The Introvert's Guide to Success in the Workplace: Becoming Confident in a Culture of Extroverted Expectations

The most balanced team is one that covers a multitude of strengths and skills. When introverts and extroverts stop competing for space and start filling the gaps, powerful things can happen. Mike masterfully pulls back the curtain on the struggles introverts face in the workplace and offers easy solutions that won’t compromise who you are (or exhaust you in the process).

Jon Acuff, New York Times bestselling author of Soundtracks

As an introvert, I learned the hard way that trying to be someone you’re not leads to burnout, not success. I wish I’d had the wisdom, insights, and practical steps Mike Bechtle offers in this book years ago. This is a must-read for any introvert who wants to truly thrive in their work, not by changing who they are but by fully embracing their God-given strengths.

Holley Gerth, bestselling author of The Powerful Purpose of Introverts

"In my work with professional speakers, I regularly mentor introverts who feel limited by their temperament. The Introvert’s Guide to Success in the Workplace dissolves those myths, providing a logical, step-by-step process for introverts to achieve the same (or even greater) impact than their extroverted peers. Every introvert needs this resource in their library if they want to claim their spot as a top performer in any field!"

Grant Baldwin, author of The Successful Speaker and founder and CEO of The Speaker Lab

This book is one of a kind. Other books on this subject have convinced us that it’s OK to be an introvert. This one makes it extremely practical, helping us to capitalize on the strengths of our temperament and translate them into success skills for work and life. It’s not a how-to book on how to pretend to be an extrovert; it’s a useful, helpful handbook on being our best selves so we can contribute powerfully and thrive authentically in the world we share with extroverts.

Ken Gonyer, former CEO of Choice Books

Whoever said ‘the loudest person wins’ was just plain wrong. From his own personal and professional experience, author Mike Bechtle demonstrates that being introverted is not a handicap. It’s not even a weakness. In fact, it’s a strength working in our favor when understood and used properly. In his engaging writing style, Bechtle combines scholarship, story, and practical and proven action steps to help introverted readers engage the ever-present creative tension between acceptance and adjustment—accepting our personality in a healthy way while also making adjustments that are both meaningful and manageable to become the best version of ourselves. With a focus on the workplace, the principles in this outstanding book apply to solopreneurs, business owners, executives, managers, team leaders, and employees. In other words, if you’re an introvert with a job, you need to read this book!

Ramon Presson, PhD, licensed counselor and author of When Will My Life Not Suck?

OTHER BOOKS BY MIKE BECHTLE

One-Minute Tips for Confident Communication

It’s Better to Bite Your Tongue Than Eat Your Words

The People Pleaser’s Guide to Loving Others without Losing Yourself

Dealing with the Elephant in the Room

I Wish He Had Come with Instructions

People Can’t Drive You Crazy If You Don’t Give Them the Keys

How to Communicate with Confidence

Evangelism for the Rest of Us

© 2023 by Mike Bechtle

Published by Revell

a division of Baker Publishing Group

Grand Rapids, Michigan

www.revellbooks.com

Ebook edition created 2023

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

ISBN 978-1-4934-4343-7

Scripture quotations are from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

The names and details of the people and situations described in this book have been changed or presented in composite form in order to ensure the privacy of those with whom the author has worked.

Baker Publishing Group publications use paper produced from sustainable forestry practices and post-consumer waste whenever possible.

To Jacob.

God created you

because it made him happy.

Then he gave you to us

and it made us happy.

You bring joy to everyone around you . . .

and we’re so grateful for you!

Contents

Cover

Endorsements    1

Half Title Page    3

Other Books by Mike Bechtle    4

Title Page    5

Copyright Page    6

Dedication    7

Introduction    11

1. Where the Journey Began    17

Part 1:  Introverts at Work    25

2. The Introvert Revival    29

3. Mind Games    38

4. Myth Busters    46

5. How to Talk to Yourself    56

Part 2:  The Seven Master Moves    67

6. Learning to Speak Extrovert    71

7. Managing Energy for Peak Performance    82

8. Creating Influence through Gentle Persuasion    94

9. Building Trust    104

10. Nurturing Emotional Intelligence    114

11. Customizing Your Work Environment    125

12. Ensuring Success through Intentional Preparation    135

Part 3:  Thriving at Work    145

13. Crafting Your Career    149

14. Working Well with Others    159

15. Becoming Visible    168

16. Leading Your People    179

17. Communicating with Confidence    190

18. Focusing on a Greater Purpose    199

A Final Perspective for Introverts    209

Acknowledgments    213

Notes    217

Back Cover    225

Introduction

It’s five in the morning, and I’ve arrived at a Starbucks near my house. I come here often because it’s a great place to write without distraction. It’s a drive-thru location, so most of the other customers will stay outside in their cars, and I’ll have the inside practically to myself.

I like that. For me, early mornings are a time to enjoy the quiet. It’s when I build up my energy for the day. It was dark as I drove here, and there’s not much traffic yet.

I exchange a few words with the cashier as she takes my order. She smiles as she talks—it’s a brief, warm, human connection. Behind the counter it is busy and noisy even at this early hour. The baristas are moving at 1.25 speed to provide customers with their caffeinated jolts for the day. Utensils are clacking, steam is hissing, and the chatter is constant.

I take my coffee back to my usual table by the window where I can watch the world wake up. It’s much quieter in the sitting area. I watch the sun yawning its way over the horizon, and I savor a world that’s not in a hurry. I know the day will be filled with meetings and conversations and productivity and challenges, but I can handle that well if I start my day slowly. It feels like I’ve stopped at an emotional gas station and topped off my tank to prepare for the day.

Before long they turn the music on (rap at the moment), disturbing the quiet and threatening my solitude. I came prepared for the music, and as I do each day, I pull out my secret weapon to help me retreat into focused silence: my noise-canceling headphones.

I always figured these were invented by an introvert who worked best in a quiet environment, but it turns out they were created by a sound engineer on an international flight back in 1978. The flight attendants gave passengers simple headphones to listen to music, but the cabin noise was loud enough to block most of the tunes. So this engineer used his drink napkin to scribble out his ideas on how to eliminate background noise, which led to the noise-canceling technology we use today. His name was Dr. Amar Bose. He couldn’t make the airplane quieter, so he found a way to keep the noise out and focus on what he wanted to hear.1

Or think about scuba gear. If we want to see things deep in the ocean, we can’t survive without it. Sure, it would just be easier if we could become fish—but that’s not going to happen. That’s what being an introvert working in a world of extrovert expectations can feel like. People assume we should just become extroverts and fit in, but that’s as realistic as growing fins and gills. Instead, we accept the reality of the situation and find creative ways to function in that foreign environment.

We’re not fish, and we’re not extroverts.

We’re introverts—and we have everything we need to negotiate the world of work with stellar results. Our job is to step up and become the best version of ourselves, and in this book, you’ll learn how!

Where It All Started

Nothing will ever become of your son, I heard my kindergarten teacher tell my parents. He’s too shy.

I don’t have a lot of early memories of school, but that one stuck. I was a little surprised that she said it while I was standing there, as if I was too young to notice. I’m sure the conversation continued, but I don’t remember hearing it. All I recall is my five-year-old’s interpretation of what I heard:

If you’re going to succeed in life, you can’t be shy.

I wasn’t sure what shy meant, but it didn’t sound good. It implied that there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed.

It couldn’t be fixed. It sounded permanent.

It sounded like a defect that would make my entire life less than.

Over time, those early words became my identity. I didn’t know any better, so I wasn’t really suffering; I just figured I wasn’t in the same league as other kids. They were the winners—outgoing and friendly and warm, hanging out with others who were the same. I would hang out with the losers—the quieter kids and the misfits. It wasn’t because I was drawn to them but because that’s where I felt I belonged.

After all, a professional (my teacher) had declared my position, so it must be accurate.

Since I believed that about myself, I assumed everyone else believed it too. He’s the shy kid, I figured they must be thinking. I wouldn’t want to be his friend. That’s a heavy burden for a kid to carry. But I didn’t know there were any alternatives.

One day, in my fifth-grade physical education class, we divided up into two teams to play kickball. The captains took turns selecting who they wanted on their team, and soon I was the only one left. The good news is that the captains fought over me. The bad news is that they were fighting to get rid of me. You take him, one captain said. No, that’s OK, said the other, You can just keep him.

It was uncomfortable but not unexpected. It simply reinforced what I assumed was true: I was at the bottom of the pecking order among my peers. It was my perception, so it became my reality. I convinced myself that I was just a quiet person; things would always be this way, and there was nothing I could do about it. It also meant I would never be successful because I couldn’t be noisier. I saw all the outgoing kids in my school—their success in friendships, in opportunities, and in life—and knew that couldn’t be me.

I was stuck, and it didn’t seem fair. I wanted to change, but I knew that I couldn’t and I had proof: the words of my teacher.

It’s Not Just a Kid Problem

Once I hit high school, I learned some coping skills to survive. I was still quiet on the inside, but I figured out how to make a few good friends and connect with them. Outside of that group, I still felt out of place. The popular kids seemed to be the outgoing ones, but I was more reflective. When I found myself in conversations with them, I always struggled to think of quick responses. They would say something, and I had to pause to put my words in order. That hesitation always felt like uncertainty, which reinforced my view of myself.

I remember a guy on the football team asking me a question. It took me a few seconds to put my response together—long enough for him to say, Why can’t you just say what you’re thinking? Spit it out! That paralyzed my thoughts even more, and I can still see him walking away, shaking his head. About thirty seconds later I had formed a perfect, clever response—but he was gone.

Extroverts tend to think faster and shape their thoughts by talking about them. Introverts like me tend to think deeper and shape our words by thinking about them first. In that conversation, I wasn’t done thinking. He hadn’t started thinking.

Nobody’s Stuck

Our earliest life experiences form the foundation of our self-image. If introverts are compared to extroverts often enough, they’ll see themselves as inferior and in need of change. If they’re celebrated, they’ll gain a healthy view of their introversion from the start.

Fortunately, a sense of inferiority can be overcome with a healthy exposure to truth at any age. That’s what we’ll be tackling throughout this book. We’ll be challenging inaccurate paradigms and replacing them with true ones. If you still feel like you need to become more extroverted, you’re on a certain path toward frustration and failure. Discovering and embracing your introversion is the superhighway to finding your identity and purpose.

You’re about to become free.

Thank God I’m an Introvert

I love being an introvert. Seriously. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

That hasn’t always been true. Growing up as an introvert in a world that seemed filled with extroverts wasn’t easy, and I wished I could be as confident and outgoing and personable as everyone else appeared to be. I felt out of place, like a sloth living in the monkey exhibit at the zoo.

As we grow up, we see a world where successful people speak easily and know exactly what to say. On television we see talk show hosts, politicians, and celebrities who are fluent communicators. We may notice salespeople, leaders, lawyers, and even hairdressers make conversation easily for hours at a time. Since extroverts are good at talking, they’re the ones we hear from the most. That’s why it feels like it’s an extrovert’s world.

But it’s not.

While it may feel like everyone else is extroverted, that’s not true. Research shows that up to 50 percent of the population consists of introverts.2 That means there are about the same number of us introverts as extroverts, so we’re not in the minority. We’re just not as obvious because we think more than we talk (we’re fluent in silence). When extroverts are doing most of the talking, it seems like they’re in the majority, which can make us feel at a disadvantage. Based on what we see on the surface, we might conclude we don’t have what it takes to succeed because we have the wrong temperament.

This book challenges that perception. We have exactly the temperament we need to navigate life successfully and make an amazing impact in the world. We don’t need to compete against extroverts; we just need to step up and take our place as coresidents of the planet!

A lot of introverts don’t understand that perspective yet, thinking we’re not enough because we’re not as outgoing as other people. That’s a damaging perception; it’s untrue, and it’s time for it to change.

It’s time for a whole new paradigm—one that recognizes the unique contribution and value that only introverts can bring to the world. If we try to become like extroverts, we rob everyone of the things only we can offer.

It’s time to move from comparison to contribution.

Let’s discover what that contribution looks like—and how we can make it happen.

1

Where the Journey Began

If we held an introvert conference, what would it look like?

Unknown

The scene is still fresh in my mind because the feelings were strong. The work team I was on had come together to meet our new boss and catch her vision for the future. There were about a dozen of us sitting around a long rectangular table, and I was in the front corner—right next to our