enCOURAGEment for you: Know yourself, embrace action and move your career forward with courage

About the Author

Bossy. Challenging. Demanding. Impatient. Dumb.

Enterprising. Creative. Respectful. Dedicated. Enthusiastic.

All of these labels and more have been used to describe Shirley Reeder in her life and career. Some of the labels, at the time, were very discouraging and required time in the counselling chair, while others were generously given with encouragement at the heart.

Change Consultant, Career Advisor, Speaker, Facilitator and Author, Shirley is passionate about engagement. When working with clients, she intuitively senses opportunities for growth and knows when to challenge, often unlocking the key to an individual or group achieving courageous outcomes. She is the Director of Brave Consulting, which has taken her from skyscrapers to village huts, from classrooms to boardrooms and a whole lot in between.

Who encourages Shirley to keep working?

Client testimonials such as these.

I knew things needed to change but I had no idea how. The work we did together triggered my imagination and forced me to take responsibility for my own professional life. You are bloody good at calling bull in a way that encourages rather than humiliates.

– Dianne

What you did for me, which was hugely uncomfortable, was force me to focus on me, not my job, or my family or my friends – but me. You did it in a way which was safe and supported, without being soft and without ever letting me off the hook.

– Sandy

"The upfront directness of your approach is what I found most beneficial – always challenging me to really dig deep and ‘think’ hard. You took me out of my comfort zone but in such a great way because you were warm and considerate but did not tolerate lofty or wishy-washy ideas. You made me ‘focus hard’.

– Felicity

When I met you, and every time since, I have always felt I was dealing with someone who, yes, is very clever, but is also respectful, honest, fun and genuine. You were you. You didn't feel the need to hide it. Those sorts of characteristics are so powerful in creating trust. I have always tried to emulate that approach.

– David

I can attribute significant credit to Shirley Reeder for guiding me through a process that turned around a circumstance heading toward being a major negative – to morphing into one of the most holistic, positive, significant learning and transition points in my life.

–John

INTRODUCTION

Why a book on enCOURAGEment?

What made you think you could get away with wearing that?

Oh dear, where did you get your education?

How many times do we have to tell you to check your facts?

You are hopeless at getting things done.

No person alive would walk away from these statements feeling encouraged. Worse still, if you are repeatedly exposed to such phrases, whether blunt or insidious, you likely become adept at breaking them down into one-word summaries.

Over time, these summaries become cemented into your psyche, shifting from you statements to I, or I am statements. Like this:

I am ugly.

I am stupid.

I am incapable.

I am hopeless.

Why is it becoming easier to digest or be attracted to the unhappy or scandalous noise around us? What damage is this doing to our sense of self and how we develop and share our talents with the world through our careers?

Worse still, why does it feel like being consistently positive requires us to carefully navigate the minefield of correctness for fear of offending someone when our only intention is to encourage them? How do we combat the negativity, sarcasm, hurt, and hate that is unavoidably in our headlines and all around us every day, even when we are actively trying to avoid those types of people and headlines? How do we know when to get brave and speak up for important change that we know needs to happen?

It’s time to get courageous about encouragement.

The truth is you won’t always get it perfectly right. However, with a bit of thought and some pointers along the way, you can quickly be on track to creating a culture of encouragement in your team, organisation, committee or club. This is not about being consistently upbeat, optimistic and passionate; it’s about being purposeful in how you build yourself and others up.

In the pages to come, you will be given the opportunity to think about your motivation to be an encourager of others and yourself. You will be reminded about your intrinsic value and identity alongside your accomplishments and actions.

You will be inspired, challenged, and encouraged to continue finding strength and confidence in who you are and what you do.

While you are reminded of these realities for yourself, I hope you will pass them on and encourage others with your own sense of conviction and authenticity.

What would your world look like if there was more encouragement than discouragement?

When there is no need to address people’s outward appearance but focus on their character and talents.

When we engage in creating environments where a person knows their skills and knowledge directly contribute to the solution or progress required.

When we value diverse opinions, work through conflicting choices, invite people to stay, or allow people to leave with dignity and respect.

When we help each other get to our intended finish line.

How to get the best out of this book

Most books require you to start at the beginning with each chapter and topic, building on the next. Not this book!

My goal is to provide you with thirty-one topics that offer bite-sized guidance. Whether you choose to explore one each day or take your time to reflect on each one, it’s about going at your own pace.

I suggest you take a look at the Introduction and Days One and Two, which explain what I mean by encouragement and how it relates to your career, managing change and finding your courage. You can also set your reading intention to frame how you will process the rest of the content and decide what actions you might take.

From there you can browse the contents and dive

into the topics that interest you, leaving the rest for another time. Alternatively, you can jump to the checklist on Day Thirty One. This will help you identify which topics you might want to explore first.

When you've counted off the final day, you will have fully immersed yourself in the world of receiving and nurturing your encouragement muscles.

Above all else, be encouraged!

DAY one:

When you need a reminder of what enCOURAGEment is

Have you noticed that some commonly used words seem straightforward, but there is no agreed-upon standard for how they are put into action?

Words like collaboration, success, and beauty.

When you think of these, can you imagine your different experiences with each one? When collaboration was either delightful or a disaster. What different levels of success did you allow yourself to feel? How do you experience beauty?

What about the word bravery? Sure, the dictionary¹ gives you a succinct definition but spotting bravery as a consistent single thing in real life? Not so easy. For instance, someone might look at a rock climber and see what they do as being an act of bravery because, to them, these types of activities are dangerous. But the person who climbs regularly might not see it that way. They might acknowledge those moments when they feel an adrenaline rush, but they prepare for the risks involved. If you asked them what they most feared, you might be surprised to hear them admit that public speaking is where they need to be brave.

What would bravery look like for you?

Encourage is another word with a dictionary definition that makes sense, but its meaning can vary from one situation to another.

Encourage [verb]

To inspire with courage, spirit, or hope; to attempt to persuade. It suggests raising one’s confidence specifically by an external agency.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

External Agency

The last line about getting our confidence from an external agency assumes that it is another person attempting to spur us on with words. Something like this:

You’ve got this, you can do this.

If I can do it, so can you.

Get your act together and do this, now!

I believe in you.

Can you recall the times these words have been said to you or maybe by you?

And when you said them to others, what was your intention? When they were said to you, did they motivate you, or did you find them condescending and unhelpful?

Your response would likely hinge on the

circumstances and the speaker’s intentions. Are they aiming to inspire, offer hope, or sway you toward something important to you or them?

What would it look like if they were genuinely encouraging you? How can you tell if they really mean it? It might be when they complete the sentence specific to your circumstances, either as it relates to them or their credible observations of who you are and what you do. Here’s what it might look like:

You’ve got this. You can do this because you did the training and passed all the preparation tests. This will be no different.

If I can do it, so can you; I saw the glimmer in your eye when you watched me, and we have taken similar pathways to get to this point. Don’t give up now.

Get your act together and do this, now! I am your boss, and I will have your back no matter what happens.

I believe in you, and you know this because every time you have faced a problem, big or small, I have seen you find a way through. So I believe this time will be no different. How can I help?

INTERNAL REMINDER

In a world where encouragement can be scarce or manipulative, there are moments when relying solely on external affirmation or stimulation