Slapbet

Cast: Minimum 6, Maximum 10. Names can be changed, especially if want to change gender of a character. Jim was a normal guy until slapbetting ruined his life. Dwayne his somewhat odd friend. PSA is like the guy in the Geico commercials, classy as fuck (can also be a girl) Cassie Jims friend, needed a girl character. Kenny Jims friend, kind of stupid. Jake Jims psychologically unstable friend, slaps himself to death. Jims Dad (JD) Likes his whiskey on the rocks, watches Fox News while smoking a pipe Jims Mom (JM) Probably named something like Meredith. Protester 1 OWS Protester 2 OWS Lights! PSA slowly walks on stage, in thought. He slowly looks up to the audience. PSA: Ladies and gentlemen, I hope youve been enjoying tonights festivities, but I come to you now with a much more serious matter. A plague has swept across this nation, a plague that threatens the very essence of what this country stands for. Every single life of every single child is at stake, as well as the health of their cheeks. This is Jim. Jim appears on stage looking like a hobo, bottle of Jim Bean in hand with sign that says, will suck for slaps. Jim (drunkenly to the audience): Hey you! Yeah, you with those big, meaty hands. How about I show you a good time tonight? Im sure you can slap quite well, hmm? PSA: He used to be a good son, as any son can be. Captain of the soccer team, volunteered at the local soup kitchen, and was always quick with a laugh. This all changed, however, when slapbetting entered his life. This is his story. PSA walks to side of stage. Jim stands up, looking normal now. Dylan is also on stage. They are talking on the phone. Jim: Dude, Im so bored right now. Dylan: I know right? You can only shoot people for so long until you want to do something else. Jim: Tell me about it, man. You can only play so much call of duty. Dylan: I wasnt talking about video games.

Awkward silence Dylan: Anyway, Im totally chewing five pieces of gum in my mouth AT THE SAME TIME, bet you cant do six! Jim: Youre on! Come over to my house! Dylan walks over to Jims side of the stage. Jim has been doing some mouth exercises in preparation of the bet. Dylan takes out a pack of gum. Jim: Six pieces, hand em over! Jim quickly pops 4 pieces into his mouth with ease. He then slowly unwraps the 5th piece of gum, but is unable to put it in his mouth. Dramatic moment, fall to knees, throw down the gum, whatever. Jim: Fuck! You win. Dylan: Ive definitely seen you fit more objects into your mouth at once before. Jim: Dude, that was one time! So we didnt define the bet, do I owe you a dollar or something? Dylan: Jim, I dont want your money. I saw some Wilson kids in the alley the other day, and what they were doing looked really fun. Jim: Dylan! I told you, I dont do triple dog dares! Dylan: No man, this stuff is fine! Its totally organic and non addictive. Its called a slap bet. Loser gets slapped. Jim: All right. (leans head forward) Slap my cheeks hard! Dylan: Seriously? Dylan slaps him, they freeze on contact. PSA: The slapbet. (raises hand to cheek, as if in pain) Ever since the free-love days of the 60s, youth in this country have been attracted to this horrible temptation. It may seem harmless to the outside observer, but what if I told you that these actions would cause these sweet, innocent children their lives? PSA steps away to reveal Dylan and Jim nonsensically slapping each other.

PSA (shakes it off): Already, this horrible bet has taken a toll. But the effects of this addiction have only just begun. The scene only grows more gruesome at school. I warn the weak at heart members of our audience that they might want to close their eyes. PSA walks to the side; Jim and Dylan walk on with their friends Jake, Cassie, and Kenny. Dylan: So its simple. Winner slaps, loser gets slapped. Jake: Cool. Kenny, slapbet you that I slap you!! Kenny: Ok! Jake and Kenny slap each other laughter ensues. PSA: I know. Its a sickening sight. Jake (about to slap Kenny again, they hesitate): Hey Kenny, how about double or nothing? Kenny: Im good. You know I only slapbet. Jake: Come on Kenny, all the cool kids are doing it. Jim: Jake, Kenny said hes had enough. Jake: What are you, chicken? Come on man, slap me! I NEED TO BE SLAPPED! Cassie: Jake, are you ok? We just started this like five minutes ago. Jake: Of course Im not! No ones slapping me! Yeaaaarg! Jake proceeds to continuously slap himself until he dies. Jim: What the fuck is going on?? PSA: For our poor friend Jake, he was hopelessly addicted to it from the beginning. The official cause of death would be an overdose of slaps. However, as we can see, slapbetting leads to more than just slaps. Slapbetting is commonly called the gateway bet; it can lead to double or nothings, or even the deathly triple dog dares. Now let us see how slapbetting has affected Jims home life. Everyone leaves except Jim; Jims parents come on. JD: Son, we need to talk. Weve noticed your cheek has been unusually red for the past few days.

Jim (nervously): Oh, I just, you know, fell down some stairs, Im fine. JD: Then how can you explain this? JD holds up a glove. Jim: Its just a glove! I swear! JD: Its obviously for slapping, Jim! JM: Oh god, Jim, dont tell me youve been slapbetting! Weve raised a slaphead! Ive failed as a mother! Sobs uncontrollably JD: God damn it Jim! Youve made your mother cry! JM: Its like we dont even know who you are anymore! Jim: Its just slapping! JD: Just slapping? Just slapping?!? Just get out. Get out now! We tried to love you! They leave Jim: Wait! Mom! Dad! What the fuck is going on??? PSA: Jims home life started to spin out of control, as did the situation at school. Cassie and Dwayne are now sitting at a desk, looking all official like. There is a line of students awaiting them. Jim: What the hell are you guys doing? Dwayne: The slapbet economy, Jim! Its completely replaced all monetary currency! We slap too big to fail! Cassie: Now was the slap that took place on the 15th at 4:53PM a regular slap, or a bet? Dwayne: Who the hell knows? Call it a slap! More slapbacks for us! Jim: You guys do realize just adding the word slap to something doesnt make it real, right? Kenny runs in Kenny: Theyre protesting outside! The slapbet economy is collapsing! We gotta get outta here quick!

Students 1 and 2 break in. Student 1: Ive had it with these bailouts for the slapstreeters! Wheres my slaps? Student 2: Occupy slapstreet! We are the ninety-slap%! They force Kenny Dwayne and Cassie off stage. Jim: Guys! Guys! No (Jim buries his face in his hands). Hey, that felt kinda good. (Lightly slaps himself). PSA (as he talks, Jim acts all of this out): Abandoned by his family, and with his friends all gone, Jim was forced to turn to a life on the streets. His life seemed out of control; the world can be a scary place to a homeless child, and yet Jim was able to only find comfort in one thing. Slaps. He didnt know why, but each time he brought his hand to his cheek, over and over again, he was slightly comforted, remembering his old life. Soon, all he could remember were the slaps; the more painful, the more inner pain they could hide. Now, Jim roams the streets of Washington DC, hoping someone will make a bet with him, and a palm will land on a cheek. Slapbets: They slap you silly. Brief blackout, all actors on stage Jim: Although we poke fun at it, slapbets are an ever-growing problem for teens in the United States. They currently provide 30% of head trauma related injuries for teens, and are the number 1 cause of sore cheeks across the nation. PSA: Currently, 4/7 of American minors have admitted in participating in a slapbets, and 4/3 believe slapbets have had a negative influence in their life. Dylan: Parents, please talk to your kids about slapbets. We know many of you used to slapbet during your youth, and weve all been to parties where parents openly slapbet with us. But remember, even if slapbets are ok for adult usage, they have different effects on the developing brains of minors. Cassie: Studen- sorry, Scholars, remember the story of Jim. If you see it happening, stop it before its too late. If you currently slapbet yourself, or are worried about a friend, please talk to a parent or a doctor. Friends dont let friends slapbet. Kenny And remember, slapbetting effects everyone around you. (start tearing up) My father three years ago he was driving late to pick up a pizza for dinner, and was hit by a driver who had been slapbetting they say his last words tell my family the pizza deliverys going to take longer than 45 minutes (uncontrollable sobbing, comforted by other cast members).

Jake: For more information, please visit abovetheinfluence.com/facts/slapbets for more information, and google the American Slapbet Societys safe-cheeks program to get involved. All: Slapbets: They slap you silly. blackout