more students like you who will come away with a broader perspective, a deeper understanding of themselves, and an empathy for other cultures. You’ll gain confidence, resilience, and adaptability, and you’ll do it while having the time of your life. My sincerest congratulations to you on your decision to take this leap.

Introduction

I was living the dream. Literally, living my dream. I was living and working in the cosmopolitan capital of the Mediterranean, Barcelona! From the terrace of my apartment, every morning I could have my café con leche while looking out over one of the greatest cities in the world—from views of the sea, to Gaudi’s famous Sagrada Familia church, to Tibidabo, the highest peak of Barcelona. I should have been on top of the world.

So, why, after only four months, did I want to wake up from this dream come true? Why did I feel more depressed than I ever had in my life? Why did I want to leave it all behind and move back home to Chicago?

When I was in college, as a study abroad student in Madrid, I fell in love with Spain, and I dreamed of moving there one day. I had to. I loved the culture, the people, the food, the language, the challenges, and the opportunities. Fast forward to four years later, to the moment they told me I got the job in Barcelona, and I jumped up and bear-hugged the HR manager.

But then, after a couple of months abroad, many of those aspects of Spanish culture that I had loved turned into things that I hated. Stores being closed on Sundays frustrated me for the lack of convenience. I was sick of the same food and just wanted my comfort foods from back home. I didn’t quite get the locals, and they didn’t quite get me—it seemed that our values weren’t in line. Because of the cultural differences, I didn’t feel like I fit in, and it was an awful feeling. I found myself repeatedly thinking, Why did I do this to myself? Why didn’t I just stay home?

The funny thing is I had these same thoughts when I studied abroad in St. Petersburg, Russia, then again when I studied in Madrid, and again during my internship in Milan, Italy.

Why did I want to put myself through those challenges overseas? Why struggle through the discomfort, loneliness, mishaps, and cultural blunders?

The answer was clear: deep down, I knew that all of those study and intern experiences would be life-changing. They were some of my best investments in time, energy, and money, for so many reasons, reasons that I’ll make clear in this book. Still, at that moment, I was ready to quit.

That’s when The Future Me Letter saved the day. When I was ready to throw it all in, say, screw this, and move back, I called my mom to tell her I was giving up and coming home. She said, That’s not happening, and reread The Future Me Letter I had written to her right before I left. I had given it to her at the airport as we said goodbye with tears flowing down our cheeks. The letter read: At some point, I am going to tell you this is too hard, and I’m going to want to come home…DON’T LET ME!

Enduring the ups and downs of those study abroad experiences, in college, gave me exactly what I needed to get through the biggest challenge I would face. And previous me knew that. Previous me also knew that, when I eventually worked through those dark days and challenges, I would turn them into the best experiences of my life.

Will You Feel the Magic?

You’ve seen it before—a friend comes back from study abroad, and they are beaming. They had the experience of a lifetime. They’ve had a transformation.

All study abroad programs and study abroad offices tell you that it will change your life.

And it’s true. I’ve seen it happen. It absolutely happened to me, and I’ve been alongside thousands of students who have felt the study abroad magic. They grew more confident, resilient, adaptable, self-aware, and worldly. They landed their dream job because of their study abroad experience. They no longer stress about the little things and are willing to take on anything the world throws at them, because they’ve conquered bigger issues in other countries, cultures, and languages.

But in my twenty-five years working in International Education, I’ve also seen too many students who wasted the opportunity. Some couldn’t handle the challenges and left early. Others strolled through their time abroad leisurely and skimmed across the surface but didn’t transform in the ways that so many others have.

The difference between that first group of students and the second is that those who felt the magic had the right tools to guide them. They knew what they had to do to maximize the experience. They also understood that a life-changing experience abroad includes bumps along the way. That’s part of what this book is about: discover the magic, but don’t expect perfection.

I want to help you along this journey. I want to take everything I’ve learned and make sure you don’t miss out. This has been my passion and mission for the majority of my life.

Transformation

The students I’ve worked with who have had the proper guidance while abroad leave transformed. Here is what two of them had to say:

It can be so difficult to put into words how much my experience has impacted me, as I’ve learned so much about myself through studying abroad. I realized that by getting to know the people and the culture of the place you’re visiting, it changes how you experience it. It can be easy to visit and be the typical tourist; however, since I’ve been able to get to know the people and culture of this city, it’s allowed me to break down that tourist wall and really experience the authentic life here. Wherever I travel in the future, my experience abroad has shown me how to do that.

—Brianna F.

The most valuable thing that I learned abroad is to not be afraid to do things I’ve never done before. My main goal studying abroad was to push myself outside my comfort zone. It was difficult at first, but I definitely learned a lot about myself and grew as a person by trying out so many new things!

—Bryan K.

Deciding to study abroad could be the best decision you’ve ever made. You can have the time of your life and gain essential skills that lead to a happier and healthier future, while also helping you land your dream job. What else could you possibly do that offers the same?!

What This Book Can Do for You

The magic of study abroad will be a myth to you if you don’t approach it with the right mindset and tools. The experience is like most things in life: you get out of it what you put into it.

But how do you know what to put into it? I don’t want you to leave it up to chance! Just studying abroad doesn’t guarantee that you will see this transformation in yourself. It takes work. You need to actively participate in the experience.

Activities in the Book

Throughout the book, I will be suggesting activities I’ve developed or borrowed that will guide you throughout your time abroad. When I teach, I give these activities as homework, and my students actually thank me—for giving them homework! That’s because these exercises lead to the aha moments that are so impactful.

I’ve labeled the activities ACT instead of Activities because this is not a passive venture you are embarking on; it’s a very active one.

I’ve chosen one activity per chapter, labeled Fast Track, which I would suggest you do if you feel you can only do one (although I hope you do them all!).

Also, at the end of every chapter, there is a section called Dive Deeper Into…—a brief list of resources you can use if your interest is piqued and you want to learn more about any of the content in the chapter.

By reading this book and following the activities, you’ll experience the journey in a richer and more meaningful way. This book will coach you, step-by-step, activity-by-activity, through the entire experience, from before you even leave until long after you return, when you are sitting in that job interview, talking about all that you learned during study abroad.

Don’t worry about reading it all in one sitting. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. This book will accompany your journey as you experience it, which doesn’t happen overnight; nor should it.

Some Notes to Keep in Mind While Reading This Book:

I am a big believer in the power of both interning and studying abroad. To simplify, I just say study abroad throughout the book, but if you are interning abroad, you can easily substitute intern abroad in almost all instances.

I am acutely aware that my cultural lens (which you will learn is VERY important) is of a White, middle-class male from the suburbs of Chicago who is very interested in education and learning. Everyone reading this book will come to it from a different cultural lens. I’ve tried to take that into account throughout.

This book is geared towards students at US colleges and universities leaving the US to study in another country. I recognize and appreciate that many of those students will also come from multicultural backgrounds and, so, will have unique cultural lenses. Some of you may be studying abroad, in the US, and are now embarking on another study abroad journey. That’s brilliant!

When using the words America or American, I am referring to the United States, and not all of North America or Central or South America. I use this for ease of reference and because, linguistically, this is a common usage. I mean no offense to anyone from another part of the Americas.

What’s Not in This Book

This book is not about packing lists, electrical converters, or vaccine and visa requirements. There are plenty of places you can go to find those logistics. This book goes much deeper than all of that. There’s one exception: I do give suggestions for packing from a cultural perspective, in Chapter 10. Skip ahead if that’s one of your burning questions right now.

Full books could and should be written about health and safety and risk-management protocols for study abroad. This is not that book. I recommend you talk to your study abroad office and program provider about the precautions they can provide.

Nor does this book give you all of the answers. It doesn’t tell you that, in England, you must do this or, in Italy, you can expect that for every situation. But it does give you the tools to find out that important information for yourself, and that’s part of your journey.

What Is in This Book

This book is your toolbox filled with the things you never knew you needed.

This book is ideal for a student at any stage of the process, whether you’re not getting on that airplane for months or you’re already abroad. Even if you’re already home from your experience, this book will walk you back through your time abroad, to see it from a different perspective and reveal ways in which you may have grown.

I still use these tools myself whenever I travel. They enabled me to take Muay Thai lessons in Thailand with a professional fighter; to explore a sensory-filled food market in Oaxaca, Mexico, with a local who then taught me to make the best enchiladas de mole; and to create lasting friendships in Barcelona.

Whether you’re studying on a short program, a semester, or a year, this book is for you. The duration doesn’t matter; it’s your engagement that counts.

You’ll learn about the proper mindset, how to overcome the challenges, how to laugh at your mistakes and learn from them, how to connect with people from all over the world, and then how to put all of that together to help make you more employable.

Think of it this way: you could walk through the Louvre Museum in Paris and admire the Mona Lisa, but if you have a guide who explains Leonardo da Vinci’s brushstrokes, the use of light and shadow, the history of that era, and how to compare this work to other masterpieces, you will walk away enlightened. I want to use my experience to help enlighten you about the magic of study abroad. I want you to experience that magic—in ways you can’t even imagine right now—instead of just coming home saying, It was great!

Together we’ll discover the beauty of making:

The unfamiliar, familiar

The unusual, usual

The unpredictable, predictable

The unimaginable, imaginable

Origin of the Book

International education has been my whole professional career. Working with students to help them see the world from a different perspective, create lightbulb moments, and learn to grow when they go abroad has been my number one professional goal. It’s why I started my study abroad program, it’s why I teach culture classes and work as an intercultural consultant, and it’s especially why I still travel the world and put all of this into practice myself—no matter where I go—so I can keep learning about other cultures and push myself out of my comfort zone.

My Journey and What It Means to Your Journey

Successfully living in other cultures is my everyday experience. My wonderful wife is from England, and our two young kids are trilingual (English, Spanish, Catalan) and quad-cultural (British, American, Spanish, and Catalan).

Despite wanting to give it all up after four months, I’m still loving life in Barcelona, twenty years later.

I am originally from just outside Chicago, and I never left the US until I was twenty years old. My first experience requiring a passport was when I studied in St. Petersburg, Russia, where I lived with a homestay family and took classes on a local campus. I was WAY out of my comfort zone. I made a million mistakes. I got lost. I got myself in trouble. I had to take showers by boiling water, mixing it with colder water, and using a bucket.

And I loved it! I wouldn’t change a minute of it.

I made friends with people from around the world. I felt comfortable in a home away from home. I improved my language skills immensely. The uncomfortable started to feel comfortable. The unknown started to feel known. The unpredictable started to feel predictable. My view of the world developed. My view of the US evolved. I learned more about myself than I ever thought I could.

That led me to do it again. I studied in Madrid, Spain, for a semester, and went through the same ups and downs; I loved it so much that I knew I wanted to work in this field of study abroad, to help other students experience the same highs, lows, and growth as I did.

So I started working with a study abroad company in Chicago; I took summers off to lead high-school students in Spain; I did an internship with a study abroad company in Milan, Italy.

I earned a master’s degree in Spanish Applied Linguistics and studied Second Language Acquisition.

It wasn’t enough. I was hungry for more travel, more discovery of other cultures.

Finally, I got the chance to move to Barcelona to work. I moved over here in 2002 and planned to stay for two years. I told my family, friends, and girlfriend (at the time) that I would be here for two years and then move back. That was twenty years ago, and…ummm…sorry friends.

Since arriving in Barcelona, I have worked directly with American students abroad—teaching culture courses, helping students integrate, guiding students through their internship experience, and creating reentry workshops to discover how to use their experience to get them a job.

I also work as an Intercultural Consultant to executives, from Multinational companies, going through the same challenges I went through.

Now, after working with almost 10,000 students and dozens of executives and enjoying the challenges and extreme fun of a multicultural family, I’m excited to help you.

Who This Book Is For

This book is for the student looking to get the most out of their study abroad experience, the student who is up for the challenge of learning what is culturally appropriate, and the student who is willing and ready to step out of their comfort zone—again and again.

This book is for students ready to make mistakes, look foolish, and laugh and learn. This is for the student willing to take a chance and participate in the activities I suggest, from start to finish, because THAT student will come out of the experience having gained all of the attributes I mentioned above and more. That student will transform, in incredible ways, and have the time of their life.

I’ve seen too many students who just go abroad to drink and party. Don’t get me wrong; drinking and nightlife can play a role in learning about the culture and yourself. You can bond with the locals while experiencing the nightlife as they do. I did it when I went abroad, and still have great memories of those times.

But, if you want to just hang out with American friends and go to bars with the Americans on the program, let me save you a lot of money and time and suggest that you just stay home.

Bottom line: you could have an incredible experience, personally, professionally, culturally, and academically, or you could not. You could go abroad, and it would be fine, but I want to help you make it unforgettable. I’m assuming you want that, too, which is why I’m so passionate about the tools in this book to help you do that. Keep reading, and you’ll see.

My Examples in This Book

Quick note: the majority of my time abroad has been in Spain, and so most of my examples come from there, but the tips and strategies I provide in the book are purposefully general enough to apply to any study abroad location—whether you are in Madrid or Mongolia.

Take a Closer Look

Some of the examples in this book may make you feel uncomfortable in that we are going to hold up a giant mirror to look at ourselves and our own culture in ways you probably have never done