A Roadmap to Navigating Existence

Chapter 1: How Often Do Your Plans Go Exactly as Expected?

Now be honest, how often does life serve you exactly what you ordered? You’ve probably had the experience of setting up a foolproof plan -landing that promotion, moving to a new city, finally finding the one-only to watch it unravel like a cheap sweater. And if you’re like most people, it stings a little each time. You wonder, What went wrong? or even, "Is there something wrong with me?

Disappointment is as normal as breathing. And if you don’t face it, you’re probably not setting goals or trying to change at all. But when we start tying our sense of happiness, self-worth, or even life purpose to these expectations - especially the high-stakes ones - we’re boarding a one-way train to disappointment city. The good news? There’s a way off the train, and it starts with recognizing the surprisingly insidious ways expectations shape our lives.

The Control Illusion: Why We Think We Can Predict Everything

So, picture this: You’re planning the perfect weekend getaway. You’ve imagined everything from the cozy cabin to the beautiful, secluded lake. Now imagine arriving only to find that it’s pouring rain, the power is out, and there’s no cell service. You’re in the dark, literally and figuratively, all because you clung too tightly to an expectation.

Psychologists call this the illusion of control-the deeply held belief that our actions guarantee certain outcomes. It’s comforting to think you’re in control. But life has a funny way of laughing at our best-laid plans and reminding us that we can’t orchestrate every detail.

And there’s a secret - Life isn’t supposed to be predictable. If it were, it would be incredibly boring. Think about it. We love stories for their twists and turns, yet we expect our lives to follow a straight, smooth path. The next time you’re upset because something didn’t go right, ask yourself: Are you upset with the event or with your inability to control it?

Let me tell you a story. Meet Lisa, a smart, ambitious professional who decided she’d have it all by the time she was 30: a dream job, a great relationship, a Pinterest-perfect home. She worked herself to exhaustion to check off each box. By the time she reached her thirtieth birthday, the job was decent, the relationship was…complicated, and the perfect home was nowhere in sight. All she felt was disappointment, even resentment.

Why? Lisa had unwittingly subscribed to a psychological phenomenon called perfectionism - the idea that happiness and fulfillment come only from achieving our absolute ideal. She had set the bar so high that she was setting herself up to feel dissatisfied no matter what she achieved. It’s a bit like being in a race where the finish line keeps moving. Sound familiar?

Strategy 1: Replace Expectations with Curiosity

Instead of expecting life to give you a specific outcome, try this: approach your goals with curiosity. Curiosity turns I must get promoted into I wonder what new opportunity might come up this year. It shifts the focus from needing one exact outcome to enjoying the possibilities. Not only does curiosity relieve the pressure, but it also makes the journey more enjoyable.

Curiosity gives you freedom. When we’re curious, we’re not stuck on what should happen, but rather on what’s happening right now. Imagine treating every day as a question rather than a checklist. Not only does it reduce disappointment, but it often opens doors you didn’t even know existed.

How to Practice:

For one week, pick an area where you feel particularly attached to an outcome. Write down your main expectation and then, next to it, list three possible scenarios that could happen if you’re wrong. You don’t have to actually want these alternative outcomes; the idea is simply to get comfortable with them. This exercise isn’t about getting you to give up what you want; it’s about rewiring your brain to see that sometimes being wrong can lead to unexpected rewards.

Strategy 2: Play the Worst-Case Scenario Game

This technique may sound negative, but it’s actually one of the most liberating exercises you can do. When we’re ruled by expectations, we tend to cling to them out of fear. So let’s flip the script. Instead of focusing only on what you want to happen, take a few minutes to imagine the absolute worst outcome-and then turn it into something absurd.

For example, imagine that your career dream fails spectacularly. Ask yourself: What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen? Maybe you end up living with your parents, eating cereal three times a day, and pursuing a career in interpretive dance as a last resort. Sure, it’s absurd, but that’s the point. By exaggerating our fears, we can laugh at them and see how unlikely they are.

How to practice:

The next time you’re feeling anxious about an expectation, grab a pen and paper and write down your worst-case scenario. Then turn it into a ridiculous, exaggerated chain of events. Think about what life would be like if that actually happened. Often, you’ll end up laughing at how absurd the imagined consequences are, breaking their emotional hold on you.

Strategy 3: Try a No-Goal Day Each Month

Before you close this book in frustration, I know this may sound counter-intuitive in a self-improvement book, but bear with me. Set aside one day a month to set no goals and make no plans. Seriously - wake up with no to-do list, no tasks, no agenda. Think of it as a day to exist rather than "achieve. Do whatever feels right in the moment-read a book, take a walk, or spend an hour people-watching in a coffee shop.

The beauty of a no goal day is that it teaches you to enjoy the journey without a set destination. On these days, you may rediscover hobbies you enjoy, feel a sense of spontaneous excitement, or simply realize how nice it is not to be ruled by productivity. The magic is in giving yourself permission to just be, without expectations of success or achievement.

How to practice:

Plan your no goal day ahead of time so you’re mentally prepared. Then, when the day arrives, set the intention to fully accept whatever the day brings. This isn’t a cheat day or a lazy day-it’s a chance to observe what you enjoy without the pressure to produce or achieve. Afterwards, reflect on how you feel and consider making this a regular habit.

Chapter 2: How Much Happiness Do We Really Buy with Money?

I once heard someone say, You know what’s better than being rich? Feeling rich. They looked like they had it all figured out. But the more I thought about it, the more it felt like one of those sayings we tell ourselves so we don’t question our lives too deeply. Still, it made me think, and thinking is dangerous, as you know, especially for someone with an overactive imagination like mine.

I’ve been in psychology long enough to know that the promises of wealth are like rainbows - they always seem to land somewhere just out of reach. Money has this intoxicating promise. Like a mirage, we come close only to find it slipping away, always one step further, taunting us with the idea that if only we worked harder, saved better, or planned more carefully, we’d finally be free to do what, exactly? To live as if money never mattered?

But here’s the rub: How do you live like you don’t need money when the world keeps telling you otherwise? The pursuit alone can consume you until the only thing you truly own is exhaustion. And what does all this look like in real life, when wealth itself becomes a trap?

I’ll tell you.

The Lie We Buy

You might think I was about to confess something profound, but my revelation came in the form of a…chair. Not just any chair, mind you, but a $1,200 ergonomic office throne that promised to solve every problem my body and mind had ever known. I’d convinced myself that owning this chair would unlock a new level of productivity, even joy. It was, in my mind, the very definition of luxury.

And so I bought it. And as soon as I sat down, I felt exactly the same way. There I was, the proud owner of an overpriced piece of furniture, feeling no smarter, no more productive, and absolutely no happier. But that chair taught me something profound: wealth can buy you comfort, but it rarely buys you meaning.

But what if you can have both?

I’m not going to tell you to give up wealth and live in a cave; that’s unrealistic and, frankly, a little absurd. But what if we redefined luxury as something that no one can buy? True luxury, in the rawest, most unfiltered sense, is about feeling unattached to things. The world tells us that we’ll be wealthy when we’ve accumulated enough. But what if wealth was less about accumulation and more about access? And what if we had it backwards?

A friend of mine once told me that he felt wealthier after leaving his corporate job than he ever did climbing the ranks. He went from plush offices and corner suites to freelancing in a coffee shop, the aroma of dark roast his only "bonus. And for the first time in his life, he told me, he felt rich - not because he was making more money,