~ L OMPANY ee A Musicat COMEDY ALSO AVAILABLE FROM TCG Assassins, book by John Weidman MUSIC AND LYRICS BY Gypsy, music by Jule Styne, book by Arthur Laurents Into the Woods, book by James Lapine STEPHEN SONDHEIM Pacific Overtures, book by John Weidman BOOK BY GEORGE FURTH Passion, book by James Lapine THEATRE COMMUNICATIONS GROUP | 1996Scene One Robert's empty apartment. Robert enters, crosses to the answering machine and hits the “play” button. JOANNE (Voice-over): Hi, this isa dirty phone call. Larry and I are going to be in the country so we'll miss any birthday celebrations. Anyway, you're thirty-five. Who wants to celebrate being that old? Well, I only hope I look as good as you when /’m your age. (Sound of hang-up, followed by a bugz. A beep sound, then:) pereR (Voice-over): Hi, Bob. It’s Peter. Get those girls out of your bed and pick up the phone, will ya? Oh, God, I am so envious I can’t even talk. Call me. (Sound of hang-up, followed by a buss. A beep sound, then:) APRuL (Voice-over): Hi, Robert, it’s April. (Pause) Oh. I forgot what I was going to say. (Sound of hang-up, followed by a buzz. A beep sound, then:) amy (Voice-over): Hi, Bobby, it’s Amy. I just called to say that if I’m late for the party tonight please tell Paul that I'm running—oh, wait, you're not supposed to know thatCOMPANY there’s a— (Panic, as she tries to save herself) Judy? Judy? Oh, goodness, I’m afraid I dialed a wrong num- ber. Sorry. Just ignore this call. (Speaking to someone else in the distance as she’s hanging up) Oh, God, you're never, going to believe what I just did! (Sound of hang-up, followed by a bugz. A beep sound, the Mana: Yo, Bob. It’s Marta, Long time, no hear. Well, the doc- tor said false alarm, I'm not pregnant. So, hey, you can feel free to return my calls again, huh? (Sound of hang-up, followed by a double beep, indicating the end of messages. Robert hits the “off” button, then sits and hits the “record” button and speaks into the machine) ROBERT: Hi, this is Bob. Yes, today's my birthday. And yes, you ‘may leave a message about how happy you are that I'm turning thirty-five. And whatever you're calling about my answer is yes. (He hangs ups crosses to bars pours a drink; crosses again; sits with his back to the audience; drinks; puts glass down and lowers his head in his hands a brief moment; his head comes up to a series of ghostly offstage individual voices intoning “Bobby” a capella; the voices increase in volume as, the five married couples enter from various parts of the stage and group themselves around his apartment, facing the audience and him. They look out front and speak tonelessly. They carry wrapped presents) My birthday. It’s my birthday. Do you know you had me scared to death? I was just about to tun out of this place STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH like nobody's business. I was. I mean, I didn’t know—I mean, what kind of friends would surprise you on your thirty-fifth birthday? (Pause) Mine. Then again, how many times do you get to be thirty-five? Eleven? (Pause) Okay, come on. Say it and get it over with. It’s embar- rassing. Quick. I can’t stand it. ALL Bur RopeRr (Znsoning): Happy birthday, Robert. RoBERT: I stood it. Thank you for including me in your thoughts, your lives, your families. Yes, thank you for remembering. Thank you. ALL BUT RoBERT (Znzoning): You don’t look it. Ronen: Wel, I feel it. ALL BUT RoBERT (Znconing): It’s the birthday boy! RoBERT: Now you've rehearsed. Very good. I am touched. SUSAN (Zntoning): Llove it when people are really surprised. PETER (Intoning): She loves it when people are really surprised. SARAH (Zntoning): If you don’t like it, you can take it back. Roper: Well, I haven't even seen it yet. SARAH (Jnsoning): I mean, though, if you don’ like it— anny (Intoning): Why don’t you wait until the man looks at the thing? Ronert: I know I'll like it. SARAH (Tntoning): Why don’t you just take it back? (Gradually, they all stare becoming more human, looking cand reacting to Robert and to each other) anny: For God’s sake, he just said he likes it. saRatt: Pretend not to notice Harry, Robert. I think I'll leave. anny: I was being funny, Sarah. We could stay a little longer. PereR (Throwing present): Hey, Bobby, take ours back too. any (Bringing hers to Robert): Here's from Paul and me. If I were you, I would take it back and get the money. It cost so much I fainted.COMPANY PAUL: It did not, Robert. It’s a sweater. anv: You told him what it was! (To Robert) Well, when I saw the price tag, I thought it was a house. JOANNE (ds Jenny starts toward Robert): Miss, Miss. YOU! Yes, you! Tell him to take yours back and get the money. It’s not the gift, it’s the cost that counts. jenny (Handing her present to Robert): Who is that? JOANNE: That is I, Miss. I am very rich and (Indicating Larry) Jam married to him, and I'd introduce him, but I forgot his name. LARRY: Many happy returns of the day, old man. JENNY: David is now going to deliver our greeting. Go on, sweetheart. pavip: Robert. Happy birthday from us. ALL BUT ROBERT: Happy birthday! perer: And may this year bring you fame, fortune and your first wife. ALL BUT ROBERT: Here, here. RoneRt: Listen, I’m fine without the three, JOANNE: You bet your ass, baby. SUSAN (To Joanne): He might have meant that superciliously. joanne (A look to Susan): 0000, isn’t she darling with all that free help. LARRY (Referring to Joanne): She's a great kidder. (Joanne laughs hugely, shrowing a kiss to Susan) ‘See what I mean? RoBERT: All right. Let’s cut out the many happy returns and that is about enough about me. Iam just indeed lucky to have all of you. I mean, when you've got friends like mine... STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH (Amy enters with a cake and begins to sing “Happy Birthday.” The group joins in. They finish the song and then they speak, call, applaud:) ALL BUT ROBERT: Yeah! Hooray! (Etc,) ay: Blow out your candles and make a wish. JENNY: Don’t tell your wish, Bobby, or it won’t come true. susan: You have to close your eyes and blow them all out. SaRaHt: Be sure you make it a good one, Robert. (Robert closes his eyes, wishes, blows, but the candles stay lit, He tries again. He fails again. Amy exits with the cake and returns. As the following lines are spoken, each couple begins to exit. By the time the singing starts, Robert is alone, his friends watching him from a distance. Music begins) JENNY: You still get your wish. He still gets his wish. susAN: He does? It must be a new rule! SARAH: Sure you do. JoaNNe: Don’t believe a word of it. nev: Of course you do. noseRt: Oh, I know it. I will. Actually, I didn’t wish for any- thing. Lanny: He’s kidding. You gotta be kidding, Davi: Anyway, don’t tell perer: Tel ’s dirty. PAUL: They say you're not supposed to tel it. amy: Paul’s right. Don’t tel HARRY: Anyway, Robert, you're in your prime—thirty-five. saan: Harry, hush! You don’t tell a person’s age at our ages. JENNY: Bobby ...COMPANY PAUL: It did not, Robert. It’s a sweater. anv: You told him what it was! (To Robert) Well, when I saw the price tag, I thought it was a house. JOANNE (As Jenny starts toward Robert): Miss, Miss. YOU! Yes, you! Tell him to take yours back and get the money. It’s not the gift, it’s the cost that counts. jenny (Handing her present to Robert): Who is that? JOANNE: That is I, Miss. I am very rich and (Indicating Larry) Tam married to him, and I'd introduce him, but I forgot his name. LARRY: Many happy returns of the day, old man. JENNY: David is now going to deliver our greeting. Go on, sweetheart. pavip: Robert. Happy birthday from us. ALL BUT ROBERT: Happy birthday! pereR: And may this year bring you fame, fortune and your first wife. ALL BUT ROBERT: Here, here. RoneRt: Listen, I’m fine without the three. JOANNE: You bet your ass, baby. SUSAN (To Joanne): He might have meant that superciliously. Joanne (A look to Susan): Oooo, isn’t she darling with all that free help. LARRY (Referring to Joanne): She's a great kidder. (Joanne laughs hugely, throwing a kiss to Susan) ‘See what I mean? RoBeRT: All right. Let’s cut out the many happy returns and that is about enough about me. I am just indeed lucky to have all of you. I mean, when you've got friends like mine... STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH (Amy enters with a cake and begins to sing “Happy Birthday.” The group joins in. They finish the song and then they speak, call, applaud:) ALL BUT ROBERT: Yeah! Hooray! (Eic,) wy: Blow out your candles and make a wish. JENNY: Don’t tell your wish, Bobby, or it won’t come true. SUSAN: You have to close your eyes and blow them all out. saRaut: Be sure you make it a good one, Robert. (Robert closes his eyes, wishes, blows, but the candles stay lit, He tries again. He fails again. Amy exits with the cake and returns. As the following lines are spoken, each couple begins to exit. By the time the singing starts, Robert is alone, his friends watching him from a distance. Music begins) JENNY: You still get your wish. He still gets his wish. susan: He does? It must be a new rule! SARAH: Sure you do, JOANNE: Don’t believe a word of it. nev: Of course you do, noseRt: Oh, I know it. I will. Actually, I didn’t wish for any- thing. Lary: He’s kidding. You gotta be kidding, Davi: Anyway, don’t tell perer: Tel ’s dirty. PAUL: They say you’re not supposed to tel it. amy: Paul’s right. Don’t tel HARRY: Anyway, Robert, you're in your prime—thirty-five. saan: Harry, hush! You don’t tell a person’s age at our ages. JENNY: Bobby...AMY: PAUL: JOANNE: SUSAN: DAVID: JENNY: TARR} AMY: PAUL: HARRY: COMPANY, Bobby... Bobby baby Bobby bubi Robby... Robert darling . Bobby, we've been trying to call you. Bobby... Bobby... Bobby baby ..- Bobby bubi “Angel, I've got something to tell you. Bob.. STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH LARRY: Rob-o JOANNE: Bobby, love... SUSAN: Bobby, honey ... AMY & PAUL: Bobby, we've been trying to reach you all day. LARRY: Bobby ... HARRI Bobby . PETER: Bobby baby... SARAH: Angel JOANNE: Darling... DAVID & JENNY: ‘The kids were asking, Bobby .. HARRY: Bobby...COMPANY JOANNE: Robby . PETER: Bob-o.- LARRY & JOANNE: Bobby, there was something we wanted to say. SARAH & HARRY: Bobby... PAUL: Bobby bubi AMY: Sweetheart... SUSAN: Sugar... DAVID & JENNY: Your line was busy. PETER: ‘What have you been up to, kiddo? AMY & PAUL Bobby, Bobby, how have you been? HARRY: Fella. SARAH: Sweetie, STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH HARRY & SARAH: How have you been? PETER & susan: Bobby, Bobby, how have you been? DAVID, JENNY, JOANNE & LARRY: Stop by on your way home— AMY & PAUL: Seems like weeks since we talked to you! HARRY & SARAH: Bobby, we've been thinking of you! PETER & SUSAN: Bobby, we've been thinking of you! DAVID, JENNY, JOANNE & LARRY: Drop by any time! AMY & PAUL: Bobby, there’s a concert on Tuesday. DAVID & JENNY: Hank and Mary get into town tomorrow. PETER & SUSAN: How about some Scrabble on Sunday? SARAH & HARRY: ‘Why don’t we all go to the beach— JOANNE & LARRY: Bob, we're having people in Saturday night.COMPANY HARRY & SARAH: Next weekend? JENNY: Bobby « PETER: Bobby any: Bobby, baby... - DAVID & JENNY: Whatcha doing Thursday? ARR Bobby .. SARA Angel. Paut: Bobby bubi . SARAH & HARRY: Time we got together, is Wednesday all right? AMY: Bobby... LARRY: Rob-o- SUSAN: Bobby, honey . STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH ANY & PAUL! Eight o’clock on Monday. JOANNE: Robby, darling PETER: Bobby fella . PETER & JOANN Bobby baby ALL BUT ROBERT: Bobby, come on over for dinner! We'll be so glad to see you! Bobby, come on over for dinner! Just be the three of us, Only the three of u: We looooove you! ROBERT: Phone rings, door chimes, in comes compan No strings, good times, room hums, company Late nights, quick bites, party games, Deep talks, long walks, telephone calls, ‘Thoughts shared, souls bared, private names, Alll those photos up on the walls “With love,” With love filling the days, With love seventy ways, “To Bobby with love From all Those Good and crazy people, my friends,COMPANY Those Good and crazy people, my married friends! ‘And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? ALL BUT ROBERT: ‘That's what it’s really about, Really about! (Kathy, Marta and April enter) APRIL: Bobby KATHY: Bobby MARTA: Bobby baby... PAUL: Bobby bubi . JOANNE: Robby . SUSAN: Robert darling SARAH: Angel, will you do me a favor? ARRY: Bobby ... STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH any: Bobby . ROBERT: ‘Name it, Sarah. JENNY: Bobby baby PAUL: Bobby bubi ... PETER: Listen pal, I'd like your opinion . HARRY: Bob... LARRY: Rob-o.. Robert: Try me, Peter KATHY: Bobby love... MARTA: Bobby honey . LARRY & AMY: Bobby, there’s a problem, I need your advice... APRIL & PAUL? Bobby...COMPANY MARTA & HARRY: Bobby ... KATHY & PETER: Bobby baby .. SARAH: Angel... JOANNE: Darling . APRIL, MARTA & KATHY: Just half an hour... ROBERT: ‘Amy, can I call you tomorrow? DAVID & JENNY: Honey, if you'd visit the kids once or twice SARAH & PETER: Bobby. . JOANNE & HARRY: Bobby . PAUL & MARTA: Bobby bubi. ancy: Sweetheart SUSAN: Sugar STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH APRIL, MARTA & KATHY: What's happened to you? RobeRr: Jenny, I could take them to the zoo on Friday. Bobby ... Bobby... . where have you been? HUSBANDS: Fella. .. kiddo . . . where have you been? APRIL, MARTA & KATHY: Bobby ... Bobby ... how have you been? HARRY, SARAH, PETER & SUSAN: Stop by on your way home ROBERT: Susan, love, I'll make it after seven If Lean, Bobby, dear, I don’t mean to pry HUSBANDS: Bobby, we've been thinking of you! APRIL, MARTA & KATHY: Bobby, we've been thinking of you! PAUL, AMY, JOANNE, LARRY, DAVID & JENNY: Drop by any time...COMPANY ROBERT: Sorry, Paul, I made a date with Larry and Joanne. WIVES: Bobby dear, it’s none of my business . HUSBANDS: Lookit, pal, I have to work Thursday evening... WIVES: Darling, you've been looking peculiar. . HUSBANDS: Bobby boy, you know how I hate the opera . . wives: Funny thing, your name came up only last night. ROBERT: Harry... David... Kathy, T APRIL, MARTA & KATHY: I shouldn’t say this but - ROBERT: April... Marta... . Listen, people Bobby, we’ve been worried, you sure you're all right? HUSBANDS: Bobby ... Bobby . .. Bobby baby . APRIL, MARTA & KATHY: Did I do something wrong? STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH HUSBANDS: Bobby bubi, Bobby fella, Bobby, Bobby ... company: Bobby, come on over for dinner! We'll be so glad to see you! Bobby, come on over for dinner! Just be the three of u Only the three of us, We loooooo0000000ve you! Phone rings, door chimes, in comes compan No strings, good times, just chums, company! Late nights, quick bites, party games, Deep talks, long, walks, telephone calls, Thoughts shared, souls bared, private names, All those photos up on the walls ‘With love,” With love filling the days, With love seventy ways, “To Bobby, with love” Fromall Those Good and crazy people, my friends, Those good and crazy people, my married friends! And that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? That's what it's really about, isn’t it? ‘That's what it’s really about, really about? HUSBANDS: Isn’t it? Isn’t it? Isn’t it? Isn’t it? WIVES, APRIL, MARTA & KATHY: Love...COMPANY HUSBANDS: Isn't it? Isn’t it? Isn’t it? Isn't it? ROBERT: ‘You I love and you I love and you and you I Love ‘And you I love and you I love and you and You I love, Ilove you! ALL: Company! Company! Company, Lots of company! Life is company Love is compan; Company! (A montage of city sounds is heard as the following lines are spoken on the Company's exit; these lines are spoken quickly, overlapping each other) saan: Harry, it’s the door. I'll get it. HARRY: I’ve got saraut: Ul get it. Lalways do. JOANNE: What was that clock chime? Lary: Five o'clock. JOANNE: Thank God, cocktail hour! ‘APRIL: Final departure call for NSEW Airlines flight 119. Will the passengers that have not boarded please do so. peter: What the hell is that noise? susAN: They’re either cleaning the building next door or tear- ing it down. Taxi! Oh, please, please! MARTA: Will you stop blowing that horn, you yo-yo! any: Paul, what is that noise? STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH Paut: I don’t hear anything, JENNY: Oh, David, the phone. Davin: I’m getting it, JENNY: Oh, the kids. It’s gonna wake up the kids, Scene Two Sarah and Harry's living room on the ground floor of a gar- den apartment. Sarah, Harry and Robert have finished a long dinner and are having coffee in the living room. Saran (Pouring coffée): There’s cinnamon in the coffee, Robert... the odd taste is cinnamon. Sugar and cream? Ropent: Both, May I have lots of both? SARAH: Of course you may. anny: Do you want some brandy in it, Robert? Roper: You having some? SARAH: We don’t drink, but you have some, you darling. Go ahead. anny: Or do you want a real drink? We have anything you want, Ropert: Well, Harry, if you don’t mind, could I have some bourbon? anny: Right. SARAH: Sweetheart! nanny: Okay, darling, Roper (As Harry gets the bourbon): Are you both on the wagon? Sarah? You're not on the wagon? saraut: Goodness, Robert, all the questions! Or do you just collect trivia like some old quiz show contestant? We spend half of our lives with you and now you notice Harry's on the wagon? anny: A year and ahiCOMPANY SARAH: No, love. Just a year. HARRY: It was a year in February. It’s a year and a half now. saan: I know for a fact next month it will be a year. nanny: Anda half. saratt: One year. Count it, one! Harry got arrested for being drunk and quit out of some kind of humiliation. HARRY: I quit to see if I could is actually what happened. C’mon, I must have told you about all that. RoserT: Never. You never mentioned it or I never would have brought the bourbon. How were you arrested? SARAH: Another question! Here, why don't you have one of these brownies you brought? HARRY: I was in California on business and I really got soused one night and these guys drove me back to my hotel but, instead of going in, I walked down to the corner to get, something to eat to sober up. saaut: You said it was three blocks. HARRY: No, just the corner. saraut (Stage whisper to Robert): Three blocks. anny: Anyway, this patrol car stopped me and said, “You're drunk.” I said, “Drunk? I’m clobbered.” He said, “I’m taking you in.” “Take me to my hotel, for God’s sake,” I said, “it’s just on the corner.” saratt: Three blocks away. HARRY: Anyway, they mugged me and booked me for being drunk. Unbelievable. And then, Robert, the very next time I was out there, I got arrested all over again—drunk driving. I only had wine— saran: Only three bottles... anny: And I insisted on taking a drunk test. I flunked it by one point. saRas: And that is when you quit, precious. He always thinks itwas the first arrest, butt was the second. We never told you that? Curious, I thought Harry had told everybody. STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH Hanny: Anyway, I quit to see if I really had a drinking prob- Jem, and I don’t. Sanat: Just a problem drinking. RoBERT: Do you miss it? saRaut: See how you talk in questions! Harry, do you miss it? HarRY: No. No, | really don’t. sanant: Yes. Yes, he really does. Hi, darling. Harry: Anyway, I stopped, haven’t had a drink since. SARAH: Whoops. anny: What's whoops? I haven't had a drink since. SARAH (Singing): At Sheila and George's wedding. Harny: A toast, for God's sake. Sorry, Robert, you must have noticed how staggering falling-down drunk I got on one swallow of Champagne. saraut: I never said you got drunk, but you did have the Champagne. HARRY: A swallow. One swallow. sanant And it was gone. An elephant swallow. RoBERT: I'd like to ask for another bourbon, but I’m terrified. SaRaH: Darling Robert, put a nipple on the bottle for all we care. Don't you want a brownie? RoBERT: God, no. I'll bust. saRant: Bust? You bust! You skinny thing, Just look at you. Bones. You're skin and bones. I bet when you get on a scale it goes the other way—minus. RoseRt: Well, thank you, Sarah. I am touched and honored, And I think I was just insulted. sanaH: Oh, Robert, I was praying that you'd eat just one so I could watch. RoBERT: Sarah! Is it possible you've become a food voyeur? saratt: Mexican food. What I crave without cease is Mexican food. With all the Tabasco sauce in the world. HARRY: Don't eat that brownie! sanan: I'm not. I'm just smelling it. Oh, Robert, you eat one!COMPANY Ronerr: Not with bourbon. sanatt: And chocolate. I’ kill for chocolate. Or a baked potato with sour cream and chives. Doesn’t that just make you writhe? Or hot sourdough bread and all the butter there is, HaRRY: Chili. SARAH: Oh, chili, dear God, yes, chi HARRY: Manicotti. SARAH: Manicotti. One teaspoon of manicotti. anny: Sara Lee cake, SARAH: Sara Lee cake! Sara Lee is the most phenomenal ‘woman since Eleanor Roosevelt. nanny: How about sweet and sour shrimp? sarant: How about sweet and sour anything? (Sarah pretends to pass out, and sticks a brownie in her ‘mouth as she slides under the table. She eats it, thinking she is hidden from sight. As Robert watches her, Harry downs Robert's bourbon. Then both Sarah and Harry casually turn, their attention now back on Robert) noweRt: I get the impression you guys are on diets. HarRY: Not me, Sarah. SARAH: Look at these pants. You can put your fist in there. ‘That’s how much weight I've lost. anny: She always does that. Look, I can put my fist in my pants too, you know. She thinks I buy that. sanatt: Darling, I’ve lost eight pounds already. Harry: It’s the magazines, Robert. Did you ever look at any of, those women’s magazines? Pages and pages of cakes and, pies and roasts and potatoes. I bet Sarah subscribes to about forty magazines. It’s a sickness. We're up to our ass in magazines. sanant: I read them all. STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH HARRY: Don’t. saRAH: Do. HARRY: Look at this, Robert. Wrestling, She even subscribes to a magazine on wrestling, SARAH: Karate, not wrestling, It’s karate. nanny: Wouldn’t you like to see it? Al those fat broads in her gym learning karate. What wouldn’t you give to see that? sanatt: Strangely enough, darling, I’m terribly good at it. Ropent: How long have you been studying it? sarant: Who asked that question? Oh, Robert! Seven months. HARRY: Show us some karate. sanatt: No. Robert, would you like some more coffee, love? You, Harry? anny: No. I want some karate. I want to see how my money isbeing wasted. saatt: No. ROBERT: Do one thing. SARAH: No. RobERt: Come on, Sarah, I really would give anything to see you do just one. I bet you are excellent. Hey, I'll be your partner. saRaHt: No. Oh, Harry, this is embarrassing, HARRY: Aw, come on. saratt: My God—all HaRRy: Hooray! cht. HARRY: Hooray! SARAH: Harry, do you want to stand there? HARRY: Where? saratt: There, nanny: All right. I'm standing here. Now what? (Sarah goes into her karate preparation ritual)COMPANY SARAH: Okay. Now just come at me. HARRY: Okay. (Harry goes at her and she lets outa piercing samurai sound, flipping him to the floor) ROBERT: Fantastic. That’s hysterical. HARRY: Actually, I could have prevented that. SARAH: How? anny: By blocking it. sarant: No, that can'tbe blocked. Harry: It certainly can. I just didn't do it. SARAH: Anyway, Robert, that can't be blocked. Harry: Let’s do it again. saRaH: All right, darling. nanny: I'll come at you again. SARAH: Okay. (He goes at her. She attempts the same thing and he blocks it) Oh, I see. Put me down. Okay, do it again. (He does it again and she overcomes his Block, throwing him again, She then screams and jumps on top of him, holding = fim down Joanne appears and looks at them for amomens) | JOANNE: It's the little things you do together, Do together, Do together, “That make perfect relationships. ‘The hobbies you pursue together, Savings you accrue together, Looks you misconstrue together STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH ‘That make marriage a joy. Mm-hm .. . RoBERT: That’s very good. ‘Harry: Once more. Do it once more. RoBERT: Harry, could I have another bourbon? (Harry lunges at Sarah. They block each other and are caught in a power struggle) HARRY: Give up? saraH: Do you? "ve got you. ve got you. aRRy: Do you want to do it again? sanatt: All right. You break first. HARRY: Uh-ub. You break first. ‘saRAH: We can just stay here. anny: All right with me. Fine with me. RoBeRT: You're both very good. BoTH: Thank you. nanny: I could get out of this, you know. SARAH: Try it HARRY: SARAH: (Harry kicks a foot behind Sarah's feet, knocking her to the floor. Then he gets on top of her, pinning her down) HARRY: Okay, I tried it. (Sarah pulls Harry by his shire over her head, somersaulting aside, and tothe floor. She gets up, grabs his arm, and, with her foot in his armpit, pins him down) saran: Uncle?COMPANY anny: Uncle, your ass! JOANNE: It's the lite things you share together, Swear together, ‘Wear together, That make perfect relationships. The concerts you enjoy together, Neighbors you annoy together, Children you destroy together, ‘That keep marriage intact. It’s not so hard to be married ‘When two maneuver as one. It’s not so hard to be married And, Jesus Christ, is it fun. Ins sharing little winks together, Drinks together, Kinks together, ‘That makes marriage a joy. It’s bargains that you shop together, Cigarettes you stop together, Clothing that you swap together ‘That make perfect relationships. Uh-huh. Mm-hm... (Sarah and Harry break and prepare for a third fall) ROBERT: Could I have another bourbon? STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH (Robert is hit from the front and rear by Harty and Sarah. All three go to the floor. The couples enter and sing with Joanne) crovr: It's not talk of God and the decade ahead that Allows you to get through the worst. It’s “I do” and “You don’t” and “Nobody said that” And “Who brought the subject up first?” It’s the litte things, the litte things, the Little things... It’s the little things, the litte things, the Little things .. JENNY, DAVID, AMY & PAUL: The litte ways you try together, SUSAN, PETER, JOANNE & LARRY: Cry together, JENNY, DAVID, AMY & PAUL: Lie together GROUP: ‘That make perfect relationships, SUSAN, PETER, JOANNE & LARRY: Becoming a cliche together, JENNY, DAVID, AMY & PAUL: Growing old and gray together, JOANNE: Withering away togetherGRovP: COMPANY ‘That makes marriage a joy. MEN & JOANNE: It’s not so hard to be married, WOMEN: It’s much the cleanest of crimes. MEN & JOANNE: It’s not so hard to be married, JOANNE: T've done it three or four times. JENNY: It’s people that you hate together, PAUL & AMY: PETER& GROUP: DAVID: LARRY: JOANNE: Bait together, SUSAN: Date together, That make marriage a joy. I's things like using force together, Shouting till you're hoarse together, Getting a divorce together, STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH crovr: ‘That make perfect relationships. Uh-huh... Kiss, kiss... JOANNE: Mm-hm, (Joanne and the couples exit. Robert, Sarah and Harry break) Ropent: Why... wow... how ’bout that? Hub? anny: Thad you there .. sanatt: [had you there... (They start for each other again, but Robert steps between them) RowERT: I'd say it was a draw. Wow. Look at the time. I've got to get going. SARAH & HARRY: Awwww! Robert: Wow. Listen, I had a great time. sanatt: So did we. HARRY: Great to see you. Sure you wouldn't care for a night- cap? Roserr: Right! (As Harry turns to get him a drinks stopping him) I mean, no! I mean, will I see you guys soon? sanan: Don’t answer that, Harry. He gets no more questions, that sneaky PeteCOMPANY (Robert turns to exit, stops) RopeRt (To himself): Wow. (Underscoring: “Bobby Baby” music. Robert turns back to Sarah and Harry) Thanks again. (Sarah and Harry wave as Robert begins to leave slowly, utterly bewildered. Harry heads for the bar as Sarah pops a brownie in her mouth. Before making a full exit, Robert stops, He observes the following moment between Sarah and Harry) anny: I'll turn out the lights. Sanatt (With mouth very full): 1 willl | always do. anny: No, you don’t. saran: Oh, Harry, I love you. (She exits. Harry steals a drink) ROBERT: Harry? You ever sorry you got martied? HARRY: You're always sorry, You're always grateful, You're always wondering what might have been. Then she walks in, And still you're sorry, And still you're grateful, And still you wonder and still you doubt, And she goes out. STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH Everything's different, Nothing's changed, Only maybe slightly Rearranged. You're sorry-grateful, Regretful-happy, Why look for answers where none occur? You always are what you always were, Which has nothing to do with, All to do with her. sanatt (Offitage): Harry, darling, come to bed. nanny: Coming, darling, (He stands sill. The lights go down. Robert listens as David ‘appears and sings) Davi You're always sorry, You're always grateful, You hold her thinking, “I’m not alone.” You're still alone. You don’t live for her, You do live with her, You're scared she’s starting to drift away And scared she'll stay. (Larry enters) LARRY: Good things get better, Bad get worse. ‘Wait—I think I meant that in reverse.COMPANY HARRY, LARRY & DAVID: You're sorry-grateful, Regretful-happy, Why look for answers where none occur? You'll always be what you always were, Which has nothing to do with, all to do with her. (David exits) HARRY & LARRY: You'll always be what you always were, ‘Which has nothing to do with, all to do with her. (Larry exits) HARRY: Nothing to do with, All to do with her. (Lights fade) Scene Three Peter and Susan's terrace. Robert stands alone. PETER (Offitage): Bob? Bob? Where the hell are you? RoBeRrT: Out here. PETER (Entering, with Susan): For crissake, what are you doing out here? ROBERT: Oh, itis so great to have a terrace in this city. Wow. SUSAN: Really? We just use it to store old sleds and stuff. PETER (Indicating): Look. Hundreds of thousand of terraces in New York and never have I seen a single person out on even one of them. STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH SUSAN: Plus you worry about kids tracking in ditt or falling over. PETER: And everyone can hear everything you say. (Leans over, calls up) Are you listening? (To Susan and Robert) Not to mention look at all the bird-doo. (Robert quickly removes his jacket from the railing) SUSAN: And noisy?! You cannot even hear yourself think. And what can you see? Alll you can see is the building across the street. PETER (Leaning over): Well, if you lean way out and look over there you can see the East River. susan (Pulling Peter back): Except that you really can’t. Peter almost met his Maker one night trying to see that dumb ! East River, He did. ROBERT: You saved him? SUSAN: Me? No. Well, I suppose, in a way. PETER: She fainted so I got down. SUSAN: Peter justis not afraid of anything atall. Unfortunately, 1 simply was not made that way. One day Peter fell off the ladder when he was putting up my curio cabinet and he split his head right open. Well, I fainted. I came to, 1 looked at his head and I fainted again, PETER: Four times she fainted that night. Robert (Laughing): Well, see now, to me that is so sweet, That charm. Oh, you gotta be one lucky guy, Peter. I mean, hey, that kind of —Southern graciousness—there just ain’t much of that around these parts. You two are—he said with envy—just beautiful together, Really a terrific pair. And Peter—if you ever decide to leave her—I want to be the first to know. SUSAN (Smiling at Peter): Well... PETER: You're the first to know.COMPANY susan (Elated): We're getting divorced. peer: We haven’t told anyone yet. RopeRT (Stunned): Ob. (Underscoring: “Bobby Baby” music) I'm—uh, so surprised. (Susan and Peter stand smiling, just looking at Robert) Maybe you'll work it out. (The underscoring continues as Susan and Peter smile blankly) Don’t think so, huh? (To Peter) Well, I’m sure nobody ye how you feel. (To Susan) Or you feel. (Turning; to himself, as he begins to exit) Or Ifeel. (Lights fade on the terrace as Robert exits) Scene Four Jenny and David's den. Jenny, Robert and David sit staring ‘out front. A couple of toys are scattered around. JENNY (Rapidly, answering Robert's line from the previous scene): Feel? I just don’t feel anything. Here, David, I don’t care for any more. It’s too small. That's too small. It proba- bly just doesn’t work on me. Do you feel anything, David? Do you, honey? Because I don’t. Rosert: You will. Jenny: When! I mean, we've had ewo for heaven’s sake. I think maybe it depends on the person’s constitution, Don’t, STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH you, Dave? Well, listen, it’s always good to try every- thing once. ROBERT: Just wait! JENNY: I’m not planning to go anywhere. Maybe I’m just too dumb or square, but I honestly don’t feel anything. Do you, Dave? Because I don't. Absolutely nothing, Honestly, nota thing. I mean, I wish I did. I just don’t. Maybe they gave you real grass, right off the front lawn. I knew I wouldn’t feel anything, though. I don’t have that kind of constitution. Why am I talking so much? ROBERT: You're stoned, JENNY: Am I? Am I? Lam not. pavip: Lam. JENNY: Are you? You are not, I'm so dry! ‘ROBERT: You're stoned. JeNNY: Is that part of it? RopeRt: You'll probably get hungry too. JENNY: Yes? Should I feel thar, too? RoBeRT: You don’t have to feel anything. JENNY: Are you hungry, Dave? DaviD: No. I'd like some water, though. JENNY: Me, too. Do you want some, Robert? RoBeRT: No, thank you, JENNY: What? RopeRT: | already have some, Jenny, thank you. JENNY: Some what Robert? Davip: You asked him, honey. Water! JENNY: Oh, water ... I could not remember what we were talk ing about. ROBERT: See, you forget when you're high! JesNy: Ohhhh. God, do you. Wow. Are you high, Dave? Davin: I’m potted. JENNY: Potted. That is beautiful. Jesus! RoBERT: You're really high now, huh?COMPANY, JENNY: Jesu pavip: That’s twice you said “Jesus.” JENNY: You're kidding, pavip: No. You said it two times. She never swears. Jenny: I didn’t even know I said it once. DaviD: Say “son of a bitch.” jenny: Son of a bitch. (They all laugh) avip: Say “Kiss my ass.” JENNY: Kiss my ass. (They roar at this) Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch. (They scream with laughter) Oh, Jesus. That’s three! (They laugh) Shhh. Shhh. You'll wake the kids. Let’s laugh to ourselves. avi: Oh Jenny, for God’s sake. (Robert laughs more and pounds the floor) JENNY: Sshh! We'll get evicted! ROBERT: Jenny, you're terrific. You're the girl I should have married. Jenny: Listen, I know a darling girl in this building you'll just, love. Rowert: What? STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH Jenny: When are you going to get married? pavip: What? JENNY: I mean it. To me a person’s not complete until he’s married. Davi: He’s complete enough. (To Robert) You're better off the way you are. RopeRt: That's what I hear. JENNY (Almost hurt): Oh, Dave. Do you mean that? Davip: No, (Pause) Well, frankly, sometimes I'd like tobe single. JENNY (Now she is hurt): Oh. That’s not even funny. Davip: It has nothing to do with you. JENNY: I'm your wife! Davip: And that’s the way I want it. But didn’t you ever wish you could be single again? I mean for an hour even? JENNY: No. (Pause) Could you make it two hours? (She and Robert laugh) Now Bobby, you get yourself married. You see the ideas you're giving Dave. nosert: Oh, I will. It’s not like I’m avoiding marriage. It’s avoiding me, if anything. I'm ready. JENNY: Actually, you're not. But listen, not everybody should be married, I guess. pavip: I don’t know. Actually a man should be married, Your life has a—what? What am I trying to say? A point to it—a bottom. You know what I'm saying? I have every- thing—but freedom. Which is everything, huh? No. This is everything. I got my wife, my kids, a home. I feel that—uh—well, you gotta give up to get. Know what I’m saying? Ropent: Listen, I agree. But you know what bothers me is, if you marry, then you've got another person there all the time. Plus you can’t get out of it whenever you just mightCOMPANY want to get out of it. You are caught! See? And even if you do get out of it, what do you have to show for it? Not, to mention the fact that—then—you've always been married. I mean, you can never not have been married again. jenny: I don’t feel you're really ready. Do you think, just maybe ‘mean subconsciously—you might be resisting it? Ronen: No. Negative. Absolutely not! I have no block, no resistance. lam ready to be married. jenny (Quietly): Then why aren't you? (Pause) RopeRt: I’ve always had things to accomplish. That's the main reason. First I had to finish school. Then I wanted to get, started, to get some kind of security. And, uh—just things I wanted to do before I could even begin to think in terms of marriage. Oh, I know that can sound like rationalization, but it’s not. Frankly, I wanted to have some fun before I settled down. (Slight pause) pavip: Right. And you've done all those things. rogert: Right. (Pause) Then why am I not married, huh? ‘Wow. Taking me on a bummer. Wait though. You just wait. You are going to see major changes in my life. 1 mean I meet women all the time. All over the place. All, you have to do is live in New York and you meet a girl a minute. And I’ve met some real special ladies recently. Like right now, I'm dating this flight attendant. Cute, original... STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH (April appears as we hear underscoring of “Bobby Baby” music) odd. And Kathy, you guys never met Kathy, did you? Well, she’s the best... (Kathy appears) I'm talking the best! And then there’s Marta. (Marta appears) God, now she is fun! I'm certainly not resisting marriage! (Kathy, Marta and April react to this) I mean it when I say my life is totally prepared for a gigantic change right now. I am ready to be married. avip: Right. Then why aren’t you? Roser: Right! Apri: Right, katy: Right. Marra: Right. KATHY, MARTA & APRIL: Doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo. You could drive a person crazy, You could drive a person mad. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. First you make a person hazy So a person could be had. Doo-doo doo-doo-doo.(The women ad lib: “You turkey, jerk, idiot, monster, creep, COMPANY ‘Then you leave a person dangling sadly Outside your door, Which it only makes a person gladly ‘Want you even more. could understand a person If he said to go away. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. I could understand a person If he happened to be gay. Doo-doo doo-doo doo Boo-boo-boo-boo. But worse’n that, ‘A person that Titillates a person and then leaves her flat Is crazy, He’s a troubled person, He's a truly crazy person Himself! Loser, son of a bitch, cretin,” etc.) KATHY: ‘When a person’s personality is personable, He shouldn't oughta sit like a lump. It’s harder than a matador coercin’ a bull To try to get you off of your rump. So single and attentive and attractive a man Is everything a person could wish, But turning off a person is the act of a man Who likes to pull the hooks out of fish. KATHY, STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH MARTA & APR Knock, knock, is anybody there? Knock, knock, it really isn’t fair. Knock, knock, I'm working all my charms. Knock, knock, a zombie’s in my arms. All that sweet affection, What is wrong? Where's the loose connection? How long, oh Lord, how long? Bobby baby, Bobby bubi, Bobby, You could drive a person buggy, You could blow a person’s cool. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. Like you make a person feel all hugay While you make her feel a fool. Doo-doo doo-doo doo. When a person says that you've upset her, That's when you're good. ‘You impersonate a person better ‘Than a zombie should. I could understand a person If he wasn’t good in bed. Doo-doo-doo-doo doo. I could understand a person If he actually was dead. Doo-doo-doo-doo. Exclusive you, Elusive you, Will any person ever get the juice of you? You're crazy,COMPANY ‘You're a lovely person, You're a moving, deeply maladjusted, Never to be trusted (Crazy person Yourself. (Spoken) Bobby is my hobby and I’m giving it up. (They exit) JENNY: P’m starving. I'll get us something to eat. Do one of you sons of bitches want to help? Then kiss my ass. (She laughs) pavip: Oh, boy. Jenny: Did you light another one? DaviD: Just a cigarette. ROBERT: Shall I roll another one? JENNY: Maybe one. DaviD: No. can roll another one in a second. pavip: I don’t think so. (Passe) jenny: I don’t think so either. ROBERT: It’ just take a second to make another one. (Pause) pavip: Listen, you two have one. Jenny: I don’t want one. STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH avip: Have one if you want one. Jenny: But I don’t, (Pause) Il get some food. (She embraces David) Isn’the a mar- velous man? avin: I married a square. A confessed square, (Jenny turns to exit, then turns back) JENNY (Seriously, 10 Robert): Bobby, we're just too old! We were all—trying to keep up with the kids tonight. Good- ness, we've been there already. Who wants to go back? But anyway what do I know. DavID: Hey, screwball. I'm starving. JENNY: Llove you... . so much, Davi: Food! JENNY: And, Bobby. Put that stuff away. C’mon, put itin your pocket, Take it home. Come on. (Robert does) ‘Thank you. I don’t know. Maybe you're right. Who ever knows? (She smiles and exits) Ropent: What was all that? avib: She doesn’t go for it.I thought she wouldn't go for it. ROBERT: She was stoned. Davip: Not really. She doesn’t get things like that. I mean, she’ll go along with it, but that’s about RosERT: She didn’t like it? avip: I know her. She didn’t. (Pause)COMPANY ROBERT: You want me to get you some? avib: She’d have a fit. I'm really surprised she did it tonight. Ropenr: She loved it. avib: For me. She loved it for me. She didn’t really love it. I know her. She’s what she said . . . square... dumb . RoBERT: Like a fox. (Underscoring: “Bobby Baby” music. David pauses, then looks at Robert. They stare at each other,) avin: I'll go see if I can give her a hand. What do you say? (He exits) RoseRt: Wow. Oh, wow. (Robert starts to exit but is stopped by the couples who begin to appear) JENNY: Bobby, PETER: Bobby, any: Bobby baby, PAUL: Bobby bubi, ALL BUT ROBERT: Robby, SUSAN: Robert darling, STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH ALL BUT ROBERT: Bobby, we've been trying to reach you, SARAH: Angel, I've got something to tell you... AMY & PAUL: Bobby 'simportant or I wouldn't cal... ALL BUT ROBERT: Whatcha doing Thursday? JENNY & DAVID: Bobby, look I know how you hate it and all... ALL BUT ROBER But this is something special. Bobby, come on over for dinner. There's someone we want you to meet. Bobby, come on over for dinner... HUSBANDS: This girl from the office ... wives: My niece from Ohio It'll just be the four of us. You'll loooooooo000000ve her! LARRY: Have I gota girl for you? Wait tll you meet her! Have I got a girl for you, boy? Hoo, boy! Dumb—and with a weakness for Sazerac slings — You give her even the fruit and she swings.COMPANY ‘The kind of girl you can’t send through the mails— Call me tomorrow, I want the details. Have I gota chick for you? Wait till you meet her! Have I gota chick for you, boy? Hoo, boy! Smart!—She's into all those exotic mystiques: ‘The Kama Sutra and Chinese techniques— T hear she knows more than seventy-five ... Call me tomorrow if you're stil alive. HUSBANDS: Have I got a girl for you? Wait tll you meet her! Have I got a girl for you, boy? Hoo, boy! Boy, to be in your shoes what I wouldn't give. I mean the freedom to go out and live... ‘And as for settling down and all that... Marriage may be where it’s been, But it’s not where it’s at! ‘Whaddaya like, you like coming home to a kiss? Somebody with a smile at the door? Whaddaya like, you like indescribable bliss? Then whaddaya wanna get married for? Whaddaya like, you like an excursion to Rome, Suddenly taking off to explore? Whaddaya like, you like having meals cooked at home? ‘Then whaddaya wanna get married for? Whaddaya wanna get married for? Whaddaya wanna get married for? Whaddaya wanna get married for? (The husbands exit, leaving Robert alone onstage) STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH ROBERT: Someone is waiting, Cool as Sarah, Easy and loving as Susan— Jenny. Someone is waiting, ‘Warm as Susan, Frantic and touching as Amy— Joanne. Would I know her even if I met her? Have I missed her? Did I let her go? A Susan sort of Sarah, A Jennyish Joanne, Wait for me, I'm ready now, Pll find you if I can! (The women appear in dim light in various parts of the sage) Someone will hold me, Soft as Jenny, Skinny and blue-eyed as Amy— ‘Susan. Someone will wake me, Sweet as Amy, Tender and foolish as Sarah, Joanne. Did I know her? Have I waited too long? Maybe so, but maybe so has she, My blue-eyed Sarah Warm Joanne Sweet Jenny Loving SusanCOMPANY Crazy Amy, Wait for me, Vl hurry, wait for me. Hurry, ‘Wait for me. Hurry. Wait. Scene Five Lights come up on Marta. MARTA: Another hundred people just got off of the train and came up through the ground While another hundred people just got off of the bus and are looking around At another hundred people who got off of the plane and are looking at us Who got off of the train And the plane and the bus. Maybe yesterday. It’s city of strangers— Some come to work, some to play— A city of strangers— Some come to stare, some to stay, And everyday The ones who stay Can find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks, STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks, And they walk together past the postered walls with the crude remarks. ‘And they meet at parties through the friends of friends Who they never know. Will you pick me up or do I meet you there or shall we let it go? Did you get my message, ‘cause I looked in vain? Can we see each other Tuesday if it doesn’t rain? Look, I'll call you in the morning or my service will explain... And another hundred people just got off of the train. (April, in an airline stewardess? uniform, appears with Robert. Marta observes the following scene) apriL: I didn’t come right to New York. I went to North- western University for two years but it was a pitiful mis- take. I was on probation the whole two years. I was get- ting ready to go back to Shaker Heights when I decided where I really wanted to live more than any other place was—Radio City. I thought it was a wonderful little city near New York. So I came here. I’m very dumb. RoBERt: You're not dumb, April. APRIL: To me I am. Even the reason I stayed in New York was because I just cannot get interested in myself—I'm so boring, Ropent: I find you very interesting, Apri: Well, I’m just not. I used to Iwas so odd. But my roommate is the same way. He’s also very dumb. RoneRT: Oh, you never mentioned him. Is he—your lover?COMPANY -xPRIL: Oh, no, We just share this great big apartment on West, End Avenue. We have our own rooms and everything. I'd show it to you but we've never had company. He's the sweetest thing actually. I think he likes the arrange- ment. I don’t know though—we never discuss it. He was, born in New York—so nothing really interests him. (Pause) 1 don’t have anything more to say. Ronert: What would you do if either of you ever got married? APRIL: Geta bigger place, I guess. (She exits) MARTA: And they find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks, By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks, ‘And they walk together past the postered walls with the crude remarks. ‘And they meet at parties through the friends of friends Who they never know. Will you pick me up or do I meet you there or shall We let it go? Did you get my message, “cause I looked in vain? Can we see each other Tuesday if it doesn’t rain? Look, I'll call you in the morning or my service will explain... And another hundred people just got off of the train. (Robert is now seen with Kathy) ROBERT (Putting her on): This is really exciting, Kathy. Fascinating. KaTHY: Robert, you are awful. nosent: You come here a lot, huh? Terrific. And maybe next we can go watch a haircut. STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH katy: Oh, you cannot bear that with a big party going on I talked you into coming here with me, RoneRt: What party are you—oh, that party. I'd completely forgotten about that party. But hey, maybe we can still make it. kati: Robert, try to enjoy this. Imagine being in a tiny quiet pocket of a park right here in the middle of the busy, noisy East Fifties. A park that’s simple and pretty, with that waterfall on the wall that always makes me ache to be back at the Cape. Ronent (Afier a beat of looking at her): You are some piece of work, lady. katy: What I am is like this park here. Out of place. RoBERr: You are like this park. Very lovely. Very. (As he leans into kiss her she closes her eyes, but he only kisses her forehead in a brotherly ways she expected more) katHy: I used to dream I'd come to New York, have two ter- tific affairs and then get married. I always knew I was meant to be a wife. Ronent: Then how come we never got married? Why did you never ask me? katy (Turns. Right at him. Serious): You wanna matty me? nopent: I did. I honestly did . .. in the beginning. But I... T don’t know. I never thought that you would. katy: Oh, I would. I’ve never understood why you never asked me, ROBERT: So you wanted to marry me? And I wanted to marry you. Well then, how the hell did we ever end up such {good friends? katuy: Robert, I never let you know what a good, good man I think you are and how much you've meant. Robert, 1...COMPANY (She stops, Decides not to say it. Then:) I'm moving back up to Cape Cod. I’m getting married. } } ROBERT: Married? KATHY: Some people still get married, you know. rozert: Did yor suddenly fall in love? (Pause. Then:) katuy: I'll be a good wife. I want real things now. A husband, a family. I don’t want to keep running around this city like I’m having a life. RopeRr: The problem is you want too little. That’s the hardest thing in the world to get. (Pause) Thank you for your park. karHy: You're welcome. But, see, it and I, we just don’t fit. I think there's a time to come to New York and a time to leave. Enjoy your party. (And she is gone) ‘MARTA: Another hundred people just got off of the train And came up through the ground While another hundred people just got off of the bus And are looking around At another hundred people who got off of the plane And are looking at us Who got off of the train And the plane and the bus Maybe yesterday. It’sa city of strangers— Some come to work, some to play. A city of strangers— STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH Some come to stare, some to stay, And everyday Some go away... Or they find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks, By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks, And they walk together past the postered walls with the crude remarks. And they meet at parties through the friends of friends Who they never know. Will you pick me up or do I meet you there or shall We letit go? Did you get my message, ‘cause I looked in vain? Can we see each other Tuesday if it doesn't rain? Look, I'll call you in the morning or my service will explain... And another hundred people just got off of the train. And another hundred people just got off of the train. And another hundred people just got off of the train. And another hundred people just got off of the train. And another hundred people just got off of the train, Manta (Sitting nexe to Robert): You wanna know why I came to New York? I came because New York is the center of the world and that’s where I want to be. You know what the pulse of this city is? Roser: A busy signal. Manta: The pulse of this city, kiddo, is me. This city is for the me’s of this world. People that want to be right in the heart of it. I am like the soul of New York.COMPANY RoBERT: How ’bout that. MARTA: See, smart remarks do not a person make. How many Puerto Ricans you know? Ropert (Thinking): Let's see ... there’s a guy at work ... and uh... MARTA (Interrupting): How many blacks? Robert: Well, see, frankly 1 only seem to meet people like myself. Mana: God, talk about pathetic. Jews, Hispanics, gays, Arabs, street people, all my closest, my best friends. Listen, I don’t pass people on the street, I stop and I know them. In this city every son of a bitch I meet is my new best friend. Oh, I go uptown, like to the dentist or something, and I swear, suddenly I want to cry because I think, “Oh my God, I’m uptown.” And Fourteenth Street. Well, 1 don’t know why anybody talks about anyplace else, because that is the center of the universe. ‘ROBERT: Fourteenth Street? Mata: That’s humanity, Fourteenth Street. That’s every- thing. And if you don’t like it there they got every sub- way you can name to take ya where ya like it better. Roper: Well, God bless Fourteenth Street. MARTA: This city —I kiss the ground of it. Someday you know what I want to do? I want to get all dressed up in black — black dress, black shoes, hat, everything black, and go sit in some bar at the end of the counter, and drink and cry. That is my idea of honest-to-God sophistication. 1 mean, that's New York. (Pause) You always make me feel like I got the next line, What is it with you? RoBERT: I just never met anybody like you. Marra: Me neither. You know what this city is? Where a per- son can feel it? It's ina person’s ass. If you're really part of this city, relaxed, cool and in the whole flow of it, your assis like this. (She makes a large round circle with her fore- STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH finger and thumb) If you're just living here, runnin’ around uptight, not really part of this city, your ass is like this. (She tightens the circle o nothing, making a fist) ROBERT: I... hesitate to ask. (She holds up the “tight” sign high) That's a fascinating theory, fascinating. And at this moment, extraordinarily accurate. (Lights fade) Scene Six A woman (Susan or Jenny) in a white choir robe appears as lights come up on Amy's kitchen. The woman is accompa nied by a choir of guests. Amy is shining a pair of men’s black shoes. WOMAN: Bless this day, pinnacle of life, Husband joined to wife. ‘The heart leaps up to behold This golden day. (Paul appears in dress shirt, shorts and socks) aut: Amy, I can’t find my shoes any— Today is for Amy. Amy, I give you the rest of my life, To cherish and to keep you,AMY: COMPANY To honor you forever. Today is for Amy, My happily soon-to-be wife. (Spoken) Amy, we're really getting martied! (He exits; she shakes her head “yes” and it becomes “no”) Pardon me, is everybody there? Because if everybody’s there I want to thank you all for coming to the wedding. V'd appreciate your going even more, I mean, you must have lots of better things to do, And not a word of it to Paul. Remember Paul? You know, the man I’m gonna marry, But I'm not because I wouldn’t ruin Anyone as wonderful as he is— Burl thank you all For the gifts and the flowers. Thank you all, Now it’s back to the showers. Don’t tell Paul, But I'm not getting married today. WOMAN: Bless this day, tragedy of life, Husband yolked to wife. The heart sinks down and feels dead, This dreadful day, (Robert appears dressed as the Best Man) STEPHEN SONDHEIM AND GEORGE FURTH RobEnT: Amy, Paul can’t find his good cutf links. amy: On the dresser. (Robert exits) (Spoken) Right next to my suicide note. Listen everybody, Look, I don’t know what you're waiting for. A wedding, what’s a wedding? It’s prehistoric ritual Where everybody promises fidelity forever, Which is maybe the most horrifying word I’ve ever heard, And which is followed by a honeymoon Where suddenly he'll realize He’s saddled with a nut And wanna kill me, which he should. So listen, Thanks a bunch, But I'm not getting married. Go have lunch, *Cause I'm not getting married You've been grand, But I’m not getting married. Don’t just stand ‘There, I’m not getting married. And don’t tell Paul, But I’m not getting mas cd today! Go. Can't yon go? Why is nobody listening? Goodbye! Go and ery