Difficult Conversations Don't Have to Be Difficult: A Simple, Smart Way to Make Your Relationships and Team Better

a fable about communication

Difficult Conversations Don't Have to be Difficult

A SIMPLE, SMART WAY TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND TEAM BETTER

Jon GORDON

Bestselling author of

The Energy Bus

Amy P. KELLY

Bestselling Co-Author of

The Energy Bus Field Guide

Copyright © 2024 by The Jon Gordon Companies. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is Available

ISBN 9781394187171 (cloth)

ISBN 9781394187188 (ePub)

ISBN 9781394187195 (ePDF)

Cover Design: Paul McCarthy

We dedicate this book to our families and all the business professionals, athletes, teachers, medical professionals, family members, administrators, and anyone who has ever cared enough to have the difficult conversations. May those conversations be less challenging and your relationships and teams stronger and more unified after reading this book.

—Jon and Amy

Acknowledgments

We want to acknowledge our families, especially our spouses and children and extended family, who've been a part of many challenging conversations to grow stronger together.

We want to acknowledge our Jon Gordon Team of speakers, trainers, and consultants. This group has worked diligently to provide personal and professional development to the individuals and teams we serve while practicing what we believe in. It is the commitment to our relationships that we want to acknowledge and for which we express deep gratitude as we continue to serve together in our shared vision and greater purpose.

Thank you for getting better together and living these truths: The Team Is the Star, and No One Creates Success Alone!

Introduction

Jon and I have worked together for eight years and the idea for this book came about because of a difficult conversation we were having. We figured if our team was struggling with having these types of conversations that were necessary for growth, then other teams were likely struggling as well. We'd seen this time and again in our work and felt it was an impactful area to go deeper.

We thought about all the best practices we have learned and shared working with many of the best corporate, school, and sports teams on the planet. We decided to create a model for teams to have conversations and discussions they needed to have but were avoiding because of fear of conflict or fear of having conflict ruin the team.

Our brainstorming sessions led to us creating the STAR³ model and we immediately began sharing it with our clients and audiences. The response was incredible.

We discovered that one of the primary characteristics of the most successful teams and organizations is that they don't just celebrate the positive aspects of success; they also address the inevitable negativity, challenges, and disagreements that come up in life and work. They have the difficult conversations but in a positive way. We witnessed this firsthand and saw how this created stronger bonds, greater cohesiveness, and unity. We've seen transformations that are not only profitable but deeply impactful on a personal level in the lives of the people involved.

Many people agree with the concept of addressing disagreements and negativity, but many struggle with how to do this in a constructive way.

We wrote this book to prepare the way for greater effectiveness for you and your team. We look forward to all that you will accomplish together through the strength and effectiveness of your conversations.

As you will read, the STAR³ model provides a framework to elevate the results of your most challenging conversations to unify your teams and strengthen each individual's communication and leadership in the process.

We hope you enjoy the book and utilize the STAR³ model for a simple, smart way to improve your relationships and team.

— Jon and Amy

JonGordon.com

Chapter 1

Turmoil

The Calendar

Ruth looked at her calendar and groaned. What she saw made her head pound