STUDENTS By Thomas Stelzer and Christopher Clark

FIRST DRAFT DECEMBER 2012 THOMAS STELZER AND CHRISTOPHER CLARKE, DECEMBER 2012

Thomas Stelzer 1 Cavey St, Marrickville, NSW 2204, Australia Ph: 0423 114 495

INT. LECTURE HALL. DAY. A middle-aged LECTURER is giving a dry introduction lecture to a room full of visibly bored first year students. LECTURER (in the background) What is Philosophy? ... Philosophy is... the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality... JAMES, an 18-year-old student, sits towards the back by himself, asleep. BEN and EMMA, other students, also 18, sit in the row behind him. Ben plays distractedly with his pencil, trying to extend the lead out as far as possible. It breaks off, and he then notices James asleep in front of him. BEN (shaking James) Oi. Wake up, youre missing some riveting stuff. LECTURER (cont, in background) ...and existence, especially when considered as an academic discipline... James stirs but doesnt wake up. Ben shakes him slightly harder. James responds this time, and as he is shaken awake, he knocks his open water bottle into his lap and drenches his jeans. Ben chuckles as James tries unsuccessfully to dry himself. The professor notices the commotion, but continues with his lecture. JAMES (panicked) Oh fuck. Fuck. What am I going to do? BEN (jokingly) Dont look at me. JAMES (looking around) I gotta get out. The lecturer again notices the commotion, but makes no comment. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JAMES Can you watch my stuff? BEN (laughing) Sure.

2.

James leaps up and bangs into the fold-down desk on his chair, knocking him back into his seat. He stands back up and bangs into it again. Flustered, he flings the desk out of the way, accidentally catapulting his pen at a nearby FEMALE STUDENT, who picks it up. He awkwardly shuffles along the row and towards the door, careful to cover his soaking jeans. FEMALE STUDENT Hey, what about your penJAMES (dismissively, without looking back) -Keep it. James reaches the door just as the professor looks up and spots him. LECTURER (admonishingly) Where are you going? JAMES (facing away from the room) Its an emergency. LECTURER (annoyed) Sit back down. JAMES I cant do that. LECTURER Why not? Another STUDENT seated near the door has noticed the wet patches. STUDENT (loudly) Hes pissed himself! James looks at him exasperatedly.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

LECTURER (outraged) He what... Get out! 2 INT. OUTSIDE LECTURE HALL. DAY. James is waiting, embarrassed, next to the theatre door as students stream past him. His wet patch has faded slightly but is still noticeable. A couple of students recognise him and laugh as they pass. Ben and Emma emerge from the crowd and walk towards him. Ben is carrying his, Emmas and Jamess bags. BEN (grinning sheepishly) Im so sorry man. JAMES (resignedly) Im never going to live this down. BEN It could be worse, at least you didnt shit yourself. (beat) Heres your bag. JAMES Thanks. BEN Im Ben, by the way, and this is Emma. JAMES James. EMMA (pleasantly) Nice to meet you. We were about to get some lunch, want to join us? JAMES Sure, just let me use the hand dryer again. He walks towards the bathroom. The female student from the lecture spots him as he walks past.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: FEMALE STUDENT Ive got your pen. He grabs the pen without breaking stride. JAMES (quickly) Thanks. 3 INT. UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA. DAY.

4.

Ben and Emma are talking distractedly as they eat lunch. James arrives at their table, carrying a plate of food, and sits down next to them. BEN (helpfully) At least no one can see your jeans when you sit down. JAMES Small victories. What are you guys studying? EMMA (smirking slightly) Primary school teaching and Ben is doing a degree in nothing. BEN (mock indignation) Ah, we prefer the term Arts. (to James) What about you? JAMES Communications. What made you want to come here? BEN (thouhtfully) My parents wanted me to come. All my older siblings went to uni, it was expected. JAMES (curious) What do they do now? BEN Well Lisa works at Macquarie bank... and Andy works at Target.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JAMES (surprised) What did he study? BEN (simply) Arts. James looks at him blankly. BEN (positively) He gets 10% off storewide. Emma places a supportive hand on Bens shoulder. EMMA So what about you, James, why did you end up here? JAMES (thoughtfully) I dont know, I just think its a great place to grow as a person, and you know, reinvent yourself I suppose. EMMA Well thats the nerdiest thing Ive ever heard.

5.

James is taken aback. Ben laughs and playfully slaps Emma on the shoulder. BEN (to James) Dont listen to her. He picks up his burger, goes to take a bite and notices it has mayonnaise on it. BEN (angrily) Oh, for fucks sake. He peels back the bun to show Emma whilst looking away indignantly. EMMA (inquisitively) Well, did you ask for no sauce? He stares at her witheringly.

(CONTINUED)

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6.

EMMA (motherly) Dont worry, well just scrape it off. BEN (frustrated) Scrape it off?! You cant scrape it off! (beat) Thats ruined. He tosses the burger back on to the table and dejectedly picks at his chips. James looks on in disbelief. EMMA (to James) He hates condiments. JAMES (taken aback) How long have you guys been together? EMMA Three years. Ben looks up darkly, with his mouth full of chips, to correct her. BEN (moodily) Three and a half. EMMA (mock pleasantly) Every days a gift. JAMES (looking at phone) Anyway, I gotta get to class, Ill see you guys around. BEN Wait, what class you got? JAMES (looking at timetable) Um, SAC101. Ben laughs goofily, his mouth still full.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: EMMA Its not really called that, is it? BEN (showing her his timetable) Yeah look, Society and Culture, Ive got it too. (beat) Come on, lets get to SAC.

7.

Ben and James pack up their belongings. Ben gives Emma a kiss goodbye. BEN See you after class. JAMES See you Emma. EMMA Bye guys. They leave. 4 INT. CLASSROOM. DAY. James and Ben saunter into the classroom along with a dozen other students and sit down. They are having an intense discussion about music. BEN I cant believe you dont like the Nine Inch Nails version. JAMES I do, but Cashs version is better. BEN The video is great, Ill give you that. JOHNNY, another student, throws his bag on the desk next to them. He drops into a chair to Bens right and lounges back nonchalantly. He has longish hair and looks stylishly disheveled, but has obviously put a lot of work into looking that way. He overhears the conversation and leans in. JOHNNY (casually) What you guys talking about? Music?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

BEN Yeah, you know that song Hurt? JOHNNY (dismissively) Yeah yeah, good song. Im actually in a band myself. JAMES What are you called? JOHNNY (distractedly) Johnny and the Homophonics. BEN (quickly) What?! JAMES (taken aback) Did you say the homophobics? JOHNNY (correcting) Homophonics. JAMES (confused) Homophobics? JOHNNY (looking at Ben, pointing to James) Homophonics. BEN (slight pause) What are you guys like? JOHNNY (thoughtfully) What are we like? Good question... Id probably describe us as psychedelic electro garage but with an experimental edge. JAMES (slightly under his breath) Certainly covered all the bases.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

JOHNNY (to James) Whats that? JAMES (offering his hand) Nothing mate, Im James. They shake hands. JOHNNY (casually) Jonathon, call me Johnny. JAMES Oh, like Johnny Cash! JOHNNY (distractedly) Who? The tutor EURY walks in. She is middle-aged, pleasant and obviously politically liberal with short hair. EURY (cheerfully) Welcome everyone, find a seat. My name is Eurydice. Its ok, I dont expect you to remember that, you can call me Eury. I know some of you may be a bit nervous, but I want everyone to feel comfortable, so to start, well do a little activity I like to call the getting to know you game. She looks at James, who is caught off guard. EURY You can start. Just say your name, your degree, and a personal hero of yours. James ponders for a second and Johnny leans forward. JOHNNY Miss, Ill get the ball rolling. Names Johnny, studying Arts, and my hero would have to be Ron Jeremy.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

A couple of students chuckle. Johnny winks at Ben and James and backhands Ben on the shoulder. Eury misses the joke. EURY (obliviously) Sorry, I didnt quite catch that, did you say Rod Jeremy? JOHNNY (correcting) Ron Jeremy. EURY (unsure) Im not familiar with him. JOHNNY Hes an actor. EURY Oh, would he be in anything Id know? JOHNNY (quickly) Do you know Jenna Jameson? EURY (confused) No. JOHNNY Nevermind, he mainly does independent films, but hes got a pretty huge following. EURY He sounds interesting. JOHNNY (smirking) He is. Eury turns to the rest of the class. EURY Who wants to go next? JILL, a 45-year-old mature-age student raises her hand. JILL Just to clarify something, does it have to be only one hero, or can you have more than one? (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

EURY (pleasantly) I suppose it can be more than one, sure. JILL Ok, my name is Jill, Jill Matthews, Im studying a Bachelors degree in Communications, majoring in Public Communication, although I havent really made my mind up yet, Ive still got plenty of time to decide... not as much as you guys, ha ha ha. As for my hero, or our hero I should probably say... Jesus. EURY (puzzled) And someone else? JILL (simply, confused) No. EURY Ok, whos next? (to Ben) How about you? BEN Hi everyone, Im Benjamin Gregary Harrison, Im studying Arts, and I think Im going to have to go for Dumbledore. JILL (interrupting) Ooh, hang on, arent we meant to be choosing real people? BEN (snidely) Are we? Theres an awkward silence. EURY (to James) And what about you?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JAMES (playing along) Ok, Im James and Im studying Communications too. I was going to say John McClane, but if were doing real people, Ill choose L. Ron Hubbard. BEN (quietly) Good writer. JOHNNY (interrupting) Whos that? JILL (angrily) Hes a fraud. Hes an absolute con artist. BEN Who would have thought one man could brainwash millions of people using only a couple of silly books? JILL I know, frightening. Another 18-year-old student, GLEN, interjects. GLEN (chiming in) Nothing silly about Battlefield Earth. EURY (enthusiastically) Its an interesting point actually, the way "silly books" can influence soicety and culture. Can anyone think of any other examples? BEN Twilight. The class murmurs in agreement. JAMES (smirking) Harry Potter. Ben looks at him disapprovingly.

12.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

JOHNNY (enthusiastically) What about the bible? Ben and James shake their heads in slight exasperation. 5 INT. OUTSIDE CLASSROOM. DAY. James and Ben have finished class and are walking to the foyer to meet Emma. They are slightly disillusioned by their first class. JAMES Man, its only day one, but I dont know if I can take much more of that. BEN Its like having the aunty no one talks about come to uni with you. JAMES And all that Jesus talk, I cant stand God-botherers. BEN (sternly) Im Christian. JAMES (shocked) Oh, fuck, sorry, I didnt mean... you know. BEN (grinning) Nah, Im just joking. JAMES (sarcastically) Hilarious. Glen nonchalantly catches up to Ben and James as they walk. GLEN That was a waste of time then. JAMES (taken aback) Sorry?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

GLEN (pointing back) That in there. Talking about Harry Potter and L Ron Hubbard. If I wanted a course on popular fantasy I would have taken one. BEN I think theyre just trying to get us settled in, get to know one another. GLEN Didnt say that in the subject outline. It said, week one; introduction to cultural types. JAMES Yeah, but it also said wed be covering emergency fire procedures. GLEN (simply) You wanna joke about fire evacuations. I knew a guy, didnt pay attention during emergency procedures. There was a fire. He took the lift. Cables snapped. Never found his head. BEN (confused) Was it not in the elevator? GLEN (firmly, slightly shaking head) Never found it. BEN Was his body in the elevator? GLEN (moving on) Point is, subject outline said; introduction to cultural typesJAMES (quickly) -and fire procedures.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

GLEN Right. And all we talked about in there was wizards and religion. JAMES And now a mans lost his head. GLEN (nods in agreement) (beat) What are you doing now? BEN Just walking. GLEN Wanna see a movie then? BEN Now? They stop walking. GLEN Yeah. You said you werent doing anything. JAMES (stalling) What movie? GLEN Thor 2, The Dark World. JAMES (feigning disappointment) Aah, Ive already seen it. GLEN Me too. BEN So why do you want to see it again then? GLEN (condescendingly, looking at James) If youd seen it, you wouldnt need to ask. Today? JAMES JAMES Ah, nothing.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: JAMES (quickly) Yep. GLEN (to James) The original. Better or worse? JAMES (feigning deep thought) Ooooh, worse? GLEN (flatly) Correct. BEN (chipping in) I really liked the first one. GLEN (to James, ignoring Ben) -Obviously very true to the graphic novels. BEN I havent read the comic books. Glen stares blankly at Ben then looks back to James. GLEN The ending. Thoughts? JAMES (guessing) Pretty good?... left it open for the third. GLEN Of course. Youve seen who theyve cast for the next film. JAMES (dodging the question) Anyway, Ben, werent we meant to be meeting Emma? BEN What? Oh yeah. JAMES (quickly) -Sorry, Glen, we actually gotta head off.

16.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

GLEN (disappointed) What about Thor? JAMES Sorry man, maybe another time. He hastily leaves with Ben in tow. JAMES (relieved) I feel like I actually have seen it now. BEN (confused) I thought you said you had seen it? 6 INT. UNIVERSITY FOYER. DAY. The foyer is packed with various stalls promoting university clubs and sports teams. Dozens of students mill about and collect promotional freebies. A disheveled middle-aged professor is sneaking pens from a stall into his briefcase. Ben and James notice Emma waiting by herself. They exchange pleasantries and walk aimlessly around to peruse the various stalls. They pass a stall titled Socialist Alternative and the MALE STUDENT behind the counter tries to engage them in conversation. MALE STUDENT (bluntly) Hey, you there. Do you know that the worlds elite hide more than $20 trillion dollars in tax havens? Which is enough to give everyone in the world $2000 or pay off third world debt... And its the result of our consumerist, materialistic society, which has culminated in a bigger gap between rich and poor than any other time in human history... His iPad vibrates and he stops talking to read the notification. He takes his time and holds up a finger to the others to stop them interrupting.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

18.

JAMES (feigning curiosity) Is that the new iPad? MALE STUDENT (finishing the message, enthusiastically) Yeah, it is, its great. 12 Megapixel camera, live video, voice commands. Here, watch this. (to his iPad) Find um, video, locate video for Chinese labour, ah, rally, find rally film... ok, Ill just do it manually, its quicker. He fiddles with the iPad for a second then shows them a video. MALE STUDENT You guys got a TV yeah? Flat screen, LCD, all that? Where do you think theyre made? Australia, right? BEN NoMALE STUDENT -No, theyre not, all made in China by factory workers earning only 3 yuan an hour, you know how much that is in dollars? Ill tell you how much it is. He slowly calculates it on his iPad. MALE STUDENT (triumphantly) $15 an hour. JAMES $15 an hour? Thats pretty good. BEN Is that before tax? MALE STUDENT (to himself) Hang on, that cant be right. He recalculates it.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: MALE STUDENT (triumphantly again) $35 dollars- cents... 35 cents. Would you work for 35 cents? BEN Probably not. MALE STUDENT (making quotation marks with his hands) So next time youre buying a "cappucino" or picking up a copy of "Mx"JAMES -But Mx is free. MALE STUDENT Exactly. Think about that. BEN Ok, well, thanks man. They turn to leave. MALE STUDENT Wait, before you go. He offers them a promotional pen. JAMES (taking the pen) Cheers. He looks closely at the pen. JAMES (slightly surprised) Hmm, made in China. 7 INT. UNI CAFETERIA. DAY.

19.

James, Ben and Emma are sitting at a table inspecting the various freebies they collected from the stalls. They empty the contents out onto the table. BEN These are like the worst Easter showbags Ive ever seen. Every one is just a pen and a sticker. He holds up a handful of different pens. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

BEN (cont) What am I going to do with all these? I didnt come to uni to actually write anything. Ben absentmindedly attaches stickers to his face. EMMA So James, do you still live at home? JAMES Yeah, I do, what about you guys? EMMA We plan on moving out together soon actually. Thought wed do the whole uni thing properly and live in a share house. A 19-year-old student, RACHEL, carrying a handful of leaflets, strides purposefully up to their table. RACHEL (interrupting, overly friendly) Hi, guuuys, Im Rachel, (pointing to her name badge) Im on the student union, and were having this totally awesome party for O-week tomorrow night. Are you guys first years? JAMES Yeah. RACHEL Great, and what are you guys studying? JAMES Im doing Communications, hes doing Arts, and shesRACHEL (interrupting) -Arts? Youll certainly be free tomorrow then. She looks condescendingly at Ben and turns to Emma.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: RACHEL What about you? EMMA Im studying primary school teaching. RACHEL (patronizingly) Oh, thats nice. (pointing to herself) Business law. As if you needed any more convincing(beat) -Heres the flyer, and Im sure Ill see you all tomorrow night.

21.

She hands out flyers to each of them. She smiles fakely and leaves. EMMA (sarcastically) She seems lovely... BEN (covered in stickers, semi-ironically) Ill tell you what, Im getting sick of people not taking Arts seriously. Emma rolls her eyes at him. JAMES (reading the flyer) Toga Party. Free shots for everyone who dresses up. BEN Yeah but no one actually dresses up for these things. JAMES What? Of course they do. BEN Were not in primary school anymore. JAMES (defensive) Fine, dont dress up, well see whos laughing when youre the only one not wearing a toga. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.

CUT TO: 8 INT. HOUSE PARTY. NIGHT. James, wearing an impressive home-made toga stands dejectedly in a crowded living room, surrounded by dozens of students in normal clothing. Emma and Ben stand next to him, also dressed normally. JAMES (dejectedly) This isnt happening. BEN I told you man. Rachel glides over. RACHEL (dramatically) Im so glad you guys made it. She notices James and smirks. JAMES (disgusted) Why arent you dressed up? RACHEL (laughingly) You didnt take the toga thing seriously, did you? JAMES (sarcastically) No, of course not, I always dress like this when Im going to a party. (impatiently) Where are the shots? RACHEL Sorry, theyre all gone. JAMES To who? RACHEL The guests.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23.

JAMES But none of the guests are wearing togas. The invite said, free shots for those who dress up. RACHEL Yes, butJAMES (simply) -Im going home. BEN Not by chariot, I hope. JAMES (tersely, scowling) Fuck off. They stand around awkwardly for a moment. Rachel turns and swans off to the next group of people. RACHEL (in background) Im so glad you guys made it. 9 EXT. BACKYARD. NIGHT. Ben, Emma and James sit in plastic chairs arranged haphazardly around the yard. James is still visibly annoyed. JAMES I thought uni was going to be different, you know. A new start. EMMA (consolingly) Its ok, people will have forgotten about it by tomorrow. A GUY walks passed and sees James. GUY (laughing) Nice sheet, bro. James looks despairingly at Emma. JAMES I hope youre right. Im off to drown my sorrows, you guys coming?

(CONTINUED)

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24.

BEN Well meet you inside in a bit. 10 INT. KITCHEN. NIGHT. James, in a foul mood, is aggressively drinking cup after cup of punch. An indieish girl, NATALIE, notices him and walks over. NATALIE (playfully) Whoa, slow down Caligula. JAMES (sarcastic) Very good. NATALIE Nice shoes, are they period? JAMES (feigning disappointment) Ooh, the first one was better. NATALIE Im joking, you look nice. Or at least you would, if it was 41 AD... and not 2012JAMES (playfully) -Theyre getting worse. NATALIE (smiling) Whats wrong with you tonight anyway? (beat) Trouble with the Gauls again? James shakes his head in slight amusement. JAMES My first week just hasnt gone the way I thought it would. NATALIE (curiously) Why? What happened?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

25.

JAMES (evasively) Oh, er, nothing. Just the whole toga thing. He gestures nervously to his outfit. JAMES (hastily, to change the subject) So, um, do you like music? 11 EXT. BACKYARD. NIGHT. Ben and Emma are talking at the back of the party when Johnny recognizes Ben and swaggers over with a shot in each hand. Johnny extends his hand to shake Bens, realizes he is holding a shot, so drinks it and tosses it away. BEN (shaking hands, gesturing to Emma) Hey man. This is Emma. JOHNNY Emma...? BEN Emma my girlfriend. JOHNNY (impressed) Her? Johnny looks back and forth between Ben and Emma in slight disbelief, before throwing up his hand eagerly to high five Ben, who does not share the same enthusiasm. EMMA (bluntly) Who are you? JOHNNY (pointing to Ben) Me? He hasnt told you? Im Johnny, the one in the band. EMMA What band?

(CONTINUED)

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26.

JOHNNY (disbelief) The Homophonics. EMMA (puzzled) ...the Homophobics? CUT TO: 12 INT. KITCHEN. NIGHT. James and Natalie are flirting. Glen sidles up from behind James, and addresses him while looking off into the distance. GLEN (flatly) Looks like were the only two that can read. Invite clearly said Toga Party. He exhales loudly and sips his beer. James looks at him blankly. GLEN (cont) ... and the beers shit. CUT TO: 13 EXT. BACKYARD. NIGHT. Ben, Emma and Johnny are still talking. Johnny suddenly spots an attractive girl and walks off mid-sentence. JOHNNY (to girl) Quick, think of a number between one and ten. You got it? She thinks for a second. GIRL Yep. JOHNNY (confidently) Its seven yeah?

(CONTINUED)

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27.

GIRL (confused) No. JOHNNY (taken aback, slightly desperate) 4? GIRL (simply) No. JOHNNY (desperate) ...2? GIRL No. Johnny stares off for a second then turns and walks back to Ben and Emma, overly casually. BEN (curiously) What was that about? JOHNNY (impassively) Who, her? Nothing, just thought she recognised me from somewhere. 14 INT. BEDROOM. NIGHT. James and Natalie have snuck off to an empty bedroom. They are half undressed and vigorously making out when the door bursts open and the student from the lecture steps into the room, with another girl trailing behind him. STUDENT (startled) Oh fuck, sorry. He turns to leave and is halfway out the door when he turns back. STUDENT Hey man, you dont have a spare condom by any chance?

(CONTINUED)

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28.

JAMES (tersely) No, I dont. STUDENT No problem. (beat, recognizing James) Wait a second, youre the guy who pissed himself. NATALIE (turning to James, disgusted) Ew, what?! She pushes herself off James. He protests in vain as she grabs her clothes and storms out past the other couple. JAMES (defeatedly) Thanks a lot man. The other couple laugh and exit, leaving James sitting dejectedly on the bed in the semi-darkness. His toga drops off his shoulder and he bows his head and sighs.