5-Minute Couple's Devotional: 150 Days of Love, Reflection, and Prayer

As Constant as Gravity

For their sake he remembered his covenant, and showed compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love.

PSALM 106:45

My dog, Pepper, has discovered that if she drops a tennis ball in her basket, it will be waiting there when she wanders back. She’s also learned that if she gives a tennis ball a nudge at the top of the stairs, it will bounce to the bottom, and eventually stop. It’s been fun watching a dog discover the eternal laws of the universe: objects at rest will stay at rest, whereas objects in motion stay in motion—until they stop.

The holy promise, or covenant, between God and humanity is likewise constant in nature and reliable in practice. Just as you count on the law of gravity when you leave your house in the morning, you can also count on God. That covenant is the promise of tenacious love that doesn’t give up. Not even when humans start to act, well, like humans.

When humans stray from that love—into cruelty, pride, and addiction—their lives reap painful consequences. Not because God seeks vengeance, but because life can’t grow in the shallow soil of cruelty, pride, and addiction.

Couples who establish their relationship in the fertile soil of God’s love can expect different fruits than those relationships established in poorer soil.

Make Your Requests Known!

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

PHILIPPIANS 4:6

Every year, in the first week of May, parenting expert Carrie Contey sends an email to thousands of moms. It’s her annual reminder to be clear about their Mother’s Day expectations: Do you want a big meal? Or a family hike? Maybe some precious alone time? Whatever it is, Carrie says, let your partners know!

Writing to the church in Philippi, Paul says something similar: Let your requests be made known to God. Do you have a wild hope? A deep hunger? Lift it up in prayer. Of course, you won’t get everything you pray for, but saying (and praying) aloud is worth the risk of vulnerability.

This same practice will help you in your relationship. But making plain what you want from your partner can be scary! What if they say no? The truth is your partner always has the right to say no, or reply with something other than an instant yes.

Whatever the answer may be, your willingness to make your heart’s desire open and clear is an act of faith and an investment in a relationship built on rugged trust. Courage doesn’t look like a heart that’s walled off but like one that’s wide open. So, to God and to your partner, let your requests be made known.

The Sacrificial Heart

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

JOHN 15:12–13

In the forests of Uganda, chimpanzees that see a python make a loud, sustained cry. The chimps risk drawing attention to themselves, but the alarm serves to warn others. It’s about putting others first. We can see this selflessness in our own society as well. Think of firefighters, who risk their own safety for us.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus speaks to his disciples—whom he calls his friends—about laying down one’s life for one’s friends as the highest standard of love. The sacrificial heart is a hallmark of faith.

Most often, sacrifice won’t be a dramatic gesture like fending off a late-night intruder. It could be gladly going to your partner’s favorite restaurant instead of your own. Now and then, a sacrificial heart may ask for something larger—like moving across the country for your partner’s career. What’s important is that sacrifice is made freely; God doesn’t ask us to submit to abuse.

When a couple can engage each other with sacrificial hearts—the willingness of each to put the other first, even when stakes are high—they will know the love that Jesus was telling his own friends about.

Even Better Together

If the foot would say, Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body, that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear would say, Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body, that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.

1 CORINTHIANS 12:15–18

Some of the couples I admire the most are those who seem least alike. One couple in particular couldn’t be more different. She’s a Catholic organizational consultant; he’s a Muslim bellhop. I know another couple with a 30-year gap in age.

And then there’s Nancy and Dave. Nancy engages life in a methodical manner. Dave sizes things up and jumps in. They harness their differences in ways that draw from their strengths. On a trip, Nancy books their hotel rooms and prints out the itinerary. Dave uses his knack to seek out perfect local restaurants and interesting side routes. The couple knows how to combine and coordinate their differences, and make their life richer and stronger than it would be alone.

Light Shines Through Many Windows

After this I looked, and there was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands.

REVELATION 7:9

I’ve been blessed to visit churches on four continents. The silky harmonies in Botswana were in stark contrast to the majestic hush of Notre-Dame in Paris. A parking lot service in Guatemala praised God differently than riverside worship in the Southern United States. People praise God in all kinds of languages, and in all kinds of ways.

As I see it, this vast array is all part of the wondrous diversity God has sown through the world. Expressions of culture are vehicles of God’s love, for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers—all things have been created through him and for him. (Colossians 1:16).

In our time, God is joining together more intercultural couples than ever before. Of course, our true citizenship is in the household of God (Ephesians 2:19). Light shines through many windows. The heritage of each partner is a blessing and a resource. Honor your father and your mother (Exodus 20:12). Tell your stories. Share your songs. Take delight. It’s all of God.

What Map Are You Using?

Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to advice.

PROVERBS 12:15

Every summer, my family goes to Dollywood. On the way in I grab a map to help plot our strategy for maximum fun. From Jukebox Junction to Timber Canyon, the map helps us get where we want to go. But a professional surveyor would object: the cartoon map is hardly an accurate spatial representation of the park. Of course, that’s not its job.

Perception is like that Dollywood map: it helps us get around, but it’s not objective reality. Neuroscience shows that humans navigate the world with a stored set of assumptions and concepts that have worked in the past. This mental map helps us organize the colors and shapes in our visual field into meaningful sight. In fact, it’s amazing how little sensory data informs what we see compared with data from memory stored in our brain! Largely, we steer by assumptions.

You and your partner have each learned to trust different maps. But as a couple you may find yourselves bumping into each other. Most arguments are attempts to get someone else to take up your own map. But a wise couple will turn to the map of Scripture and study it together as they figure out how they’ll navigate life, side by side.

Letting Yourself Be Known

Am I now seeking human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

GALATIANS 1:10

My wife and I had our first date at a local barbecue joint. At one point she quickly dipped a fingertip into her water glass, pulled out a floating gnat, and flicked it onto the floor. A moment later she took a sip from the glass.

Some might have been disgusted, while others might have shrugged. Me? I was smitten.

We were still getting acquainted. She couldn’t have known how I’d respond. But that’s what I liked: she didn’t care. She wasn’t calibrating every move to make an impression. She had shown up to the date as herself—and more than 20 years later, I can attest that she continues to handle things in the same matter-of-fact fashion with which she flicked that gnat away.

I believe that showing up as the person God made us to be is what it means to be free. Free from the tenterhooks of judgment, from the locked cage of shame. And when two people in a couple show up to each other unafraid, unadorned, trying to please God and not other people? That’s freedom in love.

After Disappointment, Real Love

But those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

ISAIAH 40:31

I have a little speech I give to newcomers at church. I tell them that if they’re considering membership, I can’t guarantee much. Sure, I have hopes they’ll grow in their faith and I’ll find community to stand with them, in good times and bad. But those are hopes, not predictions. The only thing I can say with some certainty is that at some point, they’ll be disappointed.

The start of a relationship can be exciting, but there’s always some fantasy involved. Inevitably, disappointment pops that bubble. What’s important is your response. You may choose to leave. On the other hand, if you stay, I guarantee your relationship changes—for the better. You’re no longer participating in a fantasy of perfection. You’re now relating to someone who will get sick and die, will sometimes be petty, will get unfortunate haircuts. That’s what happens when you really love.

But there’s a way to build immunity to the disappointments of imperfect people: depend on the perfection of God. When our eyes are fixed on the horizon of the Kingdom, the speed bumps and potholes on the way can be seen in proportion.