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I Have No Idea What I’m Doing: A Guide to Faking Competence Until You Believe It
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About this ebook
Are you one minor inconvenience away from a full-blown existential crisis?
Do you regularly Google how to do your own job while hoping nobody notices?
Ever sat in a meeting nodding thoughtfully while having no clue what’s happening?
Congratulations! ? You’re just like everyone else.
This book is a highly questionable, deeply unserious guide to:
✔️ Looking like you have your life together while internally screaming.
✔️ Pretending you belong in the room, even when you definitely don’t.
✔️ Saying things with confidence so people stop asking follow-up questions.
Inside, you’ll learn highly advanced survival techniques, including:
? "Meetings, Presentations, and Other Ways to Have a Public Meltdown" (How to say “Let’s circle back” and escape responsibility forever.)
? "Job Interviews: The Olympic Sport of Pretending You’re Normal" (How to answer 'Tell me about yourself' without crying.)
? "Your Inner Critic is a Liar (And Also Kind of a Jerk)" (Why your brain is an unpaid intern with terrible opinions.)
? "Nobody Actually Knows What They’re Doing (And That’s Beautiful)" (How billionaires, CEOs, and your boss are all just making stuff up.)
If you’ve ever felt like an imposter, like a fraud, or like you are one “Let’s hop on a quick call” away from quitting life and living in the woods—
this book is for you.
Because here’s the truth:
? Nobody knows what they’re doing. They’re just pretending louder.
? And now, so can you.
WARNING: This book will not help you grow as a person. It will, however, make you feel slightly better about the absolute trainwreck that is modern life.
LanguageEnglish
PublisherRuin Your Life Now
Release dateApr 2, 2025
ISBN9798314684771
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I Have No Idea What I’m Doing - Dick Chad Pansy
Introduction: Welcome to the Fraud Club (Membership: You)
(Or: Congratulations! You Have No Idea What You’re Doing)
Congratulations! 🎉 You’ve officially been inducted into The Fraud Club, an elite (read: panicked and underqualified) organization made up of people who have absolutely no clue what they’re doing but are doing it anyway.
Here at Fraud Club, we don’t have membership fees (you’ve suffered enough) or a secret handshake (because handshakes are awkward and we’d overthink them anyway), but what we do have is a collective, unspoken agreement:
🛑 At any given moment, we all believe we’re five seconds away from being EXPOSED as the frauds we truly are.
Maybe you’re at work, typing aggressively to look busy while actually Googling ‘what does ROI mean?’
Maybe you’re in a meeting, nodding sagely while praying nobody asks for your opinion.
Maybe you’re just existing, assuming that every other person on Earth is competent while you’re somehow the only one who slipped through the cracks.
Well, good news:
✨ EVERYONE IS WINGING IT. ✨
Yes. Even the people who seem like they have it together. Especially them. They’re just better at faking it. (Or they were born with unearned confidence, which is an actual crime.)
But, before we fully embrace that horrifying revelation, let’s take a moment to review...
The Five Most Common Imposter Syndrome Thoughts (and Why They’re Probably Correct)
1️⃣ Any second now, they’re going to realize I’m a mistake.
You know it. I know it.
HR? They’re catching on.
🚨 At some point, you’re pretty sure your boss is going to burst into your office with security, hold up your employee ID, and yell: "WHO AUTHORIZED
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