The Bride & Groom Thank-You Guide: A Thoroughly Modern Manual for Expressing Your Gratitude-Quickly, Painlessly andPersonally!

INTRODUCTION

This is an amazing time for you! You’re most likely so filled with joy at the parties thrown for you, the congratulations of family and friends, the excitement of preparing for the wedding and for your future to come, that you’re overwhelmed with love and happiness. Behind all that excitement, though, perhaps there’s a bit of dread about the big task of writing all of those thank-you notes?

How do you express your gratitude the right way? How do you do it without sounding sappy or scripted? You’re searching for the right words to say Thank You—to your parents, to your bridal party, to your guests, to the experts who help you plan the wedding. After all, these people helped—in small and large ways—to create the most important day of your lives. That deserves something better than a one-liner in a greeting card, right? Absolutely.

Put away the worry and the dread. We’re going to make this fun. And efficient. You’re going to get your thank-you notes written in record time, and we’re going to make them extra-special by adding the secret ingredient that has been missing in thank yous from generations past.

Grooms, you’re involved, too. As a full planning partner with the bride, these thank-you notes are yours to write as well. You’ll team up to write them, address them, stamp them and mail them, since you’ve been the recipient of so much generosity and kindness as your wedding approaches, too. You’ll also find your own section in this book on the thank-you notes you’ll write for the help you receive with your tasks.

As you know, weddings have changed dramatically through the decades. People will now travel from across the globe to attend your celebration. The people you know and love may be more involved in helping to plan the wedding as their gift to you. If you have them, your kids may be involved; and of course you’ll need to thank each other for all you’re doing as a team to plan the Big Day and for all you are to one another as a couple.

If it sounds like you have more thank yous to write for more categories, that’s absolutely correct. But don’t let that intimidate you. Lots of these extra thank yous can be done through e-mail or through a greeting card. So we’re going to start off by making your job easier as we help you be the gracious bride and groom throughout the whole process.

You know it’s the people behind the gifts and the favors who matter most, so that’s where we’re going to focus. In the upcoming pages, you’ll learn ways to personalize your notes in order to add a depth of sentiment and appreciation that your guests will love. You’ll also discover the newest trends in thank-you categories, such as sending notes to people who couldn’t attend the wedding but sent a gift anyway, thanking guests for gift cards, sending a thank you for a gift you know you’ll return, thanking for gifts off your honeymoon registry or your charitable registry and more. We’ll also cover ways to beat the Monotony Problem, presenting you with plenty of options for saying a gift is lovely, or useful, or thoughtful. The Bride and Groom Thank-You Guide will give you everything you need to create a meaningful thank you: wording suggestions, quotes you can use, answers to all of your style questions and the freedom to talk like yourselves!

In addition to getting the wording just right, you’ll also find a chapter on making your own thank-you notes as a budget alternative to ordering them professionally and formally made. This book will discuss materials, layout, wording and accents, even software you can use to create custom-made thank yous that rival those other couples are spending hundreds of dollars for. You’ll learn everything there is to know about how to order or make your notes—from paper styles to font colors, layouts to monograms. All to give your beautifully-written notes the perfect presentation.

And speaking of presentation, you’ll also discover how to add a little something extra to your thank-you message: video of the two of you from your wedding. The newest and most exciting addition to the world of thank-you notes is sending a message, taped on your wedding day, on a DVD or video streamed onto your website. These fun videotaped messages make you the star of your own thank-you movie!

It’s my pleasure and honor to help you through this process of writing your thank-you notes, as I find that this is one of the most meaningful parts of your celebration. While you have a long list of thank yous to write for so many presents, it’s the love behind the list that matters most. You’re so very adored by all of your family and friends. You’re lucky to have so much, tangible and intangible, given to you by them all. When you write your thank-you notes with this deeper level of gratitude in mind, it will come through in what you write. And that is the big secret of writing unforgettable notes.

So now, dear bride and groom, let’s get started. . . .

PART ONE

The Foundation of Your Thank-You Notes

Throughout your entire wedding planning process, you’ll find occasion for sending many different kinds of thank-you notes—formal, informal, handwritten, even a quick e-mail Thanks for the suggestion! We love the caterer you recommended! A great thank you comes in many forms, whether it’s a traditional treat for the recipient, such as your wedding thank-you note with portrait, or a hi-tech message, such as a DVD with a video greeting that you taped at your wedding.

It’s a new world of saying thank you, and the method makes as much of an impression as the wording you use. This section will offer you a primer on selecting the right format and formality for your notes, giving you a variety of options for the many chances you’ll have to show your gratitude. And since you don’t want any missteps, I’ve included the top fifteen thank-you note mistakes to save you from any social gaffes along the way.

CHAPTER 1

Choosing Your Method

You’ll send your thanks out in many different ways, depending on the circumstances. A formal, written thank-you note for a wedding gift is something that guests appreciate and expect. It’s the traditional card you’ve seen and received yourself in the past, and the model you’re most likely using for your own wedding right now.

But throughout the planning and the actual wedding ceremony, there will be many things to thank people for—help finding a great seamstress, a pickup at the airport, a suggestion of caterers, a kind word when you’ve been having a bad day, throwing you a bridal shower. Each of these wonderful gestures—all equally important to you as a person and to the success of your wedding plans—deserves a thank you, but not everything you’ll receive requires a formal, written note.

While we’ll get into the appropriateness of e-mail thank yous in the next chapter, for now, let’s start off with the basic ways of thanking people, and which type is appropriate in which situation.

Formal Thank-You Notes

Formal thank-you notes are the ones you’d send out if you held a formal wedding, most often on white or off-white card stock with black lettering, and with an elegant design. If guests dress formally, they get this type of thank-you note.

A formal thank-you note is appropriate for:

• All the guests who attended your wedding, regardless of whether or not their gift has arrived yet. Some people do send wedding gifts after the wedding, as in the case of a custom-ordered gift that’s taking longer than expected or something from your registry that hasn’t been shipped. When the gift arrives, you’ll send them another thank-you note. Right now, you’re thanking them for what’s really important: their presence on your day.

• Your wedding coordinator, who helped you pull it all together

• Your wedding experts for their fabulous work

• Guests who gave you engagement gifts

• Guests who attended your engagement party

• Guests who won’t be able to attend the wedding but sent you a present anyway

Less Formal Thank-You Notes

These may look like formal thank yous with a white or ecru card stock and black lettering, but they’re instantly recognizable as less formal by the wording (a more excited and playful voice, for instance), the type of font (a more playful block lettering rather than a classic italic, for instance), perhaps a graphic, textured edges, even cutouts. A less formal thank-you note is often seen with colored card stock and colored print, as today’s etiquette rules now allow for this type of expression in all wedding stationery. The difference between formal and less formal notes is subtle, but you’ll be able to recognize less formal notes for their creativity of design while still bearing a message that’s up style.

A less formal thank-you note is appropriate for:

• Anyone who hosted a shower for you

• Shower guests

• Guests who couldn’t attend the shower but sent a gift

• Wedding weekend event hosts

• Anyone who hosted guests staying in their homes for your wedding weekend

Thank-You Cards

If you can find a great card from a greeting card line, your work is easier for this less formal thank-you expression.

A thank-you card from the card store is appropriate for:

• Someone who helped you find your wedding vendors or locations

• Someone who volunteered to help, but hasn’t done so yet. (You’re thanking them for the offer.)

• Someone who is lending you items for your wedding

• Those who agreed to be in your bridal party. They’re committing their time, energy and money to your wedding, so thank them now with a card in the mail.

• Someone who sent you a really nice card in the mail, either congratulating you on your engagement or just making you smile with a thinking of you card

The Handwritten Note

The handwritten note on a blank card is making a big comeback. Handwriting takes us back to more personal times when fonts weren’t involved, and somehow the message seems to mean more when penned in the sender’s unmistakable handwriting.

A handwritten note is appropriate for:

• Any thank-you sending, either alone or in conjunction with a gift, other than your formal, official wedding thank-you notes

• A quick note of thanks when someone has just completed a task, called with an answer or delivered on a promise early

• A quick note of thanks to someone in your household who is being supportive of the process

• Those relatives and friends who always send thoughtful handwritten notes and letters to you. You know that they favor the tradition of hand-writing their letters, so you answer in kind.

• An extra, personalized message inside a store-bought greeting card

A Thank-You Gift and Note

The rule about sending a thank-you gift is when someone’s help just overwhelms you with kindness. You just don’t feel like a card or note is enough to show your gratitude. Such gifts might include a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of fine wine, a big box of chocolates, even a gift card to a day spa or other pampering treat. When the giver has done something truly extraordinary, you might look at higher-budget items like tickets to a play or concert, a night at a boutique bed and breakfast, or the full royal treatment at that day spa. Check out gift ideas in chapter 26 for more inspiration.

A thank-you gift and note is appropriate for:

• Anyone who’s gone above and beyond in helping you with the wedding, especially if their help saves you money on the wedding, such as their connecting you with a caterer who gives you a significant Friends and Family discount.

• A friend or relative who does something for your wedding as their wedding gift to you. This is a popular trend right now, as many people are offering to let the bride and groom use their classic car for transportation or their shore house as a reception location, their backyard garden, or their talents and skills in graphic arts or creating websites, making favors or baking desserts.

A Financial Reward and a Note

Otherwise known as giving a tip, a financial reward accompanied with a note is a wonderful extra touch. Your message may read: With our thanks for your wonderful work!; We appreciate your terrific work on our (fill in the blank), and here is a little something to thank you!; or Thank you so much for (fill in the blank)! We’ll be sure to recommend you to everyone we know.

A financial reward and a note is appropriate for:

• All of the wedding experts you’ll tip, as well as non-wedding experts like your hair stylist and babysitters who’ll watch your guests’ kids

Flowers and a Note

The gift of flowers will make anyone’s day, but it’s an especially nice thank you that goes deeper than assistance with the wedding plans alone. Especially if you choose flowers that are sentimental to the recipient, such as daisies or tulips that are their favorites, your gesture carries extra emotion.

Flowers and a note are appropriate for:

• Mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers, godmothers and other honored women for their help with the wedding. There’s no better way to start off the new chapter of your life than with a bow to the people who brought you to this point.

• Wedding coordinators who really helped you. In addition to their contract fees and tip, a bouquet of roses sent after the wedding is a terrific way to add color to your thank you.

• Your boss, for giving you extra time off for your wedding planning process and the wedding/honeymoon weeks as well.

Phone Calls

You can’t lose with a phone call to say thank you, in addition to any of the thank-you note methods mentioned here. It’s all in the sound of your voice, which e-mail can never duplicate. And who doesn’t love getting a phone call that’s not from a telemarketer, a request to serve on some volunteer committee or work-related issues?

A phone call is appropriate for:

• People who have done thoughtful tasks for you. If your sister sent over a great gift of wedding invitation software, she should get a call as well as perhaps a thank-you note and gift. If a friend flew in to attend your bridal shower, it would be appropriate if you called her for a chat in addition to sending her the same thank-you note that everyone else is getting.

• An initial