The Waverly Newsletter

Greenwich, CT
Volume XVI Spring 2000

Call The Engraver!

Here is the summary of the bidding and winnings for the 1999 Waverly. This Newsletter would like to thank
Commissioner Hakes for his fine effort organizing the 1999 Tournament, Rudy for the towels, Joe “Hambone” for the
VCR & grill, Woody & Razor for the tees, Stan for cooking duties, Ray for bags, flags cooking and meat.

1999 Tourney Closest Long Team Low Net Calcutta 1998 1999 Calcutta
Player Score
Handicap Prize $ To Pin Drive Prize & Gross Owner Bid Bid Prize $ Total
Tom Barnes 9 +1 115.00 15 27.50 Rudy N/A 50 150 307
Billy Gillette 26 +2 82.50 15 15 10 30.00 Pat H. 110 50 69 221
Marty Kurlich 13 +2 82.50 10 Stan 56 50 90 182
Sammy Goble 21 +4 60.00 15 20 Tom B. 130 50 69 164
Stan Byler 12 +10 45.00 15 10 7.50 Marty 100 30 90 167
Greg Poole 14 +11 35.00 30 10 30.00 Sammy N/A 50 34 139
Rick Hakes 20 +17 20.00 Tom B. 52 50 21 41
Tom Courtenay 12 +20 10.00 15 Greg 70 50 9 34
Joe Palumbo 17 +28 2.50 30 Rudy N/A 20 33
Patrick English 28 +28 2.50 10 Greg 190 50 13
Bill Carey 15 +29 15.00 Billy G. N/A 50 15
Woody Brotzman 22 +31 15 30 Stan 160 50 45
Rudy Marshburn 26 +48 Rick 60 40 86 86
Ray Leonardo 22 +55 10 Patrick 80 50 10
Pat Horn 28 +64 Tom C. N/A 30 69 69
Glen Davis DNM* Last 2.00 Woody N/A 15 2
Others 252
Total $457 $120 $75 $80 $110 1,260 $685 $685 $1,527
*Did Not Matter

Holy Cow! (As submitted by Jim Cadden)

One day, this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. “It’s
certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself. And as the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibility
of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blond woman
wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and asks, “How long have you been on this
island?” “Ten years,” he answers. “How long since you’ve had a cigarette?” “Ten years!” he says. She reaches over
and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes
a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that ever good!” Then she asks him, “How long has it been since you’ve had
a sip of bourbon?” Trembling, he replies “Ten years!” She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her right
sleeve and pulls out a flask, and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says, “Wow, that’s
absolutely fantastic!” Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks
at him seductively, and asks. “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?” The guy, with tears in his eyes
replies, “Oh my God! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there!”

They Said It
Roger Maltbie on what he would have to shoot to win a tournament – “The rest of the field.”

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Waverly Portfolio
Recommended Buy Price 03/21/00 Profit Comments
IBM Summer 1995 $23 ½ $114 ½ 387% Now a 4 bagger in 5 years!!
Lockheed Martin Summer 1995 $29 ¾ $17 ¼ -41% Ouch!
Ingersoll Rand Summer 1997 $41 2/3 $42 ½ 0% Hold
Dell Spring 2000 $50 $58 ½ 16% New position
McDonalds Winter 1997 $21 ¾ $35 1/8 61% Good for long term
Paychex Winter 1997 $13 3/4 $53 5/16 287% A 3 bagger in 3 years!!
Berkshire Hathaway B Winter 1998 $1860 $1793 -4% Hold
Nike Winter 1998 $43 7/8 $33 3/8 -24% Hold for now.

The first four holdings represent the “employment sector” of the Waverly Port, the remainder are the manager’s own
recommendations, here at the Waverly Port we eat our own cooking (hence we look like we do). The manager has
purchased Dell most recently as we now have a man on the inside there. Overall the Waverly Port has performed
admirably since 1995, even with the slow down in defense and insurance.
(All stock prices adjusted for splits. Prices courtesy of www.bigcharts.com)

News, Notes and Dirt

A few thoughts during a slow day at the office ……. The best new non-golf activity of the 1999 Waverly was the Sea
Trails Adult Film Festival ……. Marty swears he saw gators 24’ long at Oyster Bay ……. “The air is thick in there.”
……. What ever happened to Super Tramp ……. I do believe Glen set a new alcohol beverage consumption record at
the 99 Waverly, a league of his own ……. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route ……. As
evidenced by the Waverly field, the problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard ……. Shot of the
tournament had to be Ricky cracking the bunker rake into two pieces executing a fairway sand shot. His last thought
before that beauty was “Naw, I ain’t gonna hit the rake.” ……. If you ever get to the point that you think nobody cares
about you, try missing a couple of payments ……. Kudos to the Commish for having the leader board updates in the
party villa ……. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize ……. “That’s gonna leave a mark.” ……. Eagles may soar, but
weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines ……. Can you name the only player to hurl this year? ……. This was the
closest Waverly ever and it went down to the final hole between three players.

Things to Tell a Police Officer

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from that Village People band?
4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job!
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
6. Ya know, I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
7. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
8. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
9. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?
10. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained specialist.
11. Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?
12. No, YOU assume the position!
13. I'm surprised you stopped me; Dunkin' Donuts is having a 3 for 1 special!
14. No, offish, offi, lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
15. Come on, write the stupid tickets; the bars close in 20 minutes!
16. Hey, isn't your daughter a porn queen?
17. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
18. So that's what those yellow-flashing lights in the school zone mean.

They Said It - Bonus

“I know I’m getting better at golf because I’m hitting less spectators.” – President Gerald Ford

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Trivia
How many clubs did Francis Ouimet have in his bag when he won the U.S. Open at The Country Club in Brookline,
MA? Consider yourself a golf trivia expert if you know what year the 14-club rule was established.

The Waverly The Way It Used To Be

As Billy Gillette stood over a par putt on the final hole of the inaugural Waverly Invitational at Sligo Creek, a gallery
member let out a loud burp, followed by another spectator’s “Nice out” remark. Gillette had a laugh and then holed
out for the victory.

The Field, The Finish

Tom B 9 – The low handicapper’s hero. He took down two formidable opponents on the final hole for victory!
Razor Gillette 26 – An excellent tournament and is the early favorite for Waverly OC. Zamboni driver’s hero.
Marty 13 – Needs to overcome habitual tardiness to the first tee. Another early favorite, will be playing plenty.
Sam 21 – To win he only needed to get an 8 on #16 instead of a 12. At least he had final group status.
Stan 11 –A PhD that can hit long off the tee, stops after nine to take a pee, & hoping Waverly OC is meant to be.
Greg 14 – The Waverly Invitational “Base Turd” authority. Not something you want to brag to the chicks about.
The Commish 19 – Too many distractions to compete. Will be reassigning handicaps so start sucking up now.
Courts 12 – Always shooting for a course record. Now living out of his car between Binghamton and Philly.
Joe 10 – So much to say, so little space. Are the rooms in OC equipped with VCRs? Somebody call ahead.
Patrick 26 – Just glad to get the invitation every year. Remember that this is an Invitational.
Bill Carey 13 – Good to have “the tick” back. Special thanks for running the Calcutta.
Woody 21 – Three times wasn’t meant to be, but he’ll sell you a dog and throw in a dozen slightly used Titleists.
Rudy 18 – He’s a grinder with a short game and putting touch. Watch out if the tee box treats him better.
Ray 17 – A player and it will show in 2000. Add him to the list of early favorites for Waverly OC.
Pat Horn 22 –Whole arrival experience, with the loss of clubs and clothes, got to him early and couldn’t recover.
Glen 28 – New beverage committee chairman, so long as he doesn’t personally consume the inventory.

Next edition of The Waverly Newsletter: Summer 2000.

Trivia answer: Ouimet played with just 7 clubs in his bag. The 14-club rule was established in 1938.

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