We Have a Secret

CHAPTER 1

LOVE

Several of you already know our secret, but many others are still unaware of what goes on behind closed doors. Let us take this journey together to get to know the VilarFamily better and what we have endured over the past three years. I am a mother of four and a wife. I have been blessed with my eldest children — Catarina (24) and Jessica (21) and my youngest — João Carlos (12) and Camilla (11).

Today, many people know us as the VilarFamily. Through social media, we have interacted with thousands of followers, and we could not be more grateful. These are opportunities I never thought I would have. I was born in Angola and raised in Portugal, which is where I met the love of my life, my husband João.

We met all the way back in 1996 whilst I was working. When I met João, I was 18 or 19 years old. I was living in student accommodation, and I worked at night to help myself with my studies and with the house. I worked in a bar, and one day as I was making a drink for someone, I saw João and his friend standing near the counter. I approached them and introduced myself. João turned around and gave me a smile. What a smile! It was one of the most beautiful smiles I’d ever seen. I asked God to never forget this smile. And what I’m going to say now is the pure truth. From the day I met João until today, I have never forgotten the way he turned to see me. He turned with a smile. I don’t think I ever want to forget it.

I gave them a table and noticed João kept looking at me. I looked at him, too. He was a very handsome boy, and he had good energy. That day had passed, and nothing happened between us. When I saw him for the first time, I didn’t look at him with a passionate look. I just thought he was very handsome, and I liked his energy. When I met him, I had a boyfriend. I was dating someone my mother didn’t approve of because he was much older than me. My boyfriend and I were about 15 years apart. João and I became friends and exchanged telephone numbers — my home phone because mobile phones didn’t exist then. João always called me, and I didn’t want to answer so my mother spoke to him. One day my mother said, ‘I don’t know why you don’t stay with this boy who always calls you; he seems like a good guy.’

A couple of weeks went by and João returned to the bar. At this point, I was no longer dating. We had a conversation, and I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said ‘no’. I asked him if I could compete to be his girlfriend and he said ‘yes’. We started going out, and I told him, ‘Don’t fall in love please. Let’s just play and then we’ll see what happens.’

A month passed, and we were still together. We were in the car talking and he told me that the first time he saw me, he told his friend, ‘I’m going to make love to this beautiful girl.’

I was shocked by his sincerity with me. I asked him, ‘When you tried this beautiful girl, why didn’t you leave? He said he wanted to try it again.

This blossoming relationship resulted in 25 years of much love, respect and four beautiful children. Today I know that I fell in love with him from the first day I saw him, and I still won’t forget his smile or the way he turned to see me. Today I can admit that it was love at first sight. Our destiny was set on this day.

When João met me. He lied about his age. He said he was younger because he knew I was younger. He told me he was three years younger. I told him that I always liked older men. After months of being together, I found out he was seven years older than me. This difference has never been a problem for me.

Years later, I still listen to a song called ‘Next to You’ by Justin Bieber and Chris Brown. When I first heard the lyrics, I screamed and said to my kids, ‘This is my song! All I ask God for is for me to not forget about your daddy’s smile whenever I hear this song.

Two of our children were born in London, and the other two were born in Portugal. We emigrated from Portugal to provide a better life for our kids, which we did. Like everyone else who flees their home nation in the quest for a better life, we landed in England. We have always been the VilarFamily, even before it became our brand on social media. We have always been a typical, modest household; nothing false exists within it, and we transmit all the happiness and free-spirited energy we possess.

My family means the world to me, and that goes for my husband, too. It was always his dream to be a father, and he is the best I could have hoped for.

2018 was a hard year, full of changes and battles we had to endure. I was working at a local grocery store in their bakery, making cakes and pastries and talking to customers, which I enjoyed, but I was given a job opportunity that would pay three times more than what I was making at the grocery store. I told myself that I had to do it, so I quit the job I liked—where all the staff knew me, and I got along well with everyone—to start a new job, something challenging. I went on to do a web developer course, but I had not even finished it before I began my new role. When I did, it was completely unrelated to what I had in mind, and I experienced a lot of hardship. I enjoy communicating with people and helping, which is why I felt my expectation for the new role had not been met, even though my employers were decent people. I had to finish the course while working there because I had already started it. It was advantageous because I could do both at once, and I was making a fine living.

João and I planned a trip to Amsterdam with some friends in October 2018. There were six of us in total. We took our car—a seven-seater—because we wanted to drive there. While driving, João complained of back pains and aches in his bottom. He suffered with anguish when we got to Amsterdam. We got him painkillers. We walked anywhere we could go because he was still in pain, and the medicine did not make it go away. We went to a party in Amsterdam at night, but because João was in so much pain, we had to leave. Even on the day of our trip back home, João was in a lot of discomfort, but he still managed to drive the entire distance.

When we got back to London, I was at work when João called me to say that he could not handle the pain any longer, so I advised him to go to the hospital because the GP would only write off his pain with a painkiller. He could not drive himself because of the pain, so my eldest daughter drove him to the hospital. He’d had diarrhoea for three months, of which I was unaware because he had not mentioned it to me, and when he got to the hospital, he was told to do a colonoscopy.

One day in November, my daughter walked into the room to see her father and found him sobbing. Her heart dropped when she realised they had taken some tissue for a biopsy.

CHAPTER 2

THE BEGINNING

João enjoyed driving, and he knew London quite well, so he quit his job to become an Uber driver. Whilst studying for this, we awaited the biopsy results. It played on his mind; as the intelligent man he was, he never stopped researching his symptoms and what might be causing them.

One day, he came to me to say that he believed it to be cancer. My heart broke, and I pleaded with him not to say or even think of such things, but a part of me panicked. I put on a brave face, even