ONCE HENRY IX
HAD CROWNED HIMSELF
a silly poem by
+
CHRISTOPHER HAYDEN
MODUS ARTS GROUP
MODUS ARTS GROUP
COPYRIGHT2015
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This poem is dedicated
to my friend Eva Tomeov.
AUTHORS CAVEAT : this is nothing but a silly daydream of a poem
wherein I describe how I fancy things would go if I were the Godappointed yet self-crowned First American King of England - one of
my favorite artistic obsessions this past year or so.
ONCE HENRY IX HAD CROWNED HIMSELF
I
(He's really just a normal guy
Quite mean when drunk - yet very sly)
Once Henry Nine had crowned himself
He picked his sword up off the shelf
And Knighted three men straight away
He did this on his reign's first day
Sir Johan was a Swedish Prince
He had a certain countenance
The English King picked him by hand
He knew the Swede could understand
The war that soon would need be fought
These things cannot be simply taught
Sir Anthony was next in line
An economic expert's mind
A Dutchman to be more precise
The King had charged a heavy price
To add Sir Anthony to his team
It made The City of London scream
The third man to be Knighted Good
Sir Fred - who wore a hangman's hood
His face was hidden from the sight
Of every other Holy Knight
If Henry nodded - Sir Fred killed
If Henry said so - God had willed
And so the Divine Right of Kings
Flowed in the Blood from which it springs
And Europe turned from Dark to Light
The English King would make it right
An iron fist in a velvet glove
Installed by God from Up Above
England's first American King
Born Christopher - to thee we sing
For Henry Nine is just the name
The Church of England made him claim
(He's really just a normal guy
Quite mean when drunk - yet very sly)
+ + +
II
Once Henry Nine had three new Knights
He formalized their Special Rights
And next called for the severed head
Of many a traitor - count the dead
America was claimed in days
He took it all in secret ways
The President was drawn and hanged
The Congress sheepishly harangued
The Constitution seized and burned
Democracy a lesson learned
Mankind requires Christian Kings
To run things right and handle things
The neo-cons were rounded up
In FEMA camps those fiends did sup
With communists and common crooks
They took their turns upon the hooks
Of Henry Nine that bloody King
Who conquered damn near everything
Ten thousand bankers soon were found
In his dungeons - chained and bound
One by one they stood for trial
Condemned men who in a while
Would soon receive a knotted rope
In exchange for their last hope
The Continent was his next hit
The shells flew wild - the fires spit
He seized back all of Christendom
Sent many on to Kingdom Come
He then expelled the foreign hoards
As many fell to his men's swords
And so in mighty leaps and bounds
He purified those Holy Grounds
And Europa adored her King
Hail Christopher - to thee we sing
(He's really just a normal guy
Quite mean when drunk - yet very sly)
+ + +
III
The globe itself fell into line
When Henry said, All this is mine.
Most everywhere the people smiled
Whoever dreamed of a King so wild?
All Africa knelt on its knees
He taxed them only honey bees
And freed them to enjoy their wealth
That despots had purloined by stealth
In Asia there were screams and blood
Which flowed until the dirt was mud
And India was much the same
But Henry IX could take no blame
For God had sent him down this path
He simply had to do the math
At last they buckled to his forces
And Henry ceded their resources
To the commons, for the good
That royal, crafty Robin Hood
+ + +
IV
And with his Empire in his hand
Henry Nine now took his stand
And used his powers to demand
That all mankind take reprimand "The bankers financed all the wars
"The politicians were their whores
"The soldiers were their foolish pawns
"Mowed down like grass on golf course lawns"
Yes Henry taught them all these things
Hail Christopher - to thee we sing
Yes Henry Nine is just the name
The Church of England made him claim
(He's really just a normal guy
Quite mean when drunk - yet very sly)
- CHRISTOPHER HAYDEN
--------------------SECRET KEY - The three Knights mentioned in the stanzas of this poem are based on three real
people. 'Sir Johan' is Johan Harper the Swedish jazz drummer - one of my oldest and best friends
on social media. 'Sir Anthony' is Dutch contrarian economist and philosopher Anthony
Migchels. And 'Sir Fred' is Fred Leuchter, execution equipment engineering specialist, holocaust
investigator and subject of the Erroll Morris documentary film "MR. DEATH."
https://www.facebook.com/johan.harper1
https://www.facebook.com/anthony.migchels
https://www.facebook.com/fred.leuchter?fref=ts
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