Forty Days on Being a One

On Being a One

I am a number One on the Enneagram. If you are a One, you know the weight of the world we carry. If you know a One, these readings will give you enhanced insight into our world. Either way, bring your work boots—you will need them!

My hope is that this book will shine a light on Ones and offer space for some Yeahs and You mean I’m not the only One? Give yourself permission to reflect on what might offer you more joy and spontaneity, peace of mind, and, dare I just say it up front, more freedom?

I started my Enneagram journey as part of a quest to know who I really was after experiencing a major depressive episode that shattered my sense of self. I lovingly refer to that episode and time in my life as the crash. What I learned about depression is that when Ones give up on themselves or others, they move to the low side of Enneagram Four behavior. At this point Ones often appear to be depressed to others. And some Ones (like me) do indeed become clinically depressed.

As I was recovering, I attended an Enneagram workshop in Houston, my hometown, at the Jung Center. I almost burst into tears as the facilitator spoke and unpacked my baggage over a few hours. I left the workshop feeling understood and poised for one of the most significant transformations that I would experience in the aftermath of my crash.

Now, some might say that the Enneagram is simply a personality profile, but I would suggest that the Enneagram is a life-transforming insight into a way of living more deeply, richly, and ultimately in a more gratifying way. The Enneagram has been a door, a gate, and a light. It’s no coincidence that these same words are also biblical references to Jesus. I am so grateful that the Spirit of God led me to that workshop at the Jung Center, because the insights I gained have given me hope for living the life Jesus assures us of—what Scripture calls the abundant life.

I wrote this in isolation without the counsel of other beautiful Ones to support or deny my claims, so I would love your take on the One you know or the One you are. Join me on social media and let’s get talking!

Each day’s reading will conclude with a section that you can use however is the most helpful for you—whether making it a time of journaling, self-affirmation, or forging a new practice. Feel free to explore them and see where they take you; do what nurtures your soul.

Notice What You Are Noticing

NOT LONG AGO, MY HUSBAND, Rudy, and I agreed that it was time to make a shift from our busy lives since our way of living wasn’t working anymore. I had been living for six months in Indianapolis to support our daughter and son-in-love in caring for our newborn grandson. I had never imagined being a grandmother. I had never dreamed of moving to Indianapolis or living anywhere other than Houston. After six months of Rudy commuting back and forth from Houston, we had a moment of awareness. We noticed that we had too much house in Houston for the shift that had occurred in this new season of our lives, so we downsized.

In Indianapolis, we purchased a small one-bedroom condominium in the complex where our kids lived so that my support for them didn’t trespass against them or me. I am an introvert, and I need my space, silence, and solitude. Our little condo is in the lower level of a converted elementary school.

In Houston, we had previously purchased a much smaller home, a foreclosure in our old neighborhood next door to my eighty-eight-year-old mother-in-love. The plan was for it to be our rental for additional income; instead, it became our perfect new home. Rudy and our dear friend Willie Barnes worked on updating the house while I was away in Indy. They did an incredible job with Rudy’s eye for design and Willie’s craftsmanship. I am happy here in our new home.

This new home is the physical symbol of the significant change occurring in our lives. I have noticed that the reduced square footage makes this house comfy, cozy, and more intimate. I am enjoying that. It is an older home, so we have a front porch, something many houses no longer offer. We have made it a habit to sit on the porch in our rocking chairs, enjoying a glass of evening wine or hot morning tea—just being together, sometimes in silence and other times in raucous laughter. I notice that we are reconnecting with ourselves and our neighbors. Front porches can do that.

I enjoy gardening, and this house has just enough space along the north side of our driveway for a small, aboveground, organic vegetable garden. I planted kale, tomatoes, romaine lettuce, swiss chard, and jalapeños for my hubby. I notice how he loves picking his peppers fresh from our garden, something that has become a lil’ bit of joy for him. I invested in a garden plan for our clean slate of a backyard, and it is allowing us to take our time and plant together the fruit trees and flowers that we both had as children and around which we have fond memories. I wanted to attract butterflies to our garden, and we have been able to watch a dozen or so caterpillars eating their way toward transformation.

I have felt such joy here, and I notice that it has been good for our souls in all the right ways. Transformation or change doesn’t have to be fraught with anxiety, friction, and chaos. Sometimes change is announcing itself as a conscious choice to notice what we are noticing.

Ones typically ignore or suppress what might have been sublime moments had we been present to them rather than checking the moment off of our to-do list. I am learning how to be present with my noticing, and it is creating such awareness that I can be open to knowing joy.

Sometimes the call for transformation happens suddenly with an announcement; other times it is a subtle shifting of energies or interest. How is your life inviting you into a new way of being?

Letting Go of Our Try Harder

AFTER A WEEKLONG VISIT TO INDY, we returned to our home in Houston and I walked into the house as I typically do, settling into my routine, which includes opening the blinds and airing out the house, letting in some fresh air and sunlight.

I opened the blind nearest to the kitchen table and was shocked and startled to find a full-sized blue jay dead on the windowsill. It had come in through the fireplace and couldn’t find its way back up and out. My heart went out to it. I imagined how desperately it must have tried to break through the glass. I wondered how long it had fought to live, stuck as it were. I saw the signs against the window where it had beat its breast, hoping to be free. I imagined how terrified it might have felt, not knowing any other way than