How to Adult, A Practical Guide: Advice on Living, Loving, Working, and Spending Like a Grown-Up

Copyright © 2020 by Rockridge Press, Emeryville, California

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Interior and Cover Designer: Brieanna Felschow

Art Producer: Samantha Ulban

Editors: Marisa A. Hines and Nora Spiegel

Production Editor: Rachel Taenzler

Author photo courtesy of Sarah Matista Photography.

ISBN: Print 978-1-64739-721-0 | eBook 978-1-64739-425-7

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To my Sissy.

As you adult like you mean it, I see you.

Contents

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE:   So, You Opened up This Book . . .

CHAPTER TWO:   Get Started by Forgetting about Everyone Else

CHAPTER THREE:    Relationships (Because You Can Only Forget about Everyone Else for So Long)

CHAPTER FOUR:    How to Kill It at Work

CHAPTER FIVE:    I Just Found Five Dollars in My Pocket!

CHAPTER SIX:    How to Adult Like You Mean It

RESOURCES

VALUES

REFERENCES

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Introduction

So, here you are. You made it through your teens, you’ve successfully been able to walk into a bar with your head held high because you’re using your own ID, and you possibly are trying—or thinking about trying—to live life out in the real world. Let’s be real about this real world situation for a second; as exciting and awesome as it is that the world is now your oyster, that’s one big oyster. And while oysters do make pearls, they can also be nearly impossible to crack open, not to mention that they come with a whole lot of slimy stuff. That’s where this gem of a book comes in. Consider it the knife with which you shuck that oyster wide open, and the knowledge you gain is the lemon or hot sauce to help that oyster go down smoothly.

But enough seafood talk. The truth is, getting further into your 20s means getting further into the world of adulting. It’s tough out there, and the struggle is real. What’s more is you’re moving swiftly into adulting during a day and age that looks light-years different from the adulting of past generations. A major factor in the creation of this book was to speak to the nuanced and complex parts of adulting that haven’t been addressed before. Though the basics of domestic life, hygiene, and how to find work are important, this book is intended to support you beyond the basics. What you’ll find in these pages are insights written to reflect today’s modern challenges, from relationship transitions to finding the right budgeting app.

This book is meant to act as a map, with me as your guide at the helm. Why me? Well, a couple of reasons: First, I am someone who is very actively adulting, and who I promise is not as old as whoever raised you, and second, I’m a psychologist (aka therapist) who, day in and day out, works with folks who are finding their own paths to adulting. With that sort of personal and professional experience, one could argue that I definitely know my stuff. Part of that stuff is knowing that, as cool as it may seem to be aloof or a lone wolf who is always unfazed, life doesn’t actually work that way. Humans are social creatures who need to be connected to others. None of us are meant to go it alone, especially when learning, exploring, and transitioning into new parts of our lives. The hope, dear reader, is to leave you feeling empowered with a few nuggets of real-life tips, tricks, and tools you need to stay true to you while adulting like you mean it.

It is surprising to notice that even from the earliest age, man finds the greatest satisfaction in feeling independent. The exalting feeling of being sufficient to oneself comes as a revelation.

—Maria Montessori

CHAPTER ONE

So, You Opened up This Book . . .

Whether you’re pumped about adulting or not, the transition into adulthood is unavoidable. But it isn’t all bad. To start, let’s keep things simple and sweet by honoring how you arrived at a book like this one. Along the way, we will cover one of the quintessential struggles of adulting, which is that everyone has an opinion about it. It’s easy to end up caught between taking in those opinions and attempting to establish one of your own. Fear not, though—this book contains a fun little quiz that will help you identify what it is that you want from this whole adulting thing. I invite you to start thinking about what flavors of change you want to see, hear, and feel within yourself. While I am here to guide you, it will be your truth that we will use as a compass.

If This Book Was Given to You by an Overbearing Family Member or Friend . . .

Oh . . . hi there. So sorry we’re meeting like this. I know this may not have been your first choice for Sunday afternoon entertainment or the way you wanted to relax before bed, but since we both happen to be here . . . maybe we should give this thing a go?

As great as loved ones are, sometimes the ways they give or show their love aren’t quite how we want to receive it. Regardless of their intention, the gesture of someone handing you a book on adulting may leave you feeling slighted. It could feel like their way of telling you that you’re doing a crappy job and really need to step up your game. It could feel like they’re attempting to impose their thoughts and opinions on what you should be doing and how you should be doing it. It could even feel like their way of subtly telling you that they disapprove of your current way of being in the world and want you to make life changes that they’ll approve of. Whatever the impact, I want you to know that I see you. The goal in this book is to help you recognize the plethora of opinions offered to new adults like yourself for what they are—other people’s opinions—and to take up space in your life by starting to form your own.

All that said, if we are going to throw shade at the presumptuous people in your life, it’s also worthwhile to take into account their possible intentions. If this book was gifted to you by someone who is attempting to show you some love, what is it that they might be trying to say? Sure, their intention could be a subtle hint that they think you’re totally blowing it . . . or maybe, just maybe,