The Enneagram Development Guide

INTRODUCTION

The Enneagram Development Guide is designed for individuals who have chosen to take the path of extreme growth, whether at work, home, in your community, with your friends, or in any context.

Anyone can take the route of no growth. When people make this decision — and making no decision is a decision — they soon find that their friends, colleagues, family members, peers and even the organization have moved beyond them.

Those who take the path of moderate growth, making themselves comfortable and going at their own pace, will be fine for a while, but then their partners, friends, family members, colleagues and members of their organization will begin to outpace them.

Those who follow the path of extreme growth will be amazed at their capacity and at the vitality that a commitment to growth brings. The rate of their personal and professional development and the growth rate of the organization are integrated and grounded. This newfound vibrancy is an exhilarating experience.

This development guide is divided into 10 sections — one for each of the nine Enneagram types, with development activities tailored to that type, and a tenth section that includes additional developmental activities that are designed for everyone. The activities in each section cover 13 different topics. Topics with a star* beside them indicate they are applicable to everyone, not just in the workplace setting.

Self-Mastery *

Communication *

Feedback *

Conflict *

Teams

Leadership

Results Orientation

Strategy

Decision Making *

Organizational Change

Transformation *

Somatics *

Subtypes *

Enjoy the journey.

ENNEAGRAM ONES

THE SEARCH FOR PERFECTION AND THE AVOIDANCE OF MISTAKES

If it’s not worth doing right, it’s not worth doing.

I love organizing and structuring what needs to be done.

Good people like me don’t get angry.

Discerning and judging, quality-focused and responsible, organized and resentful, Enneagram Ones structure their worlds and exert self-control in order to ensure that they, others around them, and their environments align as closely as possible to their refined and precise ideals and standards of excellence. Ones don’t really believe that true perfection is possible, but they do believe what matters most is that people are constantly working on improvement toward these ideals.

All Ones have an internalized set of high standards, a long series of expectations about how they and others should behave, as well as how activities should be structured and executed. All Ones, however, do not necessarily share the same exact standards. In addition, some Ones worry in advance about meeting their standards and getting everything right; some Ones perceive themselves as closer to perfect than the rest of us and view themselves as role models of excellence; and some Ones direct their standards of perfection to others by constantly trying to improve them!

The One’s interpersonal style is normally clear, precise, direct, and exacting, using carefully chosen words and phrases expressed in a seemingly polite manner. They are both self-controlled and spontaneously reactive, amused and skeptical, playful yet decidedly serious, and gracious, yet prone to flares of irritation or outbursts of anger.

While we can all be perfectionists at times, with high standards and a tendency to criticize both ourselves and others, for Ones, the search for perfection and the avoidance of mistakes is their primary, persistent, and driving motivation.

ONES: TABLE OF CONTENTS

DEVELOPMENT STRETCHES FOR ONES

INDIVIDUALS WHO SEEK A PERFECT WORLD AND WORK DILIGENTLY TO IMPROVE BOTH THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AROUND THEM

CONTENTS

Self-Mastery

Communication

Feedback

Conflict

Teams

Leadership

Results Orientation

Strategy

Decision Making

Organizational Change

Transformation

Somatics

Subtypes

ONES: SELF-MASTERY (CORE ISSUES)

SELF-MASTERY DEVELOPMENT STRETCHES

Self-Mastery — the ability to understand, accept, and transform your thoughts, feelings, and behavior, with the understanding that each day will bring new challenges that are opportunities for growth — is the foundation of all personal and professional development. Self-mastery begins with self-awareness, then expands to include nine more factors:

Self-awareness | demonstrates a deep level of self-awareness of thoughts, feelings and behaviors, as well as of motivations, inner drives, and one’s impact on others

Responsive to feedback | able to utilize accurate and useful feedback without this being contingent on who gives the feedback or the elegance of its delivery

Self-responsibility | takes full responsibility for own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and does not blame others

Self-motivation | has an intrinsic and positive motivational structure rather than being motivated by external sources or by fear

Self-management | makes conscious choices about own thoughts, feelings and behaviors rather than trying to under or over-control reactions

Emotional maturity | chooses wisely and thoughtfully and integrates perspectives different from one’s own

Personal vision | possesses a strong sense of purpose based on positive values

Integrity | exhibits productive behavior consistent with core values

Personality integration | has open access to head, heart, and gut and uses them in an aligned way

Lifelong learning commitment | continuously engages in self-development

In this section on self-mastery, you will find the following:

Three common issues for Ones related to self-mastery

Three development stretches for working with the core issues of your Enneagram type, including one basic activity and one deeper activity for each stretch

Three development stretches for working with your wings and arrows

Common Issues for Ones Related to Self-Mastery

Becoming accepting, calm, and serene rather than trying to make everything perfect

Letting go of being overly attentive to details and needing to have everything under control

Becoming more flexible and relaxed and less judgmental and reactive

Development Stretches for Working with the Core Issues of Your Enneagram Type

Pay attention to your patterns of your right/wrong thinking.

BASIC ACTIVITY

Without trying to change yourself, write down all the ways in which you judge, evaluate, and critique events, objects, people, and yourself. Include your language patterns (thoughts, words you have written or spoken) and nonverbal behavior, and identify what triggers these responses in you. Paradoxically, the more you become aware of this behavior without trying to change it, the more you will gradually begin to shift your responses.

DEEPER ACTIVITY

Keep a daily journal and note the times you engage in judgments, opinions, criticisms, or any other behavior that reflects right/wrong thinking on your part. At the end of each week, review your journal and note the patterns related to this thinking — for example, the frequency of the behavior per day and per week; what you actually thought or said, along with your accompanying feelings, physical sensations, and body language at the time; and the external or internal events that triggered your reaction. After four weeks of keeping and reviewing this journal, note the overall patterns you discover. Ask yourself these questions: Is your behavior consistent throughout the day and week, or are you more prone to right/wrong thinking late in the day or at other times when you are fatigued? Do you tend to exhibit this behavior toward those you know best or least well? Do you tighten all your muscles or primarily those in your face and jaw? Do you tend to react more strongly when you feel criticized, when you feel someone is responding too slowly, or under some other condition?

Once you become aware of your patterns related to right/wrong thinking, locate a point early in the process when you could actually intercept your typical reaction — for instance, an early physical sensation (such as a jerking back of your head) or a particular line of thought (such as the thought that another person is too slow or that an idea won’t work). This interception point can be thought of as a choice point. Once you are aware of your choice point, you can actually begin to choose to react in a different way. At that moment, you can say to yourself, I’m about to go into my typical reactive pattern. Do I want to do that? If your answer is no, then substitute another behavior, such as deep breathing combined with a refocusing of your thoughts on something else, particularly something positive. The new thoughts can be something positive about the other person, the event at hand, or something you like — for example, your favorite hobby or food. Every time your choice point arises, substitute an alternative behavior. You may need to experiment with alternative behaviors until you find the ones that work best for you.

Use your feelings of resentment as a clue to deeper-seated anger.

BASIC ACTIVITY

Whenever you feel irritation or resentment, ask yourself these questions: Am I really angry about something else that has little to do with this person or situation? Is there some core value that I hold that I believe has been violated? Is there something in how I see myself or how I want to see myself that has been threatened?

DEEPER ACTIVITY

Ones are usually more familiar with resentment — a mild form of anger — than they are with deeper forms of anger, such as fury and rage. However, a deeper, suppressed anger often underlies the One’s feelings of resentment. These angry feelings lie below the surface, where they accumulate and simmer. When something occurs that upsets or distresses Ones, their resentment can become fueled by these unexpressed or unresolved latent feelings. If Ones want to use their feelings of resentment as a clue to more deeply felt anger, they must first recognize their feelings of resentment as these occur.

To do this, keep a pad of paper with you and make a note of each time you feel resentful or experience less intense variations of resentment such as displeasure, irritation, or distress. Pay special attention to your body’s cues, your thought processes, and your emotional reactions, and make notes of these responses.

After two weeks, review what you have written and identify the patterns of your responses. This will help you to recognize that you are actually feeling resentful at times when you otherwise might not even notice your reaction. It is common for us to not recognize feelings and reactions that we experience regularly because we are so accustomed to them. After doing this exercise, however, you will be more likely to notice when you feel resentful.

Now that you are able to identify the feeling of resentment, each time it occurs, ask yourself: Am I only upset about what just happened, or is there more behind this? Write down all the things that may be bothering you that are related to or may be contributing to your feelings of resentment. Make this list as long as possible by going as far back and as deeply as you can. For example, someone at work may have annoyed you by taking full credit for work to which you made a significant contribution. Write down everything else that this person has done that has bothered you, and why. Next, write down more examples of times when others have taken credit for your work or when you have failed to receive the acknowledgment you deserved.

Finally, list the values you hold dear, then itemize the times when you feel others have violated these values. Continue the above process until the underlying causes of your deeper anger become apparent to you. Because these feelings may be deeply buried, do not be discouraged if the process takes several months.

Learn to appreciate what is positive in everything — events, inanimate objects, and the behavior of other people.

BASIC ACTIVITY

Whenever you have negative reactions, add an equal number of positive ones. If you try to erase or submerge your negative feelings or thoughts, they are likely to become stronger or else go underground temporarily, only to reappear more strongly at a later date. However, if you also add positive reactions, you will begin to neutralize some of the negativity and build up your ability to see the positive.

DEEPER ACTIVITY

On the first day of this activity, go on an hourly treasure hunt for all that is right in the world; do this activity for two or three minutes every hour. You may still notice things that contain errors or behavior that does not reflect your standards, but try to focus instead on the elegance, beauty, or positive aspects of what you observe. For example, when you read an e-mail or letter and notice a typographical error on it, pay more attention to and acknowledge the quality of the ideas and/or the excellence in the choice of words. Similarly, when you attend a meeting that may not be running efficiently, notice and appreciate something positive about the meeting — for example, the effort that the meeting chair puts into gaining everyone’s participation.

Practice this exercise every day for the next three weeks or longer, particularly at times when you find yourself overfocusing on the negative. When you feel focusing on the positive has become a more natural part of your thought process, continue doing the exercise for five minutes every day before you go to work. You can also use this exercise if you notice yourself suddenly reverting to a pattern of fault-finding only, rather than appreciating the positive as well. At these times, five minutes of a positive treasure hunt will help you to regain your balance.

ONES: SELF-MASTERY (WINGS)

Development Stretches for Working with Your Wings and Arrows

Wings are the two Enneagram types on either side of your core Enneagram type; arrows are two Enneagram types shown with arrows pointing away or toward your core Enneagram type. Your wing and arrow types don’t change your core Enneagram type, but instead offer qualities that can broaden and enrich your patterns of thinking and feeling as well as enhance your behaviors. Your wing and arrow types make you more complex and versatile because they provide more dimensions to your personality and serve as vehicles for self-development. For Enneagram type Ones, the two wings are types Nine and Two. The two arrows are types Four and Seven.

Integrate Your Nine Wing

Embrace multiple points of view.

Nines usually perceive multiple points of view, whereas Ones tend more to focus on their own opinions and perceptions. When you become strident while expressing a point of view, ask yourself: What are the other points of view on this that are equally valid and need to be heard? Think through the alternative perspectives without judging any of them. Nines also tend to mediate and facilitate during controversial interactions, while Ones generally take strong and firm positions during these times. When a controversy arises and you begin to take a strong position on the subject, start asking other people what they think and why.

Exercise tolerance.

Nines tend to accept their circumstances and other people without evaluation; in contrast, Ones lean toward discernment and judgment. When you feel that you want to change something or someone, move toward the Nine orientation of acceptance without judgment. When this becomes difficult, two techniques sometimes help. You can ask yourself: How would a Nine respond in this situation? Let the answer guide your behavior. The second technique is to appreciate how perfectly imperfect we human beings can be. This approach can lead Ones to acceptance and integration of the wrong with the right as part of the human condition.

Learn to relax.

When the going gets rough, Nines often take time for themselves, relaxing into pleasurable pastimes; during similar situations, Ones tend to push themselves harder and often engage in self-reflection and self-recrimination. When you are under a great deal of pressure, take 15 minutes to a half hour to do something pleasurable and relaxing. This will be easier to do when you set a time limit on this activity; during that time period, let yourself enjoy every minute.

Integrate Your Two Wing

Focus on people.

Twos usually focus first on other people, while Ones tend to focus on the tasks that need to be accomplished. When you begin a new task that involves other people, switch gears and experiment with focusing on the people first and the task second. Rather than jumping directly into the task, spend some time engaging people in a social conversation. Instead of offering a way to organize the work, first ask others for their ideas.

Motivate others.

Twos tend to motivate others to accomplish tasks; Ones tend to do the work themselves and then become overextended. Examine the work for which you’re responsible and ask yourself this: Who else could do some of this work, and what can I do to encourage them to take this on with enthusiasm?

Come from your heart.

Twos can be empathic and compassionate, whereas Ones may tend to be judgmental or analytical. When you realize that you are judging or analyzing someone, shift your focus and imagine what he or she may be feeling at that moment. Pay special attention to body language clues. Think about what this person may need from you and, if possible, do or say something to address this person’s needs.

ONES: SELF-MASTERY (ARROWS)

Integrate Arrow Type Four

Express yourself creatively.

Many Ones are creative, and they often create using their analytical skills. For example, Ones may write or draw, and they tend to analyze their creations at regular intervals. Fours, on the other hand, create using emotional spontaneity; their review of the quality often comes after they have fully expressed what they want to say or show. This delayed critique often enables the creator to have more freedom and expansiveness in his or her expression. Ones can free themselves creatively by withholding their judgment until the end of the creative act.

In addition, Fours tend to express their emotions through the creative process, which provides them with an outlet for their complex emotions. Ones can also use their emotions as the basis for their creative endeavors. Writing, movement, and the visual arts can help Ones examine and release some of the feelings that may lie below their more controlled exterior. Take an art class or explore a creative mode in which you already have talent and choose an emotion that you are currently feeling deeply. Through your art, try to express the complex nuances of that feeling as well as its intensity and subtlety. Make self-expression your first priority.

Develop deep connections with others.

While Ones can establish deep connections with others, their tendency to judge can interfere with the development of relationships; others tend to keep some distance when they sense they are being judged. Fours, however, usually create deep interpersonal connections easily. The establishment of deep connections requires the ability to focus on the other person while at the same time staying connected to oneself. Ones can practice this when they are interacting with someone by paying attention to both feelings and thoughts — their own as well as the other person’s — and focusing on themselves and the other person simultaneously. To do this, breathe into your diaphragm during conversations and ask yourself at three-minute intervals: What am I feeling right now? Make sure that your answer is a feeling, not a thought. Immediately after you have answered this question about yourself, ask yourself: What do I think the other person is feeling right now? Pay particular attention to his or her body language and tone of voice, along with the words chosen.

Become more fluid in your working style.

Ones tend to organize their lives both at work and at home in a logical, linear, and organized fashion, whereas Fours often prefer a more organic and fluid structure to their days. One of the ways Fours do this is to ask themselves at regular intervals the following questions: What do I feel like doing right now? What is my deeper personal experience, and how am I responding to that? What is it that would give me meaning? When Ones begin to ask themselves these same questions, it can help free them from what they ought to do or should do and help move them into a less structured, more spontaneous way of organizing their lives.

Integrate Arrow Type Seven

Become more spontaneous.

Sevens tend to be spontaneous and to follow their impulses, while Ones tend to be restrained and self-controlled. Sevens do what excites them and express their thoughts almost as quickly as they think them. Ones, on the other hand, act from a sense of responsibility and evaluate their words before they say them. To practice being more spontaneous, Ones can experiment with doing one activity each day that is totally unplanned. You can do this in one of two ways. First, you can ask yourself: What do I feel like doing right now? and then do it immediately. Leave whatever you are working on and simply engage in this spontaneous activity. The other option would be to say yes to someone who initiates a spur-of-the-moment invitation — for example, taking a walk or going to lunch. A final suggestion for increasing your spontaneity is to be less verbally censored. Spend five minutes each day saying anything that comes to your mind. Once you can do this easily, increase your time of verbal spontaneity to 10 minutes. This latter practice, of course, should be done in the presence of someone who understands and supports this experiment.

Integrate work and fun.

Most Ones certainly know how to have fun, but they tend to separate work from fun. When they work, they work, and when they are not working or following through on their other responsibilities, they allow themselves time for enjoyment. Most Sevens, on the other hand, try to have fun with everything they do, including work. Ones can learn to have more fun at work by consciously integrating enjoyment with the work they do — for example, bringing food to a staff meeting, putting on your favorite music while doing work, or putting a favorite picture within view. In addition, Ones can have fun with others at work by finding something interesting and fascinating about each individual. Ones can also learn how to place a higher priority on pleasure in their everyday lives, not just when they are on vacation or away from their normal environment.

To practice pleasure, make a list of twenty things that give you pleasure to do. Each week do at least one activity from this list. If you start to feel guilty for taking time just to enjoy yourself, you can reassure yourself with the following thought: When you spend some time enjoying yourself every day, it will very likely improve your work and will definitely improve your health.

Explore possibilities.

Sevens tend to be flexible and optimistic, while Ones tend to be more structured and realistic. When you begin to think that there is only one best way to organize work and/or you start to discount ideas or alternatives because they seem too impractical, challenge yourself to do the following: think of at least three very different ways to organize the same work, and articulate the value of what may appear on the surface to be an impractical idea. To take this even further, ask others how they think the work could be organized, and try to elicit from others as many ideas as possible.

ONES: COMMUNICATION

COMMUNICATION DEVELOPMENT STRETCHES

When you communicate with someone, three kinds of unintentional distortions may be present: speaking style, body language, and blind spots. Speaking style refers to your overall pattern of speaking. Body language includes posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, body movements, energy levels, and hundreds of other nonverbal messages. Blind spots are elements of your communication containing information about you that is not apparent to you but is highly visible to other people. We all unknowingly convey information through an amalgam of our speaking style, body language, and other inferential data.

The receivers of the messages you send also distort what they hear through their distorting filters. These are unconscious concerns or assumptions, often based on the listener’s Enneagram type, that alter how someone hears what others say.

Change one communication style behavior at a time.

It is most effective to work on changing one behavior at a time, preferably in the following sequence: speaking style, body language, blind spots, and listening distorting filters. It is easiest to change the behaviors of which we are most aware, and this sequence represents the most common order of awareness, from most to least aware.

Ones: Speaking style

Precise, direct, exacting, concise, and detailed

Share task-related thoughts

Use words such as should, ought, must, correct, excellent, good, wrong, and right

React quickly to ideas

Defensive if criticized

Ones: Body language

Erect posture

Taut muscles

Eyes focused

Body language may reveal a negative reaction

Clothing well-coordinated and pressed

Ones: Blind spots

Appear critical, impatient, or angry

Tenacious regarding your own opinions

Ones: Distorting filters when listening to someone else

Feeling criticized by the other person

Preoccupation with your own ideas

Whether, in your view, the other person is behaving correctly and responsibly

Note: Some of the above characteristics may be positive, some negative, and some neutral or mixed. They are intended as an overview to allow you to select from among them.

Use e-mails to expand and adjust your language patterns.

Review your e-mails before you send them for language and tone.

Delete, then change language that implies should, ought, right, and wrong.

before you send the e-mail.

Use words that suggest flexibility and receptivity rather than categorical or emphatic thinking.

Experiment with language that acknowledges and encourages multiple points of view as well as input or reactions.

ONES: FEEDBACK

FEEDBACK DEVELOPMENT STRETCHES

Honest, positive, and constructive feedback — direct, objective, simple, and respectful observations that one person makes about another’s behavior — improves both relationships and on-the-job performance. When you offer feedback, the Feedback Formula, combined with the insights of the Enneagram, helps you tailor your delivery. When someone gives you feedback, the more receptive you are to hearing what is being said, the more likely it is that you will be able to discern what is useful and utilize what has been suggested.

FEEDBACK FORMULA: THE 3 STEPS

Observable behavior

A clear, data-based statement about the feedback recipient’s observable behavior, stated in a factual way

Impact of behavior

Information about why this feedback is important to the feedback recipient, to you and to others such as colleagues, family members, etc.

Preferred behavior

Ideas about alternative behaviors so the feedback recipient can consider multiple options

How Ones Can Enhance Their Ability to Deliver Feedback Effectively

When you offer feedback to someone, you want to be prepared and also to encourage the feedback recipient to be as receptive as possible. Remember that how and when you deliver feedback is just as important as what you actually say.

Use the three components of the Feedback Formula together with the following suggestions to plan and deliver the feedback.

Utilize your skill at being very specific but avoid being too detailed or selecting too many small items.

Keep your capacity to generate ways someone else can improve but work very hard to control your use of explicitly or implicitly judgmental language.

Maintain your truthfulness but resolve any residual anger or resentment prior to having the feedback conversation so your feelings do not show through your body language.

Offer positive feedback as much as negative feedback; good work, even if it is not stellar, also deserves recognition.

Remember that as hard as you work to make your own behavior impeccable, the feedback recipient may not want your help in becoming perfect.

How Ones Can Be More Receptive When They Receive Feedback

When someone gives you negative feedback, it may ignite your tendency toward self-criticism. Tell yourself: I can determine later what I agree with; let me listen now with an open mind.

Keep your body as relaxed as possible when you receive positive or negative feedback to help you be as open as possible to what is said. Breathing deeply can be helpful.

Even if you don’t respect or admire someone, be open to the positive or negative feedback offered. There is likely some useful information to learn.

ONES: CONFLICT

CONFLICT DEVELOPMENT STRETCHES

Relationships in both our personal and professional lives often involve some degree of conflict, which may be caused by a variety of factors and usually follows the pinch-crunch cycle described below:

START-UP (HOPE) | At the beginning of a new relationship, people usually are hopeful that the relationship will work well and be both satisfying and productive. At this stage, people generally exhibit their most polite behavior.

GRACE PERIOD (HONEYMOON) | During the honeymoon stage, people are still trying to create a positive impression and tend to overlook or rationalize when the other person does something they don’t like.

IRRITATION (PINCH) | After a period of time, people start to feel irritated with each other, known as a pinch. Most often, people don’t say anything because they think it might be a one-time event or get concerned that saying something will create tension with the other person and make things worse.

CONFLICT (CRUNCH) | When pinches build up without resolution, they turn into a crunch, commonly experienced as conflict, either overt or convert. People start avoiding one another, may leave the relationship entirely and experience distress in each other’s presence.

START-OVER (HOSTILITY) | In the start-over stage, emotions run high and those in conflict often need assistance from an outside person (counselor, coach, human resources professional) to help them discuss and resolve the issues.

LEAVE OR RESTART | At this point the cycle, people decide to either stay and restart the relationship in a constructive way or they may decide to leave the relationship.

Whatever the root cause of the conflict, the Enneagram types of the key parties involved will always be a factor in the conflict dynamics and resolution. The Enneagram enables each individual involved to make conflict resolution a constructive rather than destructive experience. The more people know themselves, understand their own responsibilities in the conflict interaction, engage in constructive self-management, and know how best to approach others through knowledge of the Enneagram, the greater the chances of a swift and effective outcome.

There are specific pinches (anger triggers) for each Enneagram type — that is, certain situations that will invariably ignite anger in a person of one type yet may not affect someone of a different type.

For Ones, these pinches include:

Being criticized

Another’s lack of follow-through

Another’s noncollaborative changes to a plan

Feeling deceived

Another’s lack of timeliness

Development Stretches for Transforming Anger into an Opportunity for Growth

Share your likely pinches (anger triggers) with others at the beginning of your working relationship.

Give details and specific examples of these pinches so that other people