Axia College Material

Appendix D
Sample Feedback for Student Paper on a Popular Film
Note from Faculty to Student:
Andy,
I went ahead and submitted all papers to the Center for Writing Excellence. I used two writing
services that are available: Writeoint and lagiarism Chec!er. I encourage all students to use
these writing services throughout their education. Writeoint will automatically review your paper
for common errors in writing, but if you would li!e a more in"depth review of your paper, you
should use the #utor $eview. #he lagiarism Chec!er will inform you of any content that may be
plagiari%ed. #his free service will also let you !now what percentage of your paper has been
cited. I hope that these tools will assist you throughout your education.
#hroughout your paper, you will see feedbac! from Writeoint highlighted in blue while my
specific comments are highlighted in yellow.
lease let me !now if you have &uestions'
Dark Knight (Include a header)
The Dark Knight
Andy Axia Student
COM/156
April 15, 2010
Axia Faculty
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[Please make sure to apply double spacing to follow APA guidelines]
The Dark Knight was the most popular film of .//0. 12tating it was the
most popular film of .//0 is a big statement that needs supporting
documentation. Also be sure to indent the first line of each paragraph3 4nli!e
most popular summer movies it was also considered to be a &uality film and was
thought to be a contender to earn an academy award nomination. 4ltimately that
honor was not bestowed on the film, but it5s [ontractions s!ould not be used
in academic writing" Also in t!is case #its$ rat!er t!an #it%s$ s!ould !a&e
been used" 't%s ( it is) w!ile its is possessi&e"] popularity and 1Insert a comma
before 6and6 if the following 7+8 is the last in a series of more than two, ($ 7.8 it
begins a new clause 7could be a sentence by itself83 ability to elevate the comic
boo! film, which is rarely associated with &uality storytelling, remain.
#he film is a continuation of the direction that Batman Begins too!. It ['t
must refer to a specific word in t!e sentence or t!e reader may become
confused"] showed a dar!er version of 9atman than the one seen in the
#imothy 9urton and :oel 2humacher films. #he core unit responsible for Batman
Begins also made The Dark Knight. 2pecifically the director, Christopher ;olan,
the writer <avid 2. =oyer and the stars such as Christian 9ale, =ary (ldmand,
and )ichael Caine all played a role in both of the films with the only exception
being )aggie =yllenhall replacing >atie ?olmes and ?eath @edger playing the
:o!er in one of his last roles, which will be remembered as an excellent
performance and 1'nsert a comma before *and* if t!e following +,- is t!e last
in a series of more t!an two) ./ +0- it begins a new clause +could be a
sentence by itself-] one which earned him an academy award after he had
passed away. [1!is run on sentence needs to be broken up" /emember t!at
a paragrap! is a series of sentences t!at relate to a particular point t!at
you want to make" 1!ey usually consist of four or fi&e sentences
*bunc!ed* toget!er around one idea"]
What ma!es The Dark Knight fairly uni&ue among comic boo! movies is
the focus on acting and storytelling. #he acting is impressive across the boards.
9ale, (ldman, @edger, Caine, )organ Areeman, and ['nsert a comma before
*and* if t!e following +,- is t!e last in a series of more t!an two) ./ +0- it
begins a new clause +could be a sentence by itself-] Aaron Ec!hardt all excel
in their roles. 4nli!e most comic boo!"movies, the actors are given moments to
showcase their acting abilities.
#he cinematography followed the loo! established in Batman Begins by
using subdued colors, lots [2liminate collo3uial language in academic
writing" ollo3uial language is informal p!rasing t!at is used w!en
speaking) but it is not acceptable in academic writing" /at!er) use many or
muc! instead of lots" ] of dar!ness and a more restrained visual style than the
one seen in the late 0/s and B/s. In many ways the new style of the two more
recent 9atman films can be seen as an attempt, which at this point must be
considered succesful [Spelling error made 4 successful], to distance the
franchise from the negative connotations that 9atman and ['nsert a comma
before *and* if t!e following +,- is t!e last in a series of more t!an two) ./
+0- it begins a new clause +could be a sentence by itself-] $obin had.
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Wi!ipedia wrote the following about the film: It was greeted with positive
reviews upon release, and became only the second film to earn more than
C,// million at the ;orth American box office, setting numerous other records in
the process. It ['t must refer to a specific word in t!e sentence or t!e reader
can become confused"] is also the fourth highest grossing film worldwide, and
only the fourth film to earn more than C+ billion, worldwide. 1APA citation error" 'f
t!e aut!or is cited in text ( Aut!or5s name +year- *direct 3uote* +p" 6-" 'f t!e
aut!or is not cited in text ( *direct 3uote* +aut!or) year) p" 6-"]
In conclusion, [1ry to start your conclusion wit! a strong stance" '
would refrain from starting any paragrap! wit! #'n conclusion"$3 I hope that
you [7ord c!oice" 8ou and your mean general !umanity" 'n academic
writing) second person +you and your- s!ould be replaced wit! a t!ird
person pronoun +!e) s!e) it) one) and t!ey-" ] have enDoyed this paper and
ta!e the opportunity to see the movie soon. Eou [Do not use second person in
academic writing"] will enDoy it. 1Strengt!en t!e conclusion as it draws
toget!er your t!inking) often summari9ing w!at you5&e said) making a final
point for t!e reader to t!ink about"]
Faculty Feedback on Andy Axia Student%s Paper:
Content, Mechanics and Development
5 Points
Points Earned
8/10
Additional Comments:
All !ey elements of the assignment are
covered.
Ees, all !ey elements of your paper were met. I appreciated the
comparison between The Dark Knight and Batman Begins.
Word re&uirement met. Eou did not fully meet the word re&uirement for this assignment,
but you were close. 9e sure to fully meet the re&uirements for each
assignment by reviewing the course syllabus instructions.
Citations of original wor!s within the body
of the paper follow AA standards.
lease remember that Wi!ipedia is not a reliable resource for an
academic paper. #his is outlined in the course syllabus. lease
refrain from using nonacademic resources such as Wi!ipedia.org,
As!.com, Encarta.msn.com, Infoplease.com, etc.
F + point
)et re&uirement for format, spelling,
grammar, and punctuation.
Eou did a good Dob in this area, but had a few grammar and
spelling errors. Continue to be cogni%ant of this area when writing
papers and be sure to use spell"chec!. Aor grammar errors, it does
help to read your paper aloud before submitting your assignment
for credit. #he formatting of the paper needs to include double
spacing. lease review the notes on the title page to see where the
header needs to be located.
F + point
@ate oints 7+/G for each day assignment
posted late8
Eour assignment was posted on time. #han! you'
Total
10 Points
Points Earned
8/10
Overall Comments: (verall, you did a good Dob on this assignment. #here are a few areas that must be
addressed within your paper. I am sure with a little wor! your future papers will earn even higher mar!s. >eep
up the good wor!'
lease let me !now if you have &uestions about this feedbac!.
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Turnitin Originality Report
ar! "nig#t $y Faculty
Processed on: 0%&21&0' ()2* +M MST
ID: ,,,,,,,,,
Word Count: (''
Submitted: 1
1*- .atc# /0nternet 1ro. 05/1'/0'2
/5&1'&0'2 #ttp)//en34i!ipedia3org/4i!i/T#e5ar!5"nig#t5/1il.2
T#e ar! "nig#t Andy Axia COM/156 T#e ar! "nig#t 4a6 t#e .o6t
popular 1il. o1 20073 8nli!e .o6t popular 6u..er .o9ie6 it 4a6 al6o
con6idered to $e a :uality 1il. and 4a6 t#oug#t to $e a contender to earn an
acade.y a4ard no.ination3 8lti.ately t#at #onor 4a6 not $e6to4ed on t#e
1il., $ut it;6 popularity and a$ility to ele9ate t#e co.ic $oo! 1il., 4#ic# i6
rarely a66ociated 4it# :uality 6torytelling, re.ain3 T#e 1il. i6 a
continuation o1 t#e direction t#at <at.an <egin6 too!3 0t 6#o4ed a dar!er
9er6ion o1 <at.an t#an t#e one 6een in t#e Ti.ot#y <urton and =oel
S#u.ac#er 1il.63 T#e core unit re6pon6i$le 1or <at.an <egin6 al6o .ade
T#e ar! "nig#t3 Speci1ically t#e director, C#ri6top#er >olan, t#e 4riter
a9id S3 ?oyer and t#e 6tar6 6uc# a6 C#ri6tian <ale, ?ary Old.and and
Mic#ael Caine all played a role in $ot# o1 t#e 1il.6 4it# t#e only exception
$eing Maggie ?yllen#all replacing "atie @ol.e6 and @eat# Aedger playing
t#e =o!er in one o1 #i6 la6t role6, 4#ic# 4ill $e re.e.$ered a6 an excellent
per1or.ance and one 4#ic# earned #i. an acade.y a4ard a1ter #e #ad
pa66ed a4ay3 B#at .a!e6 T#e ar! "nig#t 1airly uni:ue a.ong co.ic
$oo! .o9ie6 i6 t#e 1ocu6 on acting and 6torytelling3 T#e acting i6
i.pre66i9e acro66 t#e $oard63 <ale, Old.an, Aedger, Caine, Morgan
Free.an and Aaron Cc!#ardt all excel in t#eir role63 8nli!e .o6t co.ic
$oo! .o9ie6 t#e actor6 are gi9en .o.ent6 to 6#o4ca6e t#eir acting
a$ilitie63 T#e cine.atograp#y 1ollo4ed t#e loo! e6ta$li6#ed in <at.an
<egin6 $y u6ing 6u$dued color6, lot6 o1 dar!ne66 and a .ore re6trained
9i6ual 6tyle t#an t#e one 6een in t#e late 706 and '063 0n .any 4ay6 t#e ne4
6tyle o1 t#e t4o .ore recent <at.an 1il.6 can $e 6een a6 an atte.pt, 4#ic#
at t#i6 point .u6t $e con6idered 6ucce61ul, to di6tance t#e 1ranc#i6e 1ro.
t#e negati9e connotation6 t#at <at.an and Ro$in #ad3 Bi!ipedia 4rote t#e
1ollo4ing a$out t#e 1il.) 0t 4a6 greeted 4it# po6iti9e re9ie46 upon relea6e,
D*E and $eca.e only t#e 6econd 1il. to earn .ore t#an F500 .illion at t#e
>ort# A.erican $ox o11ice, 6etting nu.erou6 ot#er record6 in t#e proce663
0t i6 al6o t#e 1ourt# #ig#e6t gro66ing 1il. 4orld4ide, and only t#e 1ourt#
1il. to earn .ore t#an F1 $illion, 4orld4ide3 0n conclu6ion 0 #ope t#at you
#a9e enGoyed t#i6 paper and ta!e t#e opportunity to 6ee t#e .o9ie 6oon3 Hou
4ill enGoy it3
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