Life Changing Choices: The 7 Essential Choices at the Heart of Transformational Change for Foster Youth and Your Community

This book is dedicated to

all the amazing Young People

in our Just in Time Community

and everyone in our Extended Family

who help provide access to

a World of Life Changing Choices

Proceeds from the sale of book will be used share the Just in Time

mission with other organizations across the nation.

CONTENTS

Why We Wrote This

Nyla’s Story No Role Models and I’m Here Right Now

PART 1

The System Is NOT Broken

Tasha’s Story Enough Courage to Raise My Hand

San Diego, We Have a Problem…and It’s Not New

Origins & Inevitable Failures of the Foster Care System

These are OUR Children: The Early Years of Just in Time

Why are You Still Here? The Biggest Gap

Building Reliable, Responsive, Real Community

Life Changing Choices

PART 2

The 7 Essential Choices

Zane’s Story New Memories in a World of My Own Making

CHOICE ONE: What’s Your Intention?

Prioritize Protection or Empowerment

CHOICE TWO: Who are You Serving?

See Damaged & Broken or Creative, Resourceful, & Whole

CHOICE THREE: What will You Promise?

Build a System or a Community

CHOICE FOUR: Where will You Find Answers?

Act from YOUR Agenda or Listen to Lived Experience Experts

CHOICE FIVE: When will You Know You’re Succeeding?

Report What was Done or Share What had Lasting Impact

CHOICE SIX: How will You Sustain Your Efforts?

Follow the Funding or Engage with Impact

CHOICE SEVEN: Who can Start THIS Where You Live?

Wait for Someone Else or Be the Needed Change

PART 3

The Choice to Fail Our Children

Victoria’s Story The Family I Always Dreamed Of

Appendix & Takeaways

No Role Models and I’m Here Right Now

Nyla’s Story

I was permanently placed in the foster care system at 13 years old with my three younger sisters. We were put into foster care due to the physical, emotional and sexual abuse we experienced from our mom and her boyfriends.

Growing up with unsafe and unstable adults made me believe I was incapable of achieving my dreams. I was afraid I was also going to end up a drug addict like the adults around me or I was going to take my own life by the time I was 15 years old.

My sisters were my motivation to create a healthy and fulfilling life for us, despite not having the role models I needed. Unfortunately, we were soon separated when my stepdad got custody of all three sisters while I stayed in foster care.

Although it was so hard for me to know I couldn’t protect my sisters, I pushed myself to get good grades and go to college, hoping that foster care would support me in achieving my goals. But when I expressed my desire to attend a private university, I was met with discouragement and dismissal.

After my stepdad moved to Arizona with my sisters, I knew he was going to hurt them more and I ended up falling into a deep depression. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able make positive changes for my sisters and me after all. I tried my best to keep in contact with them and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t beg to be reunited with them. I made sure I did everything I could in my present day to keep making the positive changes I believed we deserved.

I did make it to college but, without role models, I continued to struggle. I was surrounded by those who doubted my ability to overcome my trauma and achieve my dreams. I had to become my own role model, pushing myself to persevere even when I doubted I could succeed. But to be real- I also cried many times. I longed to have people in my life who would support me unconditionally.

It was when I moved to San Diego during college that everything began to change for me. This was when I connected with Just in Time.

Need books for school? JIT was there. When I was ready to get my driver’s license, JIT had me covered with Changing Lanes. In College Bound, I received a laptop, a printer, and furnishings. Every JIT service provided me with one more building block on my pathway to success.

And through the unconditional support I’ve received from people like Reshae, Sanam, Esmeralda, Diane, Don and so many others, I’ve learned about my strengths and have a better understanding of my unique capabilities. I have JIT to thank for all of that.

Most importantly, I’ve been connected to the greatest coaches who are my mentors. Not only do they understand me; they accept me into their homes and families with open arms. And thanks to this support, I’ve grown into being a person who fully believes in myself.

Earlier this year, I was able to gain custody of one of my sisters, and she is thriving! I’m also proud to say that, not only did I graduate from my dream university, I’m also the first person in my family to get her master’s degree.

After being told by others for so long that I was not a leader or qualified to help students in higher education, I’m Student Advisor at Alliant University, assisting Psychology students with attaining their PhD.

But all of this is just the beginning of my success. I’m striving to work in the mental health field, helping others to heal their traumas and reach their full potential. Because Just in Time has cared for me and empowered me in so many ways, I’m no longer fearful of the unknown or afraid to face my fears.

When I look back at my life, I resonate so much with J. Cole’s lyrics, No role models and I’m here right now, because despite growing up with no role models, I’m here right now and I have a community who has my back and supports me to be the best version of myself every day, and that’s Just in Time for Foster Youth. - Nyla

Nyla is why we wrote this.

And Aaron and Amanda. Nancy and Nathaniel. Isaac and Ivana. Jessica, Johnny, Makayla and Mario. Raul, Rebekkah, Steven and Stephany. Tasha and Thomas. Vivian and Victor and hundreds of other young people who left the foster care system over the years and joined our Just in Time for Foster Youth (JIT) Community as partners in their own success and well-being.

We wrote this book to begin a conversation about a bold new idea - or maybe to resurrect a forgotten fundamental truth - that might just break the cycle of foster care.

Children and families thrive in communities, not systems.

After all the resources and effort dedicated to improving child welfare systems, with little significant change in positive outcomes, we invite exploration of an alternative. A different approach to resources for children and families struggling to thrive that might ultimately replace what isn’t working today.

We wrote this book because we’ve continued to see a stubborn truth over the last two decades about the critical necessity of Community and Connection. A truth reinforced by history and our own experience about why systems will resist change and are unlikely to be empowering, healthy places for young people or families, despite our best intentions.

This book is not a lecture but a challenge for all of us to consider a different point of view. A mindset and model that has empowered our efforts at Just in Time and might do the same for people in any community who are frustrated by the persistent trauma that seems built into the current experience of our children in care.

And we believe that all the young people impacted by foster care are our children.

We wrote this book so you can hear their voices, as we have. So that you can get to know their stories as we have.

Once you do, we hope you seek out their stories in your community and ask others to join and listen.

Most of all, we want this book to start your own crucial conversations about the old Assumptions and the Choices we can change, replacing historically negative outcomes with lasting positive Empowerment.

That’s why we wrote this book.

So we can do this together now.

Caitlin Radigan

Key Partnerships Manager

Diane Cox

Chief Sustainability Officer

Don Wells

Chief Empowerment Officer

Irving Chavez

Chief Impact Officer

James Hidds-Monroe

Impact and Systems Data Strategist

Nathaniel Martinez

Managing Coordinator, Financial Fitness

Simone Hidds-Monroe

Chief Advocacy & Community Empowerment Officer

Vanessa Davis

Chief Visionary, Rise & Thrive

Join the Life Changing Movement at

jitfosteryouth.org/100KCommunity

Part 1

The System

Is NOT Broken

Enough Courage to Raise My Hand

Tasha’s Story

I was placed in the foster care system as a baby with no choice in the matter. While my foster parents provided my basic needs, they were physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. They would say I was mentally retarded because I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, developmental disabilities, and visual impairment due to high myopia.

Most of the time I was quiet because I feared major physical disciplinary actions. I remember feeling so much shame when I was punished for teasing my brother. I was forced to hold my hands high up in the air for three hours. If I lowered them, I’d get whipped. I wasn’t allowed to speak for myself when social workers were present.

The only place I could break out of my shell was at school. I had just enough courage to raise my hand and answer questions in class. This is where I began realizing my potential.

I graduated from high school with a 4.3