Spiritual Abuse Recovery Workbook: Engaging Faith in Healing

Table of Contents

An Introduction

Week 1: What Is Spiritual Abuse?

Week 2: Emotions Matter

Week 3: Safety and Identifying Triggers

Week 4: Caught in a Web (Part 1)

Week 5: Caught in a Web (Part 2)

Week 6: Coercive and Manipulative Control (Part 1)

Week 7: Coercive and Manipulative Control (Part 2)

Week 8: Identifying Holistic Harm

Week 9: Your Spiritual Timeline

Week 10: Understanding Spiritual Health

Week 11: When Forgiveness Is Weaponized

Week 12: Characteristics of a Safe Community

Final Thoughts

Appendix

Spiritual Abuse Recovery Workbook

Copyright © 2025 by Karen Roudkovski

Published by B&H Academic®

Brentwood, Tennessee

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4300-9157-8

Dewey Decimal Classification: 253.5

Subject Heading: CHRISTIANITY--PSYCHOLOGY

\ SPIRITUALITY \ SPIRITUAL LIFE

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible® and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

The web addresses referenced in this book were live and correct at the time of the book’s publication but may be subject to change.

Cover design by Emily Keafer Lambright. Cover images by Larisa Rusina/iStock and LiuSol/iStock.

30 29 28 27 26 25 VP 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

This workbook does not replace professional therapy, nor

does the use of this workbook constitute a therapeutic

relationship with the author,

Karen Roudkovski.

An Introduction

When I began writing Understanding Spiritual Abuse, I quickly realized that I wanted the book to have a companion workbook for spiritual-abuse survivors. Thankfully, my publisher agreed. If you are a Christian who has experienced spiritual abuse in a Christian faith setting or relationship, or perhaps you are exploring whether or not you have experienced such abuse, I wrote this book for you. This workbook is a resource for Christians who want to engage their spirituality and faith as a resource.

I write this primarily from the perspective of a professional counselor and spiritual-abuse researcher. But I want you to know that I am also a survivor of spiritual abuse. I will share a small portion of my story in this workbook.

Recommendations

I have a few recommendations as you begin this workbook.

This workbook is only one step in your healing process, not the entire journey. I provide tools, insight, and an opportunity to process your experiences. I consider this workbook a launching point for healing or a continuation of a journey you have already begun. Healing does not happen in twelve weeks. Healing is a process that looks different for every survivor. And it takes time. For me, it took years, and there are times it still hurts, like an old injury that flares up again if hit in a certain way.

I encourage you to join with others to go through this workbook. While you can go through this workbook alone, I encourage you to consider going through it with others. For example, you might try any of the following:

➢ Choose a few close friends who have experienced spiritual abuse and go through the book together.

➢ Find or start a support group.

➢ Work with a therapist.

You may choose to journey through this book by yourself. If you prefer that path, I encourage you to have a support system or the number of a counselor to call if you become overwhelmed. I provide a list of websites in the appendix that you can use to locate a counselor in your area.

You can go through the workbook at the pace that works for you. You are not in a race or competing with anyone; neither is your value based on completing any of these activities.

You can work with a professional mental-health provider as part of your healing journey. Consider engaging the help of a mental-health provider if you are experiencing any of the following:

➢ Emotional dysregulation that interferes with your daily functioning (see Week 1: Day 2 for a description and symptoms of emotional dysregulation). We will learn some tools for emotional dysregulation in this book, but if the tools do not work or if the dysregulation worsens, consider professional support.

➢ Intrusive thoughts or distressing images about the experience

➢ Increased anxiety, panic, or feeling constantly on edge

➢ Feelings of hopelessness

➢ Difficulty performing daily tasks

➢ Sleep disturbances

➢ Multiple forms of abuse. For example, some experience sexual abuse in the church in addition to spiritual abuse. Or, in the case of spiritual abuse in families, multiple other forms of abuse may have been present (i.e., physical, emotional, sexual). In that case, I recommend working with a professional counselor, as this could become dysregulating as you begin to process your experience.

Although spiritual abuse does not leave physical marks, please do not underestimate the harm it can cause.

Structure of Each Week

I follow a general structure, so you will know what to expect as you go through this workbook. I begin each week with some brief information about the week’s topic, and you will have the opportunity to work through a different task each day. These are the components of each week:

❏ Introduction. I will overview the topic for the week.

❏ Grounding. I will provide you with a tool to assist you with grounding yourself to safety in the present moment. In the beginning, we will review the grounding skill on day 1. Beginning in week 4 and following, we will review grounding on day 2. I recommend you practice the new grounding tool all week. It is important you practice these daily, both when you need them and when you do not feel like you need them. You are building a toolbox of tools. By the end of this workbook, I hope you have an entire toolbox you can use. Of course, as with any toolbox, some tools will be more useful to you than others.

❏ Your story. We will explore your story of spiritual abuse and the holistic impact you experienced as a result.

❏ Exploring thoughts and beliefs. We will explore unhelpful thoughts or beliefs impacted by the spiritually abusive setting. Some of these unhelpful thoughts and beliefs are prevalent in society at large, so even if they were not part of your spiritually abusive experience, they may still apply.

❏ Skills. We will review some helpful skills for emotional, relational, and spiritual health and healing.

❏ Holding hope. We will explore some passages from the Bible that may bring hope and encouragement. Following are some of the topics I cover in Scripture:

❍ The destructive nature of abusive practices

❍ Jesus’s teaching against abusive practices

❍ How valuable you are and how much God loves you

❍ The character of God contrasted with the spiritual abuser

❍ God’s mercy and forgiveness

❍ Passages that display a range of emotions and lament

❏ Primary takeaway. Each week, I invite you to write your primary takeaway from the week. What impacted you the most?

❏ Rest. On the final day of each week, I invite you to choose a pleasurable activity and rest.

A Word about Healing

Healing is not linear. It’s quite the opposite. I have placed topics at the beginning that are important foundational topics to consider. For example, before unpacking trauma, it is crucial to develop some tools for grounding because it can be emotionally and physically distressing when recalling traumatic events.

Additionally, healing looks different for everyone. For example, some survivors of spiritual abuse in a church setting choose to return to a church similar to their previous church and within the same denomination. In contrast, others prefer to attend a church of a different denomination or worship style. Others may join a Bible study in someone’s home to build their sense of safety. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to healing.

Comfort Items

I recommend you gather some comfort items to have with you as you complete each day’s activity. You can also use these items if you feel dysregulated during the week.

❏ A water bottle with ice-cold water

❏ An object of comfort—a soft blanket, a pillow, a robe, a pet, maybe even cozy clothes. Feel free to pick more than one.

❏ Something that smells calming to you. You might peruse the essential oils aisle at a local store and find a scent that feels calming and comforting, or choose a candle in a relaxing scent.

❏ Mints or gum

❏ Pens or pencils you enjoy using

❏ A fidget toy

❏ A location that feels reflective and calm (if possible)

Recommended Resources

In addition to your comfort items, I recommend the following resources:

❏ The book Understanding Spiritual Abuse: What It Is and How to Respond.¹ I wrote this workbook for survivors of spiritual abuse to use as a supplement to the book.

❏ A Bible. A study Bible would be helpful as you explore the passages I refer to and apply them to your life. You might also consider using commentaries as you explore Scripture for yourself.

A Word about Groups

If you are journeying through this with other survivors, there are group norms or expectations to consider. I include some group guidelines and a discussion guide in the appendix.

My Prayer for You

Heavenly Father,

I pray for these weary and hurting souls. That they may find rest in

your love,

your mercy,

your presence, and

your lovingkindness.

May you restore them, establish them, strengthen them, and support them as they seek healing.

In your merciful name, amen.

1. Karen Roudkovski, Understanding Spiritual Abuse: What It Is and How to Respond (Brentwood, TN: B&H Academic, 2024).

Week 1

What Is Spiritual Abuse?

Welcome to week 1! You are brave for exploring your experience and considering what recovery and healing might look