101 Days to Make a Change: Daily strategies to move from knowing to being

Section 1

Survival

Getting the Basics Right

Are You Waving or Drowning?

Day 1

Begin and end with gratitude

You don’t have to see the whole staircase – just take the first step.

Martin Luther King

Perhaps the most fundamental element to get right in life is our ability to experience love and feel gratitude, so it seems appropriate to start right there. Why is gratitude so important? Feeling grateful for all that we are and have is deeply satisfying and enriching. It also reduces feelings such as inadequacy, envy and frustration which are the usual stumbling blocks to reaching our full potential. Plus it aids acceptance of other people and their situations, and thereby creates greater empathy.

We will introduce a simple but effective exercise that is designed to top and tail each day. This exercise will, over time, reduce negative thoughts, aid clarity, increase a sense of contentment and lead to greater inner peace.

Today’s exercise

Wake up with gratitude

Take a few moments, just as you wake up, to immediately ‘catch your mind’ and think about a person, a place, a song or an activity that you love. Stay with the thought, elaborate on the visualisation and really go into it until you experience a sensation of love; then set your intention to go into your day with that loving feeling. It may not last all day but the fact that you did it first thing becomes a habit and has an accumulative effect.

It is also important to round up the day’s events and experiences and to clear your mind for that all-important sleep to have its full regenerative effect. Before going to sleep, lie down flat on your back and relax (in bed or on the floor). Gently rest your hands by your side or on your chest, whichever feels right. Now start to run a list in your head of all the things you are grateful for. Start with yourself, including your body, mind, soul, achievements and so on. Move on to all your relationships, experiences, comforts and joys. Imagine that you gently hold all this gratitude in your heart and set your intention to wake up the next day and be even more grateful for all your gifts.

Day 2

Wake up your body

A healthy mind in a healthy body.

Buddhist proverb

We all know that it’s advisable to look after our bodies, yet it can seem impossible to prioritise the time and the space needed to do so. If we eat unhealthily and refrain from exercising or taking adequate rest there is a risk of a build-up of toxins in the system. In time this can lead to disease. Traditional Western ideas, both scientific and religious, have in some ways led to the belief of a separation between the physical body and mental and emotional activities. This can make it difficult to appreciate to what extent general mental and emotional health can impact the physical body, and vice versa.

The body is full of sensory centres that make it possible for us to experience feelings of love, contentment, ecstasy, pain and so on. Toxins left in the body can start to consume vital energy and clog the system. When our energy is low we may become less focused, attentive, open-minded or thoughtful – less aware of and in touch with our feelings. Furthermore, various additives in foods can create chemical imbalances in the body so that physical ailments as well as mood swings and depressive symptoms may ensue. The more toxins are eliminated, the greater our ability to feel energised, alert and relaxed.

As well as causing harm by neglecting our bodies physically, maintaining a negative body image can also be very destructive. This may stem from a variety of sources, such as pressure from popular culture, religious beliefs, traumatic personal experience and so on. An essential element of personal development is to fully accept who we are. A negative body image equates to a lack of self-acceptance which can hinder personal growth. These are extremely personal topics and can be very deep-seated.

The process of investigation and the consequent discovering and demystifying of those beliefs can be painful but ultimately hugely freeing and rewarding.

Today’s exercise

Exercise and eating diary

Do you accept the mind–body connection or are you rejecting it? If so, why? What are your reservations or fears? What is your body image? Are you dragging around negative ideas about your body? How can you celebrate and be grateful for the health and the body that you have?

Starting today, keep a food and exercise journal for the next ten days. Where are your blind spots? Are you getting adequate rest or are you always doing something? Do you eat a lot of junk food that is potentially clogging your system?

Commit to changing at least one bad habit regarding your diet, exercise and rest. Commit to working on gratitude for your body and an improved body image.

Day 3

Knowing a habit

when you see one

Failure is an attitude, not an outcome.

Harvey Mackay

How do we recognise our habits? How do we determine if they are good or bad? Habits are repetitive behavioural patterns that can be useful if they cut the delivery time of a certain positive result, or they can be negative if they stop us from developing and growing by keeping us stuck in the same rut and leading to destructive behaviours towards ourselves and others.

A lot of people report that they simply don’t know why they react a certain way in a given situation. Indeed, they may not even be aware of how they are responding and how it affects those around them. Often the reason is a lack of understanding of the underlying emotion from which the behaviour stems. This is how bad habits are created. The emotion or impulse comes first, the behaviour second.

By observing our reactions and taking note of them we can start to explore what our emotional triggers are – the people, events and situations that create strong reactions in us. These powerful emotional responses lead to behavioural patterns or habits, so by understanding the trigger we are getting to the root of what is causing the habit and can thereby change it.

Today’s exercise

Mood diary

Make a list of all the bad habits you feel you currently have.

Start keeping a journal or make a note below on a daily basis for the duration of this section of what your moods are and how they shift during the day. Record if your emotions are fluctuating depending on what you eat and drink – especially in relation to red meat, refined sugar, lack of water, alcohol and prescription or street drugs.

Start to be observant of your body language. This will provide you with clues on how you might feel about a person or situation. Are you closing yourself off? Holding yourself back or tensing up? Covering your mouth and not speaking out? Getting a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach? Are you lashing out, losing patience, reaching for the biscuit tin or engaging in some other deflective behaviour?

In the evening, take a few moments to reflect – retrace your steps and look at what situations you found yourself in when the mood set in. By doing this you will soon discover which situations, places and people affect you in particular ways. After a while you will start to see patterns.

Review your bad habits list and match it to your mood patterns. Try to see if there is any correlation between the people and situations you have identified as bothering you and any ensuing reactive, negative behaviour or bad habits.

Day 4

Choosing the habits

that you want

We first make our habits, then our habits make us.

John Dryden

We define a ‘good habit’ as a behavioural response that gets the desired result quicker, more effortlessly and with a positive, constructive effect on ourselves and our environment. As discussed above, by understanding our emotional triggers we are getting to the root of what may be causing the habit and we can thereby change it or choose it.

The next step from yesterday’s exercise is therefore to remember how certain situations affect you and thus be prepared beforehand. The journal-keeping is essential in this process. Magic happens when the emotional states are no longer ‘surprises’ – they start to lose their power, thereby making it easier to control the ensuing behavioural reaction. Think of the old adage ‘forewarned is forearmed’. For example, if you know a certain colleague always rubs you up the wrong way in meetings, and if you are mindful of that before you go in, it won’t come as a surprise and you can control your response to that person.

Over time, situations and people will be easier to handle and eventually you might even be able to see something positive in a previously difficult situation. How? By experiencing the transition, you will have learnt how to neutralise a negative situation. Once you’ve done this in one instance you can replicate the process: analyse your emotional response, be prepared, diffuse the negative reaction, then choose a positive behavioural response. This will make you feel more empowered and less like a victim of circumstances that are seemingly beyond your control – a habit well worth developing!

Today’s exercise

Mood diary – negative and positive

Make a list of all the good habits you can think of that you would like to develop. Match them to any opposing bad habits that you currently feel you have. Review the mood patterns from Day 3 and your analysis of when the bad habits kicked in. Apply the ‘forewarned is forearmed’ approach and think about how you can turn the bad habit into a good one.

Start doing it, now, today – no more excuses!

Day 5

Manage your mind

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right!

Henry Ford

Meditation is the activity of learning how to manage the mind so that incessant and negative thought patterns abate. Meditation is not about sitting still and doing nothing. It requires technique and practice but the rewards are immeasurable. In time, regular meditation practice can begin to permeate all areas of life and we start to feel more present, connected and peaceful – which can make acceptance, forgiveness and personal achievement easier to master. This is what Buddhists call meditation in action, or mindfulness.

Today’s exercise

Meditation

Prepare the space

Choose a space in your house where you will not be disturbed by anyone, including the phone. Ideally the space should be clean and clutter-free. Perhaps you would like to enhance the atmosphere with candles, incense, flowers or an inspiring picture – anything that encourages calm and connectedness in you.

The ritual of clearing the space and decorating it as you wish provides a preparation for the practice. It calms the mind and sets your intention, which is to focus actively on meditation. According to many Eastern philosophies (e.g. Buddhism, Feng Shui, Taoism) the energy of the space is very important and will have a direct impact on the depth of your practice.

Sitting posture

Once your space is ready, sit down in a cross-legged position, gently resting your hands on your knees. Make sure your shoulders and jaw are relaxed and your back is straight. Use a cushion under the buttocks to relieve tension in the knees and hips if necessary. Relax your face and gently close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths and become aware of your body. Put your focus on any areas of tension or aches and breathe deeply with the intention of relieving it.

Breathing

Once you have settled in more comfortably, bring your attention to your breath. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth (though the nose is OK too). Count to three on the inbreath and three on the out-breath. Continue for ten breaths, then relax and breathe normally for ten breaths.

Repeat the cycle four times. After that, sit quietly, breathe normally and focus on the breath. Your mind may wander off as thoughts pop into your head. Gently bring your attention back to the breath. Do not get frustrated if the mind keeps wandering – this is normal and will stop with time. As soon as you feel yourself getting tired of focusing on deep breathing, just breathe normally and observe each breath, in and out.

For the first week do this meditation as often as you like but ideally at least once a day in the morning. Try to sit for a minimum of twenty minutes. As the breathing exercise becomes more comfortable you can experiment with longer counts on the in- and out-breaths. Just make sure you don’t get light-headed – this is not an endurance test! The aim is to calm the mind, lower your blood pressure and relieve tensions.

Day 6

Just do it!

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Thomas Edison

For the past few days we have looked at how to develop and grow intuitively (gratitude), physically (wake up your body), emotionally (habits) and mentally (manage your mind). Carl Jung called these ideas the four basic intelligences or modes of interacting with the world. The most important thing of all is now to ‘walk the walk’, so today is all about just doing it! Go back and review the exercises from the last few days and make sure you are actually doing them. Reading about them will provide you with ideas and insights, but real change comes from taking action. Life is a constant spiral of opportunities, action and learning. Start twirling!

Today’s exercise

Take action

Today is all about action. Try not to think too long and hard – take action instead. How does it feel to leap into something? Do you do that often and then think about what you did afterwards? Or do you tend to ponder and perhaps arrive too late to the party? Make a note in your journal of what you feel is your default mode, but for today practise not thinking too much but taking action instead; always of course with a loving and considerate intention – we are not advocating rash and thoughtless behaviour. Just have the experience of being daring.