RASCAL RANVEER

Written by
Manan Maheshwari

Based on
Californication

274 Tagore Nagar,

Jaipur
Phone Number- 8740853131

FADE IN:
EXT. OUTSIDE A TEMPLE - MORNING
A car drives down to the edge of the stairs of a temple. A
man in his 40s comes out of the car in a T-shirt and a
jeans. Fastens his shades to his round neck and walks up the
stairs in a really casual manner. It was completely deserted.
On the last stair he stopped as if he forgot something. He
looks down to his feet and finds that he was still wearing
his sneakers. He walks down a couple stairs and lands his
footgear. And again starts walking towards the main temple
area. After walking a few step towards it, the man comes
around a temple bell. He looks at it as if seen for the first
time. He bends down a little and takes baby steps as if a
ticking bomb was hanging above. After clearing the danger
zone, he stands straight, takes a breath and looks back at
the bell mockingly. He walks towards the structure where a
godly figure statue was sitting.
RANVEER
Hi there. Pehele kabhi kiya nahi
ye.
He moves both his index fingers to and fro one pointing the
statue and other himself.
RANVEER (CONTD)
To mei keh raha tha ki...
And a priest enters from the back door of the chamber.
Ranveer knew that he was not alone there after all.
RANVEER (CONTD)
(waving)
Hi.
PRIEST
(happily)
Namaskaar.
Priest looks at Ranveer very thoroughly and starts talking
again.
PRIEST (CONTD)
Beta, koi kasth hai kya aapko?
RANVEER
(suprised)
Aapko kaise pata?
PRIEST
(relaxed)
You know, first timers are usually
the disputed ones.

Ranveer was not expecting a brown coloured pie. He engulfs

all the English just barfed by the priest and starts again.
RANVEER
(cheerlessly)
Sir, aap bilkul thik keh rahe hai.
Mujhe ek problem hai.
Ranveer hints the priest to lean closer even after the fact
that there was no one in the vicinity.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Wo kya hai mere paas Gandhi ki kami
hai.
Priests looks at him ununderstandingly. Ranveer looks at the
priest and senses that he didnt get his utterance. So he
moves his fingers and thumb so as to resemble Money.
PRIEST
Oh! Paisa waisa. Hmm...
Ranveer nods.
PRIEST (CONTD)
(disappointed)
Lekin aap galat jagah aa gaye hai.
Ye paise wale bhagawan nahi hai.
Iss vishaya ke sandarbh mei aapko
inki missis se milna padega.
Ranveer is confused now.
PRIEST (CONTD)
(pointing to the statue)
Mr. Vishnu. Inki daram patni Mrs.
Laxmi. Money women.
Ranveer understands the priest but still didnt looks
satisfied.
RANVEER
Lekin sir, mujhe ye Laxmi ji
milengi kaha?
PRIEST
Koi problem nahi. Agle nukkad pe.
Are bhai ye India he. Yaha to
nukkad nukkad pe bhagwaan hai.
Ranveer is all satisfied now.
RANVEER
(humbly)
Thank you sir.
Ranveer starts walking back towards the stairs. Ranveer hears
someone behind him.

PRIEST
Beta.
Ranveer looks behind to face the priest again.
PRIEST (CONTD)
Agar sirf paise ke liye he bhagwan
k paas aaye the to thik hai lekin
agar...
And then the nice looking priest has a Satans smile on his
face.
PRIEST (CONTD)
Pooja ke liye aaye ho to...
And a smoking hot girl appears out of thin air. Ranveer was
panic stricken at first but it changes as he admires the
beautifulness of Pooja.
PRIEST (CONTD)
Ya fir Archana ke liye.
Another girl appears who is as beautiful as Pooja.
PRIEST (CONTD)
Ya fir Aradhana, Prarthana,
Vandana.
The last girl looked familiar to Ranveer.
RANVEER
Simran?
After hearing this, expression on all the girls faces
changes. They all repeat the name one by one. Even the one
whom he referred to as Simran.
POOJA
Ham sab iske saamne khade hai aur
isko kisi Simran ki padi hai.
(looks at all the girls)
Nari shakti, hamala.
After hearing this, all the girls starts walking towards
Ranveer. Ranveer is scared and starts screaming.
RANVEER
Baaaachaaaoooooooo!

INT. RANVEERS BEDROOM - MORNING

Ranveer wakes up in his bed with a deep sigh. A girl is lying
beside him. He moves out of his bed and closes the bedroom
door after he is out. He walks to the kitchen under a heavy
hangover. Makes a batch of coffee in his machine.
RANVEER
(whispering)
Kon, kon?? Okay,okay, okay yaad
karta hu, beach, bar aur??
GIRL
(yawing)
Good morning.
Ranveer startles. The girl looks a lot like Pooja from his
dream.
RANVEER
(confused)
Morning. Coffee??
GIRL
Zaroor.
Ranveer takes out two mugs and fills them with the freshly
prepared coffee.
GIRL (CONTD)
Kal raat was raid. Meine itna maza
kia.
The girl takes a sip. Ranveer takes a gulp.
RANVEER
(trying to fake a smile)
Kal raat hmmm.
GIRL
Thanks. Again.
RANVEER
(suspiciously)
Kyu?
GIRL
(laughing)
You are funny. Arre baba iss k
liye.
The girl shows the diamond ring to Ranveer who is as
motionless as that rock.
RANVEER
(scared)
That's awesome. Waise kitne ki thi?

GIRL
(confused)
Tum thik to ho. Aisa lag raha ho
jaise tumhari tabet kharab ho.
RANVEER
(wispering)
Tabet ka to pata nahi meri kismat
zaroor kharab hai.
GIRL
Kya?
RANVEER
Nahi nahi mei bilkul theek hu.
Ranveer puts his mug down and pukes in the sink.
GIRL
(helpfully)
Tum theek nahi ho. Chalo doctor k
paas chale.
RANVEER
Uss ki zaroorat nahi padegi. Kal
raat roz se zada pee lee thi. Bas
issliye.
Ranveer waves his hand over the puked sink.
GIRL
Mujhe to laga tha tumhara perfume
h. Fir bhi itni kitni pee lee thi?
RANVEER
Yaad nahi h?
GIRL
(trying to make sense of
it all)
Tum to mujhse milne se pehele he
peye hue the. Aur tumhe pata nahi h
ki tumne kitni pee hui h. Isska
matlab...
Girl reached a conclusion which could be seen on her face.
GIRL (CONTD)
(in a shock)
Isska matlab tumne wo sab kuch
nashe mei kia tha. Aur ye...
Girl raises her hand and shows her the ring. Ranveer shakes
his head in a no.
RANVEER
Total blur.

GIRL
(furious)
And I thought you were in love with
me. Bhagwan mere saath he aisa kyu
hota h?
The girl puts her mug on the counter and runs to the bedroom
to get her things. Ranveer smells his coffee and starts
sipping again.
GIRL (O.S.) (CONTD)
(screaming)
OH MY GOD! Koi kisi k saath aisa
kaise kar sakta h. Mujhe laga tha
you were THE ONE. But no, you were
the last one. Koi aur ladka nahi.
RANVEER
(whispering)
Happy lesbian.
Girl comes out of the bedroom all dressed up and starts
walking towards the entrance.
RANVEER (CONTD)
(nervously)
Hey!
Girl turns around frowningly and gives a What expression.
Ranveer nervously points towards the ring. Girl takes it out
full of rage and clips it in her thumb and finger.
GIRL
Sirf ek aakhri question. Mera naam
kya hai?
Ranveer tries to remember and answers without a clue.
RANVEER
(small eyed)
Cha.......m......pa.
The girl filled with anger more than ever throws the ring at
Ranveer and it hits him near the eyebrow.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Fair enough. Should do it again
sometime.
The girl looks at Ranveer with utter disgust and jets for the
door. Ranveer hears the door open and overhears indiscreet
but familiar voices. He quickly opens the refrigerator to
find the ice bag and puts it above a bit swollen head bump to
hide it.
Two fairer sexed humans, one tall and beautiful aged 35 and
another a little girl of 15 enters the kitchen cum dining
room hall.

Ranveer bows in front of them misplacing the ice bag from the
wound which is fully visible to them. The woman points out
the wound and asks with her hand. Ranveer moves his hand in
Nothing and again puts the bag on the wound.
RANVEER (CONTD)
So good morning ladies. Aaj subha k
naaste mei aap kya pasand karengi,
biscuit with...
Ranveer turns to coffee machine and checks the level of
coffee.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Thodi si coffee with some...
He then turns to the counter.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Chane.
He moves around in kitchen a little then finally settles for
an empty bowl..
RANVEER (CONTD)
Khaali bowl.
SIMRAN
(mockingly)
Do kahli bowl please.
Ranveer makes a sad face.
SIMRAN (CONTD)
(explaining)
Ham log kha k aaye h.
Sad face lengthens. The child giggles. Simran faces the
child.
SIMRAN (CONTD)
Bacche, acche se rehna. Zada
shaitaani nahi karna.
RANVEER
(childishly)
Mummi, Sara bohot hoshiyaar hai.
(Ranveer like)
Jaao bacche apna saamaan apne room
mei rakh do.
Sara goes into her room to keep her belongings. Simran walks
past Ranveer with a bagful of vegetables. While keeping the
bag in the refrigerator.
SIMRAN
Kuch sabjiya layi hu. Mujhe laga
tumhare kami hogi.

RANVEER
(animated)
Tumhe aaj bhi meri parvah hai.
Mujhse aaj bhi pyaar karti ho na.
SIMRAN
(frowning)
Ye meine tumhare liye nahi, Sara k
liye kiya hai. Usse saptah mei ek
din milta hai tumhare saat aur tum
aisa kuch na kuch kar he dete ho jo
tumhe uss ki nigha mei gira deta
hai. Bhale he hum mei kitni bhi
problems ho par tum hamesha ek
acche pita the. Usse haath se mat
jane do.
RANVEER
(apologetically)
Ill try my best. Issi baat pe ek
hi-five.
And Ranveer raises his free hand up in the air. No reaction
from Simran.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Isse khaali haat nahi choda karte.
You know, upshagun and all. Mei mar
bhi sakta hu.
Simran without wasting any moment turns away. Ranveer
disappointed puts his hand back where it came from. As Simran
was walking, she steps on the ring.
SIMRAN
(clueless)
Ye kya hai?
Ranveer completely forgets about the ring and starts to think
of an explanation while she bends down to pick it.
RANVEER
Oh, tumhe meri ring mil gayi.
Thankyou so much.
Ranveer quickly puts the ice bag down and snatches the ring
from Simran, struggling to wear it but finally does.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Ati sunder.
SIMRAN
Ye tumhari ring hai.
RANVEER
Kyu? Ye meri ring nahi ho sakti.

SIMRAN
Duh-ah. Nahi, kyuki ye ladies ring
hai.
RANVEER
Aisa kis ne kaha? Issne.
Ranveer puts his wrist up.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Aur agar ho bhi to kya? Isse kya
pata aadmi hai ya aurat. Isse to
insaan ki shobha badhani hai, aur
ye meri utchya koti ki shobha ko
utchyatam koti tak badha raha hai.
SIMRAN
(fed up)
Mei tumse behes bhi nahi karna
chahati. Aur mujhe kya tum sari
pehen k bazaar jao. I dont care!
RANVEER
(thoughtfully)
Thats right. So tum ye keha rahi
ho ki tumhe koi problem nahi hogi
agar mei sari pehen k bazaar jau.
Simran gestures Whatever.
RANVEER (CONTD)
(imagining)
Gotta try it sometime.
Simran hits him on the arm and sees the wound on Ranveers
forehead.
SIMRAN
(rudely)
AAO, band-aid laga du.
RANVEER
You still love me. YES!
Simran denies and walks to the bathroom and Ranveer follows.
He sits on the commode while she band-aids his wound.
SIMRAN
Please Ranveer, iss bar koi drama
nahi. Tum uske dad ho. Grow up.
Simran lightly slaps Ranveer after mending the wound and
walks out.
RANVEER
(to himself)
Ab mei yaha aa he gaya hu to kuch
kar he dikhau.

10

Ranveer takes a piss and comes out after flushing the toilet.
Simran is talking to Sara.
SIMRAN
Mei shaam ko lene aa jaungi. Thik
hai.
SARA
Bye Mom. Aap chinta mat karo, ham
acche se rehenge.
Simran smiles at Sara.
RANVEER
(baby like)
Itni jaldi jaa rahi ho.
SIMRAN
Jana padega. Zaroori kaam hai.
RANVEER
(sarcastically)
Naye boyfriend DON se saath
shopping hmm aur uske baad parlor
bhi jana hoga, nails and all.
Simran ignores the comment.
SIMRAN
(to Ranveer)
Mujhe pata hai ye kehne ka koi
matlab he nahi hai k Sara ka khayal
rakhna jabki mujhe bohot acche se
pata hai k ye tumhara khayal zada
acchi tarah rakhegi.
Simran takes her bag.
SIMRAN (CONTD)
Aur ha ghar mei he kuch khane ka
bana lena. BAHAR KHANE MAT JANA.
Got it.
Ranveer gives a thumbs up. Simran faces Sara.
SIMRAN (CONTD)
Bye baby.
Simran kisses Sara. Ranveer leans forward with his face
turned laterally.
RANVEER
Meri kiss.
Simran walks out without looking back. Sara pulls down
Ranveer by his neck and kiss him on the cheek.

11

RANVEER (CONTD)
Arre arre itna meetha nahi, mujhe
diabetes ho gayi to.
EXT. ROADSIDE - AFTERNOON
RANVEER
Bhaiya, do burger.
The vendor hands over two burgers and takes the money.
Ranveer walks to Sara and hands over her share of the burger.
SARA
Father.
RANVEER
Daughter.
SARA
Aapko yaad hai na mom ne kya kaha
tha.
RANVEER
Kya, k mei kitna awesome hu. Baby
ye to sabko pata hai.
SARA
Aapko pata hai mei kis cheez ki
baat kar rahi hu.
RANVEER
Ha, mujhe pata hai. Meine aisa
issliye kia kyuki abhi to mei tumhe
kam se kam week mei ek baar to
milta hu. Mujhe dar lagta hai k
agar mere haat ka khana kha liya to
shayad pure saal na mil pau. Wo
dikh raha h...
Ranveer points towards a rock.
SARA
Kya, wo patthar.
RANVEER
Ha, mere khane ka taste bilkul
waisa he hota hai. Lekin agar fir
bhi tumhe mere haath ka khana khane
ka mann hai to kal mei tumhe bhata
roti aur mitti ki sabji khila sakta
hu. I dont mind.
SARA
Dad kabhi to serious ho jao.
RANVEER
OK, serious mode on.

12

SARA
So aaj subha aapki nayi girlfriend
se mili. Kafi gusse mei thi.
RANVEER
(surprised)
Kon Champa, acchi ladki hai lekin
girlfriend nahi. We're friends.
Mere baare mei bohot hua. Tumhari
school kaise chal rahi hai?
SARA
(exhausted)
You know school. Same old, same
old.
RANVEER
Waise Miss Malini kaise hai?
SARA
Aapko unko kaise jaaante ho?
RANVEER
(winking)
We're friends. Parents meeting aur
unsabki wajah se.
SARA
(bluntly)
Is she going to be your new
girlfriend?
RANVEER
No. Ham utne bhi acche friends nahi
hai.
SARA
Right. To aap kitne acche friends
ho?
Ranveer finds it a little fishy all these interrogative
questions and reaches the deepest, darkest wish of every
student.
RANVEER
Itni to hai ki wo tumhare saath
saath tumhare friends ke bhi number
bada de.
Sara giggles and takes a bite from her burger.
INT. RANVEERS HOUSE - NIGHT
Ranveer is sleeping on the couch. As Sara is blanketing his
sleeping father, Simran comes in.

13

SARA
Please, dad ko zada mat daatna.
SIMRAN
Thik hai, zada nahi. Baby, apna
saaman le aao.
Sara goes inside her room to get her things. Simran takes off
the blanket of Ranveer and wakes him up with a furious face.
RANVEER
Mujhe ye look pata hai. Ab meine
kya kia?
SIMRAN
Meine jab bola tha k bahar khana
mat kilana fir tumne usse kyu
khilaya?
RANVEER
Usne batadiya.
Simran nods with her eyebrows up.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Kya ho gaya. Bas ek burger he to
tha.
SIMRAN
(raging)
Mei uski sehat ka itna dhyan rakhti
hu aur tum ek he din mei... Don
sahi he kehta hai. Mujhe bachi hui
custody bhi le leni chahia.
They both starts walking towards the kitchen a little away so
Sara couldnt hear them fight.
RANVEER
Oh! Ab meri khud ki beti se milne k
liye mujhe tumhare naye boyfriend
Don ki permission leni padegi.
Hmm...
SIMRAN
Shh... Dont start.
RANVEER
Ye tum he ne chalu kia tha jab
tumne mujh pe cheat kia apne naye
boyfriend DON se saath.
Hey,
nahi
saat
mere
tha.

SIMRAN
hey meine tumpe kabhi cheat
kia. OK. Mei tab tak Don k
nahi thi jab tak tumhare aur
beech sab khatam nahi ho gaya

14

RANVEER
Jaise ye sunke mujhe bohot accha
laga ho.
Both are silent for a couple of seconds.
SIMRAN
(disappointed)
In sab mei sabse bura ye hai k tum
likh nahi rahe ho. Tumhare paas ye
itna rare gift hai jo sabke paas
nahi hota aur tum kya kar rahe ho,
flushing it down the toilet.
RANVEER
(ashamed)
Tum sahi ho. Tum ek dum sahi ho.
Mei abhi apne life mei sabse low
point pe hu aur mujhe madad ki
zaroorat hai. Mujhe tumhari
zaroorat hai.
Ranveer leans forward to hug Simran who resists his advance.
SIMRAN
(speedily)
Ranveer, Ranveer, Don ne mujhe
propose kia aur meine ha kar de.
Ranveer stands still straight.
RANVEER
What?
SIMRAN
(steadily)
Don ne poocha aur meine ha kar di.
RANVEER
(shocked)
Kyu? Tum aisa kyu karogi? Kyu? Kyu?
SIMRAN
Kyuki mei usse pyaar karti hu.
RANVEER
Nahi.
SIMRAN
Ha.
RANVEER
Nahi.
SIMRAN
Ha. Aur tumhe kya pata?

15

RANVEER
Mujhe pata hai kyuki mei tumhe
jaanta hu. Wo aadmi tumhare liye
nahi hai. Mei bhale he abhi kaisi
bhi halat mei hu lekin mei hamesha
ye baat aankh band kar k keh sakta
hu ki wo aadmi tumhare liye nahi
hai.
(taking his breath back)
Mei tumhari ye rai badalne k liye
kya kar sakta hu?
SIMRAN
Kuch nahi. Kuch bhi nahi.
RANVEER
Please kuch to hoga. Ha yaad aaya.
Wo to Christian hai na. Tumhare
ghar wale nahi maanenge.
Ranveer moves his fist in a win.
SIMRAN
Mere ghar walo ne bina apni shaadi
k Sara ko apnaya tha. Ye to uske
saamne kuch bhi nahi hai.
Ranveer opens his mouth to counter her solid argument but no
words come out. Meanwhile, Sara comes in the kitchen with a
bag on her shoulder.
RANVEER
(to Sara)
Ready.
Sara nods.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Maharani ji, Rani ji ready hai.
Apni ghoda gadi par baith rajmahal
ki ore prasthan ki jiye.
Simran walks to Sara. Takes the bag from her.
SIMRAN
Dad ko bye kar do.
SARA
Bye Dad. Bohot maza aaya aaj.
RANVEER
(walking towards Sara)
Ditto baby.
Ranveer kisses Sara on the forehead and then both the ladies
walk out of Ranveers house. Ranveer is all alone in his
house with a sadness dripping from his face.

16

EXT. FRONT OF THEATER - NIGHT

Ranveer is standing in front of the theater thinking if he
should go watch the movie that was adapted from a book which
also he wrote. He finally buys a ticket and enters the
premises.
INT. THEATER HALL NIGHT
The theater hall is lightly packed. Ranveer is sitting,
watching the movie when a phone rings and the guy sitting two
rows ahead of him answers it.
GUY
(on the phone)
Whats up baby. Aur kya chal raha
hai? Kya naya purana?
RANVEER
Bhai, yaar baad mei he baat kar
lena.
The guy show Ranveer to wait and keeps on talking.
GUY
(surprised)
Kya, fir kya hua? Nahi.
Angry Ranveer stands up and takes the phone from the guy.
RANVEER
(on the phone)
Hey girl. Jis jaahil aadmi ko tum
phone kari ho, wo JAAHIL aadmi
tumse movie k baad baat karega.
Love you.
Ranveer makes smooches and hangs up the phone and returns it
to the guy.
GUY
(angrily)
Phone ko haath nahi lagana.
As soon as the guy sits back in his seat the phone rings
again.
RANVEER
(warning)
Mat uthana.
The guy picks the phone again.
GUY
Kuch nahi baby, koi aadmi apne
aapko Salman Khan samajh raha hai.

17

Ranveer again takes the phone. He provokes the guy to take it

back but when he does Ranveer smashes it on the wall. People
in the back giggles a little and the wrestling starts between
the two. After a few hits Ranveer comes on top. Lights of the
theater turns on. Ranveer bows to the audience. The audience
applauds.
EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE MARKET - NIGHT
Ranveer was walking in the market alone when he came across a
book shop. He enters the shop and starts wandering through
the store. After a few minutes of exploring with no purpose,
he come across Chetan Bhagats TWO STATES.
RANVEER
(disgustedly)
YUCK!
Ranveer puts the book down and starts again to find himself
standing next to his photograph.
RANVEER (CONTD)
(to his photograph)
Ab ye hui na koi baat. Finally koi
accha writer.
A bunch of his book HELP ME HELP YOU lay near his
photograph. He takes a book from the bunch and starts
flipping through the pages. As he turns the first few pages,
Ranveer hears a girl giggle. He looks at her and finds that
she was reading his book. For a second she look up at
Ranveer. She doesnt recognizes him at once but after turning
to the last page of the book she realizes who he is. She
stands and walks up to Ranveer.
ROSE
(mockingly)
Meine aapko kahi dekha hai?
RANVEER
(gloating)
Ho sakta hai. Mei kafi famous hu.
As Ranveer is pointing towards his photograph, Rose starts
speaking.
ROSE
(big eyed)
Oh! Yaad aaya, pagal khane se
bhagne wale aap he the na. Paper
mei kafi badi photo aayi thi.
RANVEER
(retard like)
My name is Khan. And Im not a
terrorist.

18

Rose laughs really hard.

RANVEER (CONTD)
Hamare poorvajo ne sahi kaha hai.
ROSE
Kya?
RANVEER
Hasi matlab phasi.
Now both are smiling at each other. Rose smiles a bit shyly
but Ranveer is confident.
EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRANS HOUSE - NIGHT
Ranveers car turns the corner of the street and stops in
front of a huge looking house and honks his horn. Simran
comes out of the house furiously with a tiny bit watery eyes.
She steps in the car.
RANVEER
Kya zaroori kaam aa gaya ke mujhe
itni important meeting chod ke aani
padi.
(mockingly)
Well, meeting ka sabse important
part to khatam ho he gaya tha.
SIMRAN
Sara.
RANVEER
(concerned)
Sara kya?
SIMRAN
Sara apne dosto ke saath iss party
mei gai thi. Uske dost ne phone
kiya ke wo kisi problem mei hai.
Without listening another word Ranveer drives the car.
EXT. OUTSIDE PARTY HOUSE - NIGHT
They reach another rich house with loud noise of death metal
coming from inside. They both run inside and find a lot of
drunk kids dancing and walking and talking, mostly in
couples. They walk up to the backyard and see Sara standing
by the pool with to a boy. He hands her a filled glass of
YOU KNOW WHAT. Ranveer quickly run towards them and gives
the glass a push to the ground. The drink spills on the
earth. Ranveer grabs Saras hand and forcefully drags her out
of the party.

19

EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRANS HOUSE - NIGHT

Sara gets out of the car, smashes the car door very hard.
Walks raging towards the house door and does the same to it.
Simran walks out of the car and turns to Ranveer.
SIMRAN
Thanks Ranveer. Agar tum nahi hote
to aaj mei kuch nahi kar pati.
RANVEER
(winking)
Anytime bro. Waise, tumne mujhe kyu
phone kiya? Don?
SIMRAN
Office ke kaam se Hyderabad gaya
hai.
RANVEER
Perfect timing.
SIMRAN
Mei ander invite karti lekin Sara
abhi bohot gusse mei hai.
RANVEER
I understand. Kal?
Simran nods. Ranveer smiles and then leaves.
INT. RANVEERS HOME - MIDNIGHT
Keys clatter and door opens. Ranveer enters the house and
switch on the lights and slowly walks to the dining area. He
spots the red box lying still on the table. Pulls out the
nearest chair and sits. He slowly drags the box to himself
and opens it to find the misfortune ring. A dull smile cracks
from the side of his mouth. Closes the box, stands up and
walks to the bedroom wardrobe. Hoping to use again, Ranveer
keeps it in a safe place. Tired from a long day, he falls in
the bed without even changing.
INT. RANVEERS HOME BEDROOM - MORNING
Ranveer wakes up with a phone call.
RANVEER
(disturbingly)
Hello!
Inaudible sounds comes from the phone. Ranveer responds with
just the Hmms and OKs very sleepily. Then he hangs up the
phone and go back to bed. He forces himself up on his hands
and instead of getting out of the bed, he falls out of bed.

20

INT. CLASSROOM - NOON

Ranveer is sitting in one of the classrooms which is empty
except for one familiar face, Simran. Ranveer didnt even
took a bath. That can clearly be seen just by looking at him
once.
SIMRAN
(angerily)
Ghar mei pani khatam ho gaya tha?
RANVEER
(carelessly)
Kya? Mera naya look hai.
The teacher enters the class.
RANVEER (CONTD)
(whispering)
Kabhi to meri kisi nayi cheez ko
appreciate kar diya karo.
TEACHER
(walking)
Good Afternoon.
The teacher puts her book on the table and stands in front of
the two. She gives a weird look when she sees Ranveers NEW
LOOK.
RANVEER
(trying to convince)
Naya look miss.
Teacher copes up and get to the point.
TEACHER
Do you know why you were called
here today?
SIMRAN
(confused)
Phone pe aap ne kaha ke it was
something about Sara.
RANVEER
(interfering)
Mere ko bhi.
TEACHER
You know she is one of the best
students of the class. Lekin
pichale kuch dino se usme kafi
change aaya hai. Wo class mei dhyan
nahi deti. Shes falling down.

21

SIMRAN
I totally understand. Kal raat he
mei aur Sara ke papa usse ek
Bollywood party se utha ke laye
the. She was about to drink.
TEACHER
I think mujhe uski problem samajh
aa rahi hai.
Simran is dead serious at this point whereas Ranveer is still
not there yet.
TEACHER (CONTD)
I think wo apni family ko miss kar
rahi hai. Are you together?
Simran shakes her head in no while Ranveer nods. The teacher
is baffled. Simran sees the look on teachers face and turns
to find Ranveers new act.
SIMRAN
(confirming)
No miss, we are not together.
Ranveer is disappointed.
TEACHER
Mei yahi keh rahi thi ki wo apni
family miss kar rahi hai. She wants
you both together.
RANVEER
Pata nahi meine ye baat isse kitni
baar kahi hai. Hame saath mei rehna
chahia par nahi...
(mimicking)
Mei to apne naye boyfriend DON ke
saath he rahungi.
TEACHER
I get it why you two are not
together.
And gives Ranveer a grim look. Ranveer settles down his
emotions.
TEACHER (CONTD)
Wo aap dono ko saath mei miss karti
hai. Agar aap dono ikhate uske
saath time spend karoge to shayad
kuch ho jaye.
SIMRAN
Ill try my best miss. Thank you.

22

Teacher stands and so does Simran. Ranveer is still sitting

wondering. After two fake coughs by Simran, Ranveer comes to
his senses.
RANVEER
Thank you miss.
They start walking towards the door.
RANVEER (CONTD)
To miss ki baat ka dhayn rakhna.
OK. Mei aaj raat Sara se milne
aunga. Mission Sara ko thik karo
aaj se lagu.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Ranveer and a bald man are sitting on a bar counter having
their drinks. They both are talking a bit loudly as a mild
volumed song is being played in the background. The bald man
laughs.
VINOD
Kya? Champa. Aaj kal to koi ho bhi
apna naam Champa nahi rakhti. Pagal
he hai tu.
RANVEER
To mei kya karta yaar. Mujhe uss
kaat ka kuch bhi yaad he nahi tha.
Ab kuch to kehna he tha.
They both laugh a bit and Ranveer starts again.
RANVEER (CONTD)
(in tone)
Agent Vinod.
VINOD
Yaar, ye naam kabhi purana nahi
hoga kya? Mujhe tujhse ye umeed
nahi thi. Tu to nayepan ka devta
hai.
RANVEER
Kuch naya chahia tujhe. OK, to
VINOD KHOD kaisa rahega.
VINOD
(chuckling)
Vinod Khod, bhai kya khodu, teri
kabra.
RANVEER
Nahi nahi, meri nahi. Teri khud ki.
Mei itne din se bina kaam baita hu.
Bhai, mujhe kaam chahia.
(MORE)

23
RANVEER (CONT'D)
Bina kaam mei pagalo ki tarah roz
kisi nayi Champa se milunga, roz
befaltu he apni khoon pasine ki
kamai un pe lutaunga. Kis kaam ka
Agent hai tu.

VINOD
Bas bas, nikal gayi bhadaas saari.
Meine issilye tujhe yaha bulaya hai
kyuki tere liye mere paas ek
shandaar bemisaal OFFER aaya hai.
RANVEER
Ab kari na agento wali baat. Ab
bata bhi de.
VINOD
Mumbai Masala naam ki magazine ke
baare mei suna hai tune?
Ranveer denies.
VINOD (CONTD)
Well, ye Mumbai ki sabse famous
gossip magazine hai. Iski website
pe tujhe ek blog diya jayega.
Vinod is expecting a load of excitement from Ranveer and
Ranveer lets him down harshly.
RANVEER
Lagta hai mere kaan kharab ho gaye
hai. Tune abhi abhi kya bola? Blog?
VINOD
Mujhe pata hai ye kaam tere normal
kaam se thoda neeche hai. Bas.
RANVEER
(bitterly)
Thoda neeche. Thoda neeche. Mei 400
page ki novel likhta hu aur tu
mujhe 100 words ka blog pakada
raha hai.
VINOD
(trying to hold it in)
OK, OK. Ab mere paas kuch nahi
bacha hai tera iss ego ko hurt
karne ke sivya. Tu abhi kisi novel
pe kaam kar raha hai kya?
Ranveer was not expecting a blow back here. He shyly picks up
his drink and turn his head in a negative from behind his
glass.
VINOD (CONTD)
Kisi short story pe?

24

Same response from Ranveer.

VINOD (CONTD)
Kisi poem pe.
Ranveer feels humiliated.
RANVEER
(trying to end this
abasement)
I get your point. Thik hai. Mei kar
lunga ye kaam.
VINOD
Mei ye sab karna nahi chahata tha
lekin sirf teri wajah se mujhe ye
karna pad gaya.
Vinod digs into his coat pocket and comes out with a visiting
card in his fist.
VINOD (CONTD)
Mrs. Kapoor. OK. Mrs. not miss, not
mr. But Mrs. OK. Hame ek aur
Bollywood kaand nahi chahie hamre
sar. Okay. Koi bhi problem ho kaam
ko leke, issi se contact karna. Ek
baar kal isse in person mil lena.
RANVEER
Thik hai mere ujade chaman.
And pats his bald head.
VINOD
Aur ek suprise hai tere liye.
RANVEER
(mockingly)
Aaj mera birthday hai kya? Mei iss
saal bhi apna birthday bhool gaya.
Im so selfless.
VINOD
Sab ko pata hai tu kitna Selfless
hai. Surprise janana hai?
Ranveer nods vigorously.
VINOD (CONTD)
Tu hamesha apne liye galat ladki
chunta hai issliye meine aur
Kaamini ne milke tere liye ladki
dhoondi hai.

25

RANVEER
Blind Date? Ye surprise nahi
nightmare hai. Kab hai ye blind
date.
VINOD
Abhi.
And Vinod puts his waving hand in the air. Ranveer turns to
see two women coming towards them. Vinod stands and hugs the
shorter one.
VINOD (CONTD)
Hi babe.
Vinod introduces the left ones.
VINOD (CONTD)
Ranveer, Laxmi. Laxmi, Ranveer.
Ranveer replies with a smile and a nod.
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT
The two couples are sitting at a table for four. Eating some
food with a glass of red wine for each one. Kaamini starts
the conversation trying to break the ice.
KAAMINI
Laxmi lawyer hai. Shes good too.
Ran, agar kabhi bhi jail chale jao
to Laxmi bohot kaam ki cheez hai.
LAXMI
Mei thik thak hu. Zada kuch khaas
nahi.
KAAMINI
Bullshit.
LAXMI
Mere baare mei bohot hua. Ranveer,
big fan. HELP ME HELP YOU, thumbs
up.
VINOD
Ye he nahi, iss book pe movie
banayi gayi, TUM AUR MEIN.
Laxmi seems really excited to hear this.
LAXMI
Sharukh, Katrina. Kise pasand nahi
aayegi wo movie. You must be proud.

26

RANVEER
(dryly)
Bohot zada.
And drags a mouthful of wine in his piehole. Everything
settles down after a few moments. Kaamini kicks Ranveer under
the table and gives him a look.
RANVEER (CONTD)
So, Laxmi. Apne baare mei kuch
batao.
LAXMI
Issme maza kaha hai. Tum writer ho.
Right? Mere baare mei kuch tum he
kyu nahi batate.
RANVEER
Sure. OK. Tum paida hui U.P.? Right
U.P. mei. Typical Indian family,
papa hard working, mummi housewife.
Paiso ki kami. Tum padne mei kafi
acchi thi, tumhe acchi college
mili. College mei ek boyfriend tha
jisne tumse breakup kiya kyuki tum
shaadi karna chahati thi aur wo
nahi. Tab se tumhari problems chalu
hui. Tumhara pyaar se vishwaas uth
gaya. Tumhara naya pyaar paisa ban
gaya. Tum puri tarah se kaam mei
lag gayi. You became mean. Log
tumhe pasand nahi karte hai.
Issiliye tumhare kafi breakup bhi
huye. You are a workaholic and a
mean woman. Worst kind of woman.
Laxmi is all red. She is bursting up inside and it comes out
with her glass of wine on Ranveer. She splashes her drink on
Ranveers face and walks away.
VINOD
(curiously)
Kaise karta hai tu ye? Matlab, ek
se badkar ek bekaar ladki ko tu
duniya bhar ghuma sakta hai lekin
ek acchi ladki tujhse bardasth nahi
hui.
KAAMINI
Kitna waqt laga hame ye ladki
dhoondane mei aur tumne pehele 15
minute mei sab khichadi kar ki.
Ranveer looks at his watch.

27

RANVEER
Oh, perfect timing. Mere paas ab
bhi meri beti se milne ka time hai.
Yes.
Vinod and Kaamini both are confused. They are staring at
Ranveer like he has just bombed the restaurant table.
RANVEER (CONTD)
Or bill tumhara hai. Thanks for the
night guys.
And just walk out the restaurant.
EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRANS HOUSE - NIGHT
Ranveer parks his car outside Simrans mammoth house. He gets
out of the car, walks to the door and rings the bell. Simran
answers the door.
SIMRAN
Wo bas abhi abhi soyi hai.
RANVEER
Mei usse utha du. Please.
SIMRAN
Kal school hai aur usse ek
presentation bhi dena hai. Mei to
kahungi usse sone do.
RANVEER
Tumne kaha to mei kon hota hu kuch
karne wala.
SIMRAN
Ander aana chahoge.
Ranveer dashes inside the house.
INT. SIMRANS HOUSE - NIGHT
Both Ranveer and Simran are sitting at the bar of the house.
She pours out two glass of drink, gives one to Ranveer and
takes the other.
RANVEER
Meine galat to nahi kiya na?
SIMRAN
Kya?
RANVEER
Usse iss tarah se party se khich ke
lana.

28

SIMRAN
Na. Ye bhi hona he tha. Teenager in
Bollywood town hmm... Apna kaam
badh jata hai.
RANVEER
Mujhe khushi hui ki tumne mujhe
phone kiya.
SIMRAN
Sara tumhari bhi beti hai. Tumhara
haq banta hai. Sara ko kuch nahi ho
ye apni responsibility hai. Akale
meri nahi. Tum hamesha uske dad
rahoge chahe ham saath rahe na
rahe.
RANVEER
Aur kya ham kabhi saath rahenge?
SIMRAN
(refusing)
Mei Don aur uski beti se bohot
pyaar karti hu.
RANVEER
Don ki beti?
SIMRAN
Meine bataya nahi kya? Don ki beti
hai. 17 saal ki. Good kid.
RANVEER
Don ki beti hmmm... Ye kehte hue
mujhe accha to nahi lag raha lekin
kafi hamdardi ho rahi hai mujhe Don
se.
At that moment, the door opens and a girl walks in. Ranveer
stands up really quickly as if hit but thunderbolt. He is
frozen. Cant even move a muscle. Its the girl from the
bookstore.
ROSE
Hey!
SIMRAN
(to Ranveer)
Ye hai Rose, Don ki beti.
RANVEER
(stammering)
Ye Don ki beti hai.
His insides are boiling and gonna burst out anytime.
SIMRAN
Tum dono ek dusre ko jaante ho?

29

RANVEER
(nervously)
Nah! Nahi.....nahi.
ROSE
Meine shayad aapko pehele kahi
dekha hai.
Ranveer denies it.
ROSE (CONTD)
Oh ha...aapki book se. Last page pe
aapki photo hai.
RANVEER
Oh!
Ranveer takes a breath in after a lifetime.
ROSE
Mujhe kafi homework karna hai.
Mujhe chalna chahia. Bye.
Rose leaves torn up Ranveer with Simran.
RANVEER
(trying to sound casual)
Waise Rose kitne saal ki hogi?
SIMRAN
17 ki hogi. Kyu?
RANVEER
Bas yuhi. Mujhe lagta hai mujhe
chalna chahia. Bye.
EXT. OUTSIDE SIMRANS HOUSE - NIGHT
Ranveer was out of breath and drunk on his life. He couldnt
think of what just happened in there. He stood there, leaning
on his car wanting for his life to end right there.
FADE OUT: