A Practical Guide to Complex PTSD: Compassionate Strategies to Begin Healing from Childhood Trauma

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ISBN: Print 978-1-64611-614-0 | eBook 978-1-64611-615-7

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I dedicate this book to those of you who have suffered from abuse or neglect as children and to the caring individuals who walk with you on your healing path. May the words and practices offered in this book provide guidance and inspire you with hope.

Contents

Introduction

1 Understanding Complex PTSD

2 Healing Avoidance Symptoms:

I Am Learning to Be Here Now

3 Healing Invasive and Intrusive Symptoms:

I Am Finally Able to Feel Safe

4 Healing Depressive Symptoms:

I Feel Connected to Myself Again

5 Managing Emotional Dysregulation:

I Am Learning to Find Balance

6 Healing from Dissociative Symptoms:

I Am No Longer Afraid of My Past

7 Cultivating Healthy Interpersonal Relationships:

I Am Learning to Trust Myself and Others

8 Healing Self-Perception Issues:

Now I Realize that It Was Never My Fault

9 Healing from an Over-Identification with an Abuser:

I Am No Longer Defined by My Past

10 Overcoming Feelings of Hopelessness and Despair:

I Am in Charge of My Life Now

11 Keep Up the Momentum

Resources

References

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Introduction

When we imagine the birth of a child, any child, we see a world that is safe. We envision a home filled with kindness and nurturance. While this home may not be perfect, it is a place where a child is able to learn and grow with curiosity and joy. Childhood trauma is a betrayal of this unspoken promise.

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a response to traumatic events that were ongoing or repeated. With childhood trauma, these events occurred in your early years and were likely to be unpredictable, chaotic, or terrifying. You may have had parents or caregivers who abused, neglected, or abandoned you repeatedly, or you may have seen repeated traumatic events. The complex aspect of C-PTSD means that the trauma was at an early enough age or was repeated often enough that it affected your emotional development.

Alternatively, you might be a spouse, caregiver, friend, or therapist who is reading this so that you can provide support for someone who suffered from childhood trauma. In either case, this book will serve as a guide for the healing journey.

This book is meant to provide compassionate support in the process of healing from childhood trauma. You can think of it as a lantern that will illuminate dark spaces and provide a sense of hope in moments of despair. As a psychologist who specializes in the treatment of childhood trauma and C-PTSD, I know the courage it takes to walk this path. I also know from experience that healing is possible. My own journey of healing from childhood trauma led me to specialize my therapy practice on the treatment of PTSD. I quickly discovered that clients were rarely coming to therapy with single traumatic events and that they did not respond quickly to treatment. Many of these clients had been misdiagnosed, felt frustrated with therapy, and were seeking a therapist who was willing to think outside the box when it came to treatment. Over the past 20 years, I have spent much of my career focusing on the most effective therapeutic interventions for complex trauma recovery.

The practical strategies you will learn in this book are taken from the most effective therapeutic interventions for trauma recovery. You will learn the skills to improve your physical and mental health by attending to the painful wounds from your past without feeling flooded with overwhelming emotion. My wish is to help you discover a new sense of freedom. The traumatic events of your past no longer need interfere with your ability to live a meaningful and satisfying life.

There are several ways you might approach this book. You might choose to read it on your own to help you understand the process of healing. However, most often, the deep work of reclaiming yourself from the grips of childhood trauma will be most powerful when it is a collaboration between you and a caring, trauma-informed therapist who can provide much-needed acceptance for the parts of you that feel unlovable, damaged, shameful, or unworthy. Together with a caring supporter, you can walk this healing path.

The guidance offered in this book can provide valuable support between therapy sessions and help you feel secure in your own capacity to turn toward yourself lovingly and compassionately. It’s important to note, though, that recovery from C-PTSD is rarely achieved in short-term therapy. If you expect therapy to be a quick fix, you are likely to feel disappointed. Keep in mind that healing will take time. Be patient with yourself and with anyone you turn to for support and guidance. If you have not yet found a therapist you can trust or you do not know where to seek support, turn to the end of this book to find a list of resources to support your healing journey.

You might also choose to work through this book with a spouse or caring friend alongside. When choosing to share your experience with another person, it is wise to look for someone who is invested in listening to you nonjudgmentally and in understanding your unique life experiences. You may choose to read passages aloud that resonate with you, or you might write down your reflections and then read these aloud. If you do choose to share your experience, take your time to notice how it feels to be witnessed by another. I invite you to slow down enough so that you can sense and feel your body and your emotions. Remember, you get to choose whether, when, how much, and with whom you share the sacred truths of your inner world.

I recommend that you work through the book at a pace that allows you to digest the material you are reading. Throughout, you will have opportunities to read stories about other people’s experiences with C-PTSD. These client stories are composites of several real-life cases in which all identifying information has been changed to protect the privacy and anonymity of the people involved. These stories might feel relatable or connected to your own past, and so they might evoke vulnerable emotions. If, at any point, you notice yourself becoming activated or triggered—in other words, you begin to feel overwhelming emotions—I invite you to see this as a signal to pause and reflect. Rather than pushing past your discomfort, I suggest you use this time to become curious. Ask yourself what you need in order to feel supported before you move on through the book.

We will start our exploration of C-PTSD by looking at what it is, what the symptoms are, and what causes it. The remaining chapters will cover the most common types of symptoms, including the avoidant, invasive, and depressive. The book will look at important skills for healing from emotion-regulation issues and interpersonal problems. We will also explore common ways that C-PTSD interferes with everyday functioning, from hijacking our consciousness to undermining our sense of self-worth. Each chapter will include story examples, as well as practical tools and techniques you can use to cope with trauma and reclaim your life.

If you are looking for specific healing techniques, turn to the index in this book to find information on any method you’re interested in. You can use any of these coping strategies at any time.

An important note: C-PTSD can be caused by any sort of trauma experienced in childhood, including growing up in an area affected by war and other violence or by seeing or experiencing human trafficking and child exploitation. While the healing strategies offered in this book will be of benefit to you no matter what form of trauma you have faced, the discussion on these pages will primarily focus on childhood trauma from parents, caregivers, family members, or community members.

It is important to remember that you cannot rush the healing process. It takes approximately 20 years for the human brain to fully form and many years of careful guidance for a child to develop the social and emotional intelligence to navigate the complexities of adulthood. Our earliest years should prepare us for the inevitable challenges of life, such as working through conflicts with loved ones or coping with loss. However, when you have grown up with childhood trauma, you have to fill in the gaps left behind by neglect or abuse, and this process takes time. I encourage you to recognize that reclaiming your life from childhood trauma requires a long-term commitment to yourself and to the healing process. Your symptoms are the result of traumatic injuries that occurred over an extended period. It is important to be realistic about the timeline for healing.

In time, it is possible to reclaim a secure sense of self. Each tender moment of growth stretches your body, mind, and soul. Initially, you might feel shaky and unsure. Like a child just learning to walk, you may falter as you explore new territory.