MayBe i'M iLL: The Shadow in the Empty Chair

Copyright © 2024 by André Goodman

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No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means–electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or other–except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without prior permission of the author.

Hardcover ISBN: 979-8-8229-5458-8

Paperback ISBN: 979-8-8229-5459-5

eBook ISBN: 979-8-8229-5460-1

MayBe i’M iLL

Shadow in an Empty Chair

André Goodman

Existentially Neurotic for Negotiating with an Irrational Mind

Chasing Dreams, Conquering Destiny, Creating Legacy

Simplifying Complexities to a Psychoneurotic Psyche

A Mentally Disturbed Illustration of a Peaceful Mind

Dancing with the Darkness, Navigating in the Night

The Dilemma…the Conundrum…and the Paradox

Calming Down the Alter Ego with Lyrical Poetry

Shadow’s Symphony to a Sophrosyne Synopsis

A Melody of Composed Mental Manipulations

Screwing with the Title, Screwed in the Mind

Paralleled Pages of Paradoxical Predicaments

The Client, the Therapist, and the Monster

Perplexed Puzzles-2A-Personal Playlist

Assassinating a Good Man’s Character

A Royal Road to an Integrated Mind

After-Thoughts of an Altered Ego

Is This a Dream or Is It My Life?

A Next Level of Consciousness

A Collection of Journal Entries

Thoughts on the to My Life

The Truth My Father Told Me

God’s Gift and Devil’s Curse

An Unformatted Short Story

A Dungeon of Dysfunction

The Freedom to Be MyselF

Shadow in an Empty Chair

The Id, Ego, and Superego

A Counselor’s Assessment

A Modern Confrontation

Metaphoric Abstractions

14years and 19 days

Present Perspectives

Existential Neurosis

Beneath the Iceberg

Paralleled Presence

A Mental Matrix

Light Frequency

MayBe i’M iLL

Calm Your Ego

Korey

The purpose of poetry is to remind us how difficult it is to remain one person, for our house is open, there are no keys in the doors, and invisible guests come in and out at will.

Czesław Miłosz

Table of Contentment

A Counselor’s Foreword

A Good Man’s Self-Report

An Assassin’s Answer

Introduction

A Fantasy Inside Reality

Part 1: A Good Man’s PreLude to Death

1A Good Man’s Genesis

2Heavenly Father,

3A Good Man’s Purpose

4A Good Man’s Story for His Son

Part 2: A Good Man’s Football Life

5A Few Years Prior

6A Good Man’s Headlines

7A Good Man’s Mentality

8What the F*** Happened to My Leg?

9A Good Man’s Prayer

10The Palmetto Bowl

11The Catch II/The Push-Off

12A Good Man’s Truth

13Draft Season

14A Good Man’s Disappointing Ending

15A Good Man’s Injured History

16Dying 2B Recognized

Part 3: A Good Man’s Reckoning with the Darkness

17A Good Man’s Altered Ego

18A Good Man’s Spiritual Awakening

19My First Memory

20A New Year, Same Story

21An Eyewitness to Murder

22An Eyewitness to Attempted Murder

23A Lion’s Heart

24My Half Big Brother

25What you gonna do about it?

26A Triggered Memory

27Korey

Part 4: A Good Man’s Altering Ego

28A Good Man’s PreLude to Death

29MayBe i’M iLL

30A Good Man’s Fatherly Encounter

Part 5: A Good Man’s Prerequisite

31A Good Man’s Unconvinced Spouse

32A Good Man’s Message

33A Lopsided Love Affair with My Wet Dream

Part 6: Shadow in an Empty Chair

34MayBe i’M iLL by Design

35A Good Man’s Next Session

36A Good Man’s HaLLs-2-HeLL

A Counselor’s Foreword

A

Good Man walks into my office motivated and inspired by his new revelation, an integrated theory he’s testing for the first time through his experimental manuscript. He has been my client for forty-five years, so it isn’t the first time he’s shared his outlandish aspirational goals. A Good Man retired from a ten-year professional football career twelve years ago, after his youngest child was born. He is a forty-five-year-old black male with desires of becoming a licensed professional counselor (LPC), counseling individuals on mental wellness…although he himself is mentally ill. By his own count, he’s had countless concussions, precognitions of other worlds.

A Good Man’s presenting issue is his desire for self-actualization. After life in the fast lane, upon his retirement, his professional progress has come to a stifling halt. Unable to adjust to the adversity of his mental state, he has created an imaginary, upside-down pyramid of challenges as his latest innovative intervention. He states that atop his multidimensional pyramid of conflict resides God’s promise.

A Good Man is tasked with a mysterious journey to topple the darkness of the pyramid and rescue his life’s purpose from his demons. They both await his courageous attempt to conquer his destiny through visualization, a creative work of art asserting his ascension to the next level. It’s key in creating his legacy. There is only one path that leads to God’s promise, but there’s a dilemma.

A Good Man is medically diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). When his life experience feels lopsided in relation to his destiny, it instigates paralyzing symptoms, including a persistently low mood, a decreased interest in pleasurable activities, feelings of guilt and worthlessness, a lack of energy, and poor concentration. His adventure is a mental matrix of perplexed premonitions.

A Good Man is in internal turmoil, but he maintains a calm demeanor, although he is easily triggered by the anticipation of conflict. He’s been hypervigilant since birth due to his childhood trauma. His monologue is convoluted, but as he vents, I’m actively listening for tidbits of truth in his story. He declares he awakens every day with a single goal in mind: to be better. However, he’s unable to shake the dark shadow of psychological disturbances hindering his maturation.

A Good Man’s new studies have led him to a gigantic discovery. He reports that