Hope Realized: Overcoming The Fear of Change

Hope Realized

Overcoming the Fear of Change

Ben Buono

Even You Ministries, LLC

ISBN 978-1-64468-772-7 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64468-773-4 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-64468-774-1 (Digital)

Copyright © 2020 Ben Buono

All rights reserved

First Edition

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Table of Contents

Even You Can Conquer the Fear of Change

My Life before Accepting Christ as My Savior

How to Use This Book

Understanding and Using God’s Gift of Grace as He Intended

My Journey

Preparing for Your Journey: Review Your Commitment to God

Sin—all sins are acts against God

Your enemy

We must meet all of God’s conditions

Preparing for Your Journey: How and Why We Forgive

Why we should forgive

God’s plan for forgiveness

Forgiveness and yourself

Forgiving you

Forgiving God

Dealing with your feelings

Total forgiveness: God’s way

Preparing for Your Journey: Summary and Self-Examination

When God forgives

Ten stepping-stones to a spiritual, physical, and emotional life

Understanding the past and finding true love, joy, and peace

Preparing for Your Journey: Writing Your Testimony

Life Stories: Understanding and Using God’s Gift of Grace

My Reflection

Repentance:God’s Definition and Expectations: The Development of a Repentant Heart

My Journey

Preparing for Your Journey: The Importance of Repentance

God commands it

It is part of our growth after being saved

The reason for the Messiah

The commission of his people

Look and live

Looking at it God’s way

The gift of God that goes with repentance: new appetites

Warning to those who seek to look back

The urgency of repentance

The object of desire

Turn or burn

Preparing for Your Journey: The Need for Repentance

Repentance is the initial stage of reconciliation with God

Beware of the impostors the Bible calls false prophets

The cost of repentance

The core of repentance

Preparing for Your Journey: How to Get to Repentance

Preaching of the Word

Rebuke

The goodness of God

Divine enabling

Preparing for Your Journey: The Nature of Repentance

Mind

Emotions

Will

Spirit

Preparing for Your Journey: The Effects of Repentance

Conversion

Changed from death to life

Forgiveness and remission of sins

Cleansed conscience

Rejoicing in heaven

Good works

Life Stories: Understanding True Repentance and Developing a Repentant Heart

My Reflection

Developing the Character of Christ: The Changing of My Heart and Character

My Journey

The heart and the mind: what the biblical word heart means

Preparing for Your Journey: Our Hardened Hearts

The heart is the seat of…

The heart effects

The heart represents

It is hard but not necessarily hardened

Some have hardened their own hearts

The ultimate hardened heart

Preparing for Your Journey: The Character of Christ

Why we need to emulate Christ

So what does the character of Christ look like?

Contrasting virtues versus vices

Preparing for Your Journey: Examples of the Character Traits of Christ

He is always compassionate

He is always a servant leader

He displays for us his love for others

He is always forgiving

He is always committed

He always takes time to pray

He shows us gentleness when appropriate

He shows us patience

He shows an amazing amount of self-control

He shows us humility despite the circumstances

More character traits describing Christ

Life Stories: Developing My Heart and Character to Be More Like Christ

My Reflection

Discovering My Gifts and Accepting the Path God Prepared for Me:Utilizing God’s Gifts while I Travel My Path

My Journey

Preparing for Your Journey: Spiritual Gifts and Talents or Natural Abilities

Spiritual gifts and spiritual fruit

Bible verse examples relating to spiritual gifts: learned and natural talents

Preparing for Your Journey: Identifying Your Unique Talents and Spiritual Gifts and What to Do with Them

How the three areas of ability are related

About their role and purpose

About their use

Preparing for Your Journey: Using Your Spiritual Gifts and Talents and Recognizing Your Path in Life

Why am I feeling uncomfortable?

Setting goals is not unspiritual

If God is for you, who can be against you?

Fulfilling your God-given purpose is a journey, not a destination

Waiting on God should be filled with joyful anticipation

How to communicate your testimony

Preparing for Your Journey: Discovering Your Path

Ways to follow God when the path isn’t clear

Life Stories: Utilizing God’s Gifts while I Travel My Path

My Reflection

Protecting Your New Self: Walking in Faith, Peace, Hope, and Love: with a Repentant and Thankful Heart for God

My Journey

Overcoming Roadblocks: My Journey in Faith, Peace, Hope, and Love

My new definition of faith

My new definition of peace

My new definition of hope

My new definition of love

Overcoming Roadblocks: My Repentant and Thankful Heart

My path to repentance

My path to thankfulness

My path into God’s Word

My reflection backward to help me move forward

Overcoming Roadblocks: Always Bringing God into the Equation

My prayer life

My expectations and God’s expectations

Accepting his way, not mine

There is strength in being in a community of believers

Overcoming Roadblocks: Looking for Opportunities God Gives Us to Serve Him

There is no such thing as coincidence with God

Knowing when to move forward and when to wait

Look for the root cause in what you see and hear

Overcoming Roadblocks: Tithing

Why do we tithe?

Do we tithe?

Reasons we tithe

Where do we tithe?

Benefits of tithing

How much should I tithe?

What’s the difference between tithing and offerings?

Overcoming Roadblocks: Waiting on God in Prayer

Do we really believe that God is in control, loves us, and answers our prayers in his way and 

timing? What does that really mean?

Do we really trust God?

What do we fear?

Life Stories: My Journey Today and in the Future

My Reflection

About the Author

Even You Can Conquer the Fear of Change

Looking at the picture on the first page, I am sure you thought to yourself that I am basing all I am and everything I do on lies. Well, I too found that disturbing to say the least and hard to understand, let alone believe when those teaching me told me that. I was who I thought I was based on my personal experiences. I am who I have become based on what I believe. I fit into life and others accept me as I am.

But if we are truly honest with ourselves and look into the mirror of our lives, then can we truly say, I am satisfied with myself as I am, or, Father God, help me to see myself clearly and then help me change and become the man or woman you created me to be?

Here are some other thoughts about the picture. You cannot compare God’s truth to your truth unless you know God’s truth. Along with God’s truth is God’s definitions of words we know (based on our education and life experiences). What we find is that our definitions set up expectations from our past feelings and emotions. God’s definitions also set up expectations, but the feelings and emotions are very different.

Other representations of the picture are the results of believing the lies and the results of believing the truth. Which would you prefer? Well, hope is found in God’s truth and despair is found in the world’s truth. Do you agree?

Walking with God is very difficult because of this truth—he created each one of us uniquely with a purpose. Sure we were all created in his image. Have you ever thought about what that actually means? It boils down to this—we all have the tools God gave us (talents and gifts) to achieve the purpose he intended for us, as well as the capacity to change ourselves into the character of Christ. It is all about wanting to and overcoming what we have come to know in exchange for the truth of God.

We have to start this journey individually and on faith alone. So now we have to also overcome the fear of the unknown. This one requires some help. We will come to know that we can only be responsible for ourselves, not for the actions of others. We get the strength to start by seeing in others and listening to others share their struggles that led them to Christ and testifying to the changes they made and the rewards they received in doing so.

The reason I wrote this book is to invite you to see what my journey to Christ and after Christ looked like, the reasons why I believed, and how I achieved the hope I sought. This was the hope of changing myself into the person I really wanted to be versus the one I was. I shared my feelings before Christ when I finally believed that Jesus was Christ and I accepted him as my Savior and Lord and my feelings as I journeyed from that day to where I am today. My prayer for each one of you is that you can find a way to translate what I say and be able to relate some of it into your reality and then earnestly seek him as I did and continue to change yourself to be more like the man or woman he created you to be.

You will see that my journey with God was full of seasons of training and accepting what I learned and then translated God’s truth into my life, as it was into what it is today. This is not a fast journey. It is a lifelong journey and, in my opinion, well worth the ride. I know that we hear God’s truth at church from others much smarter about these things because they have gone to seminary and know so much about the Bible and what it says for each one of us. But maybe you, as I did, have a hard time translating what they say into something you can relate to in your life.

The truths I learned and accepted through the process outlined in this book, I share from my perspective at the time. The fact is that the results I received from my previous thinking did not really bring me any joy or peace that Christians say they receive and I wanted to learn what that really was and to experience it for myself.

I felt, before I came to the Lord, that I was doing well with life but still missing the most important part of life—loving (or even liking at times) myself. I could not relate in my life to the definition of God’s love (agape love) described by Christians. I asked myself, What exactly does unconditional love mean? Hell, all I knew all about love is that it satisfied me physically and felt good and satisfying.

So, as you read my story, my walk before and after I was sealed with the grace of God (his Holy Spirit), understand that this is a gift from God, available to each one of us. Yes, even you! He accepts each one of us unconditionally, as we are. We cannot earn it and do not deserve it, but it is freely offered so that we can become the man or woman God originally designed each of us to be. Oh, there is a cost, brothers and sisters. The cost is changing your character, the one you developed, into one closer to what Jesus gave us as an example. That is frightening, isn’t it? Jumping into the unknown (areas you cannot see, feel, or touch and trusting God). Who am I to even think about knowing let alone trusting God? The God who created everything wants a personal relationship with me!

So then new believers, ask the question, What do we do afterward? Are we not the same person we were before we accepted your grace, Lord? I am told all I should not do, and it’s very hard for me to understand what I am to do now. I find it hard to relate everything I hear to my life as it is today. How do I overcome all the fears I brought with me, all the pain and guilt, all the answers I felt I knew? I am told you have all the answers, so how do I apply them to my issues?

As I share my journey to discipleship, as an example for you to look at again, it is my prayer that you find your way to the truths you seek, your way, as I did, knowing that each one of us has a unique path and each one of us has different roadblocks to overcome. This is not a contest. You already won when you were sealed with God’s Holy Spirit. What you do from this point forward depends solely on you and your desires and efforts to change.

My story tells you how I viewed my past, present, and future through God’s filter, my spiritual eyes. It tells you how I felt both before and after I received Christ. I now can look back and view it all and share those visions as I describe how and why my hope was realized.

All who are sealed are called to be disciples of Jesus Christ in their own and unique ways. When we take the time and allow ourselves to be trained and learn God’s definitions of words we once thought we knew the definitions of, we will be much more effective and confident in utilizing the gifts and talents he gave to each of us uniquely and following our own paths of life. Every path leads to saving souls for Christ. Sometimes it is in small ways and other times getting more involved.

We are all, when ready, to share our unique experiences with others so that they may find parts similar and be able to relate to their own unique issues. More importantly, they can see and understand the hope you received and long for what’s in sync with what they want for their lives. God is totally in control and will provide opportunities for us to relate to those who can relate to us. We are to be open to our own spirit’s guidance. We can help them find the answers we once had and walk with them on their journey. I cannot describe the joy and peace you will feel when you know you had a part of someone’s life change and see the fruit in them grow as it did in you, watching them conquer the fear of change and overcome their life obstacles as you did. Yes, even you can do it!

My Life before Accepting Christ as My Savior

My life started out dysfunctional, to say the least. My parents divorced their spouses to marry each other. I was born sometime later. I do not know how the dates coordinated. My half brother and half sister on my mother’s side grew up under my grandfather and grandmother’s care and resented my mother for what she did to them. My half brother and half sister on my father’s side grew up under their mother’s care. So it was just me and, three years later, my brother.

I remember going over to my grandparent’s house and being welcomed by them, but my half sister and half brother were distant with me and much older. I remember desiring a relationship with them, but none really occurred. My half brother married and I believe had children, but committed suicide later in his life. I do not know much more than that. My half sister married and to this day is still married to the same man and has children and grandchildren. She remained estranged from my mother, who is now deceased. This is my White Russia/Jewish side of the family.

My half brother on my father’s side married twice and had six children. He was always in trouble and was in a gang. Again, I tried to have a relationship with him, and it was not until later in life that I succeeded. He died in jail, and several of his kids were in gangs and some died. Some did okay and are still doing well. My half sister married and stayed married until her husband died. She has children and grandchildren but is now suffering from Alzheimer’s. Communication with my nieces and nephews stopped when we got older. I have communicated a few times with my niece who now takes care of her. This is my Sicilian side of the family.

We were very poor growing up and had to sometimes rely on family for help. My father’s family helped some. I always felt that we were marked as losers in their mind. We never really had any relationship with any of the family or cousins. I did not relate to the Italians/Sicilians or the Jews I came in contact with. Where I was brought up, it was hard to relate to those around me as well.

I grew up in poor neighborhoods and everything associated with them. I remember going to school at a very young age, and most of my fellow students were either black or Hispanic. There were a lot of scary people and a lot of good ones. I always walked to school and home from school. I remember one period of time that we did not have electricity and it was winter. I remember we put things in the closet by the door leading outside to a small patio and the milk froze. We slept under many blankets. We also ate one meal a day for a time and it was spaghetti. I learned to hate spaghetti.

My father finally found work. He was an aircraft machinist. We did okay, but for the most part, we were on our own. It was my job to look after my brother. Anything that went wrong, I was punished for it. That usually meant physical punishment, but there was a lot of verbal abuse that lingered long after the effects of the physical punishment went away.

My father missed his kids from his previous marriage, so we moved to California and lived in the poor neighborhoods because we really couldn’t afford to move in the first place, but did anyway. We moved back and forth several times. I attended ten different schools before high school. We moved back to East Los Angeles for the second time and lived in the same neighborhood as before. My high school was mostly a gang school. I was in the minority as far as whites to Hispanics. They were members of two rival gangs that everyone avoided. I was always picked on but learned how to fight and survive. I had friends in both gangs. I became good at survival and being a loner.

This was the period when my sister was born (she is ten years younger than me). Now I was responsible for both of them and caught hell when things went wrong. My father was gone more because he worked pretty far away. His temper grew and he hit me and my mother. I remember getting between them and taking a hit for my mother and then he left. I was so angry I felt that I wanted to kill him at that point and hated him so much. I felt that I would never be good enough for him.

My parents never really gave me any guidance in life (like a bird and bees talk and how to survive on my own). I always felt isolated and had to find ways to fend for myself. I was half Jew and half Italian. And neither nationality really accepted a half-breed, and it seemed as if everyone else didn’t either. So I wanted out as soon as possible. I joined the Air Force after high school. I had a low number for the draft (Vietnam War) and used that as an excuse and never looked back. I was now on my own with no guidance and was determined to take advantage of life and live for myself. I felt that no one else really cared.

My life was full of relationships, but most were short term. I had a girlfriend when I was in military school learning to be a computer technician. Her father was the head of the school, a major, and he was from Lebanon. We got engaged (we were nineteen). Then I got my orders to go to Montana, but she did not want to go there, so she dumped me. I was devastated and married a woman I met there on the rebound. It was a mistake, and we were about to end it when she came up pregnant. We stayed together and moved to Texas when I got out of the service. We separated and later divorced. I did miss my daughter, but could not do much about that. I did not have the money to go visit and, at that time, could only think seriously about me. I was happy to be on my own again and went out with several women. I met one that interested me and after the divorce married her. She had a child and mine was in Montana. Like I said, I had no money to go there and visit with her. I thought that maybe after I married, I could find a way. This was not a good way to start a marriage. I had no one I could count on for advice and made one mistake after another. I was very self-serving and still felt very isolated, and my survival instincts helped me become a great liar and manipulator. We had two wonderful children. I felt love for them and also my daughter, but didn’t really know how to express it. I worked in a job where there was a lot of traveling and I took advantage of that. I was so into me and not feeling the love I needed to feel for my wife or anyone else. We simply were not working together and communicating. My children all suffered because I was not a good father or husband and didn’t know how to be.

My wife said she was praying for me. She was a Baptist. When I came to Christ, we attended the Methodist Church with the men who brought me to Christ, but she was not happy there. I confessed everything to her, and she was rightfully extremely upset. She obviously told everyone and everyone looked down on me. My mentors told me to stick it out and that it was the consequence of my sinning and that I was forgiven by God and have repented, so I trusted God to move me forward. I did and he did. She had an affair sometime later and told me that she wanted a divorce so she could marry him. I did all I could to make ours work after becoming a Christian, but that did not work. I helped her and became the Christian man God wanted me to be even in adversity. She got her divorce. My two children both wanted to live with me, the new me, but my daughter was too young, so she stayed with her mother and my son did live with me. Her son from her previous marriage was on his own and had changed his last name to his father’s. They started to have a real good relationship. My prayers were answered on that front.

She married soon after the divorce. I did not want to date or marry ever again, but God had other plans. I met my current wife at my office. We hit it off and dated for a year before marrying. We have been married for over thirty years.

I followed God’s plan and he blessed me. If you follow his plan, you too will be blessed despite what you may have done in the past. You may have to bear the consequences, but he is there with you. I was reborn into the family of God and became a new man. You can do the same. God has a plan for you too.

How to Use This Book

This book was originally designed to be for the individual, maybe one-on-one with another or a group you trust and is also looking for God’s truth to make it their own. But as I was completing it, God inspired me to think about also using it as the centerpiece for group discussion in the church. So I wrote a leader’s workbook and a participant’s workbook for that purpose. You may want to explore that venue for yourself. Understanding becomes more acceptable as you hear the testimonies of others in a community of believers.

I was also inspired by God to start an online ministry called Even You Ministries where those who are participating can remain anonymous and free to ask the hard questions they were afraid to ask for whatever reason. Many Christians do have a tendency to judge than discern and minister as God intended. We will be posting blogs and also running courses with groups online. It is our hope that we can touch those who had trouble translating what they hear into what they can believe. It is also our hope that when they are trained, they join a church where they can minister to others and use their gifts.

Take lots of notes as you are reading and jot down your thoughts, the verses that inspire you at that time, and any questions you may have. Have fun finding other verses that inspire you about the subject and make them your own. I only give one or two examples, and believe me, there are more.

I do highly recommend doing all this in your journal (for your eyes only). Remember to date every entry and the date you found your answers and what they were. Seek out answers from trusted Christian leaders or friends or on your own in God’s Word. Then always confirm it in the Bible.

At the end of each chapter, insert your overall thoughts and feelings in your journal. Include the date you finished it, any question still unresolved, and your inspiration and action (if appropriate). You can go back to this from time to time to see your progress on this subject.

I have also added a theme (preview to each chapter) to give you better insight, from my point of view, into answering the following questions: Why am I reading this information? How does it relate to me today, and how can I use the information for me today and in the future?

The idea is to get you to find and look into the root causes of your particular issues (known and suppressed). You may or may not be aware of them depending on how deeply they affect you. You can be assured that the information I collected during my journey coordinates with God’s Word. The information I present are excerpts that I picked up and kept during my journey to discipleship from books, the Internet, and wise counsel and directly from my spirit.

This is the path I share with you that I continue to follow in my unique walk, and I believe it will help everyone who desires the hope for a second chance in life that walking with God offers. You will have to walk your own walk, but the path to discipleship is the same for all. When you find your purpose and the pathway God designed for you, you will feel God’s presence every day. It has been very effective for me as a disciple of Jesus Christ in helping others find hope and believe that Jesus Christ is the only answer to salvation, peace, and joy. I have learned how to produce fruit in me as well as in others with God’s direction and help. All glory be to God alone.

The purpose God put in my heart in writing these books the way I did is an answer to my prayer to expand my current one-on-one counseling ministry and give you an in-depth knowledge of the areas covered by the books, which will then allow you to decide for yourself if it makes sense to you and how to apply it to your life and then move forward and become Jesus’s disciple out of a developing faith and love for God. You can and over time will overcome all your specific roadblocks that keep you from using your talents, gifts from God, and all the others God puts in your path. Developing your testimony and becoming transparent are scary and courageous moves. Don’t fear it, but embrace it because you are now a child of God, not the same person that came to Christ.

I always try and keep things in perspective, and I do not look to gain glory through these books. These books are inspired by God. God has all the glory, honor, and praise. He is the author, and his spirit is in me and has directed me to this new season in my life. He will do the same for you.

Step 1

Understanding and Using God’s Gift of Grace as He Intended

Theme: Understand the depth and purpose of God’s grace

The first question I hear from those who have looked at my manuscripts is, Why