Lead Better Now: A Practical Guide to Increase Your Influence as a Leader

THANK YOU

A book may have one author’s name on the front, but it is the result of so much investment made behind the scenes by others. My favorite band NEEDTOBREATHE wrote a song called Everknown that they said is inspired by those in our lives who have helped shape us into the people we are today. It’s dedicated to the humble heroes who don’t get enough credit for the good they have brought to the world. ¹

That inspiration sums up how I feel about those who have poured into me to shape me into who I am today—and this book into what it is for you. I don’t have enough space to list everyone who has encouraged, challenged, held me accountable, and called me upward throughout the process of writing this book.

To my wife, Elena, for reminding me that it’s rare to have the kind of passion I feel for my work and for reminding me to do everything in my power to never let that light extinguish.

To my mom, for always loving me as I am and always encouraging me toward who I could be.

To my dad, for showing me what it means to lead and teaching me how to grow, respond, and lead myself.

To my coach and mentor, Carrie, for holding my feet to the fire to make sure I got this work out instead of waiting until I had something better to write about.

To my clients, for trusting me to partner together and help your people step into their true potential as leaders.

To my Compete Every Day team and community, for your patience and loyal support from the early days to the work we do now.

Want to take your team through Lead Better Now as part of a book club?

Grab the companion guide at JakeAThompson.com/bookclub for questions and discussion prompts.

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU WEREN’T TRAINED TO MANAGE.

IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT IF YOU CHOOSE NOT TO LEARN TO LEAD.

CHAPTER 1

ARE YOU READY TO LEAD?

Leaders are made; they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price that all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile.

—VINCE LOMBARDI

I’ll never forget the afternoon my wife, Elena, walked into my office, tears streaming down her face.

I just can’t do this anymore, she said.

Slowly, I put down my glasses and pushed my chair back from the desk.

Can’t do what anymore? I asked, expecting the worst.

"Leadership. Managing. I don’t know. My job!"

Relief washed over me, followed by a wave of empathy. I understood her frustration all too well. I knew, too, that she wasn’t alone. More than a third of managers of today struggle with burnout. ¹

But this was my wife who was drowning, and I knew she needed a lifeline.

Elena fell into management—without preparation or warning—during the pandemic two years earlier. Her boss had unexpectedly retired following the death of a family member. Because she was a top performer with her real estate title company and knew the business well, she earned the promotion. It should have been something to celebrate. Instead, it felt more like a nightmare.

Like construction, golf, and e-commerce, real estate—especially in Texas—was booming. From the day she stepped into her role as a manager in April 2020, her entire team had been putting the pedal to the metal.

Between working with her clients and helping her agents, she had struggled to maintain the breakneck pace. Managing the office staff added to her workload.

To make matters worse, she had no training for her new role. Her previous boss was a good friend and colleague, but he didn’t provide the mentorship she needed to thrive as a manager. It was sink or swim.

For two years, she’d barely kept her head above water. Then, the market shifted, and the pace of business slowed. Finally, she had time to manage her team and was getting a crash course in leadership.

She hated it.

Everyone else knows what they’re doing and how to lead, but I don’t, she told me. She was on a roll with her negative comments about her leadership skills until she saw the smile creeping across my face.

It’s not funny! she cried.

Of course it isn’t, and I’m not laughing at you, my love. I’m smiling because you assume everyone else knows what they’re doing and how to lead and that you’re out there on an island.

I had to let her in on the truth. "No one knows what they’re doing. Most people in roles like yours feel the same way."

I chuckled and then continued. Why do you think I’m always on the road speaking? To help people in this same situation get a better handle on it so they can do better work!

I hadn’t thought about that before, she replied.

That’s when I saw the golden opportunity to shift from supportive husband mode into supportive coach mode. (I’d learned to recognize the difference. Uninvited coaching had gotten me into trouble more than once early in our relationship.)

You have the talent to lead and the ability to manage. Your company just threw you into the deep end without swimming lessons. Right now, you’re kicking and fighting to keep from drowning. What you’re feeling is the way so many other new leaders feel. Looking into her teary eyes, I smiled again. "Hear me on this. It’s not your fault."

If you can relate to the overwhelm that often comes with a leadership role, I want you to hear that same message: It’s not your fault that you weren’t trained to manage and lead.

It’s a common story in corporate America. Bosses take A+ players and promote them to management. The assumption is that if someone was A+ in one role, they’d automatically be A+ in another.

The sports world does the same thing, but when an A+ football player takes a head coach position, the results are on display every Sunday. Those exceptionally talented players might make C+ coaches—if that. The coaching records of some of the all-time best players prove that greatness on the field doesn’t ensure greatness on the sidelines. (I’ll come back to my theories on why later.)

A recent Gallup poll found that 82 percent of companies choose the wrong candidates for management and leadership roles. ²

Over and over again, companies pull A+ salespeople from the field and turn them into C- sales managers. They promote A- frontline workers into C+ project managers. Do these top performers suddenly forget how to use the skills that made them successful in their previous roles?

Of course not! But what makes someone successful in one role doesn’t make someone a great leader. The fact that people typically learn to lead by observing their previous manager compounds that disconnect. ³ Here’s why that’s a problem: If one untrained manager replaces another untrained manager—someone whose only example of leadership was the person they’re replacing—the cycle of bad habits and poor leadership continues.

Think of what happens when a new manager has a poor perspective on leadership because of what they saw firsthand. If a new sales manager had a boss who screamed at the team to drive results, it’s likely they would simply repeat that behavior.

Like a family that has experienced the damage of generational addiction, the cycle of dysfunction continues until someone says, No more. This stops with me. The bad habits and unhealthy behaviors pass from one untrained, overwhelmed, ineffective, and unhappy leader to the next.

If you are the person in your organization who is flailing in the deep end because no one trained you how to swim as a leader, I hope you will be the person who breaks that cycle. I also hope that, by using what you learn here, you’ll feel more confident and less overwhelmed—and happier—in your new management role.

I HATE THIS GAME.

When I was younger, I played video games. A lot of video games. I spent hours playing and replaying Contra, Madden NFL, Mario Kart, and Final Fantasy games. There were other games, though, that I would only play for about ten minutes before quitting out of frustration. It wasn’t that those other games were bad. I just wasn’t very good at them and struggled to make it beyond the first or second level. Because I lacked the skills I needed, I didn’t make progress on those games as easily as I had on the others. With every game over screen, I’d get more frustrated with the game and myself. Instead of working to improve, I would simply quit, saying something like, I hate this game.

A lot of new managers feel the same way ten-year-old video-game-playing Jake felt. They’re frustrated. They want to experience the kind of success they had in their previous role. Instead, they feel as if all they do is manage drama, put out fires, and watch their own personal workload pile to the ceiling. As a result, they hate the leadership role and may be ready to quit.

Maybe you can relate. With the right skills and the right perspective, however, things would be different—for you, the people you lead, and the results you get as a team.

The problem, more often than not, isn’t the role of leadership. And it isn’t a lack of ability or desire. The problem is a lack of training.

It is not your fault if you weren’t trained to manage and lead others. It is, however, your responsibility to learn—to train yourself—so you can shift from hating leadership to embracing its potential as well as your own.

The world needs great leaders—people who influence the direction, the culture, and the success of their organizations. Companies need people who inspire others to action, who not only lead by example but are also intentional about teaching others to lead.

The term leadership covers a broad range of topics and ideas. In Lead Better Now, we’re going to focus on three critical areas that will empower you to be a great leader: the way you compete, connect, and communicate. We’ll examine these areas from the inside out—the internal and the external ways you engage as a leader.

You were likely hired or promoted to leadership because you are a person who can deliver results. This role is not just about how you achieve your Xs and Os. It’s also about your ability to bring out the best in your Jills and Joes. What got you here won’t necessarily be the thing that makes you successful as a leader.

When you took on a leadership title, whether it was as a team leader, manager, vice president, or CEO, the new position on your company’s organizational chart gave you some degree of power. But the power that comes with a title will only get you and your team so far. To be a great leader, you need to be intentional, consistent, and build trust with your team.

It broke my heart to see my wife hurting that day in my office. She wanted to be a great leader, and I knew she had what it took, but there was so much for which she hadn’t been trained or equipped. She was struggling to hit her goals and keep her team working together.

I’ve had countless conversations with friends and clients who shared similar frustrations.

Leaders have the potential to make a significant impact on their organizations, but too often, they don’t know how to go about it. The skills required to be a great leader don’t always come naturally. It’s true some people may be born with talents that can contribute to being more effective in leadership than others, but no one is born a great leader.

Great leaders are built. That’s why I wrote this book. It’s also one reason I include leadership lessons on my Compete Every Day podcast each Monday. My goal is to equip you to take meaningful steps toward excellence as a manager and greater positive influence on your team or organization. That’s how you earn the right to lead.

EARN THE PATCH

Letter jackets are a longtime tradition in high schools across the United States. Any athlete who participates in enough games can earn a letter jacket. Only a few will earn the right to be the team captain and wear the coveted C patch. That’s the thing I love most about the C patch: You have to earn it.

That’s true in high school, college, and even professional sports. In the pro leagues, when a captain moves from one team to another, there’s no guarantee that they will be a captain on the new team. Even if they were a great leader for their old team, they have to prove themselves to their new team.

It isn’t always the best or most talented player on the team who makes captain. It’s the person the team points to and says, That’s the person we trust to lead us. That’s the one we want to follow. This is often the athlete who is always on time (or early) for offseason workouts. It’s the one who encourages teammates and doesn’t shy away from holding them accountable to the standard. It’s the one everyone knows will keep their cool when the pressure is on—and keep the team focused on what’s in their control.

The captain’s C is the mark of a great leader. It shows that others have noticed your effort. After working alongside you, your teammates voluntarily placed their vote of confidence in you. They weren’t forced to follow your lead. They chose to.

The contrast is a leader who tries to force people to obey. And whether we’re talking about a coach who berates their team or an abusive manager in the corporate world, that style of management isn’t leadership. Maybe you’ve known people who fall into this camp. They use a bullwhip to drive their teams to action—and then wonder why resentment and burnout rise from the ranks.

If that’s the kind of leader you’ve worked for and you’re wondering if there’s a better way to get results, let me assure you, there is. I’ll say it again: Forcing people to obey isn’t leading. Creating the influence and setting an example that inspires people to follow is.

The action steps in this book will help you cultivate influence in your organization, community, and perhaps even your home. You’ll discover where great leadership starts and how to increase your influence within your organization and industry. You’ll also learn to identify the inevitable obstacles that most commonly trip up leaders and keep them from maximizing their impact. When you apply what you learn here, you’ll position yourself to earn that coveted captain’s patch.

To help you make the most of this leadership training, I’ve included links to resources and downloadable tools that will help you implement what you learn. As with everything we do at Compete Every Day, my goal is to empower you with ideas that directly translate to your work and life. Applying what you learn is how you Compete Every Day—and win in life and as a leader.

Get ready to take notes and take action. This book provides your competitive game plan. You can stop hating leadership and start embracing the opportunity to influence your peers. You can become something that is both rare and in high demand in today’s society: a leader worth following.

IF YOU KNOW IT’S NOT GOING TO BE AN EASY JOURNEY, THEN YOU’RE BETTER MENTALLY PREPARED TO OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLES ALONG THE WAY.

CHAPTER 2

WARNING: CHALLENGES AHEAD

YOU KNOW CHALLENGES ARE COMING YOUR WAY.

You know the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when the airplane you’re flying in suddenly hits turbulence? The plane shakes or dips, and your stomach flips as if you were on a roller coaster.

I don’t much care for it. Ha! That’s putting it mildly. I hate it. Even though I know turbulence is a normal part of flying, I still get nervous when it happens. That sickening feeling I get and the fact that turbulence is unpredictable can make a flight miserable for me.

Unlike the discomfort that unexpected turbulence creates, there are some things you expect to be uncomfortable. The Murph workout is one of those things.

CrossFit introduced the annual Memorial Day Murph Challenge in 2005 to pay tribute to Navy Lieutenant Michael Murphy, who sacrificed his life in Afghanistan when he left cover to call for a rescue for his unit. ¹ Every Memorial Day, thousands of people worldwide honor that sacrifice by taking on the Murph Challenge. It consists of a one-mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 air squats, and another one-mile run to finish. Many of those people, including myself, complete the workout wearing a ten- to twenty-pound weight vest.

The Murph Challenge is physically and mentally tough. You know your body will hurt during the workout. You expect to feel the pain, so it doesn’t surprise you when it shows up. Because you’re prepared for it, you accept it and keep going.

EXPECT TO HIT OBSTACLES

Leadership is not easy. You will face plenty of challenges on your journey, and to make the biggest impact as a leader, you’ll need to be ready for them. You will also need the right mindset to push ahead when you feel like quitting. Before we dive into the leadership training that will equip you to develop that mindset, I want you to know about the obstacles you will inevitably encounter. My goal in warning you is not to scare you or talk you out of leading but to prepare you for the internal and external challenges you will face.

It’s the obstacle you aren’t expecting that trips you up. I want you to be aware of what’s ahead so that adversity doesn’t surprise you and knock you off track. If you anticipate and prepare for a challenge, you are more likely to be able to accept it and keep going.

OBSTACLE 1: YOUR CURRENT CULTURE

Because companies so often fail to train people to lead, chances are good that your boss (or his or her boss) isn’t a great leader. They may not even be a good leader, but remember, that’s the cycle you’re here to break.

I’ve met so many leaders who have a desire to impact their teams and organizations but feel as if everything they do gets undercut by a lack of leadership at the top. If that’s where you are now, you might not be able to lead upward (at least not immediately). But you can be a great leader, even in a challenging culture. You might even change that culture. But don’t start with the big-picture view.

Focus first on your direct reports and how you lead them. Work to create a mini-culture of excellence among those in your charge. Then, track the impact your team makes and share those findings up the chain of command. Your team’s results may encourage other managers in your company to incorporate similar leadership practices.

Know, too, that you can have an impact on your peers and the way they lead. In later chapters, we’ll look at how investing in the relationships you have with those next to you on the organizational chart is an important aspect of your role as a leader.

If the culture of the larger organization is too dysfunctional, you may, at some point, choose to move on to another company where you feel supported and in which you can thrive and grow professionally. I encourage you, however, to do what you can to create a better workplace environment for everyone.

An unhealthy culture doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t try to lead. It just means you’re going to face more challenges initially as you work to build momentum for positive change.

OBSTACLE 2: YOUR CURRENT POSITION

You may be reading this and thinking, I want to lead, but I don’t have a leadership position yet.

I get it. You have a desire to do more but are stuck waiting for the opportunity. Waiting for an opportunity can feel like being stuck in purgatory. That’s why so many people give up. Some of them give up forever. Others stop working toward their goals while they’re waiting, thinking they’ll get back to it when the waiting is over. Either way, it’s giving up, and it’s not your best choice.

Waiting is frustrating, but there’s always something you can do while you wait that can move you toward a better outcome.

Kurt Warner went from being an undrafted college football player to a grocery stocker to a player in the Arena Football League (AFL) before he got his shot in the NFL. He became one of the best quarterbacks ever and earned a place in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It sounds like a Disney movie, doesn’t it? But you can bet it didn’t feel like one to Warner while he waited for his dreams to become a reality.

Warner could have felt stuck or defeated during that period he spent