Exercise 6: Aggressive, Passive or Assertive?

Ideal For
Co-operative learning
Community building
Interpersonal and
intrapersonal intelligence building
Authentic problem
task-based learning

Notes for educators

Have you ever walked away from a situation and wished you had handled it differently? Do
you avoid confrontation? Assertiveness is the skill of clearly representing your thoughts and feelings
in a mutually respectful way that does not employ guilt, infringe on others' rights or use emotional
blackmail.
Our students encounter behaviours in interpersonal relationships that are both healthy and
unhealthy. Aggressive behaviour can silence people. Most of us have sometimes used aggressive communication strategies, which are symptomatic of a hierarchical culture that embodies power disparities.
Aggressive communication is characteristic of those men who abuse women, as a way to control their
female partners (and, of course, the opposite can also be true). This educational activity aims to give students the tools they need to identify and handle situations when dating and interpersonal relationship
behaviour is unhealthy.
Much of communication is conveyed in body language. Being in tune with what someone's
body is saying is arguably more important than understanding the words being used.
Depending on cultural beliefs, attitudes about assertiveness and individualism may vary widely among
your students. We suggest you handle these differences sensitively while maintaining the message that
students should not feel any shame or guilt for expecting respect and safety.
Please visit www.whiteribbon.ca, Educators section, for performance-based assessment task
ideas and how teachers across Canada are applying this lesson
Invite students to visit www.whiteribbon.ca, Youth section, so they can post their comments
and see what students across Canada have to say about gender stereotyping and violence against
women. We have provided a bookmark (BLM-B) for your students.

PART ONE

Materials
One copy for each three students of Assertive, Aggressive and Passive Communication
worksheet (BLM 6)
BLM-A Ticket Out the Door
BLM-B White Ribbon Campaign bookmark
Lesson Time
70 to 100 minutes
General learning objectives
(For specific provincial curriculum linkages, visit www.whiteribbon.ca, click on the Educators tab
and then go to Provincial Curriculum Expectations)
To learn the difference between assertive, aggressive and passive communication.
To see the connection between aggressive communication and abusive behaviour in the
context of men's violence against women.
Introduction (5 minutes)
1. Recall ground rules for all classroom discussions. Remind students that you are counting
on them to enable each student to respond as an individual who is owed respect and not
measured against a stereotype.
2. Review the three qualities that are elements of healthy relationships (respect, communication and emotional/physical boundaries).
3. This activity will focus on communication, and more specifically the differences between
aggressive, passive and assertive communication. Consider telling your students a story of
a time you experienced either assertive, aggressive or passive communication and how you
felt, what you said, how you responded and what you learned from the situation.
Activity (20 minutes)
1. Using a flipchart or board, define aggressive, passive and assertive communication. Below
is a chart with a list of possible responses.
2. You may wish to begin with the sounds like, feels like and looks like and then come up
with the what is it?

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PART ONE

T PART
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Aggressive

What is it?
Communication
where one person
wins and the other
loses.

Sounds like
Commands.

Feels like
Someone is taking
power away from me.

Insults.

Direct, self- enhancing.

Sentences start
with verbs.

Self-expressive,
derogatory.

What you need

to do is

Pointing.
Accusing.

Someone is trying to
make me feel stupid.
Someone is angry
with me.

Staring with intent.

Rolling eyes.
Arms folded.

A win-lose
situation.

What were you

thinking?

My decision or judgement isnt good

enough.

Choose for others.

Go and see them

now.

I dont really matter.

Impatient.

Interrupts while other

person is speaking.

I cant disagree with

this person and if I try
to, s/he wont listen.

Possibly nervous.

Inappropriately
honest (tactless).

Loud voice.

PART ONE

Sounds intimidating.
"You make me so mad"

PART ONE

Communication

PART T
W
Looks like
O
(body language)

Angry and/or
sarcastic voice.

Im shocked by how
this person is treating
me.
This person is being
superior controlling.

"You made me do it."

False generalizations:

I feel humiliated,
hurt or resentful.

You always
Healthy, open
communication
where both
points of view
are valued.
Choose for self.
Appropriately honest.
Direct, self-respecting,
self-expressing,
straight-forward.
A win-win situation.

Passive

Allow others to
choose for you.

Respect and value

for each others
point of view.
Working towards
a compromise;
"I" statements
like "I believe
we need to." or
"I did not intend
that so perhaps
we can try this.
What do you think?"

Indifferent.
Aloof.

Indirect self-denying,
inhibited.
In win-lose situations
this communication
style loses.
If you do get your
own way, it is
indirectly.

Just follow
the group.
Go with the crowd.
Emotionally
dishonest

I can say what is

on my mind.

Eye contact.
Not interrupting.

This person treats

me with respect.
I can disagree with
this person and
thats okay.
Although this person
may be disappointed,
s/he wont judge me
even if I have bad
news to tell him/her.
This person really
doesnt care.
Whatever happens
will just happen.
I can disagree or
agree with the
person and s/he
wont care.

I have this persons

full attention.
Projects selfconfidence and
self-worth.
Remains calm.

No eye contact.
Bad, slouched
posture.
Not giving full
attention.

This person has

no backbone;
Anxious, ignored,
helpless, manipulated.
Angry at yourself,
and/or others.

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Assertive

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Group Learning Activity (30 minutes)

1. Introduce the concept of what a bystander can do to help in the situation. If you see someone acting aggressively, how can you help the receiver of the aggressive communication?
2. We have provided an example of scenarios for each communication method (Exemplar of BLM
6). You may wish to share this exemplar with your students or use it only as a guide.
3. Divide students into groups of three. Give each group a copy of Assertive, Aggressive and
Passive communication worksheet (BLM 6).
4. As a group, students will complete the worksheet either by using direct examples from their
own lives or by coming up with fictional scenarios for each communication method. In their
groups, they will think of ways they can handle (or have handled) these situations.

Skit preparation and delivery (30 minutes)

As you check in with each group, ask them to pick one of their examples to present as a skit to
the class. In each group of three students, one student will take the role of Communicator, one
will be the Receiver and the other will be the Bystander. Students will rehearse their oneminute-or-less skit and present it to the class. After each skit ask the class:
What type of communication was used?
Did the Receiver handle the scenario in an assertive way?
Did the Bystander handle the scenario in an assertive way?

PART ONE

Conclusion: Class discussion (10 minutes)

How can aggressive behaviour be related to violence against women?
What happens when aggressive behaviour is not confronted?
What role can bystanders play?
Over time, what happens to people who communicate passively?
What are the benefits of using an assertive communication strategy?
Lesson assessment (5 minutes)
Ask students to complete a Ticket Out the Door (BLM-A).
Give students a bookmark (BLM-B) so they can visit www.whiteribbon.ca to voice their opinions
and see what other youth are saying.

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PART ONE

T PART
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PART T
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What can the

Exemplar of BLM 6
Assertive, Aggressive and Passive Communication Worksheet

The principal
(Communicator)
was speaking to me
in the hall about the
good job I did on my
science project.

Treating me with
respect.
Acknowledging my
hard work.
Paid attention to what
I was saying and not
what was going on in
the hallway.

Aggressive

Jeb and Renee have

been dating for about
three months. Jeb
gets angry when Renee
has to go to class
without him and he
thinks other guys
want to get with
Renee.

PART ONE

He is acting superior
and controlling.

He doesn't trust or
respect Renee.

Fatima (Communicator) Vague, unsure of

sits on the yearbook
herself, seems a bit shy.
committee.
Makes Angela feel she
She is always working has to guess what
on the project after
Fatimas needs are.
school and over every
lunch hour.
Angela is frustrated.
Angela offers to help
her because she knows
she is supposed to be
working on the project
with Fatima.

Bystander do/say?

Happy.

Listen.

Wanted to share with

rincipal how much I
liked my science class
and how I want to study
science all the time.

Not interrupt.

Scared, unsure.

Assess the safety

of confronting Jeb.

Offer words of
encouragement
to Receiver.

Silenced.
He thinks he owns
Renee.

One day, when Renee

walks back to their
locker with Rizwan,
Jeb (with his arms
folded and in a angry
voice) says, "What
exactly do you two
think you are doing?"

Passive

How does the

Receiver act

Angry.
Caught off guard.
Unsure what to say
but wants him to
stop making a scene.

Not sure what Fatima

wants.
Angela asks for
clarification but
Fatima is reluctant.
Makes Angela
frustrated and Angela
wants to cut the
conversation short.

Confront Jeb using

I statements such
as "I feel you are
treating Renee
poorly."
Either during the
incident or after it,
tell Renee and
Rizwan that you feel
they were treated
aggressively by Jeb.

Listens.
Tries to guess what
the problem might be.
Tells Fatima that she
shouldn't have to do
it all alone.

Angela feels Fatima

is incompetent.

However Fatima
seems aloof and just
shrugs her shoulders
when Angela talks to
her about it.

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Assertive

Scenario

PART ONE

Communication Type

How is
Communicator
acting?

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T PART
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BLM 6
Assertive, Aggressive and Passive Communication Worksheet
Group Names:_______________________________________________________
Scenario

Assertive

PART ONE
Aggressive

Passive

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How is
Communicator acting?

How does the

Receiver act

What can the

Bystander do/say?

PART ONE

Communication Type

BLM A

My Ticket Out the Door

Name:
................................................................................................
Date:
................................................................................................

What did you learn today?

................................................................................................
................................................................................................
Will your learning change the way you see or do things in your life?
If so, how?

................................................................................................
................................................................................................
Do you want to learn more about this topic?
If so, what do you want to learn more about?

................................................................................................
................................................................................................
What do you think about the problem of violence against women and girls?
Visit www.whiteribbon.ca and add your thoughts, opinions and solutions to our message board!

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BLM B

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

For more information about the White Ribbon Campaign,

please visit our website at www.whiteribbon.ca

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