Sample Issue Essays

HERE YOU'LL FIND sample essay responses to the diagnostic Issue test at the end
of Part 1 of the book. These essays were composed by actual GRE or GMAT test
takers with varying undergraduate experiences. Each essay is scored and is
immediately followed by my commentary. All test-taker errors in spelling,
punctuation, etc. have been retained in the essays on this Web page.

Here is the simulated Issue statement from Part 1 and to which these essays
respond:

"Leisure time is becoming an increasingly rare commodity, largely

because technology has failed to achieve its goal of improving our
efficiency in our daily pursuits."

In your view, how accurate is the statement above? Use relevant

reasons and/or examples from your experience, observations, or
reading to support you viewpoint.

Essay No. 1
(composed under a 45-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 6
In a society where most households have clocks, phones, and televisions in
almost every room, and daily schedules are demarcated by minutes instead
of hours, many Americans suffer from stress and constantly complain that
they don't have enough time to do everything they want to do. This
complaint appears paradoxical because we know there has been an almost
exponential development in technology. Our computers are faster and more
powerful, we have more machines to do our tasks for us, and even our
transportation gets us where we need to be much more quickly. Still, we
have less time than ever to spend leisurely, and I will argue that this
problem is not because technology has failed to achieve its goal of
improving efficiency, but rather, because technology has created more
pursuits and Americans are subject to a basic ethical drive for "More".

Many Americans complain they don't have enough time. As a society, most
of us get caught up in a schedule of going to work each day, coming home
late, then taking care of mundane details before finally falling into bed only
to get up early the next day to continue the routine. In most households,
both parents work full-time, so are busy working throughout the week,
which leaves them only the weekends to take care of household duties like
cleaning and doing the bills. As a result, many parents feel ostracized from
their children because they don't have the time or energy to spend with
their kids. Many people suffer from chronic stress because they don't take
the time out from their busy lives to just relax. What little free time people
do have, they spend on the phone, in front of the TV, or on the computer so
that they are still not relaxing, but actively engaged in a cognitive process.
People can wile away hours in front of a TV, and not come away feeling
relaxed because they've spent that entire time keeping up with the constant
flash of images, storing information about characters, plots, themes,
products and other aspects of the media and all without realizing that
they're doing so. The influx of media is just one element of the reason why
people don't have enough time.

While technology has made many things better and faster, it has also
created more pursuits with which the public can engage itself. We now have
televisions, computers, palm pilots, stereos, DVDs, play stations, and cell
phones to occupy our time with, just to name a few. Furthermore, all these
things are within easy access to the average American. Meanwhile, pursuits
that are traditionally considered relaxing are becoming more expensive and
less accessible. For example, for most Americans $100 massages are an
unaffordable luxury and as cities grow larger, nature walks are becoming
harder to find. It is sometimes easier to just sit down in front of the TV than
it is to take the time out to do something special. So people fill their time
with mediated technologies and get so caught up in their favorite shows or
games that they don't take the time to do other things they've been
"meaning to do".

This whirlwind of activity is a product of another reason why our society

pines for more leisure time. This country was founded on the conservative
Protestant ethic that dictates people should work hard now so they may
reap the rewards later. While this ethic is essential for effective productivity
and pushes us to want more, it has become detrimental to the American
psyche. People push themselves to become more efficient so they can
accomplish more. However, then they've started adding more goals so that
in effect, the job never gets done. For example, people will also want to buy
more things to achieve higher social status, so instead of saving for early
retirement, they end up having to work just as long to pay off all their
debts. Furthermore, people are so busy pushing themselves daily with the
vague promise of retirement at the end, hoping to retire sooner in life, that
they forget to stop and enjoy life as it is happening. Instead of working
when they are older, but enjoying each day of their lives, people forgo daily
enjoyments for the promise of later rewards.

So while technology has given the means of more efficient production, it

has also given us more things to deal with and accomplish. As a result,
people find themselves running around endlessly, sometimes forgetting
what it is they are running after. The key to more leisure time has become
not more technology, but a refusal to let technology run our lives. We must
learn to stop once in awhile, breathe, and enjoy life as it comes. We must
learn to achieve a balance between looking ahead to tomorrow and learning
to enjoy today.

Commentary on Essay No. 1 (Score: 6)

This outstanding essay provides an insightful analysis of the issue at hand,

although it deserves what might be termed a "weak 6" (rather than a
"strong 6").

The opening paragraph is particularly effective, providing a clear statement

 of premise (the writer's position or perspective on the issue). In Paragraph
2 the writer first establishes that our leisure time is in fact diminishing, then
provides the first of three reasons for this phenomenon. (Paragraphs 3 and
4 provide two more reasons.) The supporting examples given for each
reason are ample and relevant. While the reasons and examples given in
Paragraphs 2 and 3 are not especially insightful, Paragraph 4 makes up for
it with highly incisive discussion, contributing greatly to the essay's score of
6.

The discussion throughout the three middle paragraphs is not entirely

unflawed. Notably, the three reasons (see above) could have been more
clearly identified and delineated, and Paragraph 2 is a bit long-winded and
rambling. Also, the writer should have made more explicit the important
point that technology is not the culprit for our diminishing leisure time.

The essay demonstrates a mature, sophisticated writing style virtually free

from grammatical, syntax, and language problems. (In the final paragraph
the writer exhibits a particularly distinctive, and effective, style and voice.)
These strengths contribute greatly to elevating this essay from the 5 to the
6 category.

Essay No. 2
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 5
I beg to differ with the speaker's contention which seems to imply that the
goal of technology is not only to increase effciency but also our leisure time.
Also interwoven in the speaker's statement is the fallacious assumption that
they are connected. So we have three points which need to be considered -
technological advances, efficiency & leisure - and how they are related.

The aim of technological advance (progress in applied sciences), as far as I

know, is to apply scientific data and discoveries toward practical and
beneficial use. For instance we've used new knowledge of Particle Physics in
diagnosing medical conditions - eg. through Magneto Resonance Imagery -
and also in treatment - eg., radiotherapy. Did this technological advance
and the motivation behind it really have anything to do with efficiency? Only
in that efficiency might be a by-product of a certain technology , but I do
not think it was the primary objective.

Of course the by-product of certain new technologies might be"efficiency"

but to what extent? Computers are typically cited as a perfect example. Yes
they do help us get more work done without expending as much energy.
But we need to factor in the time and energy required in learning how to
efficiently operate one, and then expended in keeping our learning up to
date with the rapid technological advances in the same. (A person with the
energy to compile and critically analyze the data constructively to formulate
the answer to that one will definitely need an advanced computer!) So its
possible that even computers don't in the end improve the efficiency of our
daily lives, in net terms.
 And then, there is the question of "leisure". Personally I think it is a matter
of choice and not time saving ,technologically advanced, efficient tools. The
speaker seems to assume that the time "saved" (we are still waiting for the
verdict on that one) will be spent towards leisure. I do not see the
connection. Ulitmately the motivation of a person, personality & lifestyle
choices and circumstances determine how the time that is saved is used. It
could be towards leisure in one person's case; in another's towards putting
in more hours to make more money to make ends meet or to buy that new
car which he/she absolutely must have.

In the end I think there is no clear connection between the three points
under consideration. Hence in the absence of the relationship between
technology, efficiency & leisure claimed by the speaker I disagree on whole.

Commentary on Essay No. 2 (Score: 5)

This essay provides an insightful and organized analysis of the issue's

complexities, but is flawed by problems of syntax, too-informal expression,
and a weak recapitulation of the essay's premise or conclusion.

The initial paragraph, which anticipates a three-pronged critique, is followed

by three body paragraphs addressing each point in turn. These features
demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the issue and strong organizational
skills. The result is a balanced, cohesive, and persuasive essay overall. The
reasons and examples in support of each point of critique are relevant and
incisive, and the writer acknowledges differing perspectives on this issue.
These features help distinguish this essay from lower-scoring ones.
However, the two parenthetical comments (in Paragraphs 3 and 4) are
inappropriately informal asides that contribute to keeping this essay out of
the 6 category.

Also contributing to the essay's less-than-optimal score is the final

paragraph, which appears to be an afterthought—a hurried attempt to
summarize the essay's arguments. A more effective closing paragraph
would provide a clearer statement of premise (thesis or conclusion) and
would more clearly recapitulate the writer's line of reasoning.

While the writer demonstrates good overall control of language and written
expression, several problems in these areas contribute to keeping this
otherwise effectively-argued essay out of the 6 category. The problems
vary, from redundancy ("apply...toward use") to use of vernacular ("we are
still waiting for the verdict on that one") to loose syntax ("A person with the
energy to compile and critically analyze the data constructively to formulate
the answer to that one will definitely need an advanced computer!"). (There
are other instances of syntax problems as well.) The essay's occasional
errors in spelling and punctuation did not adversely affect its score.

Essay No. 3
(composed under a 45-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 4
Leisure time is becoming an increasingly rare commodity in our society.
However, this is not due to the failure of technology to improve our
efficiency in our daily pursuits. In fact, improvements in technology have
had a positive impact in our daily lives. We live in consumerist time savvy
society that thrives on immediate gratification. Our lives depend on the
convenience of technology in order that we may continue our busy lifestyles
and accomplish simple everyday tasks faster and more efficiently.

Technology is improving the efficiency of our home, school, and work

environments everyday. Because of technological improvements, hospitals,
schools, libraries, businesses, and other institutions can look up information
and records more efficiently. It is not always necessary to walk down a flood
of charts and files to look up basic information. Computer software, such as
Excel and Quicken allow us to budget and sort information more quickly and
effectively. We do not have to pull out a calculator. The machines do it for
us!

Since the invention of the internet, people have been able to accomplish
time consuming tasks in short amounts of time. It is no longer necessary to
write out a letter and wait for the postman to pick up your mail. Now you
can type up a letter and send it instantaneously into cyberspace. We are
able to make hotel reservations, book flights, process financial aid
applications, and do our Christmas shopping in a matter of minutes. It is no
longer necessary to go into the travel agency, shopping mall, or wait on
hold for fifteen minutes to accomplish a simple task.

However, with all of these new technological conveniences, how come we

find ourselves with even less leisure time? Because it does not matter how
many fax machines, cell phones, drive thru windows, and ATM Machines we
invent. We will always find some way to use to fill up our leisure time.
Unfortunately, it is often through technology that we accomplish this. Just
take a look at the stockbroker who takes his cell phone to his son's
graduation ceremony. Or the couple that spends an afternoon emailing each
other, when they could be out chatting during a nice leisurely hike or bike
ride. Technology is not to blame for our lack of leisure time. Technology has
made our lives more efficient. It is because of our unfortunate skewing of
priorities that technology is not enough to provide us with more leisure
time.

Commentary on Essay No. 3 (Score: 4)

This response is generally competent; it responds to the topic, recognizes

some complexity about the issue, and conveys its ideas clearly and
effectively (for the most part). The score of 4 is mainly a reflection of
certain substantive and structural problems.

Paragraph 1 is problematic in several respects. First, the writer simply

accepts, without providing reasons or examples, that our leisure time is
diminishing. Second, the contention that "[w]e live in a consumerist time
savvy society that thrives on immediate gratification" does not address the
issue at hand, and in any event is not developed or supported in the essay.
 Thirdly, the paragraph is confusing and rambling overall, suggesting that
the writer lacks a clear idea about the direction the essay will take—an
organization problem that helps keep this essay out of either the 5 or 6
category.

Paragraphs 2 and 3 provide numerous examples of the ways in which

technology has enhanced the efficiency of our daily lives. While the
examples provide adequate support for this point, they are not especially
incisive. It is the writer's undue attention, in these two paragraphs, to a
secondary point at the expense of developing the main premise that is
primarily responsible for keeping this essay just out of the 5 category. The
essay fails to adequately develop that premise, provided in Paragraph 4—
that "our unfortunate skewing of priorities," not technology, is responsible
for our diminishing leisure time.

The writer handles language and syntax competently. The essay does
contain a few minor language problems, varying from improper references
("institutions can look up...") to improper word usage ("to budget ...
information") to questionable idioms ("how come we find out..."). However,
these minor and infrequent problems carry little adverse impact on the
essay's overall score.

Essay No. 4
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 3
Picture this, a family sitting down for breakfast. The father at the head of
the table asking everyone what their agenda is for the day. Suddenly he
looks at his watch, then with a frantic look on his face, he lets out a
bellowing roar of I'm late. Every one looks at each other and scrambles to
get thier belongings for the day. Five minutes later everyone meets at the
family vehicle and files in. The car speeds away and everyone is off to their
busy filled day.

you would think that with today's technology, the family would be able to sit
down together and enjoy breakfast without being rushed, but in todays
society this is not the case. It seems like the more we are advanced in
technology the more we pack into our schedultes eliminating free time. We
are trained as children to work as hard as we can, to advance ourseveles in
careers or growth and any relaxation could be viewed as laziness by out
parents or peers.

Though we do have the technology which could enable us to live stress free
lives, we choose to use it to our benefit, but instead of taking advantage of
our newly created "spare time", we bog ourselves with more work. Let's
take the father of this family who is a well known executive at a prominant
accounting firm. He is the man that solves all the problems and has all the
answers for his company. During his lunch hour he sits and calculates
numbers instead of enjoying himslef and relaxing. "No time for rest" is his
motto. When his boss says we're going to give you a half day today, he
decides to spend it on the golf course discussin work. He has no time for his
family and always seems to be found in his office when at home. This is a
very unhealthy way of live and could be damaging to the raising of his
children.

The children pick up patterns at a very young age. Grwoing up we are

trained by our parents subcounciously. These children from a very young
age are taught that leisure time is wrong. At a young age that children are
subjected to little league and ballet, as a detourant of cutting into their
parents time. In these activities childrn are pushed to their fullest potential,
allowing them to accompish the honor roll, class president, or even
valedictorian for there graduating class. It is great that the children have
such drive, but without relaxation or leisure time it oculd lead to
psychological problems or mental breakdowns.

Even though technology has created free or leisure time, we as individuals

need to learn to take advantage of it. We have been trained at a very young
age always to be busy. When were not working on deadline or have meeting
to be at we are often wondering what do we do with ourselves. The fact of
the matter is that we do have the technology to make our lives a lot easier,
we just need to take advantage of it, if we don't we could end up seriously
injured physically, or even more detrminetal psychologically.

Commentary on Essay No. 4 (Score: 3)

This essay, which contains 526 words, exemplifies that composing a lengthy
essay is not the key to a high score. Although the essay exhibits some
competence, it suffers from limited analysis, lack of cohesiveness, and
frequent problems in written expression.

Throughout the essay, the writer provides anecdotal support for the claim
that as a society we do indeed lack leisure time and that the reason for this
phenomenon has to do with how we choose to use our time. However, the
writer fails to develop, or even articulate, a position on the extent to which
technology is to blame. The writer digresses from the issue, focusing in a
rambling fashion on our penchant for busy-ness and its potential health
problems. It is the essay's improper focus and lack of clear structure that
are primarily responsible for the essay's limited score of 3.

Frequent grammatical errors and other problems in expression also

contribute to keeping this essay out of a higher score category. Examples of
grammatical errors include:

o error in choice of relative pronoun ("everyone looks at each other")

o mixed case ("The children pick up patterns at a very young age.
Growing up we are trained...")
o misplaced modifying words and phrases ("trained by our parents
subconsciously" and "These children from a very early age are
taught")
 o vague prounoun references ("without relaxation or leisure time it
oculd lead to...")

Here are some examples of other problems in expression:

o awkward phrases ("It seems like the more we are advanced in

technology")
o awkward use of the passive voice ("seems to be found in his office")
o lack of sentence sense (first sentence of the third paragraph:
"Though we do have the technology...")
o improper word choice ("Though we do have the technology which
could")
o improper idiom ("accomplish the honor roll...")

Punctuation and spelling errors, while frequent, do not obscure intended

meaning and hence do not contribute to keeping this essay out of a higher
score category.